Tuesday, May 31, 2011

He got it

He did. He got it and it was a first time and no retakes and he got it.
He has already been behind the wheel of the car. He has driven a little bit and was so excited. He kept saying, "I did it, I did it, I can't believe I did it."

OMG the tears.

The boy who was supposed to go live in a home and we were supposed to forget we had him and he is driving a flipping CAR@!

We don't need no stinking doctor to tell us he can't when HE CAN!! God be the Glory he can and he will and he did- this rite of passage is only the start of what he can do and what he will do and where he will go.

Do you remember Dr Suess' Oh the place's You'll go? HE HAS GONE AND DONE AND WILL DO. My Daddy didn't raise no stupid daughter and his grandbaby ain't stupid either!! He did the test on his own, and passed it and did amazing.

Took the stairs at Grandma's 2 at a time to go tell her he was so excited (the concierge told us). It was all the cuter one and I could do NOT to cry thru dinner....our little boy is going and doing everything we have trained him to do and NOW he can do even more!!!

THANK you GOD that we didn't listen to the doctor when she told us he was going to live in our basement!! This boy ain't living in no basement baby! He is going to rock the world!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Cleaning out the school papers

When do you know to clean out the school papers?
Hear and now i will confess: we are horders. Prior to yesterday I had not tossed homework since 8th grade. Not one page with even a drawing on it. We are seriously pathetic.

The boy was there when we finally tossed papers from his first year in HS. He hasn't looked at them in a years time. We probably have copies on the san drive so recouping them is not a big deal. I have kept the big projects, like the 2 cooking things that he did and the larger papers and research projects that he busted himself on. The rest of it....gone. I think really the reason we did it was because I have a BOX full of my stuff from school. There is a gob of stuff, and there are so many cards, papers and report cards that I am going to shred (he isn't allowed to know my grades- lets just say I was not very motivated as a student).

He is motivated and he is a good student (better than his Mom that is for certain). Technically, HE has to be a better student than I was; he has to work harder at the social part of school and the only thing that is saving his butt now is that the boy is smart. The boy is very smart; all B's right now so that means he is appropriately placed in his classrooms. AND I know I keep going back to Edison and Einstein but if you really think about HOW smart they were and the routines their lives were in, the inclinations for being Aspie are there.

So we get rid of papers, old books he hasn't looked at in a years time. We reorganized the home office.... well the boys did. I am still sick so I did partial duty. The beauty is that we did get things out of the house, the papers are gone (so we don't look like horders) and we did find some stuff for his scrap book (I wondered where those wresting snaps had got to). Now if I could get off my butt, feel better and start scrapbooking the HS papers and such the boy won't end up with a moster box like I had and maybe he will just have a couple notebooks from finals and a few items from classes to take with him as he develops into a young gentleman (let me dream OK).

Today's selected video is Alice Coopers "schools out".

Saturday, May 28, 2011

It is that time again.

I think I need to add a cocidile to this one.
The frustration lies with only a couple of people; not necessarily everyone. It is very hard to plan ahead, as we need to do when we don't know anything about pending visitors. If we don't get told we don't know and although we aren't going to get invited to things we wouls still like to know what is going on and when so if we could make it we would try.

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It seems like there are times when you have to check  on what is going on at school, even though there are 2 weeks left at the end of the year it is time to check on what is happening with the boy and the regular activities that we are currently unaware of. Secrets pop up like an ugly wart or a used Kleenex.....

Did you know that the great thing about therapy is that we find stuff out about the boy that we didn't know and that is supposed to be a "secret". Blah- "secrets" -puerile nonsense. The worst of it is that the boy had been "encouraged" to keep secrets from us and not tell what is going on in past experiences. Our tolerance with secrets is minimal.

No, my tolerance is zero, the cuter half's tolerance is minimal. He is WAY nicer than I am and will put up with secrets more than I do. After dealing with the boy and the secrets he used to keep....that isn't happening any longer. I am not dealing with further secrets, nor will I give a rats butt if I out them and disgust other people.....some secrets are NOT worth keeping.

