Sunday, July 29, 2012

"No one wants to know what you are thinking all of the time"

Funny what one remembers when they see people.

That is a statement that was made to me years ago and I haven't forgotten it.
There are others:
"Thank God you didn't mess that up."- when the cuter half and I announced our engagement.
"You are a terrible mother."(paraphrased)- I hear that one a lot; because I make the boy do things that are outside the Aspie box. I also won't put up with people making fun of the disabled.

My current favorite is one of my own. Although I KNOW this would never ever happen:
"I am too young to be a grandmother."

It is funny what one says, just offhandedly, probably not meaning to be offensive....but these are the comments that stick. The ones that people remember.... the comments about appearance, people's homes, their lives, the stuff that cuts deep....and you might not even realize it.....that is what people remember about you. It comes back to me too....but you know what? I am expected to have a "thicker skin" because people should be allowed to cut parents like the cuter half and I.....we are parent's of "that kid."

Kind of like when you hear, "I don't want my kid to catch what yours has so no we won't come to dinner." or  the doc that told the parents to "put your kid in a home and forget you ever had it"- years later the kid is going to HS and going to graduate.

No, most people don't want to hear what a parent like me has to say. Maybe I don't have as many readers or as many comments as a lot of people. That is not the goal. The goal is to make people think.
Besides, it is better to be the person saying it and making it known that hiding behind some misguided attempt to be pc (politically correct). If people what to be pc that's fine but it doesn't just qualify to what they want it goes for EVERYONE....the elderly, the disabled, the unemployed....the military (who btw protect your right to be pc even when pc is stupid), the homeless, the over qualified, the underqualified....the list is huge. It is not just the people who are on unemployment because they can't find another job....who haven't stopped looking but are so tired of thinking of the have nots and being berated about over buying a home...when in fact the house itself is smaller than their apartment.
Really, thinking outside your comfort zone.......that is all the cuter half and I are doing.

Thinking is a big deal. The cuter half and I are often going outside our perverbial thinking boxes to try new things, to check out what is going on and to be better. We work hard at making the boy do what he can....manage what he can and be what he can. Which is a hell of a lot more than the doc who told us that "he belonged in a home".

We are going to dragon boat races, checking out the local riding schools, looking at water sports.....thinking about activities the boy can do when he gets out of HS to learn something new. It is all part of thinking. Really, it is planning....and yes maybe dreams are nice things. but you know what....it is better than having them squashed and the least likely is the most likely to be successful.






Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Long week

This has been a long week. All the stuff, with internships, work and the boy hanging on me.
I don't get that.
Why does he do that?
It is constant. The chattering, the hanging, then the pouting when I ask him not to.
I don't hate him, but I don't like the feeling of beind 10lbs of meat either. That just sucks.

Maybe it is him being older, when he was little it was cute....now with age he has to stop....I don't like being pawed at either. UGH.

Insecurity on his part is some of it....my off kilter mood is another part, When I get like this I don't even want the kitties on my lap. Just give me space and don't touch me.
The boy doesn't get it.

The internship is great. The boy loves it. Loves the location, loves the job- the 5 AM wake up call is killing the cuter one and I. We are like the Pilsbury Dough couple....all pudgy and fat....no energy to work out or walk or run or nothing. Being with a kid like ours drains everything out of us. We have no strength or energy left.....all we can do is sit.....one more year and we are back to the gym...but we have to make it this one more year and hope our old gym is still open.

Then on the weekends the cute one and I run like insane people trying to finish every forsaken chore that needs done....no matter what it is.Ergo....we are too pooped to pop.

I would love to work out.
I would love to loose weight.
I would love to feel like I did 20 years ago.

I am too tired to do much of anything.

The only thing that sounds good right now is Preacher Pillow, Sister Sheet, and Brother Blanket......Those of you who went to college with me know what that means.....

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Inspiration

Have you ever thought about where inspiration comes from?
Is it a gift from God?
Could it be something that happens that merely makes you think?
Would it be experiences, the easy and the hard that put things all together that make us tick, react, or do whatever?

