Sunday, October 28, 2012

It's everyone's Halloween.

In a few days, a lot of creatures will visit your door.

 
Be open minded.
 
The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills.
The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues.
The child who does not say "trick or treat" or "thank you" might be painfully shy, non-verbal, or selectively mute.
 
If you cannot understand their words, they may struggle with developmental apraxia of speech.
They are thankful in their hearts and minds.
The child who looks disappointed when he sees your bowl might have a life-threatening allergy.
The child who isn't wearing a costume at all might have SPD or autism.
 
Be kind, be patient, smile, pretend you understand.
It's everyone's Halloween.
Make a parent feel good by making a big deal of their special child. ♥
(writer unknown)
 
 
My good friend posted this and I think it is lovely. Please remember to be kind, gentle and smile at the little goblins and princesses that come to your door.
 
 

Friday, October 26, 2012

Think about what's said

There is a song about speaking.
I think the words are, "Little children think about what you say"

The boy is learning to think about what he says.
Tonight he told me that threats scare him. Yeah well guess what kid, they scare me too. I don't like being threatened or feeling scared and neither do you. Considering that I am smaller than the boy and he could whop my butt....I am able to hold my own because of intimidation. I look bigger...at least to him.

Do you remember things in the past where you look at something  or remember something and you were a little kid? I remember a lot of things that way. I think, there are times when the boy sees things that way too. Or maybe I am hoping he does.

So what does that mean?
It means that he has to start thinking about what the boy's Daddy and I think about what is going on. The boy doesn't like it much.
IT is easier to yell and think you are going to get what you want when you want it. NOT!

I like this card. It is right.....I am way tougher and have gobs more experience than the boy does....


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Not handling things well today

The meltdowns are back.

THe calm didn't last long did it?

The cuter half and the boy are studying. I was there to "help" and the yelling began. The boy was faux sleeping and I got mad and starting asking questions....hard questions.

Probably harder questions that the teacher would (considering that teachers have ZERO expectations so it really didn't take much).

After the boy had a hissy fit and me getting poked and kicked at...I showed my parenting maturity (not really) I threw a 1/4 glass of water at the boy and walked out of the room.
Practically speaking, when the boy and the cuter half go to bed I can clean the family room floor....so there was a positive for getting water on the floor.

I am not handling things well. Tonight I have had close the home office door. I don't want to hear about this trype any more.

THe boy is busy blaming us for his lack of interesting in probably one of the more boring chapters that he has had to study. The yelling and swearing is pretty bad.

I am not innocent.
I can curse like the proverbial truck driver when I am mad enough.
I am mad enough.

I am tired of being blamed for ever God-blessed thing that this kid is telling me is my fault when I have nothing to do with it. .
I am tired of the person I have become because of having a disabled kid on the spectrum. My nature is not that intense....I was generally pretty laid back and don't get too hot and bothered about things. Not so since I had the boy. Everything is a problem. I feel like I am with my ex-husband all over again.

I used to be fun.
I used to have fun.

I am worn out from fighting with this kid.

The cuter half is being patient now. I blew my top and walked away.

Not the example of good parenting this evening that is for sure. At least there is a door I can close.

GOD - please make me not care, please make me dumb, ditzy and stupid. Then maybe when my kid tells me that I am poor excuse for a mother it won't hurt my feelings so much.

I am glad we aren't the only ones.

http://spectrummentor.com/2011/01/when-your-family-members-reject-your-child-on-the-autism-spectrum/

(I am glad to say that we have been able to find "our family" (they all know who they are)- these people love us, the boy and our cats for who and what we are.)
 

When Your Family Members Reject Your Child On The Autism Spectrum


In recent days I’ve had several conversations around the same issue. The issue is, why is it that the parents of children on the autism spectrum can often find support from complete strangers or close friends, only to experience hurtful criticism, profound ignorance and sometimes rejection from their own family members?
Believe it or not this occurs in my own family routinely. With everything I know and how well I explain it, I am still told by some family members that my children don’t have Autism and that what they need is a good beating. I’ve been told that my wife and I are awful parents and don’t know anything about Autism. That our kids are wimps and need to toughen up. The list goes on and on.
With so many conversations about this lately I was compelled to ask myself the question, “What’s up with that?”It seems so counter intuitive that family members turn their backs while others run to your side. I really want your input on why you fell this happens. In the mean time here are my thoughts.


