Wednesday, April 15, 2015

the drive home from work

Today's post is about the drive home from the boy's internship. He had called and was walking home but requested a ride because he was hungry (running late and left w/out b-fast) and felt kind of yucky. I made a RARE offer to take him to Starbucks as he was in need of a muffin and I thought a rare decaf mocha would be a nice treat since things have been accepted as part of the new realm around here (he is living in a sort of purdah- things are tightly monitored and controlled - he has to earn our trust again).

We were talking about people who were disabled. Some who have become famous and how they handled what they decided to do for themselves. There are so many wonderful people; he mentioned Dr. Stephen Hawking. I thought he made a good choice there.

Then I asked him, "Do you know who Susan Boyle is?" Have you seen her first video on Britain's Got Talent? If not I will include a link here:  I have found this to be totally inspiring - I first saw it at the LH where Princess lives. We were in the lobby watching it on the computer with the other residents. Tears just rolled. Susan's talent is overwhelming. It still brings me to tears to see how much she is able to do with her music. Absolutely wonderful.

Anyway the boy was asking me who inspired me to do more. I told him, "Susan Boyle" then I asked him if he knew who she was and why I thought she was so wonderful?  I explained, "It is because she has DONE MORE than what was expected. No one expected her to do much of anything and she made the choice to take herself out of where she was and make MORE of herself."

The boy is in college and wants to be MORE. He is trying so hard and yes there are times when he blows it (with exceptional talent and in a big way too) and you know maybe the cute one and I should have given up on him years ago. At one point he pleaded with us to help him be more. He still tells us we work him too hard and push him; but think about it - most of the people he is acquaintances with don't do more. Maybe one class a semester, maybe not, or maybe once in a while.....there is no pushing, no goals, no spoken dreams and whatever happens will happen.

Being More: this is a total state of mind - for those who are not exactly esoteric that means that you are doing so much more than what is expected of you - sometimes being nothing and doing less is just easier than going out and kicking ass.

I have to believe that Stephen, Temple and Susan would agree that being MORE is better than being less. It is what I believe and I wish the expectations of others would mean that the kids on the spectrum can DO MORE than what most people expect. Pushing the envelope- raising the bar- wearing jeans and khakis and no sweatpants (except in gym) Being MORE.

It is easier to not do it.
Hell yes, why stress, why push, why do?
Because when the karma, shit and all the other stuff hits the fan and we are asked why we didn't try harder I will be damned if I am asked that question. I will not be the parent of the kid who didn't TRY to make their kid MORE. OUR kids only reach as far as they are pushed. I am disgusted and disappointed with these gen schools who lump all our kids together and then work to the lowest common denominator. I have heard it way too many damn times and it is time now for parents to quit supporting these lower expectation losers.

So assholes, you want to raise taxes, and have us pay more? Rock on and you know what? MAKE YOUR SCHOOLS get off their lazy asses and make these kids work. Where would we be without Einstein,. Hawking, Edison, Grandin, and all the rest? Ford, and Jobs, and the others who think outside the God-damned box?

Where we are now. With our American kids not able to be hired for jobs that require advanced math and using the brains they have for something more than what they are doing or taking the easy way out.

So yeah, it's hard and as parents of a kid like mine we are bone weary tired. SO effing what? We still have to work with our kids because society will NOT change for them. OUR kids can be MORE and do MORE and STRIVE FOR MORE only if we hold them to the standards that our schools are miserably failing at.

Be like Susan. Be MORE.


Friday, April 10, 2015

I am so exhausted I don't know

 .......applesauce from baby shit.

Anyway, a friend of mine tells me that this blog is so effing awesome it makes him pee his pants..... I am not sure why but I think that is just the funniest damn thing I have heard today.

($.50 to the swear jar)
Actually, this being so funny shows how really exhausted I am.

There is so much serious going on with life. So MANY people we are worried about- family, cousins, princesses, fur babies....Master Berticus is sleeping in a warm spot almost constantly and is very un-athletic these days. I am worried about his lethargy.
And yes, I will tell you all about the cats, the boy and the cute one and I but I don't dish on family stuff unless it is directly related to us....ergo all you need to know is that we are concerned and thinking about a number of people who are very important to us.