Prior to meeting the cuter half I would have to say that a LOT of my inspiration came from my parents and my brother and sis-in-law.

(My brother and I at the cuter half and I's wedding. Yeah I know, this picture is missing something. I didn't ask permisson from my bro to post a pic of him on the blog so I cut out his face. He really is nice and normal looking.)Same with this below one too, my sis-in-law and I cutting up and being silly....but again I didn't ask permission to show so I am only showing part of the pic... I will put up more pics another time.)




Both were helping me through some tough spots. I will admit I hadn't made the best choices earlier in my life, but after I was helped I made some really hard decisions.

One of those decisions was to intentionally live without regrets.
I may not make the best choices on the planet but by God I am not regretting ANY of the choices or decisions I have made.
It sounds like I do things perfectly. I don't.
I don't always make the best choices for the boy. I don't always do things the right way. I just don't.
On the other hand, I don't put up with much....the cuter half has talked to me about my inability to tolerate stupidity....I need to be better at it. The toleration of stupid, that is.

I am still wondering if we did the right thing by transitioning our son to gen school....that is one decision I just don't know if we did the right thing.
Gen schools, on the outside, are lovely. The students all look to be just about perfect....you hope for tolerance and acceptance by teachers and kids....what you get is a little different.

Now keep this in mind, the cute one and I were NOT in a gen environment with the boy. We didn't know what the gen environment was....it sounded like a pretty little bubble that most of the kids in the neighborhood lived in. We were MOST definetly on the outside looking in and having NO experience whatsoever on what exactly was there.

Little did we know; EDUCATIONALLY the work was at a higher level than at a gen middle school for special ed students. At gen school they work to the lowest common denominator in the speical ed and gen classroom. At a special ed school the academics are harder and at a higher level for EACH STUDENT. NOT KIDDING. The boy went from a high school sophomore reading level at 6th grade to second grade reading level in a couple of months going to a gen school. 

Ergo, expectations of special ed students at a gen school via teachers (special ed and gen) are pretty much bargain basement. At least they certainly aren't what the cute one and I are used to- we were spoiled by not having to actually READ our son's IEP and we were able to trust that the teachers and the administrators wouldn't ef it up.. Which explains the questions....did we make the right choice? I wish I knew.

The cute one is good for me during times like this. He always seems to know that he made the right choice.....his confidence builds me up and make me think that maybe, almost. we are on the right track. Then, like today, we are both wondering....

The boy needed pictures taken today. Putting the boy in a stiff shirt, tie and jacket is a sensory torture chamber. I let him put a soft t-shirt on under the dress shirt but all we heard was yelling and carrying on the entire time. We are sick of it. He has to put up with stuff and do as he is told. No one cares what he thinks about being "fancy" rules are rules and you have to do them. So put up, shut up and do it.....it was a constant gripe session the entire way.

He did the pictures, but so much for the cute one and I wanting to take him anywhere or do anything special with him after....we didn't care to be bothered and we WEREN'T in the mood to fuss about.
Will the boy make it? Are we not pushing him hard enough? I think he gets off to easy and most of the time the cute one thinks I am too hard on the boy. This time I think he agreed that we can't allow for "I don't care and I don't want to be like the others." TOUGH BEANERS- put on your big boy pants and do it. Fix your technique, do your thing..... and do it right.

God how I envy those gen parents tonight. They have it so easy.



Friday, July 20, 2012

11 years

11 years ago today the cuter half and I got married.
It has flown by, we are very fortunate to have each other and we are still a little nuts, crazy and happy after all these years.

Happy Anniversary cute one! I love you more every day!!




Photo by Red Owl Photography





Tuesday, July 17, 2012

TIme

"If you don't respect someone's time, you don't respect them." - Ed Mercer

A friend of mine had this quote on FB. Although there weren't a number of comments on it I thought that the quote was a good one.

Time can mean any number of things to anyone.

The cuter half and I have a lot of time spent doing things.....we are helping the boy, we are discussing what to do next, we are planning out where the boy will be going and what he will be doing and how things are gonna change. It is all time.

