Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The boy doesn't listen

the boy tells us we are jerks. He is very busy trying to be perfect and prove that we are the horrible people. So what else is new?

Now, wait a minute. Last night he almost got me in a car crash.....I am still not over that one.
tonight we are bad becuase the cuter half wanted him to move a table project that was drying out on the driveway....and yet we are the jerks becuase we expect him to hold his own.

Little does the boy realize that I got him to unload the dishwasher because I am waiting for my nail polish to dry. He is proving to me that he isn't a jerk. Basically out trying to manipulate his mother into doing what he wants me to do....but if i work this right he will end up doing the chores and other things I expect him to do without too much fuss and bother.

Burn out rate with the cute one and i is extremely high right now. Like with teachers who can walk away for a couple of years parents get burned out too. The difference is we can't walk away or pretend the Aspergers isn't there. Whether we like it or not we have to come up with ways of coping and teaching the boy how to cope too.

He doesn't listen.

I have told people for years that becuase he is disabled that means he has to work harder and try more. The boy doesn't want to nor does he feel like it. As I have told him I don't feel like doing your laundry so I guess I will stop and you can wash your own clothes..... the thing is, the people I have mentioned the try harder thing to basically disagree because it is EASIER to not be consistent, not force the issue and not make the effort.

the boy is still telling me how dumb girls are.....that crap is gonna stop or he is going to be sleeping in the garage.....

It is gonna be a LONG summer.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Don't touch the driver.

I mentioned this on FB today.

There are more details to the story, but the essence is that "the boy was in the car with me and was annoyed by a comment I made about only getting exactly what we reserved at the library and tried to make a grab at the steering wheel. We turned around and I brought him home. It will be a LONG time before I take him out anywhere alone. I am royally p-o'd."

When he was about 5 I stopped going anywhere alone with him. The boy refused to listen to me and it was not only dangerous it was outright scary if I took him anyplace without his leash set or alone. I know, what kind of horrible mother puts her kid on a leash. A mother that is concerned about a kid who will runs safety; that's who. My parents thought the leash was dreadful. Until the day they needed it and the boy was running after his Grandma and pulling his Grandpa along like a little sled dog....After that they decided that maybe I knew what I was talking about.
There were very few people that would go out with me and the boy when he was little. The cuter half was one of them....and very few others. I was wary about taking the boy anywhere and tonight's experience has brought me back full circle.....he has plenty of shoes and feet to walk....he can walk his sorry butt wherever he needs to go.

For today, these boots are made for walkin' and that's just what he'll do........
As I have told people, he is walkin'. I am not going to be the taxi service nor will I take him where he needs to go. God gave him feet and the boy will be using them. I absolutely refuse to get in a car with him again (or at least any time soon). It is going to be a LONG HOT summer and walking to the school to catch the bus and walking home....well it is going to be a lot of walking.

Ironically, tonight, this all started because he had a history project; find the inaccuracies in a historical movie. I had suggested a movie that I had seen before (Sinking of the Bismarck) and I knew that no one stateside had heard of....it is not one of the more common WW2 movies so I knew it would be available at the library.
The boy did not concur- he wanted to watch Forrest Gump (since when is that historical?). In fact, he was so pissed he decided that I didn't know what I was talking about because I am only a girl and girls don't know anything (set me off right there peewee).
The best part is, ALL the movies listed have been checked out. The boy didn't have a leg to stand on and I was able to grab the movie I recommended. We will be hard pressed to find inaccuracies, but I am pretty certain they are in there somewhere....all historical war movies have them in order to make the flow better.....it happens.

I mean, come on, I was a history major. I have watched more obscure war movies and propoganda than your average person and I have more details and more stuff on aspects of the war that my Daddy was a part of.

The basics of my topic tonight is a couple of things. I am pissed because the boy was being scary. I am angry because I thought we were gonna hit a tree and I am mad because HOW DARE HE TREAT ME LIKE THAT. Who does he think he is anyway? I gave birth to him and I am not putting up with crap like that. I am so mad I could spit.

He is gonna find out who he is....and cleaning litter boxes and walking his sorry butt to wherever he needs to go is going to make a MAJOR change in his cushy little life. The new refrain of "Call your dad for a ride home" is going to go over well too. The cute one will tell him to walk and don't forget your key.

