Sunday, April 29, 2012

More news about hygiene

Aspies and hygiene are big news.

The boy is being gross and not washing his hair, brushing his teeth or cleaning his face with SOAP. I am ready to step into the bath room and squeeze as much soap as I can over the shower to get him clean.

Dandruff is disgusting. He has a whole head full. I am beyond grossed out.....I will shave his head....with the razors and he can be bald....it would be easier on me if he had NO HAIR.
I am tired of nagging and arguing with him.

In fact, we have talked to his therapist and unless things change, when he moves out it is unlikely that the cuter one and I will be making the effort to go over very much. It is too much work. We are tired. tonight I am so annoyed....I am thinking the boy will end up like one of those nut jobs on horders.

The difference is, it won't be my house and I won't have to care.
I don't have to go over and see it.

This is gross and if he doesn't smell like soap again I am going to douse him with a good dose of it.

What is a nice girl like me doing with a nasty dirty kid like this?

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Historical Artifact

Addendum:

While helping the boy review for a history final I ran across something I had FORGOTTEN. Marion Anderson was not allowed to sing at the DAR reception in 1939 becuase of her RACE. Eleanor Roosevelt resigned from the DAR effective immidately and arranged for Marion to sing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

Talk about perspective.....and I was annoyed the DAR was giving me the run around. Who would want to be in a group like that after what they did to lovely Marion Anderson. __________________________________________________________________________________

Last night we watched the Rob Lowe episode of Who do you think you are?

It was interesting to say the least.
It was really amazing how someone famous appears to have gotten into the Daughters/Sons of the American Revolution with seemingly little effort and expense.

For my own case, I had tried to get the application in and all the birth certificates, death certificates, marriage records and multitude of demands (rudely and mostly acting like I was a COMPLETE and total moron) that not only were extremely expensive to procure and very difficult to come by unless I actually WENT to the locations (HELLO, think a minute, in this economy? OMG) to find the records. At one point, I had to send to CA for a death record, went online where I was told to go and there was no record there. It was then implied that I must be a moron because I didn't know where to go. THIS is a person who is supposed to know where to go. I went, I spent the money ($50-$100.00) and wasted it because I couldn't get a refund after being told the records weren't there.

This person that I was required to talk to not only told me I WAS RUDE when I expressed frustration for the just "one more item" and essentially, "We have to have the records to get the people who aren't good enough." "It is apparent that there are definite questions in your family's past and you need to find someone who knows about them."
The only person I could ask was my Mom and she didn't know anything about the question this person from DAR wanted answered. SO we are not able to answer this question. It was almost like this DAR person WANTED to find stuff that would be seen as negative so she could go back and say, "Look at the riff raff that DARED to apply to our saintly group."

Please.

It is a group with distinctly declining membership. In our case there were paths that had been followed and there were records that indicated that the path was what it was. There are records that have been found and used for this process. In fact, I had a line that had been researched fully by death records and when I submitted that I was told that the research that had been done wasn't good enough. Although a member of the community where my family was from did a thorough research job (indicated by the line information he had sent to me) the DAR person told me "YOU MUST have the actual records, anyone can make up this line record." Wow. Why would anyone BOTHER to make that stuff up? What a terrific waste of time.

So while watching the program last night I was struck by how EASY Rob had it. Naturally a famous actor should have it easy after all they are important people (whatever, my son didn't even know who he was- the boy wants to see Paula Deen). The actual showing of the applications, that there are time constraints and that there is a huge financial burden in procuring a lot of this proof is apparently irrelevant. Besides, look at how easy it is....when someone else does all the work for you.
Must be nice.

Yes, I am still frustrated by this experience. I have spent all this time and money on this project with nothing to show for it except proof that my family is my family, which, when thinking about it is probably the most important thing anyway but as a history person I really wanted to get this all in a row.
AND do not contact me and tell me that you will help me for X dollars. I am not stupid or desperate, just broke.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wearing a WIRE

This dad is this weeks hero.
His son is autistic. More so than the boy and he had his son wear a wire to school to see what was happening!!
GOOD FOR HIM.


For those of you who have never had any experiences outside of the boxes you live in this man and his child have suffered a nightmare like you would never envision.
The worst of it is that this teacher STILL WORKS at this school.

