Thursday, June 28, 2012

Nora Ephron- RIP

"Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women." -Nora Ephron

I hope someday that this would be me, the Mom of the house.
Maybe not, as I am more traditional than most, but you know, there is a lot to be said for thinking outside the box and making people realize that true growth is by being uncomfortable where you are going.
I am uncomfortable and outside my element 90% of the time. I hope I am shaking things up a bit and maybe in my own way Nora would be a positive role model for myself and other women....

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

He doesn't notice

The boy seriously doesn't notice that he turns into little Mr Super-Jerk-Poopy-Pants when he plays video games.
The boy thinks we are twisted, mean, rotten and cruel for not allowing unlimted use of video games, Ipads, and other electronic devices.
Essentially it is call "Fantasyland" These kids dwell in it almost all the time. We are looking at a major meltdown because we took the Ipad away. The worst of it is, I am starting to feel like I am not using good sense with him....all this arguing about electronics makes me really sympathize with Madonna who doesn't allow it in her house. It makes sense and I am still Pissed that I let my cuter half talk me into letting the boy play those darned video games.
If i had my way we never would have wasted money on it.
Who listens to me, I am too old fashioned and what do Mom's know anyway.
I should know by now to stick with my gut and my gut told me NO video games. I didn't like them and I didn't want the boy to play them
Yeah yeah, would've, should've and could've don't mean anything.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Whether you like it or not

do not waste my time. You knew we were coming and what time we would be there. Our time is valuable and there are plenty of things we could be doing rather than waiting around for you to decide to show up for something that you supposedly wanted to do.

Oh and 17+ minutes wait time is more than adequate since this was your arrangement and your timeframe.

The boy has to schedule himself and that we have enough time for doc appointments and we go to see friends or the boy has company here.....we have daily things we have to get done and we don't have a ton of time to wait and play games.....missing us by only minutes makes you look a fool....there was no way you could have not passed us unless it was intentional.


The lack of time that a family like ours has is almost appalling. We go from activity to activity like a drill sergeant and his new recruits. Our weekdays are very busy; our weekends normally less structured but still active. We have things we like to do and people we want to see.

The above was written a LONG time ago. Naturally, I was venting and never finished it (probably a good thing). But really it comes down to having respect and good manners for the other people. Like in Divine Secrets, "How kind can you bear to be?" If you go someplace or somewhere it is merely polite to be where you said you were going to be. This is something we are teaching the boy; be polite, say "Please" and "Thank You". Help those in need and volunteer when you can....take the time and make the time and be ON TIME. Are we perfect at it? Heavens no. But we are not taking time and wasting time on things that we know we are not going to be able to handle.....

The boy is learning that this summer is all about timing.
Like the recruit; he goes from one location, to another to another to another then finally home. He works hard. He plays hard and he tries HARD to keep on the schedule and BE on time. There isn't a moment to loose and he has to work and keep things together to be successful. Recently I told someone that because he has a disability he is required to work harder and try more than anyone else. Although I get the impression that they don't agree, they are not the ones living with this NOR are they the ones dealing with the outcome.
MAKING things happen is something that has to be done. Once again, I will explain, the boy has a disability and since it isn't visible that means he needs to try more and harder. We push him to excell and he does remember what we tell him. (that is a shocker believe me)

For example, tonight he was driving the cute one and I home (my hair is turning white- thank God for hair dye); some ladies he knew saw him and were happy and laughing to see him doing something SO necessary. He has to drive....anyway, he told us that he thought when people were laughing like that it was at him. I explained that they were HAPPY to see him driving and that they thought it was wonderful that he would drive and make the effort to do so and practice. IT is a big deal. Then he said that he was remembering last summer and that he doesn't like it when people laugh at him because he is disabled and he doesn't "get it".

Then again, today I again had to express the importance of is hot here and he smells. He forgets to use the daily essentials and I had to go over the reasons AGAIN and why he has to use extra in the summer and it isn't a waste because we all need it and we are all hot, sweaty and nasty. There was a difference this time. I took him to his room, told him to rest and then told him that we were all smelly there wouldn't be one of us that would be able to stand it. So there is something to cover up the icky...and then we don't gross each other out as bad.

Then the cuter half and I made lunch for him and let him rest at home....the other thing is that he played video games for almost 2 1/2 days....non stop. He has been crabby, rude and a pain in the butt. This was not my choice, the cute one did this and I did not concur but I agreed. What we saw was a young man who was BORED and very cranky after  a day or so on the tiles of a video game deluge.

