Saturday, March 9, 2013

Working on scholarship essays.

The boy is working on scholarship essays.
This is a part of life the cuter half and I have never thought he would be doing. It is challenging and requiring and enourmous deal of thought. More so because we have to talk through the details then the boy writes out what he wants to say and how he believes things should be done..
These essay questions make me think of something a friend posted on FB about people who post every detail (I am guilty of doing this) - Marcel Proust: "It's so dreadful to think that in every trivial little thing you do, some one may be overlooking you." The things that we may believe are trivial are of sublime importance to someone like the boy.

I wail and moan about the picky parts of the boy....you know, when he is stuck on something or unable to process the whys and the wherefores.

We have been doing a lot of trivial stuff these days. Going over old issues, talking about friends and who means what and why this could be important. Cleaning out the mental attics. Which, really when it comes down to it is posting every detail as Proust decries. However, in another quote by Proust he also says, "What a profound significance small things assume when the woman we love conceals them from us."  So for the boy, what is worse, going into these details or not bothering with scholarship applications at all. The cuter half and I decided that doing the applications themselves would be good for him. The boy needed the extperience and needs to be like all the other kids by doing this kind of thing.

I think it has reflected on the cuter half and I. The cuter half has, to some, retreated into the television programing part of things (he likes The Big Bang Theory- it reminds him of the boy and he thinks its funny). I on the other hand have run to FB, like a friend I haven't heard from in a long time. Possilby the cure for stress, bordom or loneless of a mom of a kid like mine. Maybe this kind of life is too intense for some people. Regularly I hear about how "real" this blog is and how some people can't read it becuase of the reality and everything I discuss here. We have gone from study habits to mastrubation. I think it is too instense for me.

I never ever dreamed that pushing the boy as we have would have resulted in him wanting to be more. Wanting to go to college. Being nervous about growing up, getting his drivers license, getting a car.....living a life. That is all we wanted for him really and honestly, it scares me to pieces. I have, I am, panicking about what the boy is going to do. All the things the doc told us would never, ever, ever happen are here. NOW. Happening.



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Organization equation

Aspergers+Organization= 0 Ability and giant mess

'Nuff said.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Creative Banality

"There are times when being creative makes you sound like a moron.".
That is one of my better lines. I have a few proud parenting moments (sarcasm here).

We were having what we like to call a "discussion" in the car today. The boy was on his way to a serve for his school club and was irate and complaining. "I will be bored, I will hate this I don't want to."...and on and on about how creative he is and how no. Fighting him is futile. He will yell on and on that he is creative and the cuter half and I are as boring as dirt.....but then it is the same boring creativity that he claims he has.....so his argument really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Sorry, there is only ONE truly creative person (artist who wrote her own illustration book) I know....No make that TWO (creates awesome jewelry that I wear all the time)....and he is not either of them. WAIT, make that THREE- my cousin who makes awesome cat toys....Trouble still plays with his catnip carrot and loves it. OK so 3 no 4- my sis in laws- one who painted a flower painting for our bedroom and the other who remade cushions for my grandmother's chair....OK now I am up to 5 truly creative people.....(we are an artsy couple....after I post this I know there will be more). My two song-birds who sang at the cuter half and my wedding...so now 7 truly creative people...wait, 8 my buddy's gf who is a clothing designer.
Alright, there are more, but if I missed you that means you are reading this and can add yourself at the bottom in the comments.

Back on topic, I had told the boy that in HS there were plenty of people who really thought they were really creative but instead they were boring and sounded like morons. They were attempting to out create each other but there were very few people with a really creative bone in their body.

I think it hit home.

He is always trying to come up with what he thinks is interesting creative conversations that are just really dumb. I know, and I am his Mom. I shouldn't be saying that should I? Well I am. Some of the creative stuff is not in fact creative- it is not even a thought process to get into something else. It is just plain stupid.

After his hissy fit he calmed down. I took over the car conversation and disallowed further negative comments and told the boy that he was to be quiet and look out the window. Hence the cuter half and I started discussing a house we had seen (looking for our home when we got married) while driving past one in particular. Then discussed a prior conversation.....it was all low key. The boy was still pissy but got out of the car and went to his serve.

I think that there are some conversations to be best had in the car.

I think if the boy actually was creative he would be coming up with something that would be part of his interests in the kitchen. For example, when I had pneumonia, he was trying to make me better with his kitchen cures. I swear some of the cures were gonna kill me....but he was TRYING to be creative. THAT is what he doesn't get. There is real creativity and then there is banality. Attempting to force banality into creativity is akin to working yourself into a Dadaist mentality (Dadaist gives itself to nothing). a brief definition- "Dada rejected reason and logic, prizing nonsense, irrationality and intuition."

The boy being a Dadaist is really beyond the realms of our expectations. The boy having Aspergers and applying the Aspie life to Dadaism is a cultural revelation within itself. It means that the boy's nonsense and ridiculous ideas are, in part, an extension of a realm of an art form.