My Life Sucks So I’ll Fix Yours
There is a tendency in people to go out of their way to fix the lives of others when their own life is a mess. When listening to others describe the persecutors in their own families and after examining those in mine, this appears to be a common trait. The ones doing the criticising are the ones with the greatest number of problems themselves.
Even those who claim to have it all together as part of their ongoing effort to wrap themselves in a comfy coat of denial, are unable to prevent those around them from seeing the trail of chaos they blaze wherever they go. Especially when they bring it with them to our house.
On a deeper level, when you consider how unhappy these family members are, it’s fair to say that the majority of the thoughts going through their heads are self critical. If this is their primary lens on the world then they’ll have little else to offer you or your child.


It’s Your Fault
Another reason family members blame the challenges with your child exclusively on your parenting is because a simple fix to any problem relieves them of any obligation to help you. I’ve seen family members step up in huge ways in times of medical emergency, where the solutions and outcomes are more clearly defined. But when a crisis arises with a child on the spectrum those same relatives respond with (I swear to God), “I’ll have to check my schedule” or “I have a party to go to.” Those statements have been said to me by family members.
When others feel helpless to help you with your child they manufacture blame, put it all on you and can then rationalize not offering you help or educating themselves on how to do so. The reality is they aren’t obligated to help, but it would sure make life easier some days if they did.


If You Feed Them They Keep Coming Back
Another consideration is that we’re often slow to set boundaries with family. If a non-family member pulled this crap we’d likely respond by cutting them from our lives. We may seek support from friends when we feel wronged by others. Our friends then empower us to “Kick em to the curb,” “Ignore then, they’re idiots.” So we do and we move on.
What makes it so difficult to bear with family, in my experience, is that we keep exposing ourselves to the ones who don’t get it and allow ourselves to be beaten up by their ignorance. WHY? For one, pressure from other family members. “You have to invite them, they’re family.” There’s an unfortunate code in families I call The Obligation of Inclusion which refers to the belief that you owe it to a relative to include them unconditionally. Can I say for the record that this belief is a steaming pile of toxic self-destructive BS.
In just this past year my wife and I have reached our limit with the uneducated, armchair parenting quarterbacks in our family and are openly distancing ourselves from them. We are flat out telling people why we don’t want to spend time with them. The result has been interesting, they actually back off and leave us alone. Thank Goodness.
So what do you do now?


Find A New Family
One of our best solutions, and an often difficult one for some, is to actively seek out new connections. When it comes to getting the support we need in life the harsh reality is that those we want support from can turn out to be the least qualified to provide it. We can either exhaust ourselves trying to convert them into team players or we can seek the support from those ready and willing to provide it.
I can speak to a friend about the challenges of raising a child on the spectrum, after which I feel listened to, validated, vindicated, stronger and more proud of the life I’m creating with my children. Then I talk to a family member who proceeds to kick the confidence right out of me. It’s easier for family to do that because they are typically the co-creators of our feelings of not being good enough and have an all access pass to our buttons.
The bottom line is that having Autism in your life requires a close knit tribe to navigate successfully. I wouldn’t be the successful adult spectrumite I am if it wasn’t for the amazing support system I have. I simply couldn’t do it without all the help I get. When I look at those who have helped me get where I am today, I can often give more credit to those who acted like family than those who actually are.
We’re All In This Together : )

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Blue Pumpkins




This is something I have NEVER seen before. A blue pumpkin.

From what I have read on a garden forum "There are four blue pumpkins. They are 'triamble', 'queensland blue', 'crown' and 'jarrahdale'. There are also other regional names that people give the pumpkins. Most of the blue pumpkins seem to come from Australia where they are popular."

I found this as well:
Seasons/Availability: Blue pumpkins are available during the fall months.

Description/Taste
Often called Australian Blue Pumpkin, this has deep, rounded ridges running from blossom to stem-ed. Medium sweet in flavor with thick orange flesh, its dusky blue, or blue-green, rind is a striking contrast to the deep, orange flesh.