I think the boy keeping secrets is harmful. At least it used to be. Now we get it all out of him, whether at home or in session, the secrets get spilled out all over the floor. Kind of like a large amount of cat sick including the fur balls. So what do we do with secrets?

First of all, since I am as delicate as a blunt axe I pretty much will say exactly what I think and then blow any secrets out of the water. For example, There is no need to keep a location for an upcoming visit a secret ether (like we would show up there....for what purpose? that would be stupid) FYI- for those who need to know: we don't care enough about your plans to drop in your hotel room for a visit...in fact if we know you are there it is MORE likely we would avoid the area to be out of your way.

The boy keeping a classroom experience secret from us is a really bad idea. In fact, the thought that not telling us is pretty lame and that he is just not saying anything to protect his teachers who he likes....well he knows we are....a tad protective of him. OK we are OVER protective. Our view is that we are so isolated we are likely to be taken advantage of so we are automatically suspicious of people we don't know very well. I know that is nuts, and it really does isolate us further, but we are rather wary and not very trusting most of the time. Honestly, it comes down to a fear of being hurt.

We have gotten crushed and devastated in the past year and although we have the love and support of many friends; there are those people outside of that group we are just not able to understand nor do they understand us. It is sad really, but it is life. A good friend once told me that you are friends with certain people for a while, then you aren't then you may be again but if not that is OK too because you are still friendly....just not close like you once were. Although that was hard for me to hear (being the sentimental sot that I am) it is true. He is totally right and is a good friend, we used to sit together and share desserts at business lunches...anyone who does that is a good friend.

In my own obtuse way I am telling you to re-evaluate what you are doing and how things are going. Clean out the office space in your brain; letting people reside in your soul space does a dis-service to you and to your families. Open the windows and the breeze will come in; after you blow the dirty little secrets out of the window and down the street.


Don't forget to ask the tough questions and get it out there. If you don't ask you don't know and you have to work harder at a later time.....

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Doing homework on his own!!!

Tonight is an anomoly.

The cuter one is at a business dinner. The boy and I are home.
Since cooking and math are not my strong suites the boy is pretty much on his own this evening.

He is doing his homework sans math tutor (aka cuter one). This is amazing. the boy is being typical and then he asked me to help him organized his science final....

WHAT! SO after he is done with homework we are going to work on that (science I can handle)

The big thing is NOT having to stand over him while he does his homework....he kicked me out of the room (BONUS).

Weird night.....
That means it is a good night for Weird Al- enjoy the video

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Escaping reality

There are many days when it would be easier to escape reality than 1) get out of bed, or 2) eat breakfast.
Our reality gets pretty real pretty darn early in the morning, We can be dealing with a kid who may or may not want to go to school.....or a stress out over finals or friends graduating from HS.
The boy has made friends (I think??) in either higher or lower grades....nothing exactly in his age group. For some weird reason that doesn't bother me too much. Number one because I had a lot of older friends in HS. I dated a guy in college when I was a sophmore (he was a freshman and old family friends- it wasn't bad or anything- get your mind out of the gutter). I guess I just don't think that hanging out with EXACTLY your age group is the end all be all of everything. The boy is very apprehensive about his summer. He is taking up what his mother calls an "internship" and learning to drive.

I am more nervous about the driving bit than the internship.

However, the boy being able to drive does make me a bit apprehensive. I know he is capable, he is willing, but can he make the better choices? Probably, lower functioning kids than him have learned to drive (OMG). But can he really do it? I never felt truely comfortable behind the wheel until I started driving in NJ. Seriously, you NEVER learn how to drive until you live there....it is like driving in a whole new world. Once you learn to drive in NJ you can drive a car ANYWHERE.

My latest thing is discovering that I am Cityville and a Farmville junkie. I know, and I like to play games and just mentally take a vacation from stuff. I drive the boys nuts.....although at Carson;s this evening I saw a pair of heels (5+ inches- total tart trotters) that were amazing....I went and bought makeup instead but I think I have to return it as the make up is bothering my face.....I haven't bothered with makeup in so long....my face is really sore. Weird....anyway back to the reality thing......escaping by playing games or pretending to shop is really hard for me. I am a hard core shop-a-holic.....and that is what I used to do to calm down and relax.....now I have to avoid it at all costs. I blame the teenybopper magazines that used to tell us impressionable girls to go shopping when we were bummed out....I thought they were serious.

