Saturday, June 1, 2013

Asking for services - a different view.

Today's post is long over due. I know, I haven't been consistent with writing and I have been terrible blogging lately.
I got lazy.
I have been scrapbooking from a trip the cute one and I went on and pretty much I have lost myself in that and the boy moving on to different educational experiences. I haven't wanted to say much of anything about anything.

Today it is different.
The cuter half took the boy to learn a route to an internship. I have some at home alone time and I don't feel like scrapbooking- I am not inspired right now.

Different- Alternate things have been going on.
There is someone we have heard of that is asking around to see what other people get for their kids services. It sounds to me like it is an obession; kind of like a child wanting what his or her friends have only because they have it not for a want or a need.

I actually have a thought about this (I know you are shocked but hear me out):
Each kid is different.
Each one has alternative needs, wants, motivations, goals and desires.
Each kid is working on a different level. Ours is working towards his goals; he is doing amazingly well and he is going to be moving forwards and aiming higher.

Oddly enough, he had great services at school. That sounds bad, I don't mean it that way but he did have what he needed. We never went with the extremes and we didn't ask for a lot of stuff....we have expectations of the boy.

On another level, which to us is more personal: We didn't ask what our friends kids had. Not because we don't care about their kids- we do. BUT because our son didn't need what their kids had.....the kids are friends but they are DIFFERENT. The cuter half and I finally started taking this viewpoint: Asking about a friend's kids services is kind of like asking if they mastubate prior to having sex. This information is on a need to know basis. YOUR family and friends do NOT need to know about your kid's services or about your sex life.

Keep the above in mind when talking to your friends....and don't ask about their child's services at school. That is really rude....and more people should just say, "No." We were lucky, the school requested we stop discussing it and we signed an agreement that we wouldn't say anything- this was done years ago (back in grade school) and now we have just made it a habit. Any questions about it are deflected or VERY generally answered.

However, the boy's abilities didn't ALL come from the services at school.
We push him HARD. Really hard, we make him go outside his box, he is FORCED to do things that make him uncomfortable ever day. He has to try, work harder and do more than his compatriots on a regular basis. He was pushed to wrestle- for an Aspie with touch, texture and noise issues this was HARD. He was not a good wrestler. Didn't have natural ability or talent. BUT the boy did it. Same with PE. He went to PE and worked out and did what he was told and followed the rules. Cooking, same thing, his knife skills aren't perfect but like with driving - practice will get him where he needs to be. Many people have heard me say, "The boy didn't get to make choices. There are no options in our house. He does it and is done and now he is doing as he is told because he knows that he has to."

It seems weird but if feels like the person I mentioned sounds like they are really going nuts trying to find out if her kid is missing something.
Just so you know: Your kid isn't missing anything.
Nothing at all. Most of the services our son had were the basics. That's it. Nothing dramatic or exciting.
The difference is we didn't believe what the docs told us.
The doc told us our son had MMR.
The doc told us our son would never talk.
The doc told us that our son would never go to gen school.
The doc told us that our son was "never going to be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree."
The doc told us to take him to the home and leave him there and forget we ever had him.

What we did?
We told the doc to stick it and we went to find other opinions.  Just because someone is a doc doesn't mean they are right, perfect or know everything.

A kid like ours, who was in a theraputic day school and EARNED HIS WAY OUT has done really well, worked hard and is ready for more. In a cruder sense, the boy has brought money back into the gen district after transitioning back in. Other kids like our boy, were saving the services and providing jobs in the gen district. No lie and no pipe dream - that is the facts.  Because of this transition back MORE kids were helped, more services could be provided and MORE SCHOOLS can do their jobs.

Like with our kid. The boy is doing well. Going places and will be as footsy and brainy as he possibly can.


  1. Rather than personalizing services as yours, generalizations can help provide other students with possibilities of services out there, focusing on helping others is great and listening to what others are asking for is taking energy away from your students needs. Never got sucked into the parental drama-way too draining. Don't care if others get things-sounds like you got lots bc you signed a paper to not discuss--why share that you signed, that too is like sharing too much.

  2. You do make a point.
    This particular problem comes down to the other parent making believe that they are friends to use the other families for information on other peoples services. Maybe that is why I don't ask to know what my friend's kids are getting- I would not want to be perceived in that way- using others.
    I was happy to sign the doc when it was explained that because my son's services were different than the other parent's kids having that person ask for my son's services and opportunities was totally inappropriate.
    There are times when parents can't ask for what others have. And you are right; this is ALL about the "parent drama". This other parent is taking away from the other kids by demanding to have everything that the other kids need whether is it appropriate or not for their own kid.
    The point of this blog is to discuss our experiences- whether sharing too much or not really isn't relevant. This doc thing was an experience we had during our son's education. I thought it was relevant to the way this particular post was going.
    Thanks for commenting.


Thanks for commenting.