Applications
Cook as you would with any fresh pumpkin. Peel and dice into chunks, then cook with onions, carrots, celery, red curry paste and stock, then puree into a Thai-inspired soup. Simmer diced pumpkin in coconut milk with onions, ginger, garlic and cilantro until cooked through, then serve the curry over rice. Fold one pound of fresh pumpkin puree into muffin batter with raisins, walnuts, cinnamon and nutmeg, then bake. Roast the seeds on a cookie sheet at a low oven temperature; stir often and watch carefully so they don't burn. To store, keep pumpkin in a cool dry area up to one month, or refrigerate for up to 3 months.

Geography/History
An Australian heirloom, these pumpkins typically weigh six to ten pounds and average two or three deeply ribbed pumpkins per vine. Pumpkins grow well in full sun and prefer warm, moderately moist summers. Do not harvest pumpkins until they reach their appropriate size and turn the color of their particular variety.

This is so cool....a kind of a thinking outside the box only using pumpkins.

Most of us expect pumpkins to be orange, or yellow gold. The Great Pumpkin was BIG and ORANGE and Linus swore that the Great Pumpkin looked for a "sincere" pumpkin patch.

Examining the blue pumpkin varieties is kind of fun. The cuter half and I have seen them at farmer's markets, Trader Joe's and Whole Foods.

The cuter half and I have yet to PURCHASE a blue pumpkin. Right now I have been taking pictures of them....I don't need to buy one. I like their appearance....kind of like finding the right shape to a bowl or a pitcher.....the unusual appearance of the pumpkin appeals to me.
The cute one laughs at me when I go all goofy over the shape of a salt and pepper shaker set.....There are certain things that are unusual enough to be interesting. For us, who are not used to blue pumpkins....well, they look different. The shapes are the same but the color....it is really a lovely shade of grayish/blue with a tinge of green.

Seeing these blue pumpkins made me think about how some things are just unexpected. The boy being so damned lazy is unexpected. His inability to keep his hair clean is UNEXPECTED. Seeing a blue pumpkin when pumpkins are SUPPOSED to be orange is unexpected.

Expect the unexpected....and enjoy this years crop of blue pumpkins....I am having a good time with them.
PS- the boy, he is going with a new "bald" look....that is if he can't decide to keep his hair clean......he doesn't know it yet though.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Today's picture

Normally I haven't been into pictures of the day or things like that. It is cute in theory but when it comes down to it I do have a life outside of cyber space so I do what I can when I feel like it.

Beth Shak had put this up on her FB page....she is a professional poker player who is now getting into shoe and apparal design. Really her stuff is pretty good. It appears she found this on fabquote.com.

I think I am in the real people just don't care part of the image thing. I gave up on having an image so long ago I don't think I would know what having an image is or was unless it came up and bit me on the nose.

RIght now I am so pooped I don't think I care about image. the cuter half and I have run around so much this weekend it is another one of those times where we have to go back to work to recuperate.
Enjoy what's left of your Sunday!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Looking in through the out door

Tonight the cuter half and I looked in through the out door.

We went to a fall play with the boy. It was an extra credit project for the boy's lit class.

The boy knew a lot of people.
Said "Hi" to a lot of guys and girls.

All said "Hi" back. In several cases the young ladies in question went and invited guys who were sitting nearby to sit with their group while ignoring the boy. It was intentional....the boy knew it. You could see it in his face. The hope that someone would be nice to him. The reality that ignoring him as a person is a cooler option.

I know, typical teenage girl crap.

But as the cuter half said to me tonight, "No one on the boy's team can ever say he has a lot of friends. He doesn't. The boy has a lot of people who might say Hi to him or just ignore him. They are not his friends."

We saw a lot tonight.....besides a play with a ton of potential that was totally destroyed- the girl that was the lead did the best she could with what she had to work with....poor thing. We were looking forward to the play too....it was really pretty bad.

Outside of the play, tonight gave us some insight on what the boy goes through every day. How he is anonymous. How he is ignored. Kind of like if he weren't there no one would care. Kind of like how he yelled at me the other day telling me that he gets ignored all day at school and will not accept being ignored at home. I didn't understand that before. I get it now.