Man, I really should have stuck with the shoes.....using a new line of makeup is just not my thing....yeah yeah, escapism, I am such a chicken.

the Reality portion of life is really real in this house....we have lots of real kitty poop, and then we have the real boy issues (sex, meds, and little or no rock and roll- I would prefer the rock and roll) some they tell me the gens go through themselves but I doubt it. Then I wonder if I am totally over protective or if I am a heliocopter parent then I start the second guessing myself all over again. This is where the brain goes into hyperactive overdrive and the mind turns to caffine to calm down......

YUCKO.

What is your escape? I really think it is healthy (although the makeup has to go back.....they changed the formula and I am not comfortable with this stuff). Being the parent of a kid like ours means we get to brain drain a bit, shop be a girl for awhile (this is big in our house....being a girl is kind of like being an alien from another planet). Oddly enough, I don't relate to other girls very well. Maybe it is being surrounded by testosterone all day long....but there is little or no girl time around here and I don't know how to talk to them or what they do..... I used to run out to the salon, or shop or try on shoes - tell the boy he has to go shoe shopping with me and he will cry and beg to be allowed to stay home. Poor kid. At least he knows his boundaries.

The joy of escaping...now to get that gunk off my face....BLECH.

Monday, May 23, 2011

The boy did a good deed

SAY WHAT?

Generally when you get a call from the security director at the local HS that is not a good thing. She called this AM to tell me that the boy was in the gym area and found some things that were left out, not locked up and apparently homeless for a time. He took it all to the PE staff and turned it in. HE knew it wasn't his, it wasn't in the right place and could get stolen. He didn't want someone else to take it and have it disappear.

UNLIKE some parents who believe that ASPIES lie, cheat, steal and are generally dishonest. OURS ISN'T and he was commended by the director for being so honest.

I was brutal with her and told her I was surprised that he did it. He has wanted a new phone for a year or more and has been stuck with a go-phone with limited features. We haven't been able to affored a newer phone for him and we weren't sure it was a good idea. He didn't steal from anyone and he made certain he handed in what he found since he KNEW it was valuable and needed returned.

According to one self proclaimed local expert, since her ASPIE lies, they ALL LIE.
IN YOUR FACE BABY!!

My Aspie is honest, this proves it, and HE DOESN"T LIE.

Phew, now that felt good, didn't it?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The most wonderful time of the year

is planning for summer vacation? Or the gen's call it summer break, right?
This year once again I am down and out with a cold/flu/thingy. Overall I am fine, but the patience is weak, the greek food made to make me feel better by the foodies is great, and I am thinking my sinuses were slammed by the local Metra train. Because of that, my flakey-ness is at an all time high and I am coughing up part of a lung...so the whole mental process is a little slow and a little off kilter....once again I refer to a Suzanne Vega song from "Pretty in Pink" - Left of Center.


The boy is badgering me to get on his social networking account. To him this doesn't mean hanging out with friends, but playing games. The new fav is Pawn Stars. I keep trying to encourage him to chat, make friends, look for friends, look at names, all that. He doesn't bother...he wants to play the games. Why talk when you can build up your own virtual pawn shop? We are trying to get him to be social, after all they are social networking opportunities, but he still doesn't get the concept.

I think I am glad I put a passcode on the computer. If nothing else for the sake of my sanity. Sanity means a lot in my book....although my normal flakey demenor is just a cover it does mean that I am reserving the sane part of myself for those who really need it....like the cuter one and the boy. When the boy doesn't feel great the whole family is in a weird place. Friends of ours once said, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Although, I am relatively happy, I am really wiped out.

Today was a day where someone noticed the boy was a little, different. A girl at the grocery store asked my husband where the boy goes to school and that she could tell, he has a high voice at times, badgers over minutiaue and is a "cultural experience" when excited. IT felt like ten steps forwards and twenty steps back -OMG....what is wrong with this picture? How far off the mark are we anyway? Socially, the boy is pretty much a zero- even on the social networks. Am I digging in on this because I am sick and have a bad headache or is it because the boy needs me to kick some butt and have him work harder when he is out publically??? I am thinking I need to push him more and harder.

