Sunday, January 29, 2012

Learning curve

There is a learning curve with being a parent of a kid like ours.
Generally we have the day to day down, unless we are thrown a curve ball or a weird situation happens and we are left trying to figure out what the ____ happened.

Today hasn't been one of those days. It actually started out kind of normal. Your normal and our normal are two different things.
Our normal is planning things out WAY in advance.
Dreading the unplanned and having to listen to the boy ask us when his friend would be over almost all day. He awoke at 6:45 this AM very excited about the friend that MAY come over. He didn't know for certain if this friend could but he was hoping.....
we heard about it all day long.
Finally he went to his project this afternoon and we were given a reprieve.

Not knowing, or hearing that we may have something to do elevates in our home to almost a fever pitch. IT is almost better to NOT extend the invitation to people outside of your 50 mile radius if the answer is, "I don't really know, it is all up in the air." Which BTW is a B_____--- answer....especially when you do know and just don't want certain people coming. But that is a whole nother kettle of fish and fortunately I don't need to worry about it since we can't go to what I am referring to anyway....prior commitment dyk

seriously, we are working our way into the after school is done years. There are a bazillion things we are running thru our minds. What are we gonna do? How is the boy gonna make friends? Where do we go from  here? Good God it is like being out of college all over again. Only now it is the cute one and I trying to think of what is best for the boy.

We learned that we have to have a plan.

I've been talking to people and I was informed that I wasn't someone elses favorite person. Really that is fine because the person this was in reference to is definitely someone I would not choose to hang around with. Kind of felt like I was back in HS you know? Only the big difference is that this time I don't really feel as bad about it as I should. In HS I would have been really sad and really sorry about hurting someones feelings and masking it all in a charade of sarcasm.
At this point, I think I feel bad that I don't feel bad and I should feel dreadful and you know what? I don't. I feel bad that I don't feel bad but that is about it. Kind of like the boy believing that he should do "xyz" because he is supposed to....not from any underlying feeling that he wants to or is interested but because he thinks he is supposed to feel that way....

It must be genetic- the guilt or the "I should feel so much worse about this situation than I do and now it is so pathetic that I only think about it when I am reminded to but otherwise give it absolutely no thought whatsoever" feeling. OOPS.....I don't think I was supposed to say that. Oh well.

I guess the thing of it is, we are under water swamped. Not only is the far part of the garden a lake in the yard (completely frozen over). We are struggling to find out what is going on with the boy. He did not study for finals, fortunately, as I have mentioned in the recent past, it wasn't fatal, but he did drop a letter grade in almost everything.....ergo he is grounded again (surprise). So today when certain things are brought up to me by two different people and i give them the same reaction but possibly different wording - Oh well folks....we are not going to make this thing change and yes I made mistakes but I am not sorry one bit. This blog is my therapy and believe me it is a damn sight cheaper than paying a therapist. Besides that, any parent who won't admit to some form of depression or need with dealing with issues with a kid on the spectrum is a liar.  As with any other situation (IE at school) with the boy I would not allow something like that to escape me, and as the cuter one said as soon as the camera came out the humor in the situation was gone.

So there we are, your favorite blogger is not someones fave person and you know what? Oops, I did it again 


or should I say, "So what else is new?"

Friday, January 27, 2012

Thought for the day

A good friend of mine said this and really it seems to sum up the week.

"Can't fix stupid. I am admitting it, and not going to try anymore."



There are some things that are just stupid. Can't change it, can't fix it and can't make it go away.
Part of knowing when to stop is when one feels like they are beating the dead horse. I am there and I don't like it one bit.

Oh and I am not talking about my son- just so you know.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Major writers block

http://www.43folders.com/2004/11/18/hack-your-way-out-of-writers-block


I have it.
The accursed writers block.
I think I need to do something without words so I am going to give you todays blog post full of stuff.... and mind you the TV shows I am totally NOT nuts over. Most of them are not terribly accurate re life in the fast lane with Autism.