SO what does this have to do with good manners and timing?

A lot. Timing is part of time management and time budgeting. This is something we all have to do every day no matter what. If we are late for a job interview we are likely to not get the job (although in this economy unless you are selling your body to science you won't get the job anyway). If you miss an appointment you have to reschedule. If you are waiting for the plumber and decide to go get gas in the car and miss him you are out of luck that day. The list keeps going....and if you tell someone you are coming to visit and it is agreed to then that means both parties need to be where they are supposed to be. Keeping people on a string and waiting is ill mannered and rude.

Exactly the opposite of what we are teaching the boy....we don't want rude, smelly and ill mannered. That doesn't work at the office, store, bakery or restaurant or library or laboratory or anywhere. Ergo he has to work harder, try more and more than the average gen person.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Being appreciated

Most of the time it is nice to be appreciated. We all like being or thinking we are being appreciated by our family, friends and anyone we run across.

The boy has a problem with his perceptions of appreciation. Much of the time he tells me that if I really loved or appreciated him I would do absolutely everything he wanted 100% of the time. Not only did that remind me of some people I know it made me think several things. The most important was, " ARE you kidding me?" This sounds like several situations I have been in and why I refuse to allow the situations to happen around me any longer.....

I think that appreciation with the boy will start in small ways. I use myself as an example (not a perfect one so don't go there). I try to say thank you to the janitor, the waitress the vet tech, receptionist, ....the people with jobs I would rather not do.....and appreciate the fact that they are doing that job, doing it well and still seem to be pretty happy about it.

What I have noticed over the years is that most people don't appreciate much of anything.

I have heard that some people believe that there is a current age group that doesn't appreciate anything....although I don't know that to be true there are times when I wonder about the boy. People tell us he is nice and polite but get him home and he is a demanding, sometimes I assume that he is just being typical (it is all I have to go on so bear with me). Most of the time it is fleeting, like a ship that passes and then other times it seems to be a little more longstanding ( nagging about getting video game rights back -uh, NO).

With that in mind, teaching appreciation is kind of like teaching someone common sense or good manners. It is as simple as a please or thank you....or a good job. It can be as loud as a trumpet, or soft as a kittens greeting.

Sometimes things have to happen for you to feel appreciated....sometimes it is something at home, with family, or it is something that went right at work, or school. OR it is just having a kitten or a friend want to hang out with you.....for me right now it is a kitten sitting on my printer. Garfy is helping me write, and stop and pay attention to important things like him.

The other thing is being mature enough to know appreciation, good manners and resonable hygene. All of which needs done....and hasn't happened yet.

I know, give it time.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Animals and autism

Read/watch these stories- The sensitivity of animals is overwhelming. too bad people can't have the same insight.

Community Service Reminder: It is skunk season

This was written in 2004: it still applies
In the past 2 years my family and I have become well educated on the vermin called skunks. From April to

August of 2002 we had a family of 9 living in our backyard and under our home. Imagine waking up every morning to skinky smells and yucky mess in your yard. We used to swear that the skunk could tell time because she would spray at 5:30 AM every morning. EEWWWW.

What can be done?

Good question as skunks will travel a 5-8 mile radius and are prone to returning to their nests. If you decide to be “humane” to these little buggers and use the trap and release method; the skunks will come back to your home/nest and you are back at square one. According to our village hall you can contact an animal control company and they will assist you.


We did as we were told and hired animal control, they were helpful at first…. Then they became as desperate as we were. This skunk was filling the trap with dirt to get the bait…. Hiding her tracks when leaving or entering the hole AND throwing the sticks away so that we could not find them. Smart skunk, trap savvy skunk…. We started to think that she was smarter than the animal control people were. We did trap a baby and the Mom came to try and get it out of the cage… I will leave it at that, as it was not pretty. In fact the owner of the company came out and told us to use straight ammonia and spray it in the hole and around the property line (my pretty house and garden reeked all summer long). Imagine in the hot summer sun beating on ammonia… and add that to the oil in the skunk spray. There was no escaping the bad smells at any time unless we left.

We also used fox, coyote and dog urine to hopefully rid us of the pests (hot summer sun beating on skunk spray, ammonia and fox/coyote/dog urine). What I still wonder is how does a “city” skunk know what fox or coyote urine smells like? This home remedy was not effective either; and at the time other thought I had was how does one get animal urine for retail sale. Unrelated to the issue but still….