I am so wanting to do the observation of the gens again just to see what could and would happen....how do gen parents do it? I know some tell me that their kids talk to them and even if it is banal at least it is about something relevant. Although there are those that are considered gens and I would SWEAR they are on the spectrum.....it depends on the families and the kids I guess.

THen I am back at the OMG it is drivers dread and I am thinking what the heck are we doing and why are we torturing ourselves.

Last week we were at a meeting where this guy told us that his job is to make certain that these kids are taxpayers and not drains on the society....since I have never encouraged him to take money from the state I beleive he SHOULD be a functioning member of society and can be. Sadly this same person mentioned someone else who is do diametrically opposed to us (the cuter and I) that we have agreed to disagree with this third person and requested that she stay away from us. I think the fact that she once told us to give the boy a card that said "stop" kind of put us in a place where we realized that she didn't know what she was doing except for a certain type of Aspie.....so then we just avoided anything this third person did (I am killing myself here not to mention programs or names....give me credit). Fortunatly, I had the wits enough to point out that we avoid this person and that we are "philosophically opposed" so we don't really relish contact after the HS experience.
What is worse is that this third person is moving into a higher education field....I had been HOPING against hope that she would get out of the education system all together and here we are stuck with this person for another 4 years after HS.
OMG, UGH and ICK.

On that note, we need a little lightening up here....how about a bit of John Bon Jovi? He can wake some tired blood and cheer up the faintest of hearts.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Missing out on the IEP?

We have a meeting tomorrow.
Another one. School is almost over and we have a meeting tomorrow.
The boy is fine. He isn't doing anything wrong that we are aware of......but then the case manager always manages to pull something out of her (hmmmm.....would butt be a good word here?) any way who knows what is going wrong this time but I am certain there is some bad news in there somewhere for me to get my undies in a bunch about.

What I would like to know (rhetorically, no answer required) is:

WHAT ARE WE MISSING on his IEP? We have to be missing something. How can these parents have all these meetings to set up an IEP? The longest we have ever gone is 2 hours and that was when I got into an argument with the middle school staff (the special ed teacher, M-----n is a MORON) and from what i hear others agree that she is a moron but don't have the balls to say anything. I did have the, ahem, balls, and yes I did tell the district people that she is in fact a moron. Did they listen? NO but I do know that she drives the same car as my ex and that is another reason to dislike her.....
Phew, excuse me, a bit off topic there.....

Anyway What in the world are we missing? He gets the accommodations (NOT modifications- big difference) that he needs....he studies hard (math is a tough class right now).....staff is good to us, although we could cry since our fave vprincipal is moving to another school (!!!) SO where is the problem, what are we missing?

We don't analyze the doc half to death....most of the time we don't read but the goals and the accommodations. Picking apart the whole thing begs the question is it better to follow the LETTER of the law or the SPIRIT of the law.

What are we missing? We are having another IEP meeting and I feel like I am missing something....I just wish I knew what it was.....

Maybe we need to be tougher, meaner more intimidating?  Some of these families, we here the kid is out of control and yet they are still mainstreamed??? Our son was kicked out of school and we had been forced to put him in a therapeutic day school....and yet the ones that weren't have the social ties and know everyone....ours doesn't.

In fact, we don't even know other families except for the special ed ones....we are that isolated. Meeting people, seeing other families.....what do gen families do? Seriously, it makes one think of that display at Harrods where that actor was living in a store window. Can we just observe a gen family for a while and see what we need to do for improvements sake???


Although I can't see that happening....I am afraid the closest any one would get would be the Jersey Shore or the Mad Housewifes of Seville or something like that.

It's another IEP, coming to the last of them....what are we missing?

Monday, May 16, 2011

WHERE is the tissue box???