Oh and Juan Epstein died for those of you Welcome Back Kotter fans

Monday, January 23, 2012

Why is it

When I write about sex or m__________ I get a bazillion hits.
When I write about life, I get a couple.
If I write about experiences; usually the worse the better readership.
Writing about food, diets, what happened here at home - YAWN.
Well today we are talking about what we can't have.
Historically people always want what they ain't got. From the dark ages thru the Reinassance the rich got richer, the poor got poorer and there wasn't no Mr. Inbetween.

We have dealt with a lot over the last year or so.
Life changed on us several times- repeatedly.
The boy has been "doing private things" and has been dealing with social relationships. He is also trying to learn things about life.

As I explained to him the other day, because he has Aspergers that means he has to work harder, try more, do more and do whatever it is he thinks he can.

And like our friends Bing and Bette, accenting the positive is what has to be done. Even if I don't wannter.
Eliminating the negative can come in several venues. Moving on from negative experiences, or people who are negative.....making your own changes or choices that's a big one too.

But writing about what we can't have; people want what they haven't got....song lyrics galore about that one.....Sinead O'Connor did a wonderful song, "I do not want what I haven't got." and you know, even if you got what you want people still want more. Oddly enough, Cuter half and I are attempting to downsize. We have stuff to sell on E-bay and we need to not be attached to garage sale finds and see if we could make enough to pay off the house.

In a sick and demented way, parents of kids like ours want what other kids have on their IEPS. Did you know that there are people who would sell their souls for what other people's kids have on their IEPS? Seriously, there are and I would wager they would.....I am wondering if we should offer up our son's to the highest bidder when he graduates just to see if we could make college tuition.

People have used us for IEP information. I was naive enough to believe that a friend was a real friend until I found out I was being used and pumped for information about what was on my son's IEP. It was then that cuter half and I decided that we would sooner discuss sex, drugs and rock and roll that divulge IEP status.

It hurt.

Being the kind of person that I am, and the cuter half as well, we aren't into using people. In fact, I had an experience with a Sunday School teacher who accused me of using my son's aide in her Sunday School class because I expected the aide to be an aide and NOT an assistant for this woman's Sunday School. This happened when the boy was small, he was about four or five at the time. I was dumbstruck...and the worst of it? It was over M&M's. GIVE ME A BREAK. My son didn't kick the Bible....he grabbed M&M's and this woman yelled at him and then told me that I was not a good parent, a good Christian or a good person.
I called the pastors and the board and then she got removed/ resigned from the class. Doesn't matter how much they give, the compassion wasn't there. I wanted to leave church then, my parents wouldn't let me. Withdrawing is a common practice with families like ours; kind of like a turtle or a snail, hiding into the shell.

I have dreaded that "user" moniker ever since. I've always said "Charity begins at home" If we aren't charitable at home with the immediate family, how can we be charitable outside of it. We haven't been perfect with this, we've made mistakes....one of them when the boy was older; and that has been harder for us to get over. Sadly enough, to the best of our ability we have gone out of our way NOT to use other parents to do something, get something or be something we aren't. As parents of a different district that where we live, we still don't know a lot of people. When the boy was younger we simply didn't have the access; although at one point the cuter half and I were the school supply suppliers, we were the people they called if someone needed books, a coat or shoes. We were helpful. We believed in God, Karma and doing nice things for those who need it.

Where we got suckered was thinking that some people needed help that really didn't. Taking advantage of  others was not something we were into and it turns out that we were, in a bizarre turn of events taken advantage of and expected to come back and say, "Yes sir may we have some more?"
We are still getting ourselves back. last week was tough, the boy was not grasping what needed to be done and too unmotivated to do things correctly.

I wonder if we are missing the program or just creating our own?



Saturday, January 21, 2012

"It matters Not what someone is born but what they grow to be"*

The boy is going to be learning something today.
He is going to be learning that he is different. We never told him before. Not that we didn't want to, it just never came up as a topic of conversation. He knows he as Aspergers and he hates it.....yes he does hate his Aspergers. He hasn't grasped yet that his Aspergers is part of who he is. It is a piece of him; kind of like being an obnoxious goofball is a part of me (it's OK, I know it already so I am allowed to acknowledge it.) He has to make the Aspergers work for him and not him working for it.