Yesterday I was discussing something. I was talking about if the boy was missing something in his services. Honestly, no, I don't beleive he is. But then he requires different things than his friend "J" and "J" has stuff that the boy would never dream of.....so NO the cuter half and I do not see where things are missed out on.
I then started thinking about people, like the hippies I mentioned the other day, that want it all. Every single service they hear about they want it for their kid, whether it be appropriate or not.

That is a waste of resources AND time. If the kid is not well placed at whatever it is, the kid will require EXTRA resources. The placement to whatever it is is fraught with peril, and well, it just doesn't work. If people are COMFORTABLE in their placement, understand where they are working and doing what they are capable of then there isn't the need for additional help.

I think it is important to let the schools do their jobs. It is fine to advocate for your kid. The cute one and I do it regularly (the special ed dept will be doing a conga line with shots when the boy graduates- it's fine, I told them they could the conga over at our house at the graduation party). BUT it is also important to NOT be a kid in the candy store and want everything that everyone else has.

Kind of like being comfortable in your own skin....you are more or less happy where you are and therefore the comfort level is higher, the not looking for what you don't have isn't there because you are COMFORTABLE with what is being offered and there isn't an additional need there. The perception that our kids are missing something is just that. A Perception- it is wrong. Your kid is offered what they can handle. Asking for more may or may not help your kid and more than likely it will do more harm than good.

Wasting people's time makes you look the fool. Not the person who's time you wasted. Those people will more than likely not bother with you again. No one likes people who waste others time; especially when those resources could be used elsewhere and probably to a better purpose.

Be comfortable in your skin. I know that is easier said than done, but if you really KNOW what you need and not what you think you need the constant drain on resources will more than likely end. You will end up KNOWING what is right and appropriate....not just thinking you are missing one more thing (wasting people's time).

Monday, July 16, 2012

Sunday, July 15, 2012

punishing the victim

As a rule, the punishment is "innocent until proven guilty".
Sometimes there are video tapes, witnesses and other things to prove a bullying offense for a longer term.

The cuter half and I have determined that alhtough the evidence is there, bullying is allowed and tolerated at our son's school because he is the one that we are told can be moved RATHER than move the bully in these cases. The punishment of the victim happens in many cases not the punishment of the bully. For example, kids leave school to be home schooled, parents move to get their kids out of the situation. We won't. We are NOT leaving and going anywhere.

The most recent school incompetence involves an internship where we have said that our son LOVES and has been at now for 2 years. We swear that this other family must be doing something that allows them to stalk and follow our son from treatment and school activity to another. We don't know WHY the school is allowing this stalking to happen but we are pretty damn tired of it.

We figure is is lassitude on the school's part and some kind of payback for complaining about something or another.

The bully (in our case) is another special ed child, and from what we have heard, has a behavior disorder and self control issues.
WHO CARES? This is yet another case where the kid has to put in the "ALS" or rubber room until he learns to knock it off. Unfortunately, the parents are remants from the 60's - which means they could be compared to over-done-hippies. This bullying situations has gone on for 6+ years. IT has been alllowed to happen and only recently have the cuter and I complained, made comments and otherwise mentioned that we should/could/would get a restraining order.

The other parents have said, "Not my son....he would NEVER do that." Otherwise known as denial- a result of the 60's

Our patience with people like that is non-existant. especially with the video tape in question where we were not allowed to see it by the parents but we allowed them to see it. That to me is appalling and a total lack of justice on their parts. Hippies are pathetic. They seem to want it both ways- "I have to have everything every one else has for their kids" and then, "Don't bring those kids out of that theraputic day school, they are bad kids and are taking resourses away from mine." WHATEVER. If you didn't have your head so far up your butt you would realize that the boy's services and the money put back into the district actually ADDS services for all the kids. Not just yours, ________, _________ (the cuter half made me remove this- it's not nice to call names even if it is true).

FYI-Our son was going to be transitioned out ANYWAY and had earned enough to be able to go to a gen school.....even though the over all education was lessened because in a gen school special ed they teach to the lowest common denominator and not the level of the student in the special ed classroom.....but that is another blog post altogether.

