Monday, December 25, 2017

New Year Resolutions

I've never bothered with New Year Resolutions.
First off I know I would never keep them; I think I tried once and it lasted less than a week. I knew then that the whole "I resolve to give up......." was never going to work for me.

On this lovely Christmas day the cute one and I were discussing how nice it was that the house was almost livable and we had things organized, put away and relatively cleaned up (I need to give the laundry-room a good scrubbing but all in due time).
We figured out what it was- we were not going negative.

I will be honest and say that I did start out a right mess about the holiday. I had been worried about the Princess....she is good but there are times when the memory slips and she was very out of it for the holiday- initially she thought it might be Easter. Kind of upset me a bit- OK no I was a devastated mess when she thought I was my sister (ugh). So between that and being told "Make sure you are here to take Princess to church" - well by God I was going to be there (thanks guys at work for putting up with me and letting me go early) and have Princess in that sanctuary with her program, faux candle (remember the oxygen - no fires about please) and singing "Oh Holy Night" if it was the last thing I ever did.

We got there. We were early and Princess was not totally sure which one I was..... its OK she figured it out- I knew all the words to the carols (and ones I had not grown up with) and could sing them and not sound like the cattle had died so it must be her youngest child.

Our traditions are a little different than most. On Christmas Eve we normally open 1 gift then everything else is opened on Christmas day. Since there are only 4 of us Christmas is kind of over the top; not totally extravagant but we do presents and then have the last gift of the night at dinner. This way of doing things has been modified over the last couple of years..... it has gone from 1/2 day at Princess' then our home to just our home to what it is now (a lot of miles on the car and picnic baskets). this year with the boy's schedule, and having to include Princess (but not exhaust her with an all day visit) we split gifts up.

My cute one kept saying that this would be the best Christmas yet- his mantra was starting to catch on. He put up with A LOT this year. The boy had to work tonight and although it meant keeping the house quiet- we had to get the boy up to eat dinner with Princess for the last gift and well that was its own special kind of challenge. So the cuter one was running hither and yon while I sang carols with the Princess for the Christmas morning church service.

After all that cute one and I got home and just did nothing....we opened the rest of our gifts and then ate snacks and watched "Christmas Vacation"...... the house kind of organized itself or that is the way it felt and you know was nice. We had a place to go later but for now we can just do nothing and not think about it. I think when we don't have anywhere to go we will miss it but right now I think we found the equilibrium that works for us...... or maybe it was singing all the verses to "Joy to the World".

Anyhow, it was at this point we were discussing eliminating the negative stuff. I don't think it will ever be completely done nor do I think that we are perfect. I think we do what a lot of people do and we are afraid things might actually work out; good, bad or ugly.  We have some major changes going down and we finally have had the opportunity to change what we thought was going to happen.

No more eggshell walking, suffering fools- no not so much; tip-toeing through the tulips? NAH.

Someone once said that I had more balls than most people. I don't think that is true but I do think that cutting through the bs is the best way to go. Living with an Aspie means that our viewpoint is extremely different. I always say that is why I wear a lot of gray- I am missing gray in my life ergo wearing it is a good way to try to get that color in my life. Normally, we have a system, and usually we stick to it as we have a lot to do and a short amount of time to get things done. For example, when the Princess would come here for holiday she would always say, "It is not a holiday at your house if the clothes washer and dryer aren't running" Well  when you work FT laundry has a way of backing up on you.

This Christmas Season I got a couple of messages from several different people at different times. Those messages meant that I had to think about things I had more or less thought were certainties but really were not. That being said, it got me thinking about priorities, and what the cute one and I want to do and how and when and where.....well you get the idea......

So if you see us virtually/metaphorically cleaning house or narrowing down our options we are working on where we want to be and what we think is best for us and the boy. It is unlikely you will agree with us; guess what- we don't want an opinion unless we ask you for it so keep it to yourself.

I did really good here I didn't cuss once (I'm using Jerry Seinfeld as an example here- he does not curse during his shows) - it is Christmas and my karma needs some additional clearing so keeping it clean for as long as I can.

Happy, Merry Christmas!!!!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Top 10 Email Etiquette tips


1.         Do not type IN ALL CAPS. That’s yelling and is not reflecting emphasis. Most people with either become very angry with you or just stop responding to any email you send.

2.       If you BOLD YOUR TYPE know that you are bolding your statement and it will be taken that way x10 (otherwise known as email screaming)

3.       Refrain from multiple font colors in one email. It makes your email harder to read and will add to misinterpretation.

4.       Use formatting sparingly and instead try to rely on choosing accurate words to reflect your tone and avoid misunderstandings in the process. Large fonts and increased sizes distract from your message and will make it sound like you are angry and overly emotional

5.       With emotionally charged emails; wait until the next morning to see if you feel the same prior to clicking “send”. Don’t “angry” email. Using negative tones will earn you a less than desired response.