After the debacle of final exams this semester he is not necessarily in a good place. His grades are still in the "B" range, His lack of effort with his finals was commented on and notated by his parents, counselors at school and teachers.
We are appalled.

The cuter half and I are not two people who go about wasting our time. Those of us who really know us know we are busy people, we have things to do, places to go and people we want to see and make plans with. Actually, we are pretty direct (no not really) and the cute one tells me I am as subtle as a blunt axe. So when the boy doesn't do what he is supposed to do, we all stay up much to late and then we go off and insist that he study.....As I mentioned to a family member, the grades weren't "fatal" but the thing of it is HE HAS TO WORK HARDER than most people. It's the facts unfortunately. He does have a lot to prove, that he is smart, that he is a good person, that he has to leave the Aspergers for the bedroom or the front door.

In fact, I have told the few gen friends when they come over here, he is different than when he is at school. At school he is supposedly much more uptight. At least that is what I hear. I don't know for certain and I have not a clue how things are really going. There are times when I wish I had a tape recorder or something in the lining of his backpack just to see what REALLY happens over there.

Most people see a kid like ours as a social and economic detriment. I realize that's harsh, but we hear people talking and we know by the looks what they are thinking. What, you people don't think we know? Yes we know, and we know that in our relative isolation we are doing the BEST that we can and the boy is learning new things all the time. Maybe not at the rate of the gens but darn well close enough.

Tonight is a classic example. The boy wanted to make dinner for cute one and I. We concurred and told him he could as long as he had all the ingredients and we didn't have to go shopping. We've already had our salad. We woke the boy (he was taking a nap)....and chorused, "We are hungry, when is dinner?" He woke up when he realized that HE was making dinner and we were holding him to it; he  is learning to use the mandolin (a piece of cooking equipment not the instrument) and baking fish.....and whatever else. We are doing to him as he has done by us. "I'm hungry can I have a snack?" "I'll do it, even though I have worked all day and shoveled snow."

Tonight, the boy is doing it all himself. Everything. Cute one is watching to make certain the boy doesn't burn down the house....and I am hiding in the office blogging....The hang up is that the boy is caught up with a recipe ("We don't have krispie cereal. What should I use?"). The boy's perfectionism is coming out and the boy doesn't believe he can do anything without a piece of paper or a picture. Kind of like Great Auntie's beer bread recipe that we all have memorized he is still not able to work without that piece of paper.

The boy has had about enough of us- or so he says. He is learning tonight; I pray what he grows to be is better than what he thinks he is right now.








*JK Rowling

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Foot in Mouth disease

Foot-and-mouth disease or hoof-and-mouth disease (Aphtae epizooticae) is an infectious and sometimes fatal viral disease that affects cloven-hoofed animals, including domestic and wild bovids. The virus causes a high fever for two or three days, followed by blisters inside the mouth and on the feet that may rupture and cause lameness.
Foot-and-mouth disease is a severe plague for animal farming, since it is highly infectious and can be spread by infected animals through aerosols, through contact with contaminated farming equipment, vehicles, clothing or feed, and by domestic and wild predators.[1] Its containment demands considerable efforts in vaccination, strict monitoring, trade restrictions and quarantines, and occasionally the elimination of millions of animals.

_______________________________________________________________________________
Foot in mouth disease also can occur with humans. When you may ask? I will tell you, as I am an expert in opening my big mouth and insterting my foot WAYYYY in.
Recently, a dear friend posted something that I shared on FB. I shared it because it wrought me so badly and it really was something to think about.
Essentially, somone in our situation (A parent of a child on the autism spectrum) was asked by a member of their church WHY they went to church and how they could since it was obvious that their child and family were hated by God and seen as an abomination.

SAY WHAT?

Seriously, someone really had the audacity to be "called by God" to say something in inadvertantly cruel and unkind to another family of a child with a disability. It blows my little mind to pieces.
I will say that I did tell people that I am afraid to go to church. Our prior experiences has made me rather gun shy. I am scared about becoming attached and I feel I am safer if I keep away and go when the cuter half makes me. It's sad, as I have said before, church and family was where I thought we were safe. Now I know we are only safe with "some" family and maybe my cousin's church (I wish it weren't so far away)

Going back to earlier in the blog; reading about someone thinking that these Autism spectrum kids are an abomination? Please.