Traps…. Any kind of trap… we used them and also used dirty little boy socks, moth balls and ammonia… still tied to the railings at our front and back door stoops. Finally we were so discouraged and disgusted that we were being reckless. A skunk can spray 10 feet and if you are allergic (as I am; I found that out when I was younger) to the oil in the spray it can be fatal. We moved the trap to cover the hole and then waited…. Our adopted family returned to the comfort of the nesting place that night. Mom and babies were trying to move the trap to get into the hole… we were tapping on the sliding glass windows to scare them and they ran behind the air conditioner. Dennis came up with the idea of opening and closing the garage door. That did it…. A baby ran into the trap and Mom followed. The next day the animal control person removed 6 and then several weeks later 2 more were found.

Most homeowner’s policies will not cover the actual removal or the prevention; however ours did. I think that the underwriter was grossed out when he came to the door and the smell hit him as soon as I let him in the house (he backed up a few steps). During future prevention and clean up time we left the house to stay elsewhere. The house was “ozoned” for a week and a week later all of the carpets were cleaned. A week after that the interior was livable. On the outside for future prevention, the animal control people attached a screen to our patio. It is 6ft down and 6ft out. We can still plant over it and keep it looking nice.

Skunk smell will still set my family and I off… we were not overjoyed to be spending the month of August 2002 getting our house cleaned to remove the odor.

The homemade remedies do work to an extent but it is still wise to hire outside assistance. If there are skunks near your home use caution they are rabid if out during the day. According to the papers we had to sign we had to approve the termination of the skunks and the possible testing of rabies. Skunks are considered rabid by most villages and counties. You are not doing yourself or your neighbors a favor by letting them go after you trap them. As cute as they look they are wild and they are dangerous to children and pets.

Friday, June 15, 2012

NEW BLOG-Never Seconds

A great young girl has been writing a blog about school food in the UK. She is amazing. I am so proud of her and her ratings are very cool.
This  is what we have been talking about with good food, that is healthy and not the crap and garbage that kids usually eat.
The Telegraph did an article about this situation and the girl got in trouble but the council has now backed off and are not censoring her for rating school lunches any longer. THANK GOODNESS.

Read her posts about food, read the menu choices. Remember Food Revolution? Jaime Oliver's group? MAKE your own revolution at home and don't eat the preservatives, the crap and make food your own.

Geez we make our own can make all your own stuff too. GO FOR IT!!

Sunday, June 10, 2012


Isn't this just classic?

It is SO EASY to say yes and go with the best brightest funnest thing ever.

I love saying no.

The boy goes to resale stores, garbage picks and rummage sales. He finds great stuff and is happy to share with his friends if they are interested.

What is sad is when he asks me this question, "If I see someone who thinks my stuff isn't good enough I should just ignore them right?" Yes. He should try to ignore the negative.

His stuff is good enough.... his TV isn't new....his VCR is one he bought himself and owns outright. He paid for most of his personal possesions and the games he has collected. He doesn't need new....he is happy with what he has.

Although it is hard. I REALLY want to see a chiropracter for my neck pain.....we can't afford it. And you know what, it is reasonable that we cant' afford it. Me making an appointment to go was unreasonable and being stupid....that is what neck and back braces are for.
But seriously. half the problem most of the kids have are the kids who NEVER EVER hear NO. Or the one's who have gotten an award because everyone did. THOSE are the kids who have missed out, are not able to function and have to freak if someone tells them they are doing something wrong.

They quit too soon...I was taught to go back and do it over until it is done right. Same with the it over and do it right and man up and stop whining.

SAY NO- it is exhilerating....try it.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Doing some thinking.

Sometimes I beleive life gets away from us. Not like we have any control over a lot of things. I have determined that my actual control over things in this house means that I need to clean the litter boxes more frequently during the day.

I personally do  not believe that we weren't just chosen to have the kid that we have.....I think that we are in a situation that we were predestined for. Like us, people make choices and we have to stick with them....I think that because we have such a person that we are responsible for we have things we have to be/do better at and at least try harder to make it work.

Ideals are great in theory...I am not so great after a day of whinging about nothing to do and no friends to hang out with.

We, the cute one and I, have decided that living under the financial cut that we can makes things more challenging for us as a couple. Lately, I have not been a genrous soul and I have been getting angry and frustrated. More so becasue I am "marking time" and I hated doing that in marching band and I like it even less now.

