Friday, June 28, 2013

REPEAT- Read a book instead.

The boy continually complains that he is lonely. He has lost his video game privledges and is now going through withdrawl.
I think he needs to read a book and he refuses to read anything that isn't a comic book or cartoon.
Damn special ed lit classes anway. It was a special ed lit teacher that told him not to read the Jungle because he wouldn't get it- SO EFFING what if he doesn't get it - he should read the damn book.

Here I am. We finished several scenes in Romeo and Juliet. I had a great topic all picked out and WHAM. Forgot where I was and what I was doing.

This is a common theme in our home. There are many times I am in the middle of something and my son will ask me to help him and the next thing I know it is 9:30 and my brain is fuzzy. As a kid, I loved literature. Even the smarmy stuff, I read Gone with the Wind annually every fall. I loved Shakespeare and my favorite play was Taming of the Shrew. I was the kid that read this stuff, for fun. I liked watching ballet, and was bored when my brother in laws wanted to watch the game. So I would leave the room, take the kitchen TV to my room and glut myself on programming that would bore people stiff.

Not so my child. My son couldn't tell you much about Romeo and Juliet, except that he believes it is all Rosaline's fault (prior post) and that he doesn't like the early english. To get him to concentrate this evening, I ended up sitting in the hallway with him reading Act 3 and 4 and reviewing the questions for class.

I never really understood why he doesn't like to read. I would read stories to him when he was little, Beatrix Potter, Goodnight Gorilla. and Goodnight Moon and any others I could garner his attention with. Most of the time he would carry his books around but evenually all he would read were the encyclopedias or the books with lists in them. Book books have not been part of the equivalent. I know he can read, and would read but won't. Sadly, he claims he is not able to imagine himself in a story nor is he able to loose himself in an idea. It is all outside for him. He tells me he has to experience it or have it completely explained to him or he doesn't really understand the story that is going on.

Like at church, he used to love going, loves the music, doesn't understand the message at all. The pastor was too obtuse for him- for a teen Aspie, the concepts are WAY too obscure. It is to the point now where if we asked him how his service was he will say, "Fine, but I didn't understand a word the pastor said. It doesn't make sense to me and it is very frustrating." Now he won't bother with church at all. He tells us, "God isn't for people like me. God has forgotten me and I don't care anymore." All we can do is stand by and watch and try to direct. As my mom put it, "If you push him now he will never go back. Just try to let him know that God is there for him when he is ready."

As a parent, and a lover of good books, all of this is hard for me to understand. I wish I could make this more clear to him, I wish I could instill my tastes in publications for him, I wish he would read a book. He has bookcases full of all sorts of books. I read his books; he rarely ever touches them. In fact, they would not see the light of day unless I read them. To me, that is sad. I have taken over his Harry Potter series, the Percy Jackson books and pretty much anything else I feel like reading. I will even peruse the Cliff notes when things get crazy.....

There is an old quote, "A good book is like a good friend." What that means is that a good book is something you can refer back to, garner comfort or just shut your mind down and enjoy.

THAT is what is sad. He is missing out on good friends. Some of my best friends are characters in a book.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

On the walk home today

The cuter half and I took a walk.
We decided to move our chubby butts to the farmers market in town. We forgot out bags, we didn't have a car, it was hot AND the best part- by walking we KNEW we would find something we wanted to buy that would be too heavy to carry home.

WE were consciously NOT buying things that were heavy- the sugar snap peas and the lettuce were no brainers and extremely light weight.

I realized how out of shape I am....I had to stop going there and coming home. Me. I had to stop....I used to walk from one end of town to the other with NO problem and I could barely make it into town. Good thing we are dieting and doing a bit of jogging or we would both drop over dead next time we have to lift Troubles.

This is Troubles after grooming today.
Yes, Troubles is on a diet too. He is a chubbo and really needs to drop the pounds.
ANYHOW, on the walk home today the cuter half and I were crossing the street and we obviously walked by some "spectrumites" who were being very safe and making certain the car came to a complete and total stop at a stop sign. Really there is nothing wrong with doing that - much safer than we were....and we were walking and going to go to get home (before I expired from the heat).
It sort of struck me that the boy, even now that his life has changed....he is not walking into town with friends. The cuter half and I have offered to go with him but he really doesn't want to be seen with us- we are parents and totally NOT cool.
He is still not really settled I suppose. He has a friend, and she is great...she has become part of the family. BUT she has a life of her own and she needs that life. It is her life....and we are a small part of what and who she is and you know what that is OK. I had to explain to the boy that his friend had other friends and she has to spend time with them as well. He is not the only one that she hangs out with. IT is hard for him, because as hard as he tries the unscheduled hanging out friends are just not something that is available to him. I told him today that he can put on his earbuds and go for a walk or run and just be. He won't be lonely because he is listening to a book and he won't have to think because he has something to do while out walking around.
What really got me thinking about this was  a 20/20 program about robbery. It went into how robbers choose homes to burgle. Most Americans, most people don't know their neighbors. We are friends with one family, and probably acquaintances with the rest. So realistically how can we expect our Aspie kids to have friends or hang out when we don't know our neighbors? We certainly don't socialize w most of them and we rarely see them outside of their homes....
I will be frank, I don't plan on knowing the rest of our neighbors. I have a good reason.
The McMansions across the way were flooding out our houses about 4+ years back and we were informed that our houses needed to be torn down anyway so who cared. Their basements were full of water- UM our floor joists are covered and we are going to loose our houses- Assholes (oops there went the no swearing).
Now-a-days, the cuter half and I go out of our way to be "trashy and flashy" - Similar to Trailer Park Tycoon (a favored computer game). Which is always a great way to be when wanting to please the other neighbors - although we do prefer real flowers to the silk ones the lady down the street uses (she thinks our yard is a mess). We have planted a LOT of flowers in the front and the back yard. Flowers and plants drink up WAY more water than grass does and will prevent flooding. SO we have flowers, small re-growing plants...."daffydowndillies", yucca, cactus, roses, iris, peonies, violets, four o' clocks, lilly-of-the-valley and just about anything else you can think of.
All in the name of flood protection....and we get some darn nice flowers and a cottage garden style out of it- which goes with the looks pretty.
These are (real) flowers from our garden.
Anyway all these great thoughts running through my mind - then we start watching "Wife Swap" Joan and Melissa Rivers were on with Bristol and Willow Palin. I never really liked Joan or Melissa much, I can't afford the ritzy clothes and I don't really care if someone is tacky....although some of the comments they make are amusing. Bristol didn't seem very interested and refused to go on Joan's show. It came out that Willow had gone to hairdressing school and was back living with her sister in Alaska (common knowledge). Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like she is really talented but kind of insecure....which really for her age is typical. She doesn't want to come across as being a user or using her Mom's name or something- I get that. Maybe it is because I am constantly pushing the boy outside his comfort zone that I wish Willow would have taken Melissa up on her offer of the hair thing....I think it would have been fun and you know what, no one would have let her screw it up....but the thing is getting out of their comfort zone....we all need to do it all the time.
I should do it more. but I don't I either just won't or I am tired or I just don't want to.
After watching Bristol and Willow then I got frustrated; I left the room to come and organize my scattered thoughts. Whcih then naturally I end up typing up a whole blog and not a whole lot of it has to do with Aspergers....
Which should explain WHY I don't watch regualr TV more often.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I think we all feel this way at some time or another

