Sunday, February 26, 2012

What happened to our energy?

The cuter half and I were talking last night.

We used to have SO MUCH energy. We could pack quite a lot into one weekend and finish projects, complete ideas and work on things that we wanted to get done. We would re-do the family room, pull up carpeting, clean the garage, paint the patio, re-shelve the boy's room....the whole thing.

Now we can't. After a day of working, dealing with school or helping with homework we are zoned.

It isn't the boy's fault but he has NO concept on how draining he is. He doesn't get a break from us and we don't from him and well when we are home with him I am O'D-ing on coffee (10 cups on Friday to keep me upright while I was home with him dealing with the flu). It is a lot to handle and although the cuter one and I are doing OK we realized how exhausted we are and what we are doing to keep going (which is nothing- we sit there almost like zombies).

The thing is (yup another thing) the cute one and I aren't old. We are relatively young. We love to do a lot of stuff anything from going to the local museums to walking around and talking to eating at a cafe. There isn't a lot that we won't try (bungy jumping is out) and we have a lot of experiences with life and art and things just by learning about the things around us.

However, we have been on a "mission" to culture up the boy. It hasn't been easy. We had him watch "Of Mice and Men" as he is "reading" the book at school. Last night it was the "Grapes of Wrath" and the cuter one was trying to explain to the boy that the family didn't WANT to leave their home and go be pickers in California.The boy was all excited that the family got to go to California.

Next is gonna be art. I know, I am not what one would think of as a teacher when one sees a sculpture or a painting. Guess what porkchop? I can ID a picture of a statue and tell you what it is by only seeing the picture. I can also tell you something ABOUT the sculpture and why things were done the way they were and why the "Moses" was done with horns (a misread of the Bible). I have some old art books that were my mainstay as a kid and I loved them. I am pulling them now so the boy will know what the Sistene Chapel is, where the sculpture of "David" is located and who drew the sketches at the Art museum.

If the last 4 days are any example of what life is gonna be like after HS we are screwed.

You do realize all of this will be lost on the boy. He has NO interest in art and showing him a nude statue will only elicite the response, "That is totally inappropriate."
We have our work cut out for us.

Although we believe he should have been reading or watching the classics at school we have spent almost the entire year on one book....the cuter half and I are trying to get the classics read here at home. We expect a lot. Lit classes at the educational level are a gross disappointment. I have been saying that for years. Ergo every weekend the cute one is looking up movies or something for the boy to see and we are working at this to make certain the boy has SOME exposure.

As I have said, the cuter one and I have absolutely NO energy left. Nada.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Beck article in Amarillo Globe News

I think this applies to special ed families.
Maybe people would enjoy us more if we were more patient kind and tolerant like we are with our kids and how we expect everyone one else to be. (THIS doesn't quantify making FUN or encouraging poor behavior of said special ed student- this is the stuff for school, and potential employment)
I am just as bad as anyone so you don't have to say that I am preaching....I am getting after myself too.

(Although if I or the cuter half do mention to do something with the boy then it is likely that we know what we are talking about and maybe one should listen)
 Take a read:
http://amarillo.com/lifestyle/faith/2012-02-10/bait-and-switch-afflicts-contemporary-christian-society#.T0hg7U39CsY.facebook