I cried when I got home tonight, I am crying now while writing this.
How many of our Aspie's are ignored. How many go through the day, like the boy, hoping for a kind word or someone to invite him to join them.

How many go home and yell about it when it doesn't happen? How many hug the cat or the dog knowing that is the most kindness they are going to meet that day until their parents get home.

It is too much to expect people to want to hang out with a kid like the boy. Sadly, only one person has ever wanted to hang out with him.....and he is loyal, reliable and tries hard to be what he should be.

Their loss, not the boy's.
I keep thinking Lee DeWyze....he is sucessful and doing well and you know what? The kids that ignored him in HS are wishing that they hadn't done so now.

Maybe it is wrong, but I keep hoping the boy does so well that those people who did ignore or treat him bad will eat shit and not even be able to say "I knew him when." I know, not even a little vindictive there....maybe a night's sleep and I will get over it.

No, probably not.....

http://vimeo.com/43745279






Sunday, October 14, 2012

Fireside Chats

Remember the Alamo.

We have had a bit of our own Alamo here. The arguing and fighting has/have gone on for months.
The cuter half and I are tired....the boy beligerant.

Today I re--implemented candle side talks.


What this is - it is a family talk; we do ours in the dining room, and while the candle is lit each person gets a turn to talk. We start with the oldest person in the room first down to the youngest.

I used to do this when the boy was younger. I would light candles in my parent's family room and the boy and I would sit on the floor and "chat". I would try to explain why people do what they do and how things are going to be and how he had to be a good boy and I would try to be a good Mom. Stuff like that.

I think I really started this fireside chat concept when I remembered about FDR. He used a marketing, well, ploy to make it feel like he was in a persons living room chatting about what was going on in the world.

One definition, from my fav, Wikipedia is here:
According to Roosevelt’s principal speechwriter, Judge Clinton Sorrel, FDR first used "fireside chat" in 1929 as Governor of New York. Roosevelt faced a conservative Republican legislature, so during each legislative session, he would occasionally address the citizens of New York directly. He appealed to radio listeners for help getting his agenda passed. Letters would pour in following each of these "chats," which helped pressure legislators to pass measures Roosevelt had proposed. He began making the informal addresses as President on March 12, 1933, during the Great Depression. However, according to Russell D. Buhite and David W. Levy, in their introduction to FDR's Fireside Chats, "The term 'Fireside Chat' was not coined by Roosevelt, but by Harry C. Butcher of CBS, who used the two words in a network press release before the speech of May 7, 1933. The term was quickly adopted by press and public, and the president himself later used it."

For us, since we don't have a fireplace, we use candles. Candles have a soothing effect and are very calming. There is a reason Party Lite candles are so popular. I can set up a candle melt and we can light it and look at the flame and just talk.

The results are that cuter half and the boy are doing somewhat better. We are giving the boy freedom to watch his shows and although I don't approve of the zombie apocolypse thing....well he can watch it and know he can talk to us about it later.

Tonight, the boy said that I had changed his life today. I don't really know how that happened? Or maybe it was because we had some dust ups during the talks and we all came back and tried again....or maybe he is finally realizing that the cuter half and I are not the bad people he wanted to think we were.

For now, I will take it.....and watch and see what happens.
I am certain we will need more candle side talks and when we do I am certain that they will be pretty darn interesting.


Saturday, October 13, 2012

Mr. Greedy-pants

Today I am introducing a new name on the blog.
Mr. Greedy-pants.

Mr. Greedy-pants is an extremely unpleasent person. Twice in a year he has banged back almost 10 lbs of expensive fine chocolates. This stuff is so good we would buy lots and then save it for special occasions.
Mr. Greedy-pants selfishly ate almost all of it. He snuck the boxes out of the house and we didn't even notice.

Mr. Greedy-pants is telling us that this is all our fault. We are horrible parents, evil people and bad and rotten to the core.
Mr. Greedy-pants is talking about himself.

Mr. Greedy-pants was informed that money borrowed from him would not be paid back, and that he was required to pay the difference in cost to replace the chocolates for gifts. Mr. Greed-pants is kind of a jerk. We are not enthusiastic about having him around and although people tell us that he doesn't act that way in public his behavior at home is not going to be tolerated.

