Friday, February 10, 2012

Jealousy Makes People Mean.

I am going to credit  a FB friend of mine for this topic.
She had brought up a very good point and in the process a very detailed and involved discussion took part. That sounds much more dramatic than it really was but I know I thought that it was interesting.

Jealousy is really defined in the Old Testament. Adam and Eve's sons Cain and Abel were the classic examples of sibling rivalry turned to a violent jealousy and went completely bad from there. King Saul was jealous of his son's friend David. The women before King Solomon suffered from jealousy and envy fighting over a baby.

Most of the time parents are dealing with some form of jealousy. Either at home amongst the siblings, or the kids coming from school with jealous classmates.

When this has happened to the boy I am often left in a daze thinking, "What in God's green earth would someone want to be jealous of the boy or us for." Good grief....we are the boringest people on the planet. The boy does homework and classes and his sports ALMOST constantly. We have 3 cats that currently smell of "litter box" and need a bath (a real bath not that fake thing they do) and we could stand some let's say "organizational assistance".

Kids making comments about others clothing....that is a common one. I had that all the time. Now looking back, I find it amusing. I was 5 or 6 and I dressed like a college co-ed. My sisters were in college and generally speaking most of the time I was mimicking their clothing choices. My Mom would make smaller patterns of their dresses for me.....it was fun...it was cute. It made me a target so bad that you could have put a bulls eye on my back and made me the permanent target for the school. I was the only gradeschooler I knew that loved her white go-go boots and would wear them with a starched brown dress with white trim.  I didn't start dressing like kids my age until HS. Even then I was finding my own path (I liked collars on men's shirts and would walk out the door with Daddy's cashmere coat given the chance)....college well if anyone made fun of me I certainly didn't hear about it (I had Daddy's cashmere coat by then). My sarcasm would have melted a stone....as did my angry stare (didn't know I had one of those- what a hoot). I learned to make my tools, such as they were, more or less work for me.

IT seems to me that kids make fun of what they like, sometimes or what they wish they had, or what they are uncomfortable with themselves. Or hearing about the truth....but adults have that problem too. They are apt to criticize someone else but if they had to take that criticism themselves it probably wouldn't go over to well.

Oddly enough, the cuter one and I have dealt with the criticism thing a LONG time. Birth order means a lot sometimes. I know with both of us being youngests we have to deal with the "Pleasing" part and the "Why didn't you do *this* as well as your brother did" IT isn't something BAD but it is really rather funny....if you can get us going on it we can tell you "a whale of a tale we swear by our matching tattoos" (sarcasm if you didn't recognize it). We grew up differently...and maybe that is why we understand each other and understand how to explain jealousy to the boy.

He is jealous of those with what he views as superior social skills. HE knows what to do, he has taken all the classes but he doesn't THINK about using the skills until it is too late to use them....or he forgot. Tattooing it to his inner eyelids wouldn't work but we have thought about it. A basic list of do this don't do that.....for him to give up, its easier. That and with his contempt of his disability, well that is something for him to process as well. Nonetheless it still makes him jealous.

I used to be jealous of people who always looked, acted or pretended to be perfect. There were some people I would look at and just wanna barf. And you know what? It's OK that they can put on a better show than I can or tell a better tale or have a better tattoo (just kidding about the tattoo). I have learned to admire qualities about others; qualities I may not have myself....or clothes I know I don't have and you know: IT is all good. I can still want the new Vuitton or Coach and it is all good that I don't have them.

Being jealous of others is tough. Kids have it rough at ANY age and I will tell you that kids take it out on other kids.....and adults take it out on each other too. It took me a number of years to be CONTENT. I don't need more or want more but I will tell you that I am still looking for a new pair of white go-go boots, a men's black cashmere coat and lace up ankle boots....Oh and the Vuitton that the cuter one sold last summer for $2.00......that would be a great thing.

Although things are tough, and it is hard hearing about someones lovely trip or new house or remodeled kitchen. I can admire those things and not WANT them or desire to copy it at the same time. THAT is learned.

ANYWAY back to the topic, jealousy is also learned at home. When cuter half and I started being more content the boy stopped having problems. He is generally content. So if someone is jealous of your kid, or something your kid has it is likely that there is something wrong in that kids home....and that is where you start with your kid....although your kid won't believe you (kid's don't it is in the by-laws).

Jealous people are mean. They just are. Another thing about this is that jealous people are unhappy. Either with how they look, how they dress or what hair style they have, their home, their kid their family....the list can be as large as you can make it. Jealous people make comments about things they know nothing about; they behave rudely and they are unhappy. Jealousy, anger and envy all fit right in a row...trying to make everyone unhappy all together.

It is much easier to be content.

Being content is a learned thing.

Even if someone is jealous of you. Try being content....if nothing else it may make you feel better.

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