Beck: Bait and switch afflicts contemporary Christian society

Posted: February 10, 2012 - 10:44pm
To start, a story.
A few years ago, a female student wanted to visit with me about some difficulties she was having, mainly with her family life. As is my practice, we walked around the Abilene Christan University campus as we talked.
After talking for some time about her family situation, we turned to other areas of her life. When she reached spiritual matters we had the following exchange:
“I need to spend more time working on my relationship with God.”
I responded, “Why would you want to do that?”
Startled, she said, “What do you mean?”
“Well, why would you want to spend any time at all on working on your relationship with God?”
“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”
“Let me answer by asking you a question. Can you think of anyone, right now, to whom you need to apologize? Anyone you’ve wronged?”
She thought and answered, “Yes.”
“Well, why don’t you give them a call today and ask for their forgiveness? That might be a better use of your time than working on your relationship with God.”
Obviously, I was being a bit provocative with the student, and I did go on to clarify. But I was trying to push back on a strain of Christianity I see in both my students and the larger Christian culture. Specifically, when the student said, “I need to work on my relationship with God,” I knew exactly what she meant.
It meant praying more, getting up early to study the Bible, to start going back to church. Things along those lines. The goal of these activities is to get “closer” to God. To “waste time with Jesus.” Of course, please hear me on this point, nothing is wrong with those activities. Personal acts of piety and devotion are vital to a vibrant spiritual life and continued spiritual formation. But all too often “working on my relationship with God” has almost nothing to do with trying to become a more decent human being.
The trouble with contemporary Christianity is a massive bait-and-switch is going on. “Christianity” has essentially become a mechanism for allowing millions of people to replace being a decent human being with something else, an endorsed “spiritual” substitute.
For example, rather than being a decent human, the following is a list of some commonly acceptable substitutes: Going to church, worship, praying, spiritual disciplines (e.g., fasting), Bible study, voting Republican, going on spiritual retreats, reading religious books, arguing with evolutionists, sending your child to a Christian school or providing education at home, using religious language, avoiding R-rated movies, not reading Harry Potter.
The point is one can fill a life full of spiritual activities without ever actually trying to become a more decent human being. Much of this activity can actually distract one from becoming a more decent human being. In fact, some of these activities make you worse, interpersonally speaking. Many churches are jerk factories.
Take, for example, how Christians tip and behave in restaurants. If you have ever worked in the restaurant industry, you know the reputation of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Millions of Christians go to lunch after church on Sundays and their behavior is abysmal. The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of Earth.
I exaggerate, of course. But I hope you see my point. Rather than pouring our efforts into two hours of worship, Bible study and Christian fellowship on Sunday, why don’t we just take a moment and a few extra bucks to act like a decent human being when we go to lunch afterward?
Just think about it. What if the entire restaurant industry actually began to look forward to working Sunday lunch? If they said amongst themselves, “I love the church crowd. They are kind, patient and very generous. It’s my favorite part of the week, waiting on Christians.” How might such a change affect the way the world sees us? Think about it. Just being a decent human being for one hour each Sunday and the world sees us in a whole new way.
But it’s not going to happen. Because behavior at lunch isn’t considered to be “working on your relationship with God.” Behavior at lunch isn’t spiritual. Going to church, well, that is working on your relationship with God. But, as we all know, any jerk can sit in a pew. But you can’t be a jerk if you take the time to treat your waitress as if she were your friend, daughter or mother.
My point in all this is contemporary Christianity has lost its way. Christians don’t wake up every morning thinking about how to become a more decent human being. Instead, they wake up trying to “work on their relationship with God,” which very often has nothing to do with treating people better.
How could such a confusion have occurred? How did we end up going so wrong? I’m sure there are lots of answers, but at the end of the day we need to face up to our collective failure. I’m not saying we need to do anything dramatic. A baby step would do to start. Waking up trying to be a little more kind, more generous, more interruptible, more forgiving, more humble, more civil, more tolerant. Do these things, and prayer and worship will come alongside to support us.
I truly want people to spend time working on their relationship with God. I just want them to do it by taking the time to care about the person standing right in front of them.

Richard Beck is Professor and Department Chair of Psychology at Abilene Christian University. He is the author of Unclean: Meditations on Purity, Hospitality and Mortality. This essay orginally appeared on his blog, Experimental Theology.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Dealing with sick kid and homework

There is nothing like a sick Aspie teen.

Ours has had a stint of projectile vomiting in 3 rooms....not eating, refusing to cooperate. His pediatrician thinks he is a jerk (as do we) although we realize he is a crabby pants because he doesn't feel well.
The best part is he has a TON of homework that the cuter half and I would have NEVER known about because the boy would have NEVER told us.

He is working on it now.

He still has a migrane. He still wants to watch TV and videos He still wants my help after shouting at me and telling me to shut the ___ up.

