Saturday, July 24, 2010


It is quiet here. The cats aren't even fighting.


Reviews happen when you are working, many times annually. When you are a parent, well reviews happen when things are quiet.

In our house it hasn't been quiet for about 3 years. When our son was almost 13 he decided not go see his bio father anymore. From what I know, this was a long process. It was planned by my ex, and it was painful. My son went thru a lot. We don't know, but we believe that there was a lot of negative stuff going on. Our son decided that being there was too hard, and he was tired of always being at fault for things he didn't do or wasn't aware of. He reviewed his options and opted out of going through the pain of being in a place where he wasn't wanted and he didn't want to be. He chose and we supported his choice.

Now he is growing up.

The maturity level he showed at the time was BEYOND his years. He had the wisdom to know what to do and how to get out of a bad situation. He was/is strong and very intelligent. Most people don't see him that way. In fact, many family think that he is not that bright, we push him into things he is not ready for and that he isn't going to make it.

They are wrong.

I have thought a lot about this recently, more so since my son decided to go to camp. He has never been to a camp before, this is new. He never had the opportunity to try this kind of thing when he was younger, and he decided that he wanted to be there for his personal growth. His personal growth began when he was younger and made that tough decision for himself. How many gens could do that? From what i have seen and the ones that I know: none of them would have the endurance or the backbone to make a decision to not see a person for themselves. I am not down on gens. I am just pointing out that many of them have had it pretty easy. The tough decisions are made when you are told 'NO" more than you are not.

When my son was younger, I was told "No, he can't do that" more times than i could count. Many times I told the person saying it to "Stuff it". SOmetimes I didn't. Most of the time I did. Reviewing this area of life, well, I guess one could say I am a tough ole broad, but really it comes down to having faith. You don't have to like it, but in our view, since our son has a problem, we have had him in church and itis a case like his old bio teacher said, "Look at what God can do."

My husband and I were drawn to a place that frankly, I had avoided for years, purely because I listend to my Dad and believed what he told me. It wasn't a bad place, just not somehting my Dad thought was right (too big and too much $$). Sadly, my Dad's information on it was slightly faulty. Not thru his own decisions; just fromt he people he believed to know what was going on and they weren't necessarily right. this was what held me back. I was suspicious. I was reserved (for me that is a stretch).

Slowly, things started happening. our son wanted to go to church. He wanted to go. I was thinking he was sick. He wasn't. He was hearing and experiencing things he never had before. This was amazing to me. My husband was surprised and we started opening windows where the doors had been shut. Our lives were slowly being re-arranged and there was nuthin' we could do about it. It worked for us. We are not in charge of much of anything, I have no control over much around here. As Bill Cosby once said, "I have seen the boss' job and I don't want it."

I don't know what camp will bring, I don't know how he will be when he gets home. I do know that he is safe, in a good place and I pray having the time of his life.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Writing without focus

I am unfocused.

It is true, I am, and I am tired and worn out and pooped or whatever you want to call it.

We have packed a lot into the summer. Not by choice though. I can say I was THRILLED yesterday afternoon having to take the boy to the doc and the doc cancelled. The bad side of me wanted to know if I got a refund because she cancelled only 2 hours prior to the appointment. The good side of me said, "Great, now I can take a nap."

Our boy has been in credit HS classes all summer. this most recent one is a disappointment. My son is worn out, he is tired from working so hard, he got an A in the photography class. (I still need to scan the pictures) and he was getting a D+ in a pass/fail class. Anything below a C is failing when you do that BTW. Being this focused, on his classwork is draining. I am frankly exhausted. So being so blooming tired why am I up so late?

I saw something bad, sad and it made me mad. A mom harmed her 2 autistic children because she wanted regular kids and not austic ones. Tragic, and terrifying. How could anyone hurt babies? Well, they weren't exactly babies, but they were little kids. Being the parent of an Aspie or any other kid is tough. We have a lot of work to do, not just socially, but mentally, physically and perception-wise. Put this on a person with minimal support from family, community (NOT SCHOOLS, their church or neighbors) and you are looking at a pretty tramatic situation. It is not up to everyone to step in, but when you are looking at possibly underpriveleged families, a difficult situtation and then social issues. It is a lot to handle.

We fould our salvation (spiritually, mentally and physically), really, at church. My cousin's church in KY started cleaning us out spiritually (we were there for a wedding), then we got home and started going to a new church, then did the baptism and the went up from there. It sounds like it went faster than it really did... this process took YEARS. we had to be ready to WANT the support. I, myself, had to overcome my feelings and deep rooted beliefs and then to be ready for all of us to want to be there.... it wasn't an overnight process.