IT is in Cherry Hill, NJ. I am sad to say I used to live near there and I am glad I moved.

If you would like to contact Cherry Hill NJ Schools please look at this link- http://www.cherryhill.k12.nj.us/

Monday, April 23, 2012

Life Experiences

We have had a LOT of life experiences going on here today.
The boy is learning about what it would be like if Mom stopped doing everything she does. Mom gets to handle a lot of stuff: mainly laundry, dishes, cleaning up cat poop and puke....anything nasty and gross is automatically a "Mom Job"

Although I have insomnia right now there is a reason for the madness.... I had a test done today and the pain is still pretty bad and I don't wish to disturb the cute one.
I had to go for a "procedure" today. If you are a woman, reading this you already have an idea of what I had done. A guy....well drop a 30 lb bowling ball on your b____ repeatedly (5-6 times) and maybe you will be able to imagine what it feels like.

Anyway, I had things to do around the house, prior to going to work, and this procedure....I really needed to get this stuff done- making beds, cleaning litter boxes; the little time consuming stuff.
It didn't happen.
Not one thing.
After the doc, I barely made it to work and ended up having to leave early...I came home and have crashed out for most of the day and evening. Didn't even have the energy to play up on my farm, island or look at puzzles on FB. I missed a committee meeting that I really needed to be at and pretty much cancelled out on everything that wasn't urgent or needed done....which was everything.

The funny thing is the boy came to the family room and asked me about making his bed. I said, "The sheets are on the chair, go make your bed." He then informed me he would prefer sleeping on the floor. I told him to make your own bed and I would deal with the real bed making later. I checked, it appears he made his bed but wasn't to happy about it....

Ergo, Mom is too exhausted to give a poop if you haven't got a bed to sleep on.

I think the boy knew something was up. All I have done is lay around all day. I haven't felt like myself until a little while ago....and he wasn't amused with some of the changes.....he has to manage on his own and it isn't terribly comfortable or fun.

Being responsible is a huge deal around here and the boy's lack thereof has been showing lately. We had been busy trying to get things together prior to this thing for me....

I honestly didn't expect it to whack me out as much as it did.....the doc's idea of a "little pinch" felt like someone had taken a paper clip and logged it up my ____. SO the pain was mind numbingly terrible I knew there would be some, but to have it so bad I was sobbing for hours and in my sleep afterwords. GOOD NIGHT!! If men had the babies there wouldn't be any. I would take something but after 2 glasses of wine I am not thinking a Tylenol would be a good idea.....

The cuter half was a good sport about it. He stayed with me and held my hand thru the whole thing....handed me tissues while I sobbed and then drove me, picked me up and then put me to bed....then decided to dig up nasty rude old crab grass in the front yard while I crashed....

the boy was in the normal oblivion...although I am thinking we need to start explaining this kind of thing to him. All I told him was that I was sick. Although he doesn't need the details he does need to know that i am not going to do all the stuff he wants because he wants it done. He has to man up and do more of it on his own.....

Mostly this is about life and what needs done....right now we need to re-evaluate what we are doing and how it is going to happen. I wonder what will happen next....and I am hoping not another "paper clip" test....I don't think I can stand another one....or at least be conscious for it.



Saturday, April 21, 2012

Bullying Resolution - Helping the family- Article by Miranda Leitsinger

I hope my son is able to over come these kind of situations as well as this boy has.
As I mentioned on my FB account "Being bullied can paralyze a person physically and mentally. This kid has gone above and beyond what happened to him to become something more."

By Miranda Leitsinger, msnbc.com

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/19/11289813-42-million-settlement-for-student-paralyzed-by-bully?lite


When Sawyer Rosenstein was 12, a punch from a bully changed his life forever, leaving him paralyzed, and at times, near death from the complications of his condition.
Now, six years after the assault, the New Jersey school board in the district where he was a student has agreed to a $4.2 million settlement.

“It feels really great to finally have just a sense of closure … that this really difficult part of my life is behind me,” Rosenstein, an 18-year-old freshman majoring in communication at Syracuse University, told msnbc.com. “I can actually focus on all of the successful things that I am doing now and all of the successful plans that I have for my future.”
 