Again this brings to mind the misconsception about the IEP- IT IS INDIVIDUAL. Your kid is not going to have what MY kid has....and visa versa. Each kid is different, Thank you GOD for making us all what we are and who we are. THAT is why the Bible says we are all different. DUH.

This means if you are asking for something that someone elses kid has- STOP asking for whatever it is. For whatever another kid has on their IEP.....my son has different stuff becuase your son can't handle it and can't have it and doesn't know how to behave without an aide standing over him. Other kids have way more freedom than mine or yours.....they can eat off campus, drive to school, do other kid things. My son is different; your kid is different- each kid can do different things.

Deal with it.

Right now, all I can think of is "LEAVE OUR KID ALONE". Essentially, given the age of the boy- this is our son's life you are going after. He is a kid, and as parents of your own kid it is wrong. GET OVER YOURSELVES- your son can't be like ours, and if he were most of the issues that are there would have been dealt with and not excused ages ago. Which explains why our son was able to WORK HIS WAY OUT of a tough school....he has worked hard....done well and is able to do more.

Our son has got over a large number of his behavior issues that were Autism related....and will continue to do so with therapy, hard work and our support. He has more to deal with but at this point he is the victim and being treated like he did something wrong. ALL he did was go to a place he loves- and now, once again, you have ruined the experience for him.

How many times do you have to destroy people? DO you get off on it? You must....it has to be quite a thrill for you. Hope it is the experience you want it to be....the thrill will be gone soon you know.

(Edited by the cuter half- this remark has been removed.)

The boy will be moving on sooner than we all think and realize. Flying higher, and doing more. It is just a matter of time.




Thursday, July 12, 2012

Expounding on Point #2

The other day I talked about tag teaming and how we were sugcessful with the boy. I decided to expound on this point....I am certain this will not be popular. Tough beaners.
We don't put up with much- we are required to make a functional person in society, not tolerate unacceptable behaviors."Second- his parents don't put up with crap. None of it."

At the tough school there was none of this pounding on the door the stomping of feet....doesn't work. The school had a thing called ALS. WE called it the "rubber room." Kids went there when they couldn't manage to be in a classroom- sitting still, paying attention- no flapping, no pointing no room walking or spinning. I had to sign off that the boy could be there because he essentially spent most of his day there during school. This was the first year after this the boy decided that he really needed to get his game face on and knock it off. Essentially, it was, "We don't care what you want kid, you have to earn the right to have it and thus far....not happening"

Thinking about it, we broke him of finger flapping, spinning, toe walking, and numerous other things....we still have more to work on. We also stopped the slammed bedroom door-automatic "Forget about it" Which is inclusive of loosing the door and we don't care who comes over the door is still gonna be standing in the hallway. If you think about it there are a BUNCH of kids who are undiagnosed.
MOST of you won't like this part but if your kid is already a GEN getting a diagnosis is basically a "death sentence." Don't do it. Teachers/schools will pander to the diagnosis and not expect your kid to work at a regular level. These bad habits can be over come....with effort and time on your part. We have noticed that at most gen schools it appears that "the inmates are running the prison" We don't know if that is really true or not but it appears likely. Since what we have noticed may or may not be the case, keeping your kid as NORMAL as possible is vital. You WANT your kid to look like the other gens and not like he/she stepped out of a really bad teen mag. The higher expectations you have of your kid the better it is. Making excuses, "Oh, that's part of the _____ disability" doesn't fly if the kid is out looking for a life.
In fact, NOT allowing the behaviors makes it harder on the parents at home...it is easy to say yes. HARD and difficult to say "No". We say "No" allot. We are the mean parents who are dreadfully unpopular (oops).