The monosyllables the boy's Mom is giving him this evening is a new experience for him too. I have not given him a full sentence since I turned around and brought him back home.



Sunday, May 27, 2012

The Great Apes

The boy had a science project due. He decided to watch a program about the Great Apes.

Being the kind of parents we are we agreed but then he also wanted to watch something about migration and bird patterns....for 5 hours.

ARE you kidding me? 2 weeks before finals and the boy genius wants to start studying bird migration?

It's gonna be a LONG summer.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Academics mean a lot

Our expectations from a kid who was never supposed to talk, was going to be in theraputic day school until he expired and all that other crap were supposed to be minimal at best.

I will say ehre and now, I wish to GOD we never got that damned diagnosis. The reason is because MOST people have ZERO expectations of a kid on the spectrum.

I know, you have heard me say it before.

Guess what?

I am saying it again.

WE are gonna have a nervous breakdown over a class that the boy is in right now. This teacher is driving me literally crazy.....the notes aren't available, the IEP is being busted left right and center....and I am still trying to play ball and be fair. Yet I am writing emails, and tonight I had to flat out admit his class was driving me nuts.....like a drink every evening to calm down nuts.....It is so insane.....

You know what bucko? I could give a rats that you are going to be retired after this year. I am frankly hoping that my darling cuter half and I pushed you to the brink.....we have done it to doctors....you would be another chalk line on the blackboard. Yeah, I know, I am tough, I am mean and you know what else? I am tired out and I am still ready for round two when I tell my darling little angel that he has to make his own bed because I have retired from bed making in his room (where I am tripping over boxes and books....done with that party).

The boy is a smart cookie. He has been around the theraputic block once or twice, "I am stressed and overwhelmed." (staccato voce and drawn out vowels) With the dramacic sigh, don't forget. Mention studying for a test and we get darn close to water works....until I start teasing him and asking him about the Oscar he needed to be nominated for....then the dimples come out and the laugh and there you are....look at you....all stressed out and cracking up cause the old woman busted you....

Really? what part of the boondocks does this kid think I came from?

Oh and guess what babycakes? Daddy and I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. We know how to play your game and you are going to work your butinzski off and get good grades, You are capable of it.

The saving grace Mr Stinkerboy has right now is that he is smart. He is able to explain things that most people don't grasp.....the republican party used to be the democratic party and then both sides changed names....happened right around the Civil war. WHO KNEW? The boy knew....he talks about it in detail.

Don't get him started on the different groups and the Civil rights era....he has a whole thing on Martin Luther King....between him an Fredrick Douglas we could have the boy teaching a history class on that alone.

DO NOT write these kids off. Ours is doing everything he can to work his head off- naturally complaining and griping about his his parents the entire way.

Expectations are set high. We still don't have no basement for the boy to live in so he has to be able to manage without a bunch of help.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

working the systems at home.

Lately I have been hearing a lot about ownership.....we own what we do at work, good or bad. At home, and in life.

I had lived for many years with more regrets about missed opportunities, missed friends and lost items. A broken cappuccino maker, a busted gold chain.....I used to think that omens were in such things. I guess I was extremely superstitious....or just extremely stupid. Either way, seeing these broken things is kind of like seeing something that wasn't well cared for......if you take care of whatever it is you won't wonder why it got broke (wore out) or how it got busted (OOPS dropped it again).

As much as the cute one and I are tough....we do love our son. We are finding that we are tired. Kind of like the people who never take a day off of work. The burn out rate with families with kids like ours is really high. Teachers rarely last longer than a couple years. Which if you think about it.... that is kind of funny. Parents do it for life, but teachers don't and the teachers have the power to make a parents life extremely difficult. Esprecially parents like us.

NOW I am not saying that all teachers do that. I am just making a random observation. I found out today about an EXTREMELY helpful newsletter that isn't even making home to the families. I got several electronic copies. THESE aren't for the teachers....or assorted staff. THIS IS FOR THE PARENTS....so fork em over and give them to the people that NEED the information instead of keeping it or tossing it in recycling.

The boy right now appears to be a tad broken....not in the physical or mental sense but just off center. I have checked the barometric pressure and there seems to be some change....which means we are dealing with some issues that should have been DONE a long time ago.