I think we are all scared. I am, my husband is, and my son is trying to learn to understand what general society expects from him. We regularly bust ourselves trying to keep up with the latest information, reports and studies. I will be honest, there are VERY few things I have read recently. Not because of a temp job, but because they are not relevant.

Parents like us are overloaded with information, negative people and the ability to not see a light at the end of the tunnel. Kids are the light. My boy, even when he has problems, breaks something, scares himself (and me) and we learn and MOVE it on up. This week ahs been tough, but tolerable, and he has learned athat if I tell him to finish the project early that means he can do the reports or whatever and then make corrections in the classroom during the day. At least it is started at home; and it makes the day go faster but he has to work his butt off. (FYI- He went from a D+ to a B)

Most of the time, my social comes from FB. during the day when I am looking for work, or being a slug, I am on here wasting time and trying to numb my brain from stress. It is easy for me to get on here, relax and not worry. Lately, I have been worrying, not blogging and just reading tripe and junk and trying to find my way. I know WHAT I need to read and what I need to do, and don't. maybe from fear, or lack of understanding or whatever.

Or maybe the downtime is just needed and I need to stop letting people get me down. I need to NOT respond to people who have issues with being condescending. I have to be back at forgiving myself for not being generous and understanding that those people may have it much worse than I do, and my son is like a Renoir sketch, and a beautiful work in progress. My life is not perfect, nor would I want it to be, I know I would get bored. My husband and I have each other, MANY blessings, marvy friends and a real place to go where everyone knows your name (NOT the "Cheers" bar).

Like I said in the begining, I am unfocused...this has been hither and yon. I think it is time to grab an orange cappucino, some granola a tripey book and hit the showers.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

delicate little flowers

There are times when my son is what I call a "delicate little flower". He is being extra touchy, or annoyed with me about something. Not that this is a bad thing. I do get on him about homework, school and his activities.

Lately, I am finding that I am going back to my old tendencies of living with regrets/ I wish I had, I thought I should, I don't know what I did this time. All of which may stem from living with a child with autism. Parents in this situation have a larger tendency to second guess themselves and we are more likely to be blunt to the point of courseness. I bring this up because a friends comment reminded me of an episode with one of my son's old doctors.

This was an appointment that was hard to keep. I had to take him in regularly, and basically take the day off of work and pray that I might actually get to see the doc I was supposed to see. Most of the time I would sit in the lobby for a minimum of 4 hours. Then another couple in the room and then to hear, "Have you looked into homes yet?" The night she asked me to come back in 2 months, I had been there almost 8 hours. I was with my son, and he was running rampant.... I was a mess, trying to figure out what to do about everything and getting the run around from the staff. Finally, I broke. I laughed at her for a good 20 minutes. I couldn't stop. She had no idea how tough it was to make an appointment, then to go and have to sit until she got to see us, then to tell us to come back? Good grief.

Several months later she retired. As I have mentioned to others, I hope my outburst had something to do with it. She should not have been diagnoising kids with her lack of information and background.  I later heard that there was a class action lawsuit against her because of her erroneous diagnosis. She did it to us and MANY others and my son still thinks he would like to join in. As he told me the other day, "Mom. if you had listened to her, what would have happened to me? Where would I be? What would I do?"

I wish I had an answer for him. Sadly, I wonder often how many people did listen to her?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Escaping technology

Have you ever wondered what we did without constant communication?

After working an intense temp job recently, my husband decided that my son and I needed to be tech free for a few days. Not  a bit of access to a computer. Nada, and no cell phones, video games or FB or anything.

So what did 2 techno geeks do w/out their forms of communication. Well the boy fished, ALOT. I worked on a wedding sampler that I have been designing using antique sampler patterns. Oh and we went someplace where cell signals don't work. Am I eager to get back to techno. Well, NO I am not. I would rather not deal with the fallout. I am also not telling people, unless I know they will worry, if we are gonna do it again.

We had real conversations with our 15 year old Aspie. He looked out the window, fell asleep in the car and got bored (NO!) and helped with 3 sick kitty cats. He was a typical for just a little while. He expressed real opinions and concerns (Even though one was about missing History Dectectives). I was informed of something he wants me to do.... or at least look in to.

OH THE PLACES YOU WILL GO; w/out the IPOD, computer and video games.