The Rosenstein’s lawyer, Jeffrey Youngman, said the settlement was “absolutely unique.”
“I see stories virtually, if not daily, every other day on bullying and … it’s one of the first stories where there actually was a result that’s positive and truly helps the family,” he told msnbc.com, noting that the Ramsey Board of Education does not admit liability.
“But the facts surrounding this case are unbelievable, I mean they’re dramatic in that you have a child who actually was pro-active” about dealing with the bullying, he said.
Youngman was referring to emails written by Rosenstein to officials at Eric Smith Middle School – a guidance counselor, an assistant principal – about the harassment.
"I would like to let you know that the bullying has increased," he wrote to his guidance counselor three months before the assault that left him paralyzed, in an email that was reported by The Record. "I would like to figure out some coping mechanisms to deal with these situations, and I would just like to put this on file so if something happens again, we can show that there was past bullying situations."
On May 16, 2006, a bully punched Rosenstein so hard that he fell to his knees. Two days later, he screamed out at home.
“We picked him up and called an ambulance,” his father told the newspaper. "He hasn't walked since."
Rosenstein was paralyzed from the waist down due to a clot that had formed after the blow in a major artery above his abdomen. When the clot moved down to his spine, it burst, leaving him paralyzed. Complications resulting from his paralysis, such as scoliosis, led to 19 surgeries and a complete spinal fusion. He almost died several times, Youngman said.
Rosenstein said he turned the corner during one of those hard days thinking “why me” after one of the many surgeries in which he considered his options.
“For me, I saw it as a challenge to say, ‘Okay, in your face, society. I’m going to take this and I’m going to hand it right back at you. You give me lemons, I’m going to throw a lemon tree in your face,'” he said.
He missed a year of school but still graduated on time and made the honor roll every semester, Youngman said.
“The way that he carries himself is just amazing, he's an inspiration,” he said.
In 2009, the Rosensteins filed their lawsuit against the school board, various administrators, other individuals and the boy who punched Sawyer; the settlement was agreed to at the end of March. Part of the family’s case included claims that school officials knew or should have known that Sawyer’s attacker had violent tendencies, Youngman said, citing prior punching incidents with others. The family settled with that student two years ago. The terms are confidential.
“What the school was doing was just indicative of what the schools do in these instances: they just have policies and don’t know how to enforce them,” Youngman said. “You can have a written policy all you want, but if it is not put into effect and it's not enforced effectively, you’ve got a policy in name only.”
 
In a statement, the Ramsey Board of Education said that after three years of depositions and pre-trial discovery, its insurance carriers agreed to the settlement.
“There has been no admission by the Board or by any of its employees of a violation of any law or duty owed to the Plaintiffs,” the statement said.
The board denied allegations that it or its employees had “failed or compromised its responsibility to develop and to implement effective policies and procedures to protect the safety and rights” of the school community, the statement continued, noting that the district "prides itself for the role which it has played in recognizing and developing an awareness of the dangers of bullying, intimidation and harassment in the school setting."
Cheri Rosenstein
Rosenstein at the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum where he met the crew of the final space shuttle mission, STS-135.

Sawyer Rosenstein only recently shared his story publicly after much long discussion with his family, deciding to do so to raise awareness. Otherwise, he doesn’t like telling his story.
“I don’t want it to be ‘woe is me’ and sympathy. I want it to be more of a story of success, that even with all this, I was still able to prevail,” he said. “I want people to root me on in whatever I’m doing and help me through it.”
He encouraged anyone suffering from bullying to document it as he had, believing it was a key factor in making his case. Though he was constantly bullied and remembered how much he wanted it to stop, he wanted others to know that it does end.
Today, Rosenstein, who wants to be a news reporter, hosts and edits a podcast he helped to co-found called Talking Space. He said he attended the final space shuttle launch as the youngest ever accredited reporter at 17.
What he hopes that people will get out of his story is that they understand “this is an issue, this is something that needs to be taken care of, and this kid has taken something terrible and made something great out of it. I can do the same.”