I know, like the cute one said, "We have to hope...." and another friend mentioned that "If dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough." Being in my funk, both thoughts make me sad. I am truely afraid of both.....the hope and the dreaming.....not knowing what to expect means that my normal reaction is to grip the reigns and hold in. THis is a learned reaction though, when I was younger I would jump in with my laugh and both feet first.....now I am more apt to edge slowly to see what will happen.

I kind of miss the old way.

I don't know what the boy will be able to do or where he will go or what will happen....that is more than scary to me.


Monday, May 14, 2012

"We can't give up hope, because it is all we have got"

the cuter half told me that we have worked so hard so the boy can get a job at mcdonalds.

My God this is what we have come to?

A job at mcdonalds.

We have worked with the boy this long, this hard and we get a job at mcdonalds. I WON"T EAT THE FOOD THERE.....but this is the goal that we have.

WTF.

I know, I am in one of my funky moods. We have had a lot going on with just me physically and then we throw in a 3 year re-eval (torture in a smaller way), several things we HAVE to do.... a possible weekend thing for the cuter one and i and now we are having a job goal of Mcdonalds.

Talk about the proverbial kick in the damn teeth.

I feel like I have wasted time, energy and effort. It all seems so futile.

I am tired, frustrated and annoyed.
THe boy fights us at every turn; over the stupidist stuff....hygiene, classes late homework. Boys are such drama kings....Give me a break.
I thought girls were the dramatic ones....Not at this house...the boy is little Mr. Drama......"I don't do that well so I don't bother." He pulled that on his LA teacher today....fortunately the teacher didn't fall for it.


Neither do we.....

McDonalds? I don't think so.....


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

Hope all the Mom's have a lovely Mom's Day.

We have feasted like kings, as the boy would say and are off to enjoy the day doing things that I would like to do with the four of us.

Have a lovely day!

Friday, May 11, 2012

TGIF.



IT has been a long week.

I am thinking that there are other things I need to start doing besides writing a blog about living with the boy.
I am wondering if there is a futile-ness in trying to explain about a life that either people don't get, refuse to grasp or are in denial....Some of that makes me rather sad. I know, there are a number of you who would tell me to quit the blog....or stop writing because no one cares about what you are writing anyway and secrets are secrets (CODSWALLOP).

What started me on this was I was helping someone the other day manage an e-mail thing. It is very time consuming for them....it is getting out of control. Someone reported this person to a site and other pages because, although on some e-mail listings, this whiner was complaining that they didn't "KNOW" who the person was. Then I heard that someone else, was possibly banned from another page because they didn't grasp the page rules.

WHAT?

This is unnecessary drama. In fact, this would be the classic example of, "Get over yourself." If you got yourself on a list, you are on the list....OMG you might get asked to join up. OOPS. SO decline it and let it go. IF it bothers you that bad take the email address and block it or whatever alternative is available to you.
As far as the other thing goes, that is so far beneath me I don't even have another comment to make.

Did you know it is Mother's Day weekend? I didn't even realize it until someone gave me a card. This year it has kind of been one of those oblique holidays that I knew was there but didn't pay attention to....or forgot about. I think we are taking my Mom out to dinner, if she wants to go. I have no preference....this is one of those weekends where I don't really care what we do.....I want to hide under the radar and just be. I know that won't be allowed to happen.....but if I do what I would like to do I am going to later WISH I had gone under the radar....

OH and the other thing that got me today....I know, 3 things...amazing. We have dealt with the torture and horror of video games.

I hate them.

Seriously, I really do hate them.

The boy texted me, for a good part of the afternoon, then called me and then got after me when I got home.....about joining video game club at school. Guess what my reaction was? Don't know do you? A resounding, "No." Naturally, an argument ensued.....a screaming fit about what a terrible person I am and how awful I am and that I am not fit to live....you know, the basics. 
My reaction to the boy is not typical this time. I got in his face. I did. I am not proud of it....but it happened.
I did directly inform the boy that IF there is inappropriate behavior, yelling, screaming, threatening, carrying on, rudeness, physical violence, or temper tantrums of ANY nature I will make certain that there is NO such thing as a video game club that will me mentioned in my or his presence again.
As such, all of that has to be GUARANTEED that I will not have to deal with any of the above list and not come home to Mr Hissy-Fit.

