Today the boy and my husband are making meatloaf. While I was at the deli counter gettting sandwich meet for the week I was instructed to get extra ham slices. My husband had decided to give this new receipe a shot because it was different and the new thing in this house is to "expand our horizons". Oddly enough we have told people we are on Sabattical but really we are trying new things and taking new opportunities that are offered to us.
For example, we went to a concert the other evening. It was offered to us, the tickets were free and the two of us decided to go. The boy stayed home....made his dinner, did his homework and went to bed. The contact was appropriate, he texted when he needed to and he was smart enough to know if he called I couldn't have heard him anyway (second row tickets). We got home late, he was in bed, sleeping and we enjoyed the time apart and were able to refresh after just an evening away.
We need more breaks like that; but we couldn't have done it if we hadn't SHOWED and TRAINED him on what to do and what is appropriate.Kind of like training the kittens to use the litter box, we have trained our son on how to take care of himself. This is NOT an easy process. It certainly isn't fun. But he is better for it and although he is still a short tempered teen we are still working on the training process.
I know, comparing him to a kitten or a puppy isn't PC. Whatever. PC isn't done around here, I don't have the time or the energy to be a delicate little flower. I do know that if we don't train our Aspie kids HOW to function in a world not exactly prepared to accept them we are doing them and ourselves a gross disservice. Training can start with a cheap cell phone and a house key; or whatever works best for you. Their phones btw don't need all the bells and whistles. Our son's phone is bare bones basic, no add-ons, or games. He lives with it and although would like an I-phone or something techy, HE has to earn the $$ to get it and it would be him paying the bills on it. For now he lives with the phone he has got....and is happy to do so.
On that note, everyone wants the bigest, brightest and the best for their kids. I would love to do the ultimate and give him everything he wants. I am happy to say I am selfish and I can't. There is a book I read once and the main character talks about parenting,'I would like to give them whatever they want. My common sense tells me it is better that I can't. It is better for me to be selfish and know I can't do whatever they want when they want it." She is right. It is better to say "No" now then than to go forward and let them think they deserve it all.
Natually if you asked the boy, he would tell you we say NO all the time....that isn't true, it is his PERCEPTION that we say NO all the time. He wants us to go along as we did when he was little and his wants were little....as he got bigger his wants got bigger and he would like a new car (NO), WiFi (NO) and any other expensive, expansive idea he may have.
I love the word No it is so fun.