Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I've talked about this before.
Being "left of center". Or a square peg shoving itself into a round hole.

The boy is not accepting what I call the "squarepegedness" of himself. He so desperately wants to be like everyone else.
He is not.

In fact, he was telling me that he was walking home and some kids were asking him if he were on drugs. He told them "No, I don't do drugs.".....but looking at him today; none of his stuff was in his bags. he is carrying everything separately. It still all weighs the same....and he looked like a bag person and struggling with it all he looked like he was on drugs.

The cuter half and I are trying to work with isn't easy.

Tonight is a low night for me. The boy was acting like he was 6 (at 6 he was better behaved than he is now) and he told us that one of his social workers told him that it is normal for kids his age to yell at and threaten their parents. Really? Normal where? Not in this house it ain't sweetheart.

The social worker got a phone call.

Then we were informed that it is acceptable for the boy to NOT do his homework and get low grades. OK here is the tough part. Special education in gen society = you are dumb.
Sorry folks, that is the bottom line and lowest common denominator. Most teachers of these kids THINK they are dumb.....they will deny it until the cows come home but they really believe the kids are dumb and the parents are stupid too....

IT is what it is. Most people in the gen world believe that special education means dumb. The little yellow school bus is for "retards" and that the kids are not normal nor do they have feelings.

NOW before you jump ship here. I don't believe that special ed equates dumb.

I believe everyone learns in their own way at their own pace.

FOR example, I am dumb at math. I admit it. I can't do geometry, trig, or algebra to save my sad little life nor can I fake it (I am amazing at Excel spreadsheets are things of beauty). At the age of 12 I read, and comprehended (I wrote a book report on it) Gone with the Wind. At that time I would read it once a year I liked it so much. By the time I hit HS I was reading Shakespeare for FUN....and got my own copy of the Canterbury Tales to get a good chuckle. I was reading Austin, and Bronte and anything else I could get my hands on......I had various versions of the Bible, and people that know me know my favorite version is_____________________ take a guess?

The boy, not so much. He is falling apart. Although we are aware he is completely stressed out. He has to work ahead because he won't have time after next week because of the ACT. The ACT is coming up really quickly....After a recent college night, he is not prepared to think about his future but he is prepared to scream at us like we don't belong and we are lower life forms.
Like most teens he blames us for absolutely everything that goes wrong. Oh, and guess what? we are tired of that too.

We are really done with the screaming part.

Going back to Temple Grandin, she once said that people in this position have to WORK harder and do more than anyone else. WE tell the boy that....and he flips a cork. But he does have to prove himself and work harder. No one is going to stop the world, change it so that he can do what he likes when he wants to. We don't get aides to help us in life. We have to do it on our own.
That's it.

Remember when our illustrious leader made rude comments about special education? Not an apology did the man vouchsafe. But even that shows that the pervading thought on special ed comes from the supposed highest levels of society.

The boy has to do it on his own too. Which part of that means being different than everyone else and being a little bit lonely. You learn to work with that part and appreciating that you see things differently......The worst of it is that we have protected him from the special education genre. We didn't ever tell him that other people would think he was dumb. WE have pushed him hard. WE make him work. We fight I tell people, "I won't take it from my 17 year old, I am not going to take _____ from you."

He isn't at a level to handle life yet. After a night like tonight I don't know if he will get there or not. Maybe he will. Maybe he won't......Maybe it is 10 steps forward and 12 steps back....and maybe there is something that will work for him. Maybe. That is the hard part. The not knowing anything for sure. It is killing me. I am so scared. What if....What if......What if...... (another sleepless night).

I should be in there helping with studying tonight.- I had to walk away. Just had to get out of the room. The pedantic voice was getting to me and my head is pounding and I just can't do it.....

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