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Narcissim Remembered

http://aspieextremes.blogspot.com/2011/08/referring-to-another-blog.html


This seemed like a good time to bring up narcissistic tendencies again.
IT seems like there are a number of things we are givien the good fortune to deal with. Most of them are like us, rather mundane and kind of boring....
But then we are in an IEP meeting and it hits me.
There is a reason that most people think kids with disabilities are narcissistic. IT is because no one ever tells them NO that is not a good idea......today the boy decided he wanted to be a comic book writer....as a job or hobby.....The cuter one told the boy that it would be OK as a hobby but he had to get a real job and bring in the money.....

It went over well....the boy didn't care but the staff didn't appear to be impressed. HELLO.....he has to work to pay bills. Unless he wins the lottery or makes a gob of money (neither of which are likely to happen) So High HO off to work you go.

That and I am quite certain we will be running into more narcissitic tendencies later in the week....but that is merely conjecture we will see what happens...

Friday, April 13, 2012

I had to explain this tonight (it's funny- I am laughing)

This evening has been like almost every other Friday evening.
Homework, Family TV night- the ususal shows- Who do you think you are? Stuff like that.

This evening however I am in need of thanking someone. Mr Rob Lowe used a phrase this evening in a promo for a coming show that caught the boy's attention. I beleive it went something like this, "You are kidding, my anscestor told George Washington to stick it?", queried Rob.

My boy's question was not, "Who is Rob Lowe, Mommy?" or "Why would anyone tell George Washington to stick it Mom?"

No, not my boy. My boy asks me, "Mom what does it mean to tell some one to stick it?"

For those of you who know me well you know that I have had some "colorful" language in the past (OK sometimes in the present too). It was all I could do not got go into fits.....of laughter. OMG HOW protected is my son if he doesn't know what "stick it" means?

So, as any good Aspie Mom, what do I do? I head to the computer and look up "What does it mean to stick it?"

For those who need a bit of a reminder:

Q: What does it mean to stick it to the man?
A: To fight back at the man (authority). For example, you are sticking it to the man if you refuse to do   something he/she told you.


This whole experience made me realize a number of things.
First- My son is more sheltered than I ever was (and I was pretty darn sheltered). Although his Mom has some "colorful" language choices slang is generally not spoken around here. Not because we can't but we have struggled with him and the ENGLISH language. Slang was just not part of the option
Second- We are very literal. This is part of his Aspergers, but everything means something to the boy and there are little or no gray areas.

So thanks, Rob, for helping me tonight. I needed a good laugh and that provided me with one. Also, reminding me that my son is in need of "slang" lessons....
OH Geez.....this is gonna suck (see, look, I used slang). Alright,  I know I need some updating with my slang too (as does Rob Lowe). The sad thing is I make up my own phrases for almost everything. I have always done that.....or songs, but lets not get into those (very sad, very disturbing, and some very weird little tunes).

What I am getting at is that although we have to stand up for our kids as parents and help them we also have to let them do things on their own. We have to teach them slang.....or at least the cuter half and I do. The boy is not going to appreciate our efforts and will either believe we have lost our minds or is going to really think we drank too much Mike's Lemonade with dinner (we didn't, I had a diet and the cuter had milk)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

OVer booked OVer timed OVer budget

We are pooped. Too much going on.
We had a meeting on Monday and if you didn't go you SHOULD HAVE been there. It was really good!

Then Tuesday was the super cool therapist giving me blog topics during a session with the family.....

Then tonight was a family thing that needed done.....and the cuter half had a work meeting and the boy had a cancelled thing and he was doing homework at school. Then I got home finally and it has been zoom zoom with homework ever since.

Then tomorrow we can hope and pray for NOTHING!!! WE want NOTHING going on. Not one stupid lousy thing.....I don't care if the litter box needs cleaned, or the laundry done or there are ants in the bathroom I am not doing NUTHIN!!! Made my point didn't I?

It is times like there where we know we are over booked and we are trying to take on too much.

This is the part of life that the boy needs to work on. He is famous for trying to do too much and take on too many things. He learned last fall that staying up too late messes up life.
Better to learn now than later.

There is a thing called "priming" I saw it on the Northwestern web site and it sounds interesting:

Priming is a powerful psychological technique. It involves exposure to a specific stimulus (often repeatedly), a short delay and then the completion of a task. How you complete the task is influenced by the stimulus which “primes you” to act in a certain way. You have an implicit memory of the stimulus which is used to complete the task. It can be surprising powerful especially when the priming stimulus is carefully selected and we are doing the task in automatic mode.