If your kid is ALREADY in special ed, go get a diagnosis. Go get more than one...we have lots; from ALL over. Some diagnosis are real crap We have one from a doc in this area who people think is upwards of God but we have determined that he and his team were really bad at what they do. They wanted to see what they wanted and NOT what was there. Ergo the diag wasn't worth the paper it was printed on- but then you get what you pay for. Some diag's are on target. No one doc is perfect and normally a first diag no matter who or what it is from is a load of moose caca. It usually takes several before a diag will make any sense at all. Diagnosing your own kid RARELY works....don't attempt it (CONFIRMING what you already know by using a real diag only happens if you have been w a doc for longer that 2 years). Most parents will either think you have slipped a cog or will wonder why there is a fear of a "real medical diag."

IF you kid comes over here we don't pander to anyone (unless a serious dietary restriction)....the kids may have their thoughts but like most places (work) the kids are NOT in charge. That means that we hold our son to a higher level and it is likely we hold others there as well....these kids can work and live to the expectations that their parents have of them. They won't try any harder....most days social and school are a lot for them to handle. It used to be that the boy would tell us, "I have to see these kids all week long. I need a break." Then he met "V", "J", and "F" and he was more willing to try to be social. IT took a long time. Like everything does with these kids.

As parents we are allowed to be tired, I am regularly exhausted and running for my comfort food....HOWEVER, you have to keep on these kids. We tell our son that "Autism is for your bedroom. You leave your bedroom, shut the door and the autism stays there waiting for you when you get home." All of it is a matter of consistency.

And NO you don't have to like that I am saying that finger flapping, spinning with a bag on the head and uncontrolable urges can be stopped. THEY CAN and they are.....How do you think Temple Grandin, Brian King and Penelope Trunk got sucessful? They all worked and were forced to NOT do that stuff. As parents we need to put our big people pants on and start being parents and stop the kids from running the show. IF the kids are running things at home, we hope (for your sake) that they are paying for the bills and allowing you to live in a way that you have become accustomed (luxury- maids, valet, chauffeur, house elf; you know the important stuff). Because if they aren't paying for the luxuries then they shouldn't be in charge. The boy is allowed to make decisions- he does decide what he is making for lunch. Or what to wear after work. How the cuter half and I spend our money is not up to him

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tag team parenting

Anyone who has children, knows that they don't come with a teaching manual; however, when parents work together, as a team, (tag-team), the job is rewarding. This is the definition of tag-team parenting, and how effective it is for families.

_________________________________________________________________________________
Rewarding? Are you kidding me?
OMG.

The cuter half and I have been what we call "tag teaming" for years. IF one of us gets to the point where we can't handle something we hand off to the other one. It happened tonight. I felt terribly rude about it but it was necessary or my Irish would have been up and I would have started screaming.
Literally.
I passed off the phone to cute one and muttered, "I am done with this b-s. You have to take over." (FYI- it wasn't b-s; however after fielding one call eariler in the day, I had about enough with this next call. The people calling didn't DO anything wrong- but they don't deserve to be yelled at for something that wasn't their fault).

He did. The cuter half took over the call for me. Then proceeded to take me out to dinner and we gorged on too many carbs and came home......it was needed (the dinner).

Things have not always gone perfectly. WE have endured god-awful meetings where our son was expelled from first grade before the end of the school year. Me telling the principal to f-off probably didn't help matters and storming out to wait at the car......it was very dramatic.....thankfully that shrew is not the principal there any longer. She was a #$%&*()&^%$#@!@#$%%^&&; nightmare.

That was when the cuter half and I were dating. I got very lucky. The cute one decided to stick around with me and the boy.

Which if you think about it...opting in for something like this/aspergers shows great moral character. I love the cuter half more and more every day for just being him. For telling someone, "No one knows my boy better than I do so don't tell me I won't find out because he will tell me everything before the end of the day."

I think the fact that the cuter half doesn't use the "disability excuse" for the boy makes us all work harder. In fact, until we hit the gen ed society the term "disability" never crossed our lips. We never told the boy he was in special ed, nor did he know he was disabled. Now the boy isn't in special ed but he does use that "disabled" term and he does get in a lot of trouble for it. We will take his bedroom door off for excessive use of that overused term.

As a teacher told me this summer "I have never met an Aspie like your son." (excuse language) "Damn straight you didn't and you won't see another one like him in your career."