The thing is....when video games are brought up to me....... it really pisses me off. I have explained WHY and HOW I feel about them. To the boy, you blog readers, the cuter half and to anyone that asks.....to the old social group we had. Everyone knows, or knew why I was so anti-video game....and what that means to the boy. Instead of support we get pressured to allow our son to play them....then more pressure when we don't have them available to play here.

Ironically, no one respects me enough to realize that my "NO" means  "NO". There is no respect by the boy or the people who used to argue with me and tell me that the boy would get used to the over stimulization that some video games inspire.....
My take is that if the boy hadn't gotten used to it the first time the over stimulization happened why should he do so now? Taking it away entirely is probably not the best or greatest move....but if I want Mr. Lazy-butt to get off his butt he can't be messing around all day or every day after school with video games. Besides that I am not about to deal with a meltdown that would put Mel Gibson (no link to it...I don't want to support it) to shame.

Give us History club, Mythology club, Foodie club, Mario Batali club, Taste of Chicago club, underwater basket weaving club, Gross stuff club ......ANYTHING but video game club.....

Thursday, May 3, 2012

we bought a new toy.

There are a number of people who we know that are great.

However, we are well aware that they think that we are a bit odd because we eat fresh veggies, cook at home and don't eat out. Frozen junk food doesn't even cross our doorstep (what is in it pink slime-EWWWW).
Martha Stewart once said that she didn't eat out and had never been to McDonalds. Why should we? We can make out own breakfast sandwiches here at home.....no chemicals....and no grease. You can taste the cheese, and meat and it is better and more filling than going to a fast food joint.



We have lowered our cholesterol, lost weight and eat better.....and we have a "make your own butter" feature on our bread machine......who needs a restaurant when you can do it all here and KNOW what is in your food and how it was made.

After the pink slime debacle in meat both the cuter one  and I are a little apprehensive about eating out. There are very few places we would want to go to (Palermos is one we like) but the others....well the verdict is out on that.

Being picky some say; well we are picky I suppose.

You know what? we are better off than some of the others that we know and we aren't eating constant greasy food all the time. The boy loves to eat junk....and hates being sick afterwards. He will end up in the bathroom for several hours after eating junk food.....it messes with his stomach that much.

There is something to be said for the gastrointestinal issues Aspies have. The boy has plenty and it is up to us to teach him the appropriate food choices. I hope he makes the right ones today....he is going on a field trip with a class and it seems to me that he is going to end up sicker than a dog if he eats the bad food that will likely be provided.

The bummer is that there are issues with eating the grease....he is still grasping the concept. My old rule is "When in doubt get a salad." There isn't much anyplace can do with a salad.....or do TO a salad.

I need to eat more salad.



Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Taking out the silver maple

We love trees.
We have several in our yard. Silver maples, a river aspen, a decorative lilac.....and lots of plants.

We experiment constantly.

We have to take out the silver maple. Last summer there was a tornado. It got our neighbors tree- hit ours, then hopscotched thru town.




We had more tree damage and issues than were anticipated.


Then we were lied to and taken advantage of by Care of Trees (Don't hire them-total rip off). WE have squirrel tennants in our tree....they are several large families of black squirrels living in an arm of our silver maple. Although they are charming (ugh) neighbors....it is time for the free tennancy to move to someone else yard.

This tree has to be cut down.....I will miss the shade. I will miss the BIG LEAVES and the protection from the sun beating down on our little house. There are only a few times I am OK with tree removal.


We looked closely today and there was major rotting going on, the branches in part of the tree are dead....there is more damage than is salvagable.

It is sad because both the cuter half and I love trees....the rings are historical.....I am wondering HOW many tree rings there will be on this tree. I am going to go look after we have the tree down and see WHAT this tree may have seen. It is an OLD one...the beauty of the trees are amazing....And yes I can wax eloquent because the decision has been made.

Although we don't know how many rings any of us will have....it seems that taking down a tree always seems like a traumatic and tragic waste.

We were discussing the tree removal in front of the boy this evening. He then announced that he was nervous about the removal of the tree. Our response was, "Well dude, what is better? To have a giant tree fall on our home or to have the tree (that is hollow) removed and we plant something else?"

All of this brought on a lack of using soap in the shower, "I forgot" - and the smell therein. I can handle little box, and even horse poop, body oder is too much for me. I couldn't even let the boy hug me...I wanted to gag.


I will miss my lovely old tree.