We informed Mr. Greedy-pants that if the self serving behavior and rudness and disrespect doesn't stop the cuter half and I would be making some very hard decisions that will not include Mr. Greedy-pants. He needs to do a better job at not taking everything for himself. These decisions are at a lower point, an upcoming vaction plan to future living arrangements.

Oddly enough, we have heard that this greedy behavior is pretty normal with gen kids. Parents put up with it, I suppose.
We don't.

I know for myself, my parents didn't tolerate greedy behavior. I got grounded, punished or whatever from favored activities because I was being a jerk. Not may people knew about it. The 3 of us never discussed it or bragged to others about my poor behavior. However, I had the sense enough not to eat so much candy that I broke out in hives.

Ergo, Mr. Greedy-pants is likely going to miss out on something because the cuter half and I would not DREAM of inflicting his horrible behavior on the rest of the world.

NOW - to clarify, he doesn't treat others like this- just the cuter half and I. At least that is what we hear.

We are dirt beneath his feet, or at least that is the way it feels. The candy-episodes are merely easy to write about..the rest of it with telling us that we are "poor excuses for parents" not so much.

It is another weekend and the cuter half and I are looking for reasons not to be home. Right now anything will do....as long as we don't have to be here and listen to how lousy we are as parents. No one else needs to tell us this, we hear it all the time at home. Mr. Greedy-pants yells and points his finger at us and makes the message loud and clear.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The lazies

Did you know that there is a list on Forbes for the 20 laziest countries in the world?
Seriously.
Here's the link: http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2012/07/18/the-laziest-countries-in-the-world-u-s-not-even-close/

That being said, what do you think the stats are for lazy teenagers?
There is an article that I will link and post here.....as we all need a reminder about HOW to handle lazy teens:
http://articles.familylobby.com/106-how-to-deal-with-lazy-teenagers.htm
For many frustrated parents, parting the Red Sea might seem more of a possibility than parting the couch from their teenager’s rear end. We have entered into an age where video game controller dexterity and cell phone dialing is about the extent of many teens’ weekly physical exertion. Recent studies have shown that our country is rapidly producing a generation of kids that are overweight and unexercised. Sadly, parents are often to blame for this problem. In an effort to avoid confrontation, or the desire to make their children happy, many parents actually condition their kids to be lazy. A parent’s goal should be to develop a sense of well being within their children by teaching them the importance of being diligent. Let’s look at a few good ideas to help you guide your teenager into becoming a responsible, hardworking adult.

1. Set a limit on video games and television

Let’s face it, video games and television are an indelible part of our youth culture today and teenagers are going to spend a fair amount of time pursuing each. However, by placing a specific time limit on these diversions, you can encourage your teen to spend more time developing their own creativity. Suggest different hobbies or sporting activities and be willing to participate if needed.

2. Give them household chores

Why should parents be the only ones take care of daily tasks at home? Assigning chores is a great way to teach individual responsibility and diligence. Instill a sense of pride by thanking or complimenting your teen when they have done a good job. Let them know the importance of what they do in relation to the family and doing their part to help out. You should also develop a system of consequences for failing to get chores completed.

3. Spend time with your teen

Most teenagers are too cool to hang out with their parents in public, but despite their actions, they do want mom and dad’s attention. Spend time helping with homework, or maybe even taking up the same hobby. Let them know you care about what’s going on in their lives without being harsh or critical. Encourage them to express their thoughts and you’ll find them less likely to hide things from you.

4. Hire your teenager for special jobs

Teenagers always need money and many have the insane idea that they are entitled to a certain portion of mom or dad’s paycheck every week! You can counter this by offering opportunities to complete special projects around the house as a chance to earn spending money. Is there a room that needs painting? How about a garage that needs to be organized? Give specific goals and only pay when the job is done correctly.

The biggest factor in dealing with a lazy teenager is consistency and communication. Make every effort to continually motivate your teen to have a more active lifestyle through encouragement and support. Do not, under any circumstance, reward or ignore slothful behavior. Parenting is an extremely hard job and only becomes more difficult by failing to instill diligence and developing strong character in our teens. Let your kids know that fun and pleasure come as a result of a good, honest work ethic.


