Sunday, July 16, 2017

Washing Dishes, Boy-ism, and life

Our dishwasher is haunted. Seriously, it really is; shuts itself on and off and runs periodically - usually empty (damn).
Which means whichever of us that is home gets the joy of washing dishes by hand. Most people have done this at minimum one time. I swear I have done it more than that (grades, high school, college)....and now it is a daily thing.
Washing dishes is amongst the most mundane of chores (although matching socks could give it a run for the money). You can think a thought, write a mental letter, tell yourself you are mental for washing dishes w/out gloves (I always forget those), and basically solve the worlds problems or maybe your own.

Today there is no way I could solve anyone's problems. I can barely manage all the stuff cute one and I have to do - solving other peoples stuff just isn't happening. Well, no that isn't true. Princess had been having a problem. Several months back she was not getting her regular phone calls. We thought she was out partying with the 101 year old across the hall. Happens, life that is, and we switched her phone back to a less complicated one. She doesn't do complicated anymore. Crossword puzzles are a thing of the past. Reading books, knitting, all that is not happening anymore. She tells me she has "big plans" to finish her projects in her bag. I really wish she would, or could.

There is a thing called "macular degeneration". Basically it is tied into high blood pressure and extended use of high blood pressure medication. Some of the quietest people don't tell a soul about problems/issues/thoughts but do internal harm to themselves; ergo the high blood pressure. NO I am not a "medical professional" and I think everyone needs to go to the doc to get evaluated - but I know what I see and what I see, well it is what it is. And the more quiet people on high blood pressure meds.....well there has to be something to the thought that they need to let their frustrations out.

Lately, I have been stewing, thinking, and deliberating. I often think about writing on the blog and then I go back and think of what someone told me "No one wants to know what you are thinking all the time." Which is probably true; I could take the crown as one of the most boring people on the planet ever. The cuter one thinks he is way more boring than me (I disagree). Then I starting thinking about where that person was coming from (the one that told me that I shouldn't express my thoughts) and well, if they are choosing to repress themselves that is really up to them they shouldn't repress others with their own expectations.

And another thing, the "if you don't agree with x-y-z you are a bad person". Seriously?
Geez if I thought that every single time someone didn't agree with me....good night. I think there is a cyclical thing going down these days and you know....people are divided about a lot of things. HOWEVER, what I have seen with the uber-liberal is that they are as judgemental as the uber-religious. You can say what you want, but with the boy with being forced to self-identify in college (jarring that was for sure) and being put in a disabled box ("Don't worry, it will take you about 10 years to graduate" REALLY?) and finding out that "Church isn't for people like me. Broken people aren't allowed there" (his words not mine). So where does one go?
well we are "marking time" and then we will decide about going/staying/re-evaluating.

And what is the boy doing? He is working. That is all you peeps need to know. The boy has a job. It is OK, not perfect and for a first job not the worst. The people he works with are, mostly, kind and I think generous with their thoughts and advice. If they are kind to him that is all I ask. Most people aren't so a little kindness goes a long way.

After the boy graduated from jr college he got even more lonely. One guy, he came over here and asked the cuter one and I if we would fund an apartment for him, the boy and a friend. I said, "No. but it is only for right now because the boy has to learn about paying bills and budgeting. Besides none of you are working; I am not working to support a place where I am not living" I don't think this guy ever heard the word "No"before as he left soon after that evening. He came around for a bit but the boy hasn't heard from him in months so we are figuring he got dumped. I feel bad, I know it isn't my fault but it is still sad that some people are so not into being friends as friends but friends for what you can do for them.

So anyway, the boy getting a job and working hard; well that is a good thing as far as I am concerned.

You know, Aspergers is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha but funny that you don't realize how many people have it and are completely undiagnosed. Lets just say there are lots of them and it is all good. I think the cuter one and I would have been diagnosed with it. Some days the boy makes me a little loopy and honestly I couldn't tell you if I were coming or going. Although, I don't think the boy has just Aspergers. I think he has Boy-ism. He does. He has Boy-ism. This means he is an entity all his own and his diagnosis is just his.

I wonder what his therapist would think of that? I will have to ask him if I remember to mention it.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

He said WHAT?

The boy asked again if I could help with some downloads. He saw me at the computer and being the Aspie that he is; it is obviously the perfect time to ask me to do this download. 
What he is asking me to do takes several hours of steady work. This is not a typical download thingy-doodle. This is a project that is not done in a short amount of time.

As per usual the cute one and I give up a lot for other people. We are regularly doing things for others with really no thought of how 1) we don't really want to or 2) we think we should because it is the right thing to do. 

The cute one stopped by with the Troubs. Troubs is a delicate little flower kitty that could squish your Chihuahua like  a freaking bug. He doesn't realize he is a big kitty. The thing is the boy doesn't realize he is big too. Not like BIG big but bigger than the average person. 

Ok and I was reading this thing tonight- 13 things to make your kids successful. There was not one thing about compassion or empathy in these 13 things. So what does that mean? Hey I can be successful but I am going to kick your ass from here to eternity and beyond? Or HEY I can humiliate the disabled person I work with because I am a manipulative _______ with no self esteem......

