Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Taking the easy way out this evening: Social issues and Teen Aspie Boys

Several years ago I wrote the below blog post about social issues and teen Aspie boys. Thankfully, some things have changed- some things haven't but social issues and Aspergers is a continual problems for the kids who have it and the parents who are trying to help with it. I will say that at the point the below was written it was pretty much the final straw with us going to almost any church/religious thing for quite a long time.
 
Since the below occurance we have slowly started "churching" again.....at very snail's pace or slower- fear of joining in anything is big with us right now. That and we are just too tired to give a damn.

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Tonight I am frustrated. According to the boy I am frustrated ALL of the time. Some nights more so than others.

The boy, we thought, had met a potential friend at an outing. Age to us is pretty irrelevant. But I understand that this kid's parents are concerned about the age difference. We know a lot of people with kids of different ages....kids on the spectrum and not. Age is age; merely a number.

Tonight, however, I am feeling like my son has done something horribly wrong. It is unlikely that I will be allowing him to go out with this group except at a certain location and not with the younger kids. What did the boy do? He expressed an interest in a card game and found a mutual interest that this other person had. It is understandable that the parents are concerned- who wouldn't be- Aspergers is like leprosy to most people. Me, being the moron that I am, I was honest about it and mentioned it when I should have NOT said anything about Aspergers. I often forget that there is a social stigma/prejudice about others who are different.

However, contacting my son, leaving a message that the parent did and making it sound like my kid is a horrible person because of his Aspergers is stupid. This parent and his son were on the phone- like I am going to let my son talk to these two morons....telling me that their kid didn't remember meeting the boy....um that is a problem because how did the boy get your number....we don't have access to random phone numbers....at this point I think the parent and their kid both have major issues (too many cartoons). From what the boy told me the kid was there with a sibling, and the parent tells me the kid was there with 2 girls.....whatever. They were with the same group and went to a movie and had a dinner discussion the next night. Maybe if the parent had listened to me in the first place he would realize where these two kids met. According to the youth director both kids were at both things that weekend. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

Maybe there is something so inherently wrong with me and cuter half that we were really not that upset about it....maybe we should have freaked out a little more.

What we saw was that my son tried to make a friend, to be nice to another kid who looked bored......it seems like it is the parents that have the issues and their kid gave out his number....maybe their kid is in trouble. Hard to say. I understand, but it doesn't mean I have to like it much.....and it also means that there were some actions taken to protect my son after this happened.

Besides explaining that  the boy is not allowed to talk to anyone younger than he is....he is not allowed to talk to girls, he is not allowed to talk to the boys, he is not allowed to express interests, he is not allowed to talk about emotions, he is not allowed to question nor is he allowed to try to make friends.Quite a list. OMG - According to the parent that left me a message tonight maybe I should lock the boy in the damn cellar and leave him there.

On my end, I ended up contacting the director and asking what was going on and if the boy had met this other kid and what happened. The director confirmed that they had met and what happened- they saw a movie with the group and then were at a discussion dinner the next night. I called the parents back and left a message telling them what the director told me.

I asked the director to call the parents and confirm it....maybe he will, maybe he won't. Which is to be expected. It isn't like we are anyone important in this group...we attend sporadically and the boy goes when he can but not regularly. Oh and we don't donate enough to this or any church make a difference - they have to take that up with the cuter half though. He has the budget and money if there is any.

Explaining to the boy what the problem is, well that has been weird. We told the boy the parents are being responsible because the boy is so much older and although people have the same interests and age differences as adults are not that big a deal it kind of is a big deal at his age. The parents are doing the same kind of thing we would have done and are being responsible.
So the rules are what we mentioned above- "He is not allowed to talk to anyone younger than he is....he is not allowed to talk to anyone but the director of the group, he is not allowed to express interests, he is not allowed to talk about emotions, he is not allowed to question nor is he allowed to try to make friends or be polite to strangers."

Although we didn't mention this part, we think it is likely the kid figured out "who" the boy is and this is his way of getting out of being friends. Which is a garbage way to do it but typical for a younger teenager. Since we are pretty much done with this particular situation- There is one thing that should be stated: We think the parents should not allow their undiagnosed spectrimite to hand out their phone number; but that is up to them.

This is way more drama than I want to deal with and another reason I normally stay home from certain activities. I told the director that this was more drama than I normally would tolerate and I was tired of it already. Just one more thing not to let the boy go to. Great.

OH and so you know, MY SON HAS ASPERGERS- HE ISN'T A PERVERT. If you think he is then it is you with the problem and your mind is in the mud/gutter/shit-hole or whatever. Keep your prejudices and other issues away from us please we have enough to contend with on our own.


Monday, May 18, 2015

Skeptical

As a parent of a special needs kid/young adult there are times when I am skeptical of others motives.

The others could be other students, parents, people, cats dogs and what-have-you. In fact, there is a Mr. Robin-busybody who is trying to build a nest near our backdoor light. At first I thought it was funny, but after a while, and a good dose of "Critter Ridder" (eau de pepper spray) that finally convinced the robin to move along.

I do NOT intend to be skeptical. This malady seems to be one of those pesky things that has been put upon me. I wonder at some peoples use of terms, or lack of compassion for those who are disabled. I really hope those people have karma bite them in/on/up their ass. Which really is not a generous thing for me to say....but then there are times that I am too tired to feel generous to those who have not been generous to others than themselves.

Usually when I think of the word "skeptical" I start humming the Wicked song, "Popular" for some reason those two terms seem to run hand in hand with me. Which may explain my current state of mind. I am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I am working and enjoying my new job, however it is really physically demanding and usually I am hobbling  to my car and in the door at home by the end of the day......it seems like I want to really consider some things but I am just too damn tired to care.

The boy, cuter half and I have been kind of having a tough time getting along. We are having some respect issues and there are a number of other problems that seem to be coming down the pike. Although we are unsure of what is coming in the next year or so we are trying to be positive (through our constant state of exhaustion) and using our time a little more proactively. The boy decided to take some classes online this summer. He had success in the spring and fall with online classes and he finds his concentration is better as well as his grades. He feels that he misses social interaction but at this point he is wanting to get done with school and "never return".

He is always wanting to learn something... he has been reading his textbook for a class he is taking and his comment tonight was that it was "much more detailed" than he remembered from prior classes. He is working on any number of things at home and helping around the house. I started the listing it out thing again and now including making the boy's own meals. He is also in charge of laundry, cat feedings (during the day if needed) and cleaning his own room (debatable).

I am just too blasted tired to know/think/wish what will happen with the boy.