Good God. Isn't that a pretty article?
I think the author should come here to our place...fight with the boy about doing the damn homework and then listen to him scream about how we are inadequate as parents and horrible human beings.

He was a jerk the other night to someone he thinks is his best friend. I am sad to think that it is unlikely she will come here any more. I certainly couldn't blame her for not wanting to be around him. He is a jerk. He is rude and disrespectful to his parents.....my Mother even pointed that one out and she adores this kid. Anyway, the boy and his friend got into an argument; she doesn't have to put up with this.....I don't blame her a bit for blowing him off and not returning his texts. I would probably block his number if it were me.
Kind of like his therapist told the boy tonight, he (the therapist) didn't like the boy very much when he is kicking, hitting and spitting at the cute one and I. That really is OK. When the boy acts like that we don't like him either.  Oddly enough the therapist pointed out that the love thing is still there. The boy is our kid and we love him....but right now we don't like him very much.

So the verdict? Tonight, and for now we are at a crossroads. Schools lock these kids up and most of them end up in group homes. Ours, well for now he is here and doing his homework and studying for an upcoming test.
The fighting and arguing is wearing thin.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

What happens to the weekends?

this has been a recurring refrain lately. What has happened to our weekends?

For example:
Friday evening: after getting home from work, the boy did all of his homework, the cuter half and I watched Pride and Prejudice then The Duchess (still haven't made it thru the entire movie). I started laundry (OK, laundry in this house is done almost daily- we are either super dirty or really clean). Shop at Tar'get for my mom (aka Princess)
Saturday: Laundry, Tar'get shopping (forgot stuff), putting yard art away, clearing out the excess for the weed whacker on Sunday, Clearing out and reorganizing the office. Getting fall/Halloween decorations out of the attic, recycling faded magazine boxes, tossing stuff we needed to get rid of ages ago. listing stuff and......wait, there is more......
Sunday: Laundry, Trader Joe's, grocery shopping, farmers market, Menards ("We need 3 things: mouse poison, tarps and...Crap we forgot"),  weed whacking and clearing up the last of the garden.....(not necessarily in that order). Cleaning out the litter boxes, putting laundry away and being "fresh" for the new week.

The cuter half tells me that it isn't like anyone couldn't say we aren't busy.....

OMG - it is any wonder that me, Mom of the castle, is a complete, self admitted caffeine junky? Good night...to keep up with cuter half and the boy I am usually downing more of the Starbucks and iced mochas (w a shot of peppermint) than I should. It used to be I was at about 10 cups of coffee a day. Now I think I am at a max of 2-4, 5 on a bad day. I threw out my back again, and will be hobbling about for the next couple days.....

What happened to resting on the weekend? Oh, wait, that is what the boy does. He is "stressed and overwhelmed (wtf). EXCUSE ME? You sir are not stressed. You are using that as an excuse to not "hafta" do anything.

This kid has told me that he is doing my chores. the next chore he gets to do is clean litter boxes. With multiple kitties there are plenty of boxes.......Oh and I get to quit doing his nasty boy laundry. EWWW> won't miss that chore.....nor will I miss not folding socks....or wondering if I remembered to wash his sports gear in hot water to kill the buggies (if there are any).

In college I remember Jill Briscoe coming and telling us that taking home our dirty laundry was saying, "I love you Mom." I remember thinking, "Honey, you haven't met my Mom yet." My Mom help me with typing my papers (although my Greek history one did get to be a bit much....I think it was 30 pages of an analysis and comparason dealing with Hammarabi's Code- she quit after that one). If I showed up at home with too many loads of laundry I had to do it.....there was no signs of love with the laundry chore....it was one I hated to do and one my Mom wasn't into either (although Monday is still laundry day for her).

When visiting us on a holiday my Mom will ask, "Are you sick? the washer and dryer aren't going." That was the first year I had planned out WAY ahead and didn't have piles of towels, sheets and other stuff to deal with. I had done laundry daily for at least a month to make that happen.
PHEW.

Anyway, this is why the front load washers don't work for families like ours. Front load washers are made for single men who do a pair of underwear, a sock (if they can find one), a washcloth and maybe a towel and consider it a full load. Our machine smells. I clean it.....although it says after every 5-9 washes- think....5-9 washes here is done in a week. Then if I am dealing with cat barf on the rugs....well now I am up to 10-15 loads. SO if I am lucky, I have laundry done and put away by Sunday.