I find that more liberals are less accepting of an aspie who wants to be outside of the box they have labeled him with than those who think that he can do it. 
Lately I have little patience with liberals and hippies. I believe that people can literally do anything they think they can do. I believe that we are here for a reason and it isn't just to waste time going to some stupid march (If you go to one you go to all and should be supportive- end of story). Figuring out what we are supposed to be doing is a totally different deal though. I don't think that we are supposed to be deciding what is right for other people. Truthfully, I have only a few people in my life that I allow to tell me what to do. I mean few.....I had too many years of hiding and following a crowd that I didn't care to follow and didn't want to deal with. After those years I kind of ended up being pretty darn independent. Hey and any college student with 80's magenta hair....well lets just thank goodness there are no pictures (that I know of anyway).

After talking to an old friend I realized that I have no effing clue what I should be doing right now. I have kind of figured out that I am where I am supposed to be (work and life) but I have yet to figure out the whys and wherefores. In the Bible there is a passage in Ruth,  "And Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God." I think that most people think Ruth was kind of a wuss....following Naomi then going off and marrying again. I think that making a bigger decision means that the smaller details with eventually take care of themselves. I have always thought Ruth was really rather wise....and I remember hearing a pastor say that we had to choose what we wanted at a young age - I used to ask for wisdom. Now I ask for a nap -KIDDING.

I also think that figuring out the details is what is coming next. We want to do any number of things....take a trip, plan our lives with out IEPs and doctor appointments and constant stress of dealing with schools. 
Life with an Aspie out of school is different. We just don't know what the hell to do with him. We hope he is capable...but then we are not sure he is going to do what he needs to do regularly. Paying rent, bills, taking a shower, brushing his teeth. I tell people he was more dependable at age six than he is now. which I know is not fair to those who think millennials do no wrong. But frankly I am not going to watch him come back and live in my damn basement either, I have expectations of him - but those expectations have changed. I now expect him to get a job. Doing what? Don't care but he cannot leave one job unless he has another job with a start date and time set up. 

I will admit the boy is working. I won't say where but he does have a job and works regular hours with a typical schedule. He did it on his own. Found the job, applied, went to the interview, and keeps track of his schedule.  It might not be rocket science but it appears he is working at the highest level he can at this time and although I wish for more for him I have to accept what he is able to do.

Here is one for a friend of mine..... and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the topic. I just felt like listening to it.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

what I feel like doing today....

nuthin'. that works for me.

No not really, it just sounds good. Actually, I think that being sick gives me a little different direction. Yup that's right second time this season and this time its a "bacterial infection". I am on the good antibiotics again and I am sounding like a relative of Kermit the frog but have smoked the seaweed for years or something. (non-smoker here) I kind of figure it is bad when there is a person I know pretty well and they didn't recognize my voice.....that's bad.

When I feel lousy all I want to do is listen to music and veg out. I know.... its really awful. I mean I really have a bazillion plus things to do and literally zero time to get everything done and here I am futzing around doing nothing.

My huge accomplishment today? Well, besides sleeping for most of it (those damn non-drowsy formulas knock me out every time) I cleaned the cat box. Yup that's it. No...wait there is something better than that; I called my Princess. She is kind of bummed that I am sick which means not a lot of company for her but I am thinking another 24 hours on  these kick butt antibiotics and I should be OK to go see her.

I am really kind of antsy being at home. I called in sick to work - really needed to and I HATE doing that but I am so congested if I talk too much I cough like I am fit to die. It's better I hide at home for another day.

It always seems like I am pushing myself and really I am not that bad....I just do everything at full tilt. A day for me starts around 6 or 7 (sometimes earlier many AMs 5) and I am running on fumes by the time I get home....dinner at 7 or 8pm after Princess visits and then see no biggie right? Then dishes, laundry, kitty tending, life - paper shredding. OMG the paper, I forgot to shred more papers.

We have a tone of paper records that really needed to go. seriously it is time to get rid of the superfluous stuff and try to stay more organized. IF there was a way to put file cabinets in the attic I think we would have set them up by now. However, we didn't. All those dreadful IEPs from the boy in school - yup we had EVERY BLASTED one of them in those dreadful 20 gallon tubs. Plus the grade school copies - seriously and their tapes too (I tossed those don't need to relive that nightmare). We kept enough to show we had records and that there were IEPs but really folks how many should you keep over the years?

Seriously, we kept this crap to show the boy how things were. We kind of figure when he is older and wants a reality check he can take a look at this stuff and see what his parents went through with him. Basically from the report he ran through the halls naked to the year in self contained rubber room...,..he;s done it at one point or another.

And yet we survived. WIth our humor in tact, and frankly we are NOT perfect and will be the first to admit that we have gone through the mill and hit all the boards at least twice before being spit out. I am still not sure where we are going or if we know where we've been. Some days it is still the hurrier I go the behinder I get- no that's almost every day.

I would like to say that me being at home and ill means I have caught up with life and all - thankfully my cute one did the dishes tonight or we would have ended up with a monster pile of them.

The boy, overall is doing, well I think OK. He is getting into a routine and although it took some time it is working out in an odd sort of way. Totally not complaining here I think that him being kind of independent is a good thing. I am hoping he can keep doing what he is doing. Fingers crossed.

I can't really decide what kind of music to listen to this evening. I have my hyper favs and then my mello ones.... I really just have no direction so I think I will stick with one of my old standbys:

or maybe this one

I like this one too