I am letting turd boy stew in his own juices.

I have no intention of helping him right now. I am still pissed.

NO ONE, I mean NO ONE talks to me like that.
I gave birth to this kid and I am not putting up with his crap. He is finding that his mom will turn around walk away and leave him to his own devices and his dad won't put up with his garbage either....it is awfully BORING when the rights are removed from the home and I am back at no more tv no more fun....he needs to get his head out of his butt and be nice or life will be much much worse. I could give a rats how sick he has been....I am not tolerating poor inexcuseable behavior.




Monday, February 20, 2012

We are ready.

I think there is a reason most kids take a gap year before going to college. It is MUCH more common in Europe with weathier families than here and I am starting to think that it is a good idea.

Having some different experiences outside of school environment may give you a bigger reason to study OR pay point you in a different direction than you had been in before.

The boy is struggling this year. He has a number of TOUGH classes and the teachers are harder and he is really working hard. His friend is tutoring him....thank God. I don't know what we would do without this person....she is helping tremendously and she has some great ideas for tutoring and I think that she would be good at it professionally.

The cuter half and I are exhausted from trying to explain tapeworms and ringworms and round worms and wormy worms and....well you can tell where I am going. I think I struggle with the worm bit. I am not good at icky animals....I can manage doggies, kitties, whales, horses, goats, and cute things....worms are not my forte.

Maybe it is the first time the boy has ever studied with a friend. Most of the time it is the cuter half and I making up a baseball game (with cards and the whole thing....it's a competition here) or it is making it LOOK like a book and trying to encorage the work on that end like reading a story or something.

I am thinking we are ready for the boy to be done with school for a while. I know for myself I would like a summer off of homework....although I think the boy would last a week and then he would be bored stiff and need something to do....maybe a job and school? Perchance.

Or maybe this gap year thing with volunteering, helping and trying new things locally....a find yourself kind of year. HE has his direction....and we have to keep him motivated but it is hard with the parents feeling older than their real age and rather worn out ant tired.

Oh and another thing....if the boy takes my soy milk again I will make him pay me for more....

no anger or anything....just putting it out there.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I heard it on the radio

This morning the boy and I were listening to the radio.

80's on 8 and Belinda was singing about "Heaven on Earth" The boy had a good question, "Why is she talking about Heaven on Earth Mom, Heaven is beyond the clouds in the sky."

I tried to explain that while on earth we have to make our own heaven. We have to select the people, places and things that mean a lot to us. We have our little family, my mom, his dad's family and our extended family and friends that help us appreciate what we have on earth. That is comparable to heaven on earth.

Is there really heaven on earth. Well I don't know. I think that is akin to being contented where you are. We are where we are because we are supposed to be. Like last night, the boys were watching Star Trek, I wasn't in the mood for a movie so I was cleaning up kitchen mess and getting the laundry organized and at one point I thought, "I am where I am supposed to be for right now." I am supposed to be here rinsing a dish with ranch dressing stuck to it.
Not real dramatic, or exciting and certainly NOT what I expected but it is what it is.

I had always thought that heaven was what you make here on earth. Not that we worship at an earthly level or anything, but that God has us create and show an example of what heaven would be like. Maybe it isn't perfect, I know ours isn't, but maybe it is right for the people involved. In the Bible it says that what we do here on earth is what creates for us in heaven. Maybe we don't have much on earth, maybe like the poor woman at church we give our last denari, but maybe we do and give all we can for what God asks us to do.

Many times I have said that the cuter half and I are chosen by God to have the kid that we have. Frankly speaking, the cuter have opted in for this. The cute one chose to hang out with me, my kid and all the baggage. Maybe some would say the cute one was "called" or maybe God chose him. I do know that the boy and I would not have the wonderful life that we have with out him.

Being chosen means that we have to make our things work for us. We have to try harder, work more...assage fears. There is a phrase that comes to mind that was big when I was in HS church group, "Be more than conquerors."