The outside looking in- all I have to do is look at my son's FB page and know that no one (correction- his cousins do contact him and talk to him) is contacting him on it and it pretty much is a waste.

Nice to see that the people involved in this article reacted and did the right thing.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Asking for services - a different view.

Today's post is long over due. I know, I haven't been consistent with writing and I have been terrible blogging lately.
I got lazy.
I have been scrapbooking from a trip the cute one and I went on and pretty much I have lost myself in that and the boy moving on to different educational experiences. I haven't wanted to say much of anything about anything.

Today it is different.
The cuter half took the boy to learn a route to an internship. I have some at home alone time and I don't feel like scrapbooking- I am not inspired right now.

Different- Alternate things have been going on.
There is someone we have heard of that is asking around to see what other people get for their kids services. It sounds to me like it is an obession; kind of like a child wanting what his or her friends have only because they have it not for a want or a need.

I actually have a thought about this (I know you are shocked but hear me out):
Each kid is different.
Each one has alternative needs, wants, motivations, goals and desires.
Each kid is working on a different level. Ours is working towards his goals; he is doing amazingly well and he is going to be moving forwards and aiming higher.

Oddly enough, he had great services at school. That sounds bad, I don't mean it that way but he did have what he needed. We never went with the extremes and we didn't ask for a lot of stuff....we have expectations of the boy.

On another level, which to us is more personal: We didn't ask what our friends kids had. Not because we don't care about their kids- we do. BUT because our son didn't need what their kids had.....the kids are friends but they are DIFFERENT. The cuter half and I finally started taking this viewpoint: Asking about a friend's kids services is kind of like asking if they mastubate prior to having sex. This information is on a need to know basis. YOUR family and friends do NOT need to know about your kid's services or about your sex life.

Keep the above in mind when talking to your friends....and don't ask about their child's services at school. That is really rude....and more people should just say, "No." We were lucky, the school requested we stop discussing it and we signed an agreement that we wouldn't say anything- this was done years ago (back in grade school) and now we have just made it a habit. Any questions about it are deflected or VERY generally answered.

However, the boy's abilities didn't ALL come from the services at school.
We push him HARD. Really hard, we make him go outside his box, he is FORCED to do things that make him uncomfortable ever day. He has to try, work harder and do more than his compatriots on a regular basis. He was pushed to wrestle- for an Aspie with touch, texture and noise issues this was HARD. He was not a good wrestler. Didn't have natural ability or talent. BUT the boy did it. Same with PE. He went to PE and worked out and did what he was told and followed the rules. Cooking, same thing, his knife skills aren't perfect but like with driving - practice will get him where he needs to be. Many people have heard me say, "The boy didn't get to make choices. There are no options in our house. He does it and is done and now he is doing as he is told because he knows that he has to."

It seems weird but if feels like the person I mentioned sounds like they are really going nuts trying to find out if her kid is missing something.
Just so you know: Your kid isn't missing anything.
Nothing at all. Most of the services our son had were the basics. That's it. Nothing dramatic or exciting.
The difference is we didn't believe what the docs told us.
The doc told us our son had MMR.
The doc told us our son would never talk.
The doc told us that our son would never go to gen school.
The doc told us that our son was "never going to be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree."
The doc told us to take him to the home and leave him there and forget we ever had him.

What we did?
We told the doc to stick it and we went to find other opinions.  Just because someone is a doc doesn't mean they are right, perfect or know everything.

A kid like ours, who was in a theraputic day school and EARNED HIS WAY OUT has done really well, worked hard and is ready for more. In a cruder sense, the boy has brought money back into the gen district after transitioning back in. Other kids like our boy, were saving the services and providing jobs in the gen district. No lie and no pipe dream - that is the facts.  Because of this transition back MORE kids were helped, more services could be provided and MORE SCHOOLS can do their jobs.

Like with our kid. The boy is doing well. Going places and will be as footsy and brainy as he possibly can.