Isn't that cool? Using a stimulus to get back on task....and then going into the automatic mode for completion. That works. Wait, I spend 90% of my day in automatic mode.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea, but my first impresssion was that it would be totally effective.

I think if we train the boy to learn how to make choices that is a form of "priming". As I have said before, and I KNOW it isn't a popular allegory but it is like training a puppy. Or even our adorable kitty cats.....they are trained to not claw on my furnature or mess in the master bedroom. Yeah it isn't the same thing but didn't we train the boy last fall about timing and how it is important to do the right thing and not screw up for everyone else too?
He learned.

Time for tired Mom's to go to bed....this has been quite the week.....

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

happy birthday

I know you don't use the computer.
You have told me you are not interested in anything electronic - Websites, blogs, and other things are not your interests.

I doubt you read this blog -

Happy Birthday.

Enjoy your day.

Our therapist is giving me blog topics

This is way more than scary.
We were at a session this evening....a family one and what do you know, our ultra cool therapist was throwing blog topics at me.
Good one's too.
It is unfortunate that I am completely stressed out, brain dead and freaking tired. I can't recall a single one.

I was more thinking about when I was going to have time to take a shower and wash my hair than thinking about blogging....see what happens when I sit down for more than a few minutes....brain=mush.

We have been prepping for any number of things.

Working at the maturity level but that ain't happening right now.....then worrying about how the boy is going to learn to pay bills....
Tonight we got to explain that in this economy you really don't want to be the boss because you might take the hit for the company you are in charge of and that would not be a good business move right now. It is better to work for someone and not have to worry about the rent, bills, and marketing. You are there to work, and not be in charge of anything..... paying the bills at a business is gonna keep you up at night.....it does. Since I have never opted to be in charge of anything but my own life the cute one and I are not having to be the boss (except at home with the boy and the kitty cats)

Besides the boy has to learn what is cost effective and what isn't. He has to learn that catering and cooking and restaurants all run hand in hand. Making things work at a higher rate of speed has been good for him.....he has to learn it isn't all fuss and growl....he has to do it, smile and look like you like it even when you probably won't-
Yes I am remembering my retail life in college when I sold prom dresses to 16 year old girls....OMG what an unholy nightmare of an experience. YUCK. Just think, taking a bazillion dresses into a dressing room with an annoying girl who has the brain of a knat and can't make up her mind.....I don't miss retail AT ALL. Thankfully, I was in college at the time and totally was into selling the dresses....I could probably do it again but I don;t think I could manage the 3 inch heels, dress and matching opaque tights (this was a dress code - seriously) with all that makeup and accessories. ICKO.

The boy doesn't realize that between cute one and I we have almost worked every kind of job experience ever....and still lived to tell the tale. lol

Like most kids in his specturm Mom and Dad are as dull as two bricks and about as smart. He doesn't realize that we have done more and worked harder than he will ever imagine (FYI - if you are in the middle class and you have looked at college costs.....hopefully the kick in the teeth you got after financial aide denial was reparable). which begs another point.

Why is it after years of "Doing as one ought." "Following the rules" and all that malarky that just means that you get the shaft worse than most?  Like that cute little girl in Christmast Vacation, "We did good at school, and were good at home and we still got the shaft." Although she was discussing gifts and Santa- there is something to be said for doing things as we should and still feeling like there is a LONG way to go....or at least getting a tax bill that is more than what Bill Gates had to pay (kidding).....
SO where am I going here? Gosh I don't know.....this is all the therapists fault. He made suggestions that I Still can't remember and I have been writing aimlessly all over the page
.......
I think I need to e-mail him and be certain about what I missed because it is likely I was thinking about my rosemary mint shampoo......it has been a long week and it is only Tuesday.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Transitions

Recently I asked some people about topics to write about. I will paraphrase the request here:
 
We are getting ready to transition from 5th grade (middle school) to a new Jr. High. Now that you have the benefit of hindsight any advice to other parents on anything you wish you would have known, done differently or suggest for others so we don't make the same mistake or have it just a wee bit easier?
 
Transitioning is tough.  Moving into another school can not only be overwhelming for the student, but the parent is freaking out as well.
 