SO kids, today we are gonna learn about that big word: abomination.
Abomination is defined:
1. anything abominable; anything greatly disliked or abhorred.
2. intense aversion or loathing; detestation.
3. a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc.
 
Practical uses:
The abomination in todays example, is the fact that this sanctimonious hag-person thinks it is acceptable to say something cruel, un-Christian and mean-spirited to the family with the kid on the spectrum.

The abomination in todays example, is the fact that there are "callings by God" and there are "callings by the devil" and knowing the difference between the two. Usually if it is hurtful and done in spite or ignorance it is a calling by the devil. Generally speaking if you are hurting the person and they are caring for their child or family member do this, "SHUT THE _____ UP and don't say or do anything that could be viewed as offensive."

The abomination in todays example, is the ignorance that is not necessarily forgiveable. I have always thought that ignorance is a solvable offence. Although those who ARE ignorant usually delight in being so and making the enlightened correction is totally not going to happen.

So what does abomination mean to the Mom of the kid on the spectrum? At this point the Mom is wondering why she gave dip____ her cell phone number. Then she is questioning her sanity and then she is desirous of telling this sanctimonious slimeball where to go. Wait, it is likely he is already there, and just doesn't know it yet. Whoops.

Oh wait, that's me several summers ago when some old slimy geezer kept calling the boy by the wrong name (on purpose to piss me off). OOPS. Sorry, wrong scenario.

See even the best intentions can get the better of anyone. We all revert to past painful experiences when we are hurt.....

Our kids, or at least mine and the other ones I know well are marvelous kids. They are sweet, funny, laughs alot (one of the boy's friends has my most favorite laugh in the world....right from the gut it is beautiful), smarter than smart and REALLY good people. THe boy will have NOTHING to do with smutty TV...as he puts it, "That is just too inappropriate for me.I will have to go watch something else now."

Like the word abomination; foot in mouth disease in humans is a big problem. My thought is: if you are gonna insert your foot in your mouth you had better do it right and at least take off your shoes first.


Oh, and don't tell that kid on the spectrum's Mom the kid is an abomination. It's pretty likely the parent will wish a malediction on you (or at least I would anyway).




Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It's 1:45 AM

The cuter half and I hadn't stayed up this late in forever.

We didn't want to....it's finals week and we have to have our game on.

The boy, being the considerate creature that he is "forgot" his required study guides that are part of his final grade for classes. We were up with him SO LATE and we were, less than amused by doing so.

Let me say here and now, we love this kid. We have given up whatever modicum of a life we have had for him. We help him, we pay for his stuff and we work with him to learn about life. Telling us at the eleventh hour that he needs to have 5 study guides done by the next day is a punishable offence.

I got a call today. From a counselor/social worker at school. Naturally it was about how MEAN we are and we don't understand him and we don't love him and we are horrible people. Whatever.
We were up until 1:45 getting him to get the game face on....working our heads off organizing and helping him find answers to a bazillion questions. It really makes one think about what in the _____ they are doing up that early in the AM and NOT after a night of partying.

We were/are annoyed.

Over all Cutie and I don't ask for a lot. We ask the boy to be considerate of our time, your time and anyone who interacts with him time.
It's not much. But it is important.

In life, do you get to stomp all over time? No you don't. We all have to work with time frames of some sort and scheduling and all that. Lately I haven't been able to do the timing thing like I would want to. I have had to multiple reschedule an appointment because the boy hasn't given me appropriate information.

That being said, asking a teen Aspie boy for information is kind of like asking my kitty Garfy to proofread my blog. Totally off the mark and not going to happen. Although, at this point in life I would bet Garfy would do a better job than the boy would....but then again I am extremely tired and a little biased right now.