Totally off topic here but I got a call today and right now I am gettting the impression that some people don't necessarily appreciate the frugality the cuter one and I employ. IT isn't that we are "mean" (old-fashioned meaning btw-
  1. Unwilling to give or share things, esp. money; not generous:
only that we have chosen to try things out a little differently. We are doing garage sales and recycling....we are looking at rain barrels and composting...although we haven't started either yet. Frankly the rain barrels we see have gone thru the ugly forest too many times. I don't know if there are pretty rain barrels but if you know of one please let us know....we need to get the rain to save on water for the garden.
The other thing we have learned is that inherently we are pretty old fashioned in how we think. Maybe it was being brought up by older more than than the cuter one, Not that the princess (my Mom) is really old. She would smack me one if I had ever said that to her. But things were different when I was a parents were strict. It was fine- I survived it.

For example, this week, we were not amused (wouldn't it be fun to say, "one was not amused")
with a teacher changing the date of his final and then throwing together a second part because he was lazy and got busted. IN fact when we mentioned it to another teacher (a college professor no less) we were told that he wanted a day off and was being lazy and getting paid for not working.....this teacher's remiss attitude caused our son to get a C on his final....when the boy could have gotten a better grade....and yes in this case I blame the teacher who didn't feel like working thru his last bit of finals. The sad thing is, this is what the voters and general public remember. We don't think about the teachers that are doing it because they like it (or the good ones we had at school)....we think about the ones counting down the days to retirement (unlike the 87 year old who recently retired)....we think of the teachers that don't want to be there....and are unable to put on a good show or pretend- these are the people that were teaching our kids.

Lately, (more off topic, the other thing I have been thinking about is my writing. I have fallen down a lot this year. Some of it is just being too tired to think about what to write. The cute one and I have dealt with a  lot of growing pains in this house. From dealing with people who have made fun of the boy at an event to the inevitable regular meltdowns he has had and reliving it regularly (which then pisses me off all over again because we are stuck dealing with it)...then there is my infamous line of, "If I haven't given birth to it I don't have to put up with the crap." I have tolerated a lot of crap from the boy. More than a lot.

IT has worn me down. I also don't like to think about things or what to write about. The boy is now a young adult now with a still saddens me that there are people who will never accept him. Those that refuse to admit that Aspergers is a part of his life that the Aspergers most likely will not go away....
He did surprise me though; from what he tells me he has eliminated a number of those kinds of people out of his life....He did that one totally on his own. I had nothing to do with it. Yet he is still a child in some ways....liking his Anime and his children's books.....he will learn that there is a time and place for that stuff. I still read children's stories when I am stressed out or need to "shut the mind off". Maybe that is why I am such a Harry Potter takes my mind off things.

Yesterday we sent him to the library to get some books and pay a fine. He did it all himself. This is something he should have been doing at a much younger age but we didn't push it with him; at the time we had MUCH bigger fish to fry. Now we tell him to go take care of it and text us when he gets home. He has to be independent and he has to drive. Driving has taken a ton of work for him but we didn't let him go get his license right away. The insurance wasn't the real issue. The decision making and the lack of maturity was. The Aspies all have it.....both the inability to make a mature decision at 15-18 and the lack of maturity. Doesn't matter that you think your kid is mature. More than likely you want him to be mature and they really aren't. The cute one and I were like that for a long time and only recently learned to slow down and work at a different pace.

The other weird part is that we did make him take another summer class. Checking the boys transcript, he really didn't NEED this class to graduate, but to go to a four year college he needed another art class- ergo we signed him up. Fortunately this will qualify and he will have almost all the art classes he needs....I think we might be one semester short. When thinking about it I never had to be concerned about Art. I had band, and in band that was counted as Art so I didn't have to go looking for other creative programs. Being in sports and insisting upon having a study hall and wanting to graduate ON TIME....he has to have summer school. There are so many complications for him so much to do....and time goes so quickly.

After all this ranting, really, for us, this is the first day of summer. We have slept in, watched a concert and seen a movie. I am wondering what else the summer will bring us.....

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Psyched out

The boy is so STRESSED out.

we are pushing him. So the new normal is that he has to do everything himself and we don't help, offer advice explain or tutor him.

the cuter half is quizzing him is a tough class and I am hoping he gets a decent grade on this set of finals. It has been a tough year.

now do we have him stay or do we go? neither of us can quite make out what to he ready to move on? that is the big question.
The thing of it is, well, it doesn't seem like there is much more for the district to do for him.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

finals week

nuff said.

the boy thinks he is special and shouldn't have to study. He needs to get the rocks out of his box and get off his fanny and do some work.