Right- clean this machine with all the other stuff I hafta do (see above). And my cat Bert can do the kitty conga naked in the moonlight.

I feel like my entire weekend goes to slumming in the laundry room.....cleaning up cat poop and dealing with a boy who's social life is generally planned at the last minute....

If I want to stay up past 7 PM I need a cuppa before I leave to come home from work, then another after I get home then one after dinner and I am hyped up enough to stay awake until maybe 10PM.
Damn! I forgot my after dinner coffee.
I am gonna.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ



Friday, October 5, 2012

What if you made 1 cent for every record sold?


The cuter half and I were talking today about how unmotivated some people are. Some people we know are so lazy and unmotivated that they can't even make it out the door....and sometimes the boy is the leader of the unmotivated pack
What woke cute one and I up today was an interesting story on the radio:

Did you know that the Beatles were at the bottom of the barrel? They had Brian Epstien (an ambitious manager) and no business acumen or skill and were essentially making $25.00 a week?
Crap.

Think about it. These guys were living at home (most likely) under age and wanting to sing. They would do anything. They were ambitious.....and talented.

I don't think they would shove their granny under a bus to get a contract but really, they were going to work hard to get somewhere and it sounds to me like getting out of Liverpool was the primary goal.

This segment was located on Wikipedia:
"Supposedly, Martin had no intention of signing The Beatles after listening to the Decca recordings, but after learning that Epstein would cancel all his substantial NEMS business with EMI was a contract offered. Martin denied this account by saying it was Epstein's conviction that The Beatles would become internationally famous which finally convinced him to offer a recording contract. He also later admitted that EMI had "nothing to lose" by signing a contract with The Beatles, as the terms of payment were negligible. At this point the group had been rejected by almost every other British record company, and Martin had never heard the group live. The Beatles were eventually signed to EMI's small Parlophone label, which had had very little experience with pop or rock artists. Upon signing the contract Epstein immediately sent a telegram to The Beatles (who were in Hamburg), and the Mersey Beat music paper in Liverpool.
The recording contract gave The Beatles one penny for each record sold, which was split among the four members, meaning that each earned one farthing per copy. The royalty rate was further reduced for singles sold outside the UK; the group received half of one penny per single, which was again split between the whole group. Martin scheduled the first recording session to be on 6 June 1962, at Abbey Road Studios. Epstein later renegotiated EMI's royalty rate, and on 27 January 1967, The Beatles signed a new nine-year contract with EMI. The contract stipulated that 25 per cent would be paid to NEMS for the full nine years even if The Beatles decided not to renew their management contract with Epstein, which was up for renewal later that year."

Shouldn't we have similar goals for our kids? No matter how low things are or how bad it seems; shouldn't we be expecting more, pushing harder and making the tough choices?
I think we should.

I have always pushed the boy for more and I am not gonna stop now.
he needs to do MORE.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Aspergers Myths

MYTH: Everyone with Asperger’s Syndrome is a genius. Fact: Some people with AS are geniuses, some are of average intelligence. Many are in the “above average” range, however.
MYTH: People with Asperger’s have no empathy for others. Fact: Though Aspies may have trouble showing empathy, most do have the ability to care about other human beings.
MYTH: Aspies cannot form romantic relationships. Fact: Though many aspies have trouble initiating romantic relationships and may have difficulty knowing what to do in a relationship, aspies can and do date, get married, and have children just like everyone else. It is important for aspies to find a partner who is able to be understanding of their condition and the idiosyncrasies that come with it. It is also important for aspies to make an effort to see things from their partner’s perspective.
MYTH: Only males can have Asperger’s Syndrome. Fact: There are many females with the condition, though many females remain undiagnosed for a variety of reasons, including the fact that girls are better at blending in, and that some AS traits are seen as more socially acceptable in girls.
MYTH: Life is more difficult for Aspie males than females. Fact: Females have a different set of challenges than males, such as being more likely to be taken advantage of by neurotypical males.
MYTH: Asperger’s is just an excuse to not be a part of society and it doesn’t actually exist. Fact: Most aspies desperately want to be part of society, they just don’t know how to do it.
MYTH: Only children can have Asperger’s. Fact: Though adults are able to develop better ways of coping and blending in with society, it is a lifelong condition. Many AS adults have trouble getting a formal diagnosis, as it wasn’t included in the DSM until 1994.
MYTH: All aspies are nerds, or all nerds are aspies. Fact: Many aspies have interests that can be considered nerdy, but not everyone who considers themselves “nerds” have Asperger’s.
MYTH: All people with Asperger’s Syndrome want to be cured. Fact: Many aspies are against finding a cure, as their aspie traits are an integral part of who they are.
MYTH: People with Asperger’s Syndrome are mentally retarded. Fact: To be diagnosed with Asperger’s, an individual must have at least normal intelligence.
MYTH: Asperger’s is a disease. Fact: Asperger’s is simply a neurological difference.