Anyhow, we are looking at the boy and HOW he is not doing things right. He does rebel/ retaliate. Tonights episode has him busted up one side and down the others. I contacted his coach and asked him WHERE the boy was and why things were running so late the night before finals started. Turns out the boy had been released a while before we heard from him. The boy was being typical and ignoring us. HE was/is in big trouble for messing about.

Oh, and he is grounded. Again....from what we haven't decided yet but it will be worked out after this week....we are thinking of creative ideas.... I am thinking he should be the new "grounds crew" and the chief bottle washer....that would go for about 2 weeks with NO video games, or fun....
You ask what we are punishing him for? For "forgetting" the 5 study guides, and for not leaving on time after practice....Now I am wondering HOW many times he has left late after practice and we are so lame we didn't even know it.....

The funny part is, the boy thinks we are so boring and dumb that we don't do anything at all. If he only knew about the cuter half and I and how much we did....before boy.....Yes we had a life....and we still do it is different now....it is his life. Maybe that is what the gens don't understand; we have a life or were picked for a life that isn't what we wanted to do but it is what it is and the life we are at is the one that involves every level of the boy....

I am so tired.

Friday, January 13, 2012

A second bathroom

There are days when I wish we lived in a bigger house.

I dream of a second bathroom. I dream of more space and maybe a room to do art projects or just a space to think a think or write a thought. Not having to fight for space with the e-bay stuff or having Garfy tell me that it is time I was petting him and not trying to keep my sanity by writing.

The boy has a normal teenage tendancy to spend time in the bathroom. I really wouldn't care, but we only have ONE bathroom and it is really getting to the point where we need more than one. The boy has this tendency to spend time in the shower, rarely using soap or washing himself but larking about in the bathroom supposedly taking a shower. I know what he is doing in there, is is called the m-word.

I feel like I am living a dual reality.
Today I was informed that the life I am living is a choice. This was by a person whose son has a learning disability. For those of you who didn't know. I have a learning disability too. Mine was in math and I can read backwards; I was/am terrible at algebra and geometry, the reading backwards is fun when we are out and people are drunk..... I am certain math is all pretty logical, but I never got it. Like Anne of the Island, when the teacher would change the letters in geometry I would get all mixed up and get everything wrong.

Living with a child/young adult with a HANDICAP is different than living with a learning disability. Learning disabilities are just that....and can be worked around- I find excel to be an amazing product....it is all formulas, like in math and I love them. My excel spreadsheets are a wonder to behold- I really GET the formulas and how to make it work. A handicap is NOT a choice.....and we don't get to choose how we live when managing my son's HANDICAP. According to this administrator I make a choice to live the way I do (relative isolation because we don't know many people or our neighbors)....and I was told that she ought to know because her son has a learning disability- apparently, to her, it is all the same thing so those kids who are having problems socially are just choosing too and Temple Grandin has made it all up in an elaborate ruse (she didn't say that but it was implied).

ARE YOU ______ KIDDING ME?

Some of these people really need to think before they open their mouths. I offered to let her come here and she could explain to my son how this is a choice....I need a night or two off anyway and so does the cuter half....she didn't go for it. Chicken. They never do.

To clarify:
the definition of HANDICAP- A condition that markedly restricts a person's ability to function physically, mentally, or socially.
the definition of LEARNING DISABILITY- A condition giving rise to difficulties in acquiring knowledge and skills to the normal level expected of those of the same age.

HMMMM there seems to be quite a difference in the definitions of these terms .

From what I could gather, this person was saying that my son with his lifelong HANDICAP should be at the same level as someone with a learning disability? And I am choosing to live with neighbors that won't talk to me? OK, let's remember the night the boy left here in handcuffs because the cops had to escort him to the ambulance after a meltdown. WOULD you want to talk to the family who had that happen? I certainly wouldn't; it is NO great shock that the neighbors don't come pounding down our door with coffee and cookies.

Because of this adminstrator's comment, I have immediately dismissed this person as someone with power and very little actual knowledge. As I have said before, "With excess money there comes a leakage of common sense. Money seems to drain the common sense right out the window."



________________________________________________________________________________
There are nights when I should leave the RX tea alone and just go to bed....tonight seems to be one of them.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

blood sugar levels

Here is another topic that can bring out the ire of the average parent.