I think I need to go to bed now. This is just getting to freaky weird....I didn't even have wine with dinner tonight. I came up with this comparison all on my own.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Video Games - the Arch Nemisis -revised.

We started with our video game saga when my son was 9. He had begged for a Gameboy system and we had put it off. I really didn't want him playing the games and I thought it was a real bad idea from the start. Naturally, because I felt this way, my son wanted it even more. Kind of like forbidding the Simpsons or The Family Guy; once it was no longer forbidden it wasn't a big deal.

We had suffered a lot that year, the loss of my Dad was difficult, my son cried for him nightly. After a lot of discussion, we decided to indulge the boy and pony up for a hand held video game system. I was not enthused; I didn't like video games. On a personal level, they usually instigated my vertigo so I pretty much stayed away from them. However, the boy's video game collection grew rapidly. Then we decided he was old enough for a real video game system. Yet another idea I wasn't crazy over but we did it anyway. The boy had convinced the cuter half because of the boy's good behavior and grades....

I won't say that then it was a mistake. At the time I didn't want believe it was. The cuter half had convinced me that we were going to be SELECTIVE in allowing certain games to be played in our home was the ultimate factor. We found that certain types of games starting with the letter "M" were very disturbing. In fact, after one evening of allowing our son to play these games, he was very, um, disturbed and needed a lot of calming down. Very quickly, many of these games "disappeared" and were replaced with others that he may not have wanted so much.

There are games that have disappeared for one reason or another. In fact, the boy is asking for a particular game. Doing so with such tenacity, I am quite certain the game has "disappeared" and is now gone permanently. I have heard others say that doing that kind of thing (taking the game and making it go away) is bad for our kid. I do not concurr with that statement. I believe that we did the right thing, and are teaching our son that if he behaves a certain way after playing a game like that it is more likely that the game itself is going to go away somewhere and not be found again. The tenacity reminds me of a drug addict. A total obession to the extent that the boy is unable to stop or control himself.

It seems that event the MENTION of video games and he is a beligerant mess. He doesn't realize that he has become beligerant....and not someone people (us) want to be around. He just doesn't see it.

I am reminded of one time, going to a game store and asking them about a certain type of game. We went there to see if we could sell the game through them or if we would make more getting rid of it ourselves. The game store employees told us they never had complaints about this game or the system. However, if one looked closely at the "look" the one young lady gave the other, you would know that both were fibbing in a BIG way. After that experience, albeit brief, we decided to watch what our son was playing and subsequent behaviors. At that point we monitored time, many times using an egg timer, to see what would happen.

Either it is the visuals in the games, or the music or both, and if some are played long enough, the kids get wired weird and will go off. One of the requirements I had prior to video game playing is doing 150 jumping jacks. If the boy wants to play the games that bad, he has to knock out 150 jumping jacks THEN he can play for an hour. As he got older though, we had to disallow this kind of thing (playing for an hour). It took me getting socked to make me completely anti-video game. Now he is at 5 minutes or less- still using that old egg timer.
People used to bully me and tell me I would get used to the boy being that way. Excuse me? Being WHAT way? Abusive? No thanks. No girl is going to tolerate that crap and neither will the mom of the house.

This might sound extreme, but there are some games that are just not a good fit and the kids should be monitored when playing them. Bear in mind, this is just our experience and what we think, not everyone will agree with this attitude or vehamence against regular use of video game systems.

As I mentioned earlier, I would sell them all if I got the chance.

rubbing cat butt

This morning, like ever other, started with an OK bit, then a bunch of shouting about how I am "an old poop" I was then told to "fudge off" then "I hope you have a rotten day and die because that is what you deserve."

After the boy left, I came over to the computer and sat down....yet in another state of ....depression, sadness, tiredness....OK that works.
Then Garfield, or Kitten, came by. He got on my lap and shoved his kitty butt in my hand and wanted attention. He has always had kitty butt issues.....it is like he has arthritis in his hip joints and wants to be rubbed until it stops hurting.
Then he crawls on my lap and sticks his butt on my left wrist and his head on my right and starts to purr. He hates the shouting and will do anything to make it stop....the other cats will meow, come scratch us or pull at a jeans leg to get the cuter half and I to walk away and ignore the problems.

The yelling this AM all started because I wouldn't let the boy bring video games to school for a club meeting. In my defense, his teacher told me he would let me know when the boy could do so and I haven't heard so the boy is mad at me because I was waiting to hear from the club sponser.

I am so tired of fighting over video games. If I had my way I would take them all and sell them and be done. Instead, we fight.

I regret the day I let the cuter half talk me into letting the boy have the video game systems. That was the stupidest thing we could have done. My biggest regret....and I choose not to live with regrets. Life happens the way it does. I constantly wonder what would happen if we didn't have the systems in the house and how much easier things would be.

 Ten years ago, I was weak and I said, "OK" to letting video games and the systems come in here.

Big, stupid mistake.