Hopefully, my explanation to the boy about heaven on earth was enough. Quite possibly I totally botched it. The theology of me is not exactly perfect and I remember a missionary told me once to, "Quit reading between the lines of the Bible, it is what it is. Don't make it so complicated."

Ergo, we have heaven on earth when we are contented and not fighting against what God has given us.....


Thursday, February 16, 2012

we aren't like this really

Removed for editing.

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We aren't like this really.

We aren't mean (unless provoked).

We aren't rude (mostly).



We are tough. Hard as nails to some (at least that is their misguided opinion).

We have learned the hard way not to believe everything we are told. Doc’s misdiagnosing the boy has raised our “Say what?” factor to almost a desultory degree.

As an attorney I know used to say, "There are 3 sides to every story: Her side, His side and the Truth." He was right.

We aren't proud of being the way we are either.

We have dealt with what we have been given and good or bad it is what it is.

We are who and what we are because of our families, their support (and sometimes lack thereof) and what we know and the experiences that we have had in and out of special education.

We hear a lot of things.

Some people told us the best way to get rid of (Aspergers) is to make it “depart” out of the kid. Seriously, we don't talk to them. (Strangers walk up to one and say the darnest things don't they?) Like it is a demon possession or something….I don’t really think so….

Some other people ask us how evil we are because God has cursed us and we must have been really bad. I know of at least one person that might agree with this one, but sorry that isn’t it either. (Really? Now that is interesting....who knew?)

Some others are ashamed of us. Oops. Can't help you with that one; all I can say is that we might not admit we know you....since you are ashamed of us that shouldn’t bother you though.

Lately I am really tired. Honest.

The boy has been challenging but more because he is insecure with himself. He is not feeling very welcome in his educational environment. Dear friends are encouraging us to home school but I know what would happen….the boy would be homeschooled in history, and some math and totally exempt from everything else. We don’t have the energy to do it. It wouldn’t be fair to him nor would he get an appropriate education.

In the meantime, the cuter half has been making me laugh and telling me funny stories but I am still bone weary tired.

The boy is higher functioning. That means that he is able to do more and qualified for less in the social services department.

Determining the best route to take leads parents like us in a dozen directions.

I think I know where we should go with this and I think the cute one is with me....the boy is not disagreeing right now and next year it may be time for the birds to fly the nest.....






Wednesday, February 15, 2012

NO FILTERS - REPEAT POST

After what happened today, I am using this one from 2010 over. I have changed a little and move some out but otherwise it bears repeating.
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We live with little or no filters.
Many times, what comes in the boy's head goes out the boy's mouth. Most of the time his lack of filters is relatively harmless; stuff we have not discussed at home. Sometimes it is silly; or just should remain unsaid. It is never intentionally vulgar or cruel. Although, thoughtless people might think it is (intentionally vulgar or cruel) because they, like an Aspie, think that everyone is the same and we all live exactly the way they do.


We have found that while making forward changes to the way we do things, there are things we are missing. We have forgotten that most girls are "delicate little flowers" and think pretty highly of themselves. I don't remember my friends and I being like that, maybe we were, but overall I think we were a pretty grounded group and not terribly full of ourselves. Knowing that I only remember myself as a teenager, and having the great parents I had, I am now aware that most teens are not nearly as lucky as I was.

For example, my Dad was on the board of a children's home. This is not a fun, party place, this is a serious thing for kids who have had a bad time of things (beaten, abused or left there). Back before a lot of the help kids get was available; many went to local children's homes. My Dad was part of a Christian one. The banquets were over the holidays; pretty place, good food, lots of tables, and singing kids. Nice party. The real party was several days later. Many times I sat on the floor of a dirty gymnasium in a skirt, clogs, and preppy clothes feeding ice cream to triplets and changing diapers on little babies, so they wouldn't get sent back to the dorms to miss out on the party. This was the real party, and after going to a number of them I can tell you I got over myself fast.

