Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tag team parenting

Anyone who has children, knows that they don't come with a teaching manual; however, when parents work together, as a team, (tag-team), the job is rewarding. This is the definition of tag-team parenting, and how effective it is for families.

Rewarding? Are you kidding me?

The cuter half and I have been what we call "tag teaming" for years. IF one of us gets to the point where we can't handle something we hand off to the other one. It happened tonight. I felt terribly rude about it but it was necessary or my Irish would have been up and I would have started screaming.
I passed off the phone to cute one and muttered, "I am done with this b-s. You have to take over." (FYI- it wasn't b-s; however after fielding one call eariler in the day, I had about enough with this next call. The people calling didn't DO anything wrong- but they don't deserve to be yelled at for something that wasn't their fault).

He did. The cuter half took over the call for me. Then proceeded to take me out to dinner and we gorged on too many carbs and came home......it was needed (the dinner).

Things have not always gone perfectly. WE have endured god-awful meetings where our son was expelled from first grade before the end of the school year. Me telling the principal to f-off probably didn't help matters and storming out to wait at the car......it was very dramatic.....thankfully that shrew is not the principal there any longer. She was a #$%&*()&^%$#@!@#$%%^&&; nightmare.

That was when the cuter half and I were dating. I got very lucky. The cute one decided to stick around with me and the boy.

Which if you think about it...opting in for something like this/aspergers shows great moral character. I love the cuter half more and more every day for just being him. For telling someone, "No one knows my boy better than I do so don't tell me I won't find out because he will tell me everything before the end of the day."

I think the fact that the cuter half doesn't use the "disability excuse" for the boy makes us all work harder. In fact, until we hit the gen ed society the term "disability" never crossed our lips. We never told the boy he was in special ed, nor did he know he was disabled. Now the boy isn't in special ed but he does use that "disabled" term and he does get in a lot of trouble for it. We will take his bedroom door off for excessive use of that overused term.

As a teacher told me this summer "I have never met an Aspie like your son." (excuse language) "Damn straight you didn't and you won't see another one like him in your career."

Why do you think that is?
I will tell you.

First off- the boy earned his way out of a TOUGH SCHOOL.
He did.
He went to a theraputic day school and the principal there knew his business. The boy, in the end had to go 6 MONTHS with NO infractions. NO detention, no fighting, no getting out of his seat in class, doing his homework and helping others. There was none of this least restrictive environment crap- which from what we have seen of it doesn't work very well. The uber structure the boy came from was obviously a much better option. He is completely out of most special ed settings right now.

Second- his parents don't put up with crap. None of it.
The yelling the pounding on the door the stomping of feet....doesn't work. We don't care what you want kid, you have to earn the right ot have it and thus far....not happening (especially if the boy had slammed his bedroom door-automatic "Forget about it"). IF you kid comes over here we don't pander to anyone (unless a serious dietary restriction)....the kids may have their thougths but like most places (work) the kids are NOT in charge.
We have noticed that at most gen schools it appears that "the inmates are running the prision" We don't know if that is really true or not but it appears likely.
However, if the kids are running things at home, we hope (for your sake) that they are paying for the bills and allowing you to live in a way that you have become accustomed (luxury- maids, valet, chauffer, house elf; you know the important stuff). Because if they aren't paying for the luxuries then they shouldn't be in charge. The boy is allowed to make decisions- he does decide what he is making for lunch. Or what to wear after work. How the cuter half and I spend our money is not up to him.

Third- as parents we work harder than anyone you have ever seen.
The boy may have all the good stuff, a TV, a VCR and video games....and we decide when where and how and IF he is playing them- fuses have mysteriously BLOWN in parts of the house where too much poor behavior has been going on....it certainly is a mystery.....and we make things happen. There isn't an experience this kid hasn't had. From pony rides to fishing with a pin to weddings (in first grade and the teachers were shocked that we took him prior to his expulsion), he has climbed the top of a lighthouse and started a working fishing boat, climbed waterfalls and petted goats and walked on crooked floors and saw bears and eaten frog legs and.....well this kid has done a lot. We still need to take him hot air balloon riding and horseback riding in the mountains and doing yoga on a plateau and....well you get the picture.

HE has eaten at exclusive resorts and ordered unusual foods off the menus and at home done his homework at a restaurant table when there was therapy after school. It is all a mater of prioritizing.

So what does this mean?


At one point talking to one was like talking to the other....given our work schedules life had to be that way....and now we still do the tag teaming. If it is an important call we do our best to be together and like tonight having him take over helps. We  both have control and are participating in whatever is going on. The boy has been taught how to ask and what to say when we get home every day. We don't start off with, "I want", "I need", or "You have to get me...." Those are automatic "No" responses.

We are tough, tired and a bit crazed....but we are happy to see the boy being as successful as he has been. The boy only works to the minimal expectaions and we have raised that stupid bar pretty high. No excuses.

1 comment:

  1. Good job, bravo to the cuter half and you! Teens are tough ----- the majority of public schools are run by greedy people-let the truth be known--The Union--look at the pensions ---OMG! Be glad he marches to his own beat!


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