When going to the new place there are several things we always did. Rather than jump into the mix of just walking in the building "Hi, we are HERE."
We would show up early, walk the perimeter of the building and talk about the school. "Look at the red bricks, look at the soccer field" Classic comfort level stuff.
 
Then the next thing is SIGN UP FOR SUMMER SCHOOL. I know you don't want to and as parents we should gt to do what we want.
 
Guess what cupcake? You don't get to have a life for a while yet....sign your kid up for summer school the ENTIRE Time they are in school. It doesn't matter WHAT they take, they need to take something, anything, photography, art, making a TV show, ANYTHING will do. Your kid needs to get used to the building without you there....they need to know the staff (who the office goddess is- very important), where the lockers are where the bathrooms are.....where the office is. Any advantage is a good advantage and you want your kid to manage the halls and know where they are going.
 
Prior to school starting in the fall- touring the building after the schedule is handed out....figuring out how to get to the locker, the classes, meeting the new couselor/case manager/social worker (use whatever term you need for your primary contact person). Mom and Dad, you don't get to come- this is your kid's time to go. They have to make it....and they will, give them some credit.
 
I think I wish I would have known that having a kid in special ed meant that he would be in a classroom with a bazillion aides and a teacher.....I would have preferred that my son shine academically than fall from a sophomore in HS reading level at 6th grade to a 2nd grade reading level after being in a gen school for 3 months.
 
I think that any 6,7,8 grade teacher that usese the words, "TV", "Cat", or "And" as spelling words is pathetic- special ed teacher or no. A special ed teacher showing up at your kids transition IEP and the rest of the staff LIES to you and tells you she had never been to an IEP before is full of shit.  NO ONE you don't want there should  be there....and you can get up and leave and take your kid with you. We have done it....and gotten into shouting matches too (it took the boy almost a year before he would come to an IEP meeting again).
 
I think getting into a sport or activity is a GOOD thing. Let the principal or the staff figure it out- you can have an opinion but THEY KNOW THEIR SCHOOL better than you do. Ask for an mentor (student who is HIGHLY respected and very popular) and have that kid show yours around the sport or activity.
 
 
GET A MAPS- it is a meeting that is VERY involved. Pay for the private  psych to be there and figure out what your kids interests are and what they are good at. Whether it be playing hair salon or cooking or woodworking or painting....something and focus on that and encourage the activity and do it at home. It is a map of your kids life. Make it happen.
 
IF your kid wants to be in an IEP, let them. Our boy once had a problem with another student and he felt like he HAD to be there to tell everyone, "I can't do this anymore, please help me." It worked, they believed him and it helped. The kids have to be at the IEPs in HS anyway so get used to it now....ALWAYS ask the staff to keep you informed....too much info is bettter than NO INFO. USE email and don't shoot the first thing in your head back. Read it out loud to yourself first.....then send it.
 
OH and antther thing....you have a choice. You can ask for the "spirit" of the law or the "letter" of the law. You don't get both. EVER. Face that fact and you will have a sucessful and enjoyable 3 years. Ask too much or demand minutes (waste of time) and you are basically shit out of luck. Reason being that pulling your kid out of class means that they miss WAY too much classroom time and on top of that draw attention to themselves. Now is not the time to do that.....
 
We have had a bunch of mistakes, we have committed unholy faux paux and you know what....most of it is over so fast and goes relatively smoothly and there are a ton of things your kid can do....be proud...the baby is going to school....and getting older and going to do great.
So are you BTW.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Squarepegedness

I've talked about this before.
Being "left of center". Or a square peg shoving itself into a round hole.

The boy is not accepting what I call the "squarepegedness" of himself. He so desperately wants to be like everyone else.
He is not.

In fact, he was telling me that he was walking home and some kids were asking him if he were on drugs. He told them "No, I don't do drugs.".....but looking at him today; none of his stuff was in his bags. he is carrying everything separately. It still all weighs the same....and he looked like a bag person and struggling with it all he looked like he was on drugs.

The cuter half and I are trying to work with him....it isn't easy.

Tonight is a low night for me. The boy was acting like he was 6 (at 6 he was better behaved than he is now) and he told us that one of his social workers told him that it is normal for kids his age to yell at and threaten their parents. Really? Normal where? Not in this house it ain't sweetheart.