Since I am not dishing on that we are moving onto another topic:
The boy is doing a lot of writing these days. I have said that he has a semi-colon issue and problems with commas. The other big thing is the use of the word "also" paper had 13 "also"'s in it. "Also" over-use is a big problem. I told him I would charge him for every "also" - a nickel a use....and it got up to over $2.00 when I finally edited the last paper.
His writing is improving. He is getting much better- although thesaurus use really needs to be improved upon. He has full, complete ideas; it actually is fun to see.

Recently the boy was working on a project about defining autism. As I mentioned to my friend- an Aspie's take on autism....this is great stuff. I was so excited - he went to the library (he does this a lot) AND he brought home 2 Temple Grandin books and a book about autistic cats. THIS IS NOW GREAT STUFF. Dr. Grandin (yes, I know I don't use titles but this chick has earned it so she gets to be CALLED DOCTOR) has really made an impression. I, in fact, read all of her books when the boy was diagnosed. and let me tell you this is like talking to a friend you haven't seen in a while. Kind of like being comfortable in old shoes and blue jeans.....affirmation.... Parents should have expectations and teach good manners......yeah this feels great. It has been MUCH too long since I had any affirmation and I know MY cute one feels the same way. The boy on the other hand took out what he needed for his project and has moved onto the next piece of work.... the autistic cats....which is cute and seriously we all need more autistic cats... he relates but as the boy tells me, "I get uncomfortable thinking about all this stuff. I would rather fix it or do something important to help other kids learn to get into their untapped potential."

Since I am now even more than tired (my eyelid is twitching so I am either over tired or whacked out on caffeine).... my friends chuckles made me laugh and then promptly wore me out. So for an incomplete ending to what I was talking about I am going to include a bunch of Dr. Grandin quotes:

Autism is a neurological disorder. It's not caused by bad parenting. It's caused by, you know, abnormal development in the brain. The emotional circuits in the brain are abnormal. And there also are differences in the white matter, which is the brain's computer cables that hook up the different brain departments.
I would never talk just to be social. Now, to sit down with a bunch of engineers and talk about the latest concrete forming systems, that's really interesting. Talking with animal behaviorists or with someone who likes to sail, that's interesting. Information is interesting to me. But talking for the sake of talking, I find that quite boring.
I'm a visual thinker, really bad at algebra. There's others that are a pattern thinker. These are the music and math minds. They think in patterns instead of pictures. Then there's another type that's not a visual thinker at all, and they're the ones that memorize all of the sports statistics, all of the weather statistics.
Normal people have an incredible lack of empathy. They have good emotional empathy, but they don't have much empathy for the autistic kid who is screaming at the baseball game because he can't stand the sensory overload. Or the autistic kid having a meltdown in the school cafeteria because there's too much stimulation.
If you start using a medication in a person with autism, you should see an obvious improvement in behavior in a short period of time. If you do not see an obvious improvement, they probably should not be taking the stuff. It is that simple.
As you may know, some of the stereotyped behaviors exhibited by autistic children are also found in zoo animals who are raised in a barren environment.

This one touches home way too much:
Autistic children are very difficult to take care of, especially severely autistic ones. When I was 4, I had almost no language; when I was 3, I had none at all.

One big question that's come up is: Has autism increased on the mild side of things? I don't think so - they've always been here. Some of this is increased detection.

It's much more work for the mother of an autistic child to have a job, because working with an autistic child is such a hassle until they go to school. (Yeah - been there done that and its a bigger hassle because then you can deal with the daily afternoon phone calls those are a joy to last forever)

I was expected to sit at the table, learn how to eat properly.




Thursday, April 2, 2015

April = Autism awareness?

I don't know this person but she is right.  
I despise this month too. 
I despise that my son was so nervous today he has been calling me "Mommy" all day.  

I despise the ignorance and intolerance he deals with regularly.