Or another experience, going to a nursing home to visit my then senile grandmother; being a shy little girl, it was pretty scary for me. I was taken around, showed off like a walking doll, and instructed to talk to people even if they shouted at me. I tried, and then begged to be locked in the car to wait for my parents; I was scared. Later, having grandma move in with us when I was in grade school. Being shown to the front door by her on a regular basis (daily, and nightly if she got the chance) and told "Little girl, it is time for you to go home." That gets you over yourself pretty quickly.

I guess what I am saying is, what I am hearing, reading and seeing about the teen girls my son is exposed to right now; well, I frankly feel kind of sorry for him. It seems like "real" girls are somewhat outdated.

Kind of like "real" manners when one is a flight attendant (a friend of mine could attest to this one)...like the person cussing out the boy at Goodwill on Saturday because the guy couldn't leave a used mattress (FYI- it is illegal to donate mattresses).

It appears to me that maybe some of these kids should be living without the filters and maybe the "Light of the World" would shine in and the faux of their existence would no longer matter. Or at least the teen girls my son meets would stop thinking they are "all that" and realize that being "all that" is more or less a dime a dozen and they could go to LA or NY and find many more of "all that" than they ever realized that really are "all that" and getting paid for commercials, waiting tables, and working off student debt.

The other thing that is bothering me what about "disability sensitivity training"? It certainly could be useful and I think doing it in colleges, seminaries, churches and workplaces; all over might be a good way to go. We have experienced lately a goodly amount of one person in particular having little or no sensitivity training for parents of disabled kids. Recently, it has TOTALLY changed the way we do things and although that may be good for us; it is making us more jumpy than ever. I know I am more apt to walk away from almost anything and just not deal with it. It is easier and less stressful; but NOT showing my son a good example.

Kind of a "less is more" situation...maybe less trying to fit into society is more of what we need to do to keep our heads together. Although my head is not at a place where this would really work right now... I do think that just leaving it all and moving on is a more viable option. We will not do that (move away) because it is a bad example, but I would like to sometimes.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Jealousy Makes People Mean.

I am going to credit  a FB friend of mine for this topic.
She had brought up a very good point and in the process a very detailed and involved discussion took part. That sounds much more dramatic than it really was but I know I thought that it was interesting.

Jealousy is really defined in the Old Testament. Adam and Eve's sons Cain and Abel were the classic examples of sibling rivalry turned to a violent jealousy and went completely bad from there. King Saul was jealous of his son's friend David. The women before King Solomon suffered from jealousy and envy fighting over a baby.

Most of the time parents are dealing with some form of jealousy. Either at home amongst the siblings, or the kids coming from school with jealous classmates.

When this has happened to the boy I am often left in a daze thinking, "What in God's green earth would someone want to be jealous of the boy or us for." Good grief....we are the boringest people on the planet. The boy does homework and classes and his sports ALMOST constantly. We have 3 cats that currently smell of "litter box" and need a bath (a real bath not that fake thing they do) and we could stand some let's say "organizational assistance".

Kids making comments about others clothing....that is a common one. I had that all the time. Now looking back, I find it amusing. I was 5 or 6 and I dressed like a college co-ed. My sisters were in college and generally speaking most of the time I was mimicking their clothing choices. My Mom would make smaller patterns of their dresses for me.....it was fun...it was cute. It made me a target so bad that you could have put a bulls eye on my back and made me the permanent target for the school. I was the only gradeschooler I knew that loved her white go-go boots and would wear them with a starched brown dress with white trim.  I didn't start dressing like kids my age until HS. Even then I was finding my own path (I liked collars on men's shirts and would walk out the door with Daddy's cashmere coat given the chance)....college well if anyone made fun of me I certainly didn't hear about it (I had Daddy's cashmere coat by then). My sarcasm would have melted a stone....as did my angry stare (didn't know I had one of those- what a hoot). I learned to make my tools, such as they were, more or less work for me.

IT seems to me that kids make fun of what they like, sometimes or what they wish they had, or what they are uncomfortable with themselves. Or hearing about the truth....but adults have that problem too. They are apt to criticize someone else but if they had to take that criticism themselves it probably wouldn't go over to well.