The boy has decided that eating his sandwiches at lunch time is optional.....this means that by the time he gets home from school we need to take food throw it at him and run until he eats and is more tolerable.

Ultimately, this means that he needs to eat at lunch times. He mentioned that he didn't eat because he doesn't want it to affect his weight

Otherwise he goes into "jerk" mode. And even though I am his Mom....teachers aren't paid enough to put up with him when he is in "jerk" mode. I don't get paid enough to put up with that either. The cuter half even took me to task tonight for getting on the boy's butt for "misplacing" things.

My timing was bad. I should just wait, take a day off and go thru the boy's bedroom when he isn't home. At least we would be able to walk into the room.

All of this reminds me of middle school. There was an initiative to ban treats and not allow kids to eat outside of the cafeteria. This was done with poor planning. There were kids in activities that would be at school ALL day and not have any food until late at night? Ridiculous. The Cuter half and I would joke that we would just have food, not talk and wait until the boy had eaten in the car THEN talk to him when he had gotten home....


Today was a major flashback. Now, to put it out there it is the BOY that has to eat, and do it and not waste time. For 2 days in a row he hasn't touched the sandwich part of his lunch and won't tell us why. Which means that Mr. Cranky-Butt has to get over himself and actually be responsible enough to eat and stop screwing around. The school can't fix the boy, but they can work on the situation and the choice he is making NOT to eat when he should be taking the time to eat.


What does all this mean? It means that the boy HAS to eat during lunch. I don;t care if the kids are running through the hallways screaming (I was gonna say something else....) and there is a fire truck in the door way....tell the boy to EAT even when he says he isn't hungry. SO WHAT? EAT lunch or your Mom is gonna have what she calls a "holy hell-cow fit."

I am getting too tired for all this stuff.....

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The _______ soap (Language alert)

The boy refuses to use soap. "I don't like soap, any soap" He stinks like a camel on the Arabian Desert. The boy yells about how we obsess over him stinking but won't shut up long enough to realize that we wouldn't get on his ass if he would use the soap and wash his hair and himself.

I was going to make him wash again but the cuter half told me not to push it....

Why the ___ hell can't this kid use soap? I buy the scents the boy tells me he likes I go out of my way to find the stuff the boy says he wants and he refuses to use the #@*&%^+$ soap.
The boy is too old to have me in the bathroom dumping soap on him while he showers....but I am getting to that point.

Damn it.

After one blanking bleeping phone call from someone the boy turns on the super stupid and is completely incapable of handling anything. It is so frustrating. He doesn't what this person bothering him, he refuses to call or talk to this person, and when this person calls the boy goes back about a million steps and is back to the non-soap using bit that he was at when seeing this person.

Now we have to fight over soap and washing with it.

I am so sick of this crap.

Mom Jean's reseach....in depth.

Today I am sharing a link that I found to be impressive research and perfect for those Mom's who are not ready for the "mom jean" syndrome.

I myself have always held to the adage "Nice Mommies don't wear jeans like that" and made certain I bought those. My Aspie son is a fashion critic....who knew?

Read and enjoy. I know I did.
http://www.graspingforobjectivity.com/2009/03/mom-jeans-and-dreaded-long-butt.html

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Hot Topic: Childhood Obesity

I saw this ad that is being run in Georgia on the  news this AM. It is a direct plea to parents to help their kids with diabetes, hypertension, and heart issues.
It melted me.
We have been there.
The boy was obese for a number of years. He went back into the gen school population ate the cafeteria food and piled on the pounds. He was upwards of 210. His cholesterol was in the 290's. He was a fat kid. We watched his weight....we were careful at home we tried.

At his doctor's request we got a LOT of expensive blood work done. It was all out of network and cost us an arm, leg and several chunks of hair. The doc called us while we were on a trip and told us that if we didn't alter the boy's diet and exercise MORE the boy would die by the time he was 20. The boy couldn't keep going like this.

