The frustration lies with only a couple of people; not necessarily everyone. It is very hard to plan ahead, as we need to do when we don't know anything about pending visitors. If we don't get told we don't know and although we aren't going to get invited to things we wouls still like to know what is going on and when so if we could make it we would try.
It seems like there are times when you have to check on what is going on at school, even though there are 2 weeks left at the end of the year it is time to check on what is happening with the boy and the regular activities that we are currently unaware of. Secrets pop up like an ugly wart or a used Kleenex.....
Did you know that the great thing about therapy is that we find stuff out about the boy that we didn't know and that is supposed to be a "secret". Blah- "secrets" -puerile nonsense. The worst of it is that the boy had been "encouraged" to keep secrets from us and not tell what is going on in past experiences. Our tolerance with secrets is minimal.
No, my tolerance is zero, the cuter half's tolerance is minimal. He is WAY nicer than I am and will put up with secrets more than I do. After dealing with the boy and the secrets he used to keep....that isn't happening any longer. I am not dealing with further secrets, nor will I give a rats butt if I out them and disgust other people.....some secrets are NOT worth keeping.
I think the boy keeping secrets is harmful. At least it used to be. Now we get it all out of him, whether at home or in session, the secrets get spilled out all over the floor. Kind of like a large amount of cat sick including the fur balls. So what do we do with secrets?
First of all, since I am as delicate as a blunt axe I pretty much will say exactly what I think and then blow any secrets out of the water. For example, There is no need to keep a location for an upcoming visit a secret ether (like we would show up there....for what purpose? that would be stupid) FYI- for those who need to know: we don't care enough about your plans to drop in your hotel room for a visit...in fact if we know you are there it is MORE likely we would avoid the area to be out of your way.
The boy keeping a classroom experience secret from us is a really bad idea. In fact, the thought that not telling us is pretty lame and that he is just not saying anything to protect his teachers who he likes....well he knows we are....a tad protective of him. OK we are OVER protective. Our view is that we are so isolated we are likely to be taken advantage of so we are automatically suspicious of people we don't know very well. I know that is nuts, and it really does isolate us further, but we are rather wary and not very trusting most of the time. Honestly, it comes down to a fear of being hurt.
We have gotten crushed and devastated in the past year and although we have the love and support of many friends; there are those people outside of that group we are just not able to understand nor do they understand us. It is sad really, but it is life. A good friend once told me that you are friends with certain people for a while, then you aren't then you may be again but if not that is OK too because you are still friendly....just not close like you once were. Although that was hard for me to hear (being the sentimental sot that I am) it is true. He is totally right and is a good friend, we used to sit together and share desserts at business lunches...anyone who does that is a good friend.
In my own obtuse way I am telling you to re-evaluate what you are doing and how things are going. Clean out the office space in your brain; letting people reside in your soul space does a dis-service to you and to your families. Open the windows and the breeze will come in; after you blow the dirty little secrets out of the window and down the street.
Don't forget to ask the tough questions and get it out there. If you don't ask you don't know and you have to work harder at a later time.....