Why do you think that is?
I will tell you.

First off- the boy earned his way out of a TOUGH SCHOOL.
He did.
He went to a theraputic day school and the principal there knew his business. The boy, in the end had to go 6 MONTHS with NO infractions. NO detention, no fighting, no getting out of his seat in class, doing his homework and helping others. There was none of this least restrictive environment crap- which from what we have seen of it doesn't work very well. The uber structure the boy came from was obviously a much better option. He is completely out of most special ed settings right now.

Second- his parents don't put up with crap. None of it.
The yelling the pounding on the door the stomping of feet....doesn't work. We don't care what you want kid, you have to earn the right ot have it and thus far....not happening (especially if the boy had slammed his bedroom door-automatic "Forget about it"). IF you kid comes over here we don't pander to anyone (unless a serious dietary restriction)....the kids may have their thougths but like most places (work) the kids are NOT in charge.
We have noticed that at most gen schools it appears that "the inmates are running the prision" We don't know if that is really true or not but it appears likely.
However, if the kids are running things at home, we hope (for your sake) that they are paying for the bills and allowing you to live in a way that you have become accustomed (luxury- maids, valet, chauffer, house elf; you know the important stuff). Because if they aren't paying for the luxuries then they shouldn't be in charge. The boy is allowed to make decisions- he does decide what he is making for lunch. Or what to wear after work. How the cuter half and I spend our money is not up to him.

Third- as parents we work harder than anyone you have ever seen.
The boy may have all the good stuff, a TV, a VCR and video games....and we decide when where and how and IF he is playing them- fuses have mysteriously BLOWN in parts of the house where too much poor behavior has been going on....it certainly is a mystery.....and we make things happen. There isn't an experience this kid hasn't had. From pony rides to fishing with a pin to weddings (in first grade and the teachers were shocked that we took him prior to his expulsion), he has climbed the top of a lighthouse and started a working fishing boat, climbed waterfalls and petted goats and walked on crooked floors and saw bears and eaten frog legs and.....well this kid has done a lot. We still need to take him hot air balloon riding and horseback riding in the mountains and doing yoga on a plateau and....well you get the picture.

HE has eaten at exclusive resorts and ordered unusual foods off the menus and at home done his homework at a restaurant table when there was therapy after school. It is all a mater of prioritizing.

So what does this mean?

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED WITHOUT THE CUTER HALF AND I TAG TEAMING.

At one point talking to one was like talking to the other....given our work schedules life had to be that way....and now we still do the tag teaming. If it is an important call we do our best to be together and like tonight having him take over helps. We  both have control and are participating in whatever is going on. The boy has been taught how to ask and what to say when we get home every day. We don't start off with, "I want", "I need", or "You have to get me...." Those are automatic "No" responses.

We are tough, tired and a bit crazed....but we are happy to see the boy being as successful as he has been. The boy only works to the minimal expectaions and we have raised that stupid bar pretty high. No excuses.


There is an old saying.....

"Stupid is as stupid does."- which means you are what you DO.
Disclaimer: The below are not in reference to anyone, thing or person- merely a feeling in a moment in time.....that and I am crabby uptight booger head right now.
Don't like it -don't read it.
Here are some other old sayings:

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
Albert Einstein

“He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.”
Alexander Hamilton

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.”
Søren Kierkegaard

“I'll take crazy over stupid any day.”
Joss Whedon

“You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity.”
Robert A. Heinlein, The Green Hills of Earth

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”
Harlan Ellison

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
Napoleon Bonaparte
  “Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop.”
Laurell K. Hamilton, The Laughing Corpse


“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
George Carlin

“The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.”
Harlan Ellison

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

“Honestly, if you were any slower you'd be going backwards.”
J.K. Rowling

“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”
P.G. Wodehouse

“Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how.”
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.”
Margaret Atwood, Surfacing
 “Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference.”
Jim Butcher, Vignette
 “To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness - though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.”
Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot

“There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”
Frank Zappa
 “I've learned one thing, and that's to quit worrying about stupid things. You have four years to be irresponsible here, relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember the time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So stay out late. Go out with your friends on a Tuesday when you have a paper due on Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does...”
Tom Petty