We cut out everything. No juice, no pop, veggies were purreed and stuck in EVERYTHING.....most of the time you didn't know you were eating a veggie. Jessica Steinfeld's book was helpful in teaching us HOW to puree the veggies.....we froze them and eat them ALL the time. No fast food, no junk food, all baked if we had chips. Reading the food labels and comparing at the grocery store.

The boy cooperated. What we did; we gave "carte blanche" to the doc. I told the pediatrician to tell the boy whatever he wanted to make the diet happen. Anything went I didn't care WHAT it was the doc said, just say it and make the boy want to loose the weight. The doc did and the boy did and he lost weight. The boy lost weight and we were getting phone calls about it, and you know what? The boy is better, healthier and happier at the weight he is now that he was when he was heavier.....

THIS is about the parents being parents. It is OUR JOB to make certain the kids are healthy, not overweight and eating appropriately. Which means if it is easy or fast it is crap; don't eat the junk food, the fast food or the other garbage, school cafeteria food is OUT ....avoid it.

An early diet example: the boy was at a school activity for a class. He had brought his dinner, and was told to go to a fast food place to eat. Much to the teacher's chagrin the boy refused to buy anything. Later he told me that he was tempted but he was scared. At the time he told a classmate, "This food will kill me. I can't have it and if I eat it I won't stop." The classmate encouraged the boy NOT to get anything and wait until they got back to the buses and eat the food he had brought. He needed the help at the begining of the diet. He had NO will-power and staying OFF the fries, deep fat fried food and other crap was difficult. This was hard for about 6 months. Then it became easier.....soon it became a habit. Now it is a rare every 6 month treat......most of the time he doesn't even finish it and now it does make him sick so eating fast food is not with out its poor side effects.

This ain't no popularity contest and I will say here and now I am not out to win friends with the boy or anything. He was a porker and needed to watch it. We were watching him get bigger and didn't know what else to do about it. We were scared, and having scared parents....well you know it is bad then. For those of you who don't like how I write about the boy- maybe you need to think about how you react to what is being written. IT is the facts, kids in this country are FAT, they eat junk and they are going to die young.

The cuter half and I walk down the street and we wonder if doc's have given what we call "the talk" (you need to go on a diet or you will die) to other kids. We see overweight kids out and around. Some have trouble riding their bikes down to the park....others need to get off the power scooters and RUN.

No more video games, no sitting on their butts....OUT of the house, I don't care if you are pulling the legs off ants; I want you out running, playing basketball, kicking a soccer ball and out from underfoot. Go mess in the garden....dig up whatever you want, but don't come in the house until  you are sweaty and need a shower. We turned off the video games, we turned off the TV in the bedroom....we tell him to go run or if he wants to go to a gym he can run there too....just get out of the house work out and come home.

Ours won't die young from obesity; he is on his diet now, eating veggies first, then fruit, then meat then starch. He is FULL. He doesn't require snacks, we rarely have cookies or goodies in the house....go get a piece of fruit.

Childhood obesity is managed at home, then the kids mangage themselves at school...We've done it and we have worked darn hard....all 3 of us.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

"What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."

Henry David Thoreau

This is the year that I have decided to read all the books I had read before and even some classics I had heard about.....
Kind of a bucket list thing. I might not see all the things I want to see before I die but I am going read all the things I've either wanted to read, have read or just heard about.
When I was young....I loved reading. I would read anything. I enjoyed Beowolf, loved the Canterbury Tales, wanted to read and digest Emerson, thought Hawthorne was the best and devoured Shakespeare. In fact, in college, I would grab Shakespeare's plays and read them to relax after studying.

I was a true and total nerd.

When I was a new Mom I didn't let the boy watch TV...we watched Talking Heads videos and sang " Burning Down the House"; Laurie Anderson, Larry Norman and Iggy Pop were the lullibies I sang. At the time I didn't realize that my avante guarde musical tastes would mean that he either wouldn't really care for music or would end up stuck in the 80's.

The funny thing is...I get all over the boy to read these classics...and I realized I had mind numbed myself by reading my favorites over and over and numbed my brain. Many times to shut down or out and not HAVE to think. Normally thinking so much during the day, planning and figuring it all out...well numbing the brain helps one forget, at least for a while.