6.       Be careful with confidential information. Be careful with any information; emails are forever. Even if you think it is deleted it is still out there somewhere. People read and re-read anything negative posted in an email, Facebook or other social media.

7.       Avoid using emoticons, slang or jargon. Depending on the area of the country you are in some slang and jargon can be misinterpreted.

8.       Avoid negative phrases; They can make you seem more anxious, irritated, or worried than you truly are.

9.       Review the email before you send it in the first place. If you read your email at least twice before you send it, you will naturally send better emails. Those who just fire off emails without reviewing them first usually make mistakes and look bad in the process.

    When in doubt, pick up the phone. If it has become obvious that you have been offensive the best way to handle it is to make a phone call and try to resolve the issue. Most people will try to avoid misunderstandings and just make the call to see if anything can be resolved

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Washing Dishes, Boy-ism, and life

Our dishwasher is haunted. Seriously, it really is; shuts itself on and off and runs periodically - usually empty (damn).
Which means whichever of us that is home gets the joy of washing dishes by hand. Most people have done this at minimum one time. I swear I have done it more than that (grades, high school, college)....and now it is a daily thing.
Washing dishes is amongst the most mundane of chores (although matching socks could give it a run for the money). You can think a thought, write a mental letter, tell yourself you are mental for washing dishes w/out gloves (I always forget those), and basically solve the worlds problems or maybe your own.

Today there is no way I could solve anyone's problems. I can barely manage all the stuff cute one and I have to do - solving other peoples stuff just isn't happening. Well, no that isn't true. Princess had been having a problem. Several months back she was not getting her regular phone calls. We thought she was out partying with the 101 year old across the hall. Happens, life that is, and we switched her phone back to a less complicated one. She doesn't do complicated anymore. Crossword puzzles are a thing of the past. Reading books, knitting, all that is not happening anymore. She tells me she has "big plans" to finish her projects in her bag. I really wish she would, or could.

There is a thing called "macular degeneration". Basically it is tied into high blood pressure and extended use of high blood pressure medication. Some of the quietest people don't tell a soul about problems/issues/thoughts but do internal harm to themselves; ergo the high blood pressure. NO I am not a "medical professional" and I think everyone needs to go to the doc to get evaluated - but I know what I see and what I see, well it is what it is. And the more quiet people on high blood pressure meds.....well there has to be something to the thought that they need to let their frustrations out.

Lately, I have been stewing, thinking, and deliberating. I often think about writing on the blog and then I go back and think of what someone told me "No one wants to know what you are thinking all the time." Which is probably true; I could take the crown as one of the most boring people on the planet ever. The cuter one thinks he is way more boring than me (I disagree). Then I starting thinking about where that person was coming from (the one that told me that I shouldn't express my thoughts) and well, if they are choosing to repress themselves that is really up to them they shouldn't repress others with their own expectations.

And another thing, the "if you don't agree with x-y-z you are a bad person". Seriously?
Geez if I thought that every single time someone didn't agree with me....good night. I think there is a cyclical thing going down these days and you know....people are divided about a lot of things. HOWEVER, what I have seen with the uber-liberal is that they are as judgemental as the uber-religious. You can say what you want, but with the boy with being forced to self-identify in college (jarring that was for sure) and being put in a disabled box ("Don't worry, it will take you about 10 years to graduate" REALLY?) and finding out that "Church isn't for people like me. Broken people aren't allowed there" (his words not mine). So where does one go?
well we are "marking time" and then we will decide about going/staying/re-evaluating.

And what is the boy doing? He is working. That is all you peeps need to know. The boy has a job. It is OK, not perfect and for a first job not the worst. The people he works with are, mostly, kind and I think generous with their thoughts and advice. If they are kind to him that is all I ask. Most people aren't so a little kindness goes a long way.

After the boy graduated from jr college he got even more lonely. One guy, he came over here and asked the cuter one and I if we would fund an apartment for him, the boy and a friend. I said, "No. but it is only for right now because the boy has to learn about paying bills and budgeting. Besides none of you are working; I am not working to support a place where I am not living" I don't think this guy ever heard the word "No"before as he left soon after that evening. He came around for a bit but the boy hasn't heard from him in months so we are figuring he got dumped. I feel bad, I know it isn't my fault but it is still sad that some people are so not into being friends as friends but friends for what you can do for them.

So anyway, the boy getting a job and working hard; well that is a good thing as far as I am concerned.

You know, Aspergers is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha but funny that you don't realize how many people have it and are completely undiagnosed. Lets just say there are lots of them and it is all good. I think the cuter one and I would have been diagnosed with it. Some days the boy makes me a little loopy and honestly I couldn't tell you if I were coming or going. Although, I don't think the boy has just Aspergers. I think he has Boy-ism. He does. He has Boy-ism. This means he is an entity all his own and his diagnosis is just his.

I wonder what his therapist would think of that? I will have to ask him if I remember to mention it.