“Far be it from me to ever let my common sense get in the way of my stupidity. I say we press on.”
Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infinity
 “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”
Judy Sheindlin, Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever

 “If it is stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
(a Shin'a'in saying)”
Mercedes Lackey, Owlknight
 “Anger is stupid, and stupidity will kill you more surely than your opponent's blade.”
Patricia Briggs, Dragon Bones

“Talk, talk, talk: the utter and heartbreaking stupidity of words.”
William Faulkner, Mosquitoes
 “All the other children at my school are stupid. Except I'm not meant to call them stupid, even though this is what they are.”
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

“Nowadays what isn't worth saying is sung.
(Aujourd'hui ce qui ne vaut pas la peine d'être dit, on le chante.)”
Pierre Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais, Le Barbier de Séville
 “[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.”
Stephen Hawking

“Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

“Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.”
John Steinbeck, East of Eden

What is it you most dislike? Stupidity, especially in its nastiest forms of racism and superstition.”
Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir
 “Irony is wasted on the stupid”
Oscar Wilde

“Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.”
Euripides, Bacchae

“We keep on being told that religion, whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality. On every side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps above all, more stupid.”
Christopher Hitchens

“I've always believed that a person is smart. It's people that are stupid.”
Marilyn Manson, The Long Hard Road Out of Hell


"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”
Frank Zappa

“If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.”
Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

“If you're gonna be stupid you gotta be tough.”
John Grisham, The Testament

“The more stupid one is, the closer one is to reality. The more stupid one is, the clearer one is. Stupidity is brief and artless, while intelligence squirms and hides itself. Intelligence is unprincipled, but stupidity is honest and straightforward.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

“The only victories which leave no regret are those which are gained over ignorance.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

“Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something.”
J.K. Rowling

“A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
Bertrand Russell, History of Western Philosophy

“Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love truth.”
Joseph Joubert

“He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep.”
Tamora Pierce

“Can`t you see that I`m only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?”
― Titus Petronius Niger

“I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.”
George Bernard Shaw

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Compassion

Compassion is an oxymoron for the boy.
He has it sometimes but there are other times when he is a total incosiderate boob.
Tonight is one of those times.

Dealing with the loss of a family member (on the cuter side- not mine) that the boy didn't really know very well is kind of obscure to him.

We asked for extra consideration from him and subsequently a friend that we forgot was invited to come over today. I got annoyed with both and took away video games and the guest mentioned that he was going to go home and I responded, "Fine call your parents."

I did explain to this friend's parents that today was not a really good time for a visit. We were not mentally prepared for any such thing and we were very distressed over the recent news. Both of us have been on the phone ALOT and out running around trying to finish errands and complete things just in case. I did tell them that we had forgotten the friend was invited and we were just not prepared for much of anything.

The boy is being demanding and prempratory. A typical entitled spoiled brat (we know a number of those). This, the boy tells me, is becuase the cuter half and I bored he and his friend stiff. I am not sure HOW being this bored became our issue but apparently it was because they chose not to go for carnival rides.....

I am SO frustrated with the boy right now....his tone is totally inappropriate and I am ready to let him go to blazes in a handbasket. I know we won't let him.....but right now I feel like it.

The cuter half and I are very sad about this family loss. But then we are glass half full types/pollyanna/baby of the family- so we are a little more sensitive and want to plan it all out and have things "fixed nicely". Most of it is a family role thing and some of it is just respect. Everyone does things in there own ways and that is fine....it is all a matter of what is right for each individual ie having compassion.

Ergo, back at the boy being compassionate. I keep saying, "Compassion begins at home." If you aren't compassionate with your immediate family who can you be compassionate with. I am hoping the boy learns this soon. He is driving me nuts with the "I, me, my"

In fact, after a brief discussion with the cuter half, it was determined that we are lacking the empathy part of the picture. The boy although kind, and sometimes considerate has little or no empathy towards the needs of his parents. We have been told that it is typical for a teen (gen or not) to be that way. I hope he outgrows this part right quick....