Oddly enough, the cuter one and I have dealt with the criticism thing a LONG time. Birth order means a lot sometimes. I know with both of us being youngests we have to deal with the "Pleasing" part and the "Why didn't you do *this* as well as your brother did" IT isn't something BAD but it is really rather funny....if you can get us going on it we can tell you "a whale of a tale we swear by our matching tattoos" (sarcasm if you didn't recognize it). We grew up differently...and maybe that is why we understand each other and understand how to explain jealousy to the boy.

He is jealous of those with what he views as superior social skills. HE knows what to do, he has taken all the classes but he doesn't THINK about using the skills until it is too late to use them....or he forgot. Tattooing it to his inner eyelids wouldn't work but we have thought about it. A basic list of do this don't do that.....for him to give up, its easier. That and with his contempt of his disability, well that is something for him to process as well. Nonetheless it still makes him jealous.

I used to be jealous of people who always looked, acted or pretended to be perfect. There were some people I would look at and just wanna barf. And you know what? It's OK that they can put on a better show than I can or tell a better tale or have a better tattoo (just kidding about the tattoo). I have learned to admire qualities about others; qualities I may not have myself....or clothes I know I don't have and you know: IT is all good. I can still want the new Vuitton or Coach and it is all good that I don't have them.

Being jealous of others is tough. Kids have it rough at ANY age and I will tell you that kids take it out on other kids.....and adults take it out on each other too. It took me a number of years to be CONTENT. I don't need more or want more but I will tell you that I am still looking for a new pair of white go-go boots, a men's black cashmere coat and lace up ankle boots....Oh and the Vuitton that the cuter one sold last summer for $2.00......that would be a great thing.

Although things are tough, and it is hard hearing about someones lovely trip or new house or remodeled kitchen. I can admire those things and not WANT them or desire to copy it at the same time. THAT is learned.

ANYWAY back to the topic, jealousy is also learned at home. When cuter half and I started being more content the boy stopped having problems. He is generally content. So if someone is jealous of your kid, or something your kid has it is likely that there is something wrong in that kids home....and that is where you start with your kid....although your kid won't believe you (kid's don't it is in the by-laws).

Jealous people are mean. They just are. Another thing about this is that jealous people are unhappy. Either with how they look, how they dress or what hair style they have, their home, their kid their family....the list can be as large as you can make it. Jealous people make comments about things they know nothing about; they behave rudely and they are unhappy. Jealousy, anger and envy all fit right in a row...trying to make everyone unhappy all together.

It is much easier to be content.

Being content is a learned thing.

Even if someone is jealous of you. Try being content....if nothing else it may make you feel better.

Monday, February 6, 2012

An Autism Expert

The cuter half showed me something interesting.

I read about an "Autism Expert" that has been recently hired locally. My personal experience with "Autism Experts" sort of puts them at a disadvantage. Most people who are "Autism experts" have been, in my experience....a little short on the full picture of our kids or more accurately, my kid. These experts have been notoriously short sighted, they have told us to use cards that say "STOP" during a full blown meltdown. They offer stickers and tell parents, "There needs to be rewards for ethinic backrounds, a boy a girl and a special ed student." NO I am not kidding- totally full blown insulting and really demeaning to the rewards and the kids. Beyond disgusting- Let's give out rewards for those who breathed today. Please.

Frankly anyone who gives my son a reward that he hasn't earned will be looked upon with loathing and it is likely that the reward will be thrown at them and then some choice language will be exhibited. Not by the cute one naturally, the delicate flower that is his wife.

I know, I haven't even met her yet.

I read the paper....you know they really shouldn't let us special ed parents have access to the newspaper....we might read it and find things out. Geez how dumb do you people think we are? We also read between the lines too.....and let me tell you the spaces bettween the lines in this most recent article are QUITE eloquent. I know, suspicious minds are the devil's workshop. Well you know what, there are times when being a bit suspicious of something is a safeguard....and at least if this new one has any sense she will keep her new age hippy crap away from my kid. Oh and mentioning the terms, "developing services" is probably not a total thrill to those who have been thru the educational wars.