The last few years many things have hurt me deeply and I have not been able to concentrate or make myself read something anything that makes me think....therein lies the rub....I need to read to expand and grow but yet it hurts to make myself think and not just reat books on Aspergers, Autism or other things regarding disabilities.

Being the creative parent that I am I started reading....plays. Yup, plays. Pygmalion aka My Fair Lady was the first one......as an adult I now understand what Eliza saw in Freddie. She saw kindness....and that is important. When I was young I didn't understand what she saw in a man that would write her "sheets and sheets." regarding his love for her and how truely kind he was. I had always viewed him as the biggest wimp that ever walked. Now I do understand that kindness and love walk hand in hand. With age comes wisdom....

This months reading option is Walden. I have only gotten into a couple of pages and may have to go back and re-read some of it but reading the I-book is helpful....it is easy to tote around and I can book mark the quotations I like and hopefully remember them.

Why is doing this stuff important? Well, mentally I am preparing myself. There is going to come a time where I have to be ready to do something else. I would be the Mom of a kid on the spectrum forever. I will be the mom of a chef or the mom of a kid who is working at "xyz" and doing "lmnop".....so that being said developing what is left of the brain God gave me seemed like a good idea. Mind you, the Aspergers part and the Autism won't be going anywhere. It will still be a part of our lives but it will be at a different level. I won't be in the front seat managing it....but I will be in the background helping with directions or reading the map.....

With the great literature. I miss drawing, painting and making things. I've attempted to use scrapbooking and designing photo albums as that outlet but it isn't the same. IT helps but being creative means that I am better at not eating my way thru the kitchen when I am bored or trying to figure out all the details of what the boy needs to do...

The cuter half and I are constantly molding, pushing, directing or moving the background to a workable position. IF you have ever seen Sunday in the Park with George there is a song "Finishing the Hat," the refrain goes, 
Mapping out a sky.
What you feel like, planning a sky.
What you feel when voices that come
Through the window
Go
Until they distance and die,
Until there's nothing but sky

Well, as the parent of a kid like ours...there are times when life feels that way. There is nothing wrong with it and singing that song makes me think of that wonderful painting....and expanding and growing. Which for us means reading....and not just some books on what to do with our kid but books real books about life and theory and....well you get the picture.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Getting stuck in a rut.

Being stuck in the proverbial rut doesn't mean you are deathly dull boring.

It means you may need a new way of looking at things.
We are stuck in a rut. OR are we being consistent with ourselves....OHHHHH deep question and interesting concept.

The cuter half relaxes by watching TV. I can do that but I would rather be sitting with him on the couch than zoned out in a chair. BORING...and ergo we are in a rut.....

So what happens is he watches TV, the boy goes to bed and I zone out playing on FB or blogging with no particular direction but that I know I am bored, tired and just don't feel like doing much else.

Little Garfy sits on the printer wanting to be petted, and he decides when I have written enough. He will climb down to sit on my lap and then tell me that I need to stop and pay attention to him. Poor kitty, he is in a rut too.

Popular belief is that ruts can be will fully removed by doing new things, working on goals or just trying to get things done.
\

SURE it can.

For a short while that works appropriately. Then we get busy, tired or, just wanting to do it later....and later becomes a week, month or year later.....and you are back in the original rut.

This year I am starting out slow we are gonna put pictures in all the Christmas ornaments that require family pictures...currently these lovely tree hangings have marvelous pictures of other people. I started out strong. I changed the pictures on two of the boy's tree ornaments....now for the one's on out tree.

Good God it is only the first day of the year and I am getting myself out of a rut! What NEXT??

the New Year

Going into this new year...just the few short hours of it....well, is like a blank book. It is fun and exciting to see what will happen....and nerve wracking to wonder what the boy will do after hs.

The possiblities and doors are all open.

Rather than get into some slog about goals, or dreams and fears and being scared of what will happen I am going to post an Amy Grant song. Her music has always encouraged me and I am hoping that this song will help you too.
Enjoy the challenges, plan ahead and bring on the future!