The social worker got a phone call.

Then we were informed that it is acceptable for the boy to NOT do his homework and get low grades. OK here is the tough part. Special education in gen society = you are dumb.
Sorry folks, that is the bottom line and lowest common denominator. Most teachers of these kids THINK they are dumb.....they will deny it until the cows come home but they really believe the kids are dumb and the parents are stupid too....

IT is what it is. Most people in the gen world believe that special education means dumb. The little yellow school bus is for "retards" and that the kids are not normal nor do they have feelings.

NOW before you jump ship here. I don't believe that special ed equates dumb.

I believe everyone learns in their own way at their own pace.

FOR example, I am dumb at math. I admit it. I can't do geometry, trig, or algebra to save my sad little life nor can I fake it (I am amazing at Excel though....my spreadsheets are things of beauty). At the age of 12 I read, and comprehended (I wrote a book report on it) Gone with the Wind. At that time I would read it once a year I liked it so much. By the time I hit HS I was reading Shakespeare for FUN....and got my own copy of the Canterbury Tales to get a good chuckle. I was reading Austin, and Bronte and anything else I could get my hands on......I had various versions of the Bible, and people that know me know my favorite version is_____________________ take a guess?

The boy, not so much. He is falling apart. Although we are aware he is completely stressed out. He has to work ahead because he won't have time after next week because of the ACT. The ACT is coming up really quickly....After a recent college night, he is not prepared to think about his future but he is prepared to scream at us like we don't belong and we are lower life forms.
Like most teens he blames us for absolutely everything that goes wrong. Oh, and guess what? we are tired of that too.

We are really done with the screaming part.

Going back to Temple Grandin, she once said that people in this position have to WORK harder and do more than anyone else. WE tell the boy that....and he flips a cork. But he does have to prove himself and work harder. No one is going to stop the world, change it so that he can do what he likes when he wants to. We don't get aides to help us in life. We have to do it on our own.
That's it.

Remember when our illustrious leader made rude comments about special education? Not an apology did the man vouchsafe. But even that shows that the pervading thought on special ed comes from the supposed highest levels of society.

The boy has to do it on his own too. Which part of that means being different than everyone else and being a little bit lonely. You learn to work with that part and appreciating that you see things differently......The worst of it is that we have protected him from the special education genre. We didn't ever tell him that other people would think he was dumb. WE have pushed him hard. WE make him work. We fight back.....as I tell people, "I won't take it from my 17 year old, I am not going to take _____ from you."

He isn't at a level to handle life yet. After a night like tonight I don't know if he will get there or not. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't......Maybe it is 10 steps forward and 12 steps back....and maybe there is something that will work for him. Maybe. That is the hard part. The not knowing anything for sure. It is killing me. I am so scared. What if....What if......What if...... (another sleepless night).

I should be in there helping with studying tonight.- I had to walk away. Just had to get out of the room. The pedantic voice was getting to me and my head is pounding and I just can't do it.....

Monday, April 2, 2012

Can you see it?

http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/01/health/mental-health/autism-asperger-diagnoses-profile/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

From the article-
"Sheppard speaks passionately about autism and the need for more support. And in bolstering his arguments, he's exceptionally thorough. For our first conversation, he had prepared a stack of dozens of peer-reviewed articles about autism to back up the facts that he planned to mention, so I wouldn't have to take his word for it.


In March, we corresponded by e-mail, partly for efficiency, and partly because I quickly realized how well Sheppard expresses himself in writing, and that he had a lot to say in response to simple questions. And while a single article could not contain most of his copious reflections that flooded my inbox, he maintained a certain self-consciousness and humor about it. He titled one e-mail thread with the subject, "Could the man with autism I am interviewing be sending yet more long e-mails?""



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I wish they, kids and person's with Autism, could all be as eloquent. It is devastating to watch my son frustrate himself with his inability to explain and I have to stay out of it and watch. I can't react. I have to keep it shut and together.
We don't get aides to manage our lives. My son has to learn how to do it on his own. I only intervene when it is impossible not to.....and even then it is debateable what is happening and what isn't. My past interventions have been necessary....but as he becomes an adult the boy has to take time out to get it out on his own.