IN my defense, our past experiences with the special ed districts and other services red flags were ALL over that article. Freak out red flags (developing her own program- automatic nightmare) where I am praying to God to get thru this last year.....and I swear if she gives me a sticker to give to my kid.....well it may end up in a bathroom somewhere.....or in the bottom of a toilet bowl. Frankly, and NO one wants to hear this the ONLY thing that really works is earning their way out of the self contained bit. Sorry kids, that's it. IF they want to be in challenging classes or using the ole' gray matter they have to earn their way out of the special ed classrooms. Totally up to the kids to be able to handle that.

Ok, that's a bit extreme and I know, "Give the lady a chance." Stop venting and let the program explain itself....


I am thinking the mantra "One More Year" is gonna be right up there with Erma Bombeck's old mantra, "Paul Newman, Paul Newman, Paul Newman..." or my old mantra "Robert Redford, Robert Redford, Robert Redford...."

How about Jimmy Buffett?
I think a good dose of Margaritaville is in order right now....

Friday, February 3, 2012

Being a vulture


I think everyone remembers the "Snoopy Vulture" in Peanuts.
My cat, Little Garfy. does the same thing and has the same look as Snoopy. Little Garfy sits on the printer and stares down as if to let you know that he is watching and it is likely that your hands will become dinner if you don't stop typing soon.

Paying attention to the little things, like the kitty who is doing the kitty rub to get your attention is kind of like what goes on with the boy.

The boy is doing a "Vulture" look- which as a Mom, I believe is from him being insecure. His insecurities stem from a lot of different things. From his hatred of his Aspergers, to his appearance (clothes) to him telling me that he was not happy to find out that something potentially could have been posted on You-Tube. (Thank you to the person that told him it was a hacker. He was absolutely furious.) The You-Tube posting thing has him almost paranoid. I keep telling him it will be OK and no one will do anything like that without his permission. He isn't buying it right now.

The sad thing is, it happened MONTHS ago. Really, it was a long time ago according to the calendar. Every time he gets worried or nervous about it; to him, it is like it happened yesterday and we are back at reliving it all over again. It is like a bad "B" rated movie that never seems to go away. The cuter half and I work hard to distract him and to tell  him not be be concerned. Which, if you think about it, really hacks the cute one and I off that we have to relive the entire thing all over again...with the boy leading the pack of anger, frustration and all the rest.

As far as distraction go, we were fortunate in that there was a cooking contest at my office. The boy has had a positive push this week. He entered the cooking contest and won. It's done for fun and it really is a blast for the participants and the eaters. For him to try, especially after his Mom gives him the "talk". You know the "talk": "It's not important if you win, or if you place. It's important that you tried and maybe you improved." He did improve. He is more experienced with flavors and tastes and what looks good and tastes good than before. He won. I was floored. I texted him right away but it still took me 20 min to convince him that his good friend and I weren't "Yanking him around." and that he really did win.

It isn't often a kid like ours wins. It was perfect timing. He was fussed about the postings he saw....the contest came at exactly the right time. It built him up a lot. He tells us he rarely wins anything any more so this was huge for him. His ability to expend himself beyond his comfort zone is what the cuter half and i have been reaching for. Now to explain password security to him and see how far that goes......

Oddly enough, it is the important people that we know that are the most supportive. They back him up, remind him to study, tell him to work harder. Encourage him....and try to understand him, and the cuter half and I. We are fortunate that they have been willing to take us on....and on that venue we have been learning about social networking sites and we are doing well with what we have but the boy is still very particular. He showed me his "blocked" list and it is longer than I thought it should be. He is still overtly cautions and not very patient. Like with his parents, his ability to "Suffer fools" is probably lacking terribly.

Although most friendships for him are at all appearences different, we are lucky in other ways. We have the friends we have and are happy that things are the way they are. We are taking more time now to expand with television programing (much to my chagrin) and the boy is watching things that he never would have bothered with before (Jersey Shores is still too trashy for him- thank goodness)