Friday, July 6, 2012

Gut issues

Gut issues.

For those of you in the know, gut issues is a big deal with our Aspies.
What I mean by gut issues is constipation, bloating and extreme intestinal pain. Our kids live with it. The boy has dealt with it and has almost suceeded but we can still tell if he is extremely crabby for no reason or  has had bloating....he is really "plugged up".

This is not a topic many people like to talk about. TACA is a great group for information. For example, it does matter if regular milk makes someone unable to go....Rice milk has calcium and is easier to digest. This is all stuff we need to look at. On TACA there is a section called GFCF and it goes into the food portion. You can get a grocery list, although most of this is stuff that is available in CA....you can find reasonable alternatives for the location of the country you live in. I am not certain what exactly is overseas but I do know that we have followed this, Autism IL and Jamie Oliver with our food choices and how we do and buy things. Jamie is impressive and if you think about it, he is really helping the autsim community with his healthy food choices. We have to choose to decide and we have to show the kids how to make the right choices too.

We make our own bread, with MUCH less gluten than the stores, we eat veggies we have reduced a lot of our carbs AND we are using what we have to feed the three of us. Family was in town recently and we discovered that after eating out almost daily for a couple days the boy, cuter half and I were about ready to expire with all the food we ate that wasn't helping us. The last day we made things AT HOME....and the experience was good for almost everyone. Eating out is OK in moderation but the whole food experience needs changed. We are constantly looking for a place where the food is good and not boiled in grease that you can see.

Although it is hard, I am a carb freak... I love bread, oil, and all that stuff....pasta....and I can have it. Just not like I was. I have to make different choices for b-fast, lunch and diner.
Same with the boy, He has to make the hard choices. He doesn't eat junk food....it makes him physically ill. I know, you think I exaggerate. I'm NOT. He gets sicker than sick eating what we call "crap and garbage".

SO.....drink your water....lots of it now that it is so baking hot. Keep hydrated....eat your veggies and fruit and stay away from stuff you may crave but could make you ill in the long term. It is all about choices.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

It is so much easier

to work to the lowest level of expectations.

The cuter half and I were discussing some things today....It's a holiday and we are talking about life, who gets where, what does this do, and why. (We had some free time- I did laundry too and put dishes away from a recent party we had)

Grandma's Cake, by the cuter half


Then we start talking about something a teacher said. It wasn't bad but it was different. She was commenting on how she never met an Aspie like our son before. She knew we were working hard to make certain that the boy would be able to support himself and NOT be a drain on society or expect to live off of SS all of his life. I told her that he was a very special young man and it was highly unlikely that she would EVER meet another one like him in the crux of her career.

Not many of us special needs parents think that way. Most of the ones we have heard about are prepping their basements for permanent occupancy.
Since we don't have a basement that really wouldn't work very well.

So we push, we shove, we insist, we make the boy do all kinds of stuff....he is required to get good grades. He has to do his homework, he has to study and he has to work on the assignments he is given.....at home and at school. He has to volunteer, cooperate and be appropriate as much as possible. More so now that several years back.....he had been thru so much and the changes we made 2 years ago were hard but we have no regrets (we got our life back).

The "NEW DEAL" of the house is that he has to work out if he isn't going to a practice of some sort or walking around a lot....we have been out in the heat today and I did make him to 50 jumping jacks to burn off some steam and we will be walking about again this evening. Ergo he has to work out and burn off energy or I will make him do it and he will like it even less. He can pick how he works out but he has to do it and will know if it is done because I can check his Mii on the Wii.

It would be so easier to be a schlocker and not make the boy do anything and let him veg out all day long and just turn into a computer/video game junkie.

No, that teacher is unlikely to meet one like ours in her career. It just takes to darn much work to make these kids step out of their comfort zones and get into tough things.

It wears the parents out too.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Quote of the day

Mark Twain quotations - Truth

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 
 
 
What does this mean? It means that your life will be easier and maybe if you don't lie/half truths it will be more likely that you don't have to try to remember who said what and who did what.