http://healthmad.com/mental-health/12-common-myths-about-aspergers-syndrome/

Monday, October 1, 2012

Sometimes books speak.

There are times when I re-read stories.
Ok there are more than  just a few times. In the last couple of years the boy is exhausting to the cuter half and I- which means  I will re-read books to quiet my mind...to stop fussing or to just to be still. I need something that I can think about - ponder and be still....I have hidden myself in books for years....to block things out to not think and to take my mind off of whatever the thing is....the cuter half can loose himself in a good tv plot...I get antsy and bored with tv.

If you haven't read it....or seen the movie, The Help, is a really good story about the deep south. I don't know a lot about the Civil Rights movement. This story is fictional and is very situational in location and details. In addition the author used what seems to be a lot of her personal experience.....which is delinated at the end of the book.

Anyway, tonight I was reading the part where the maid, Constantine was talking to the girl, Skeeter; Constantine asked Skeeter a question when her (Skeeter's) brother's friend mentioned that she was ugly. I am going to include a good part of the section because I think it is relevant to where I am going:

"I told her what the boy had called me, tears streaming down my face.
"Well? Is you?"
I blinked, paused my crying , "Is I what?"
"Now you look a here Eugenia- UGLY live up on the inside. Ugly be a hurtful mean person. Is you one a them peoples?"
"I don't know. I don't think so," I sobbed.
"Ever morning, until you dead in the ground you gone have to make this decision. You gone have to ask yourself, Am I gone beleive what them fools say about me today?"
Later in the section Skeeter realized that she actually had a CHOICE in what she could believe.

I think we all have choices about what we believe about ourselves, our faith and our reactions.
Although the cuter half and I aren't glorious at it we are teaching the boy that being disabled isn't a negative or something to use to get what he wants. He needs to make his Aspergers work for him. Again, the cuter half and I aren't perfection about our own reactions but we will be ____if anyone is allowed to make fun, or take advantage of a person with a disablility.

Oh, and do I believe what people say about me? If it is negative...no probably not. Most of the time those people have an axe to grind....or they are so unhappy themselves they think that taking it out on someone who has to live with their disabled child is OK. Either that, or they don't get it, aren't the "race that knows Joseph" or are merely looking to poke holes at someone when they have worse issues themselves.
Most of the time if people get hyper critical of what we are doing with the boy and how we are doing it at that juncture I offer to allow him to visit and see what they would do. I have yet to have anyone want to try- which means those negative people do not have the courage of their convictions. If you don't know what that means- one defintion is here: If you have the courage of your convictions, you are brave enough to do what you feel is right, despite any pressure for you to do something different. I know we are doing things right with the boy even though there are times when I, and the cuter half are too tired to see if it really is working or not.

For example, tonight we were going to garden....pull out some weeds and put in a little walkway....after 1 hour of the cuter half tutoring the boy in algebra it didn't happen. Instead the cuter half and I went on a long vigourous walk and a brief shopping trip. I have drunk WAY too much coffee and it has been a LONG night of it.
Which would explain why I went back to reading books on my iphone and I pulled up this one. the beauty of having eletronic books.....and The Help popped up.....ergo, the speaking book.....

BTW, the cuter half doesn't believe that being negative is helpful either.....
He is really cute too....I really am a lucky girl.