Here in our universe (many light years away...but I digress)

we have issues with allergies.
At first it was the cuter one getting shots regularly....then it was me with the mold thing and the boy with sinus issues becuase of dental things.....Now it is the ultimate pollen season and we all sound like the dog's dinner.....or we sound like a weird frog or whatever. We make Kermit the frog sound like a "Soul man."
Allergies with a kid on meds and on the supplements doesn't work so good. As with his mom, the allergy thing makes him uncomfortable, and very worried about how he feels (my head is OK if I turn this way and plugged up when I turn that way....junk like that). When he was younger I \tried a med with him that was recommended by an allergist....as the boy put it to me he thought his brain was going to explode and he then refused to try them again.....he has opted to suffer through it and wait until things dry up a bit. It took him a couple days to feel normal again and even then he wasn't up to much.....you know the kids are sick when they aren't being themselves and it is not normal for them to ______. Well lets just say I was HAPPY to see the boy back to normal so quickly....
Oddly enough, it appears that more of us have issues with pollen and mold than widely assumed. Last weekend the cuter one and I were out and about.....and went to an outdoor concert....we froze and the mold count was through the roof....seriously. Then the poor food choices....you know things are weird these days when the chefs at home can cook better than eating out....the boy and the cuter one are the ulitmate foodies.....we had heirloom tomatoes, fresh basil, olive oil, and mozerella for salad for dinner and it was AMAZING....that being said, the sinus thing isn't hittin us as hard because we aren't eating out as much as we used to...why should we when we can eat a better meal here at home and use basil from the GARDEN. Just run out the door pick it and run back inside and use it....what MORE can you ask for? (maybe a bigger garden?)
We have to really look at what we are eating, taking and doing....drinking more water helps loads. Staying away from dairy....bonus. Working on the intake of food, avoiding the mayo, and keeping our heads clear (well we try anyway that salad the other night was truely worth it). Really allergies could by a myraid of things....maybe it is the 3 petites we have in the house....I would take in more but then the cuter one calls me a "horder" so 3 is the absolute limit.....besides 3 tabby cats means that one has 3 insane kittens who believe that they allow us to live here by the grace of the 3 tabbies. The 3 tabbies have also made up their own church but that is for another day....

I never thought I had a cat allergy before...maybe I am just allergic to the litter boxes and their fur....but really it imeans a lot more work, we have to work harder at keeping the rooms clean and the kittens let us know when the house is not at their standards....the boy seems to have problems at the begining of the season....I when the tree leaves open...and the cuter one when the dust is too much....we reduce the dust, clean the hosue and then plant the veggies. OH and increasing the veggies can help....using olive oil (no butter) really does enhance the flavor of the veggies...then the cute one does the season salt thing and whalla you have designer veggies with a bit of flair.

Allergies is a real pain in the butt, and dealing with the boxes of tissues (we should buy stock.....do you get a discount??) Realizing that it is already the middle of May (I was just in the Ides of March and here it is MAY)and I am freaking out....where does the time go and how did my little baby turn almost 17 already and what in the world happened and when did I get so old....
Now you know it is allergy season, I am thinking aobut time and how old I am.....what happened over here and how did I get so old so fast and what is going on???? Where was I that things started happening so quickly...I missed all the good stuff.

Friday, May 13, 2011

What is maturity?

Hi Kids, After a brief sabatical from our lovely server it is back at the edifying posts.

Today's topic is Maturity.

So wht is maturity? (deep cresendo DUM DA DUM DUMMM)

Is it our Aspie staying home and watching Ratittoui? (cute flick BTW) or seeing like kids out on the street smoking? Who is the mature one? The dumb one filling his lungs with gas or my son who is doing his econ homework and watching Chef Ramsey?

Am I biased if I choose Chef Ramsey?

I know for myself, being mature is a state of mind. I am a goofball who will dance and sing and do silly stuff to destress. I also think that yoga helps while working, But this is me and I freely admit I am the Mom who likes concerts (louder and more punk the better) and has a penchant for English History. I also believe that the funniest man alive was Peter Sellers....blame my brother for that one, he taught me that Monty Python was the ultimate in humor. Obviously, my take on maturity is purely in the eye of the beholder and my sense of humor on any given occasion.

The cuter one believes there should be a way to "instruct in appropriate mature choices" for our kids. He was pointing out to me that the smokers we saw on our way home from DSW looked to be an age of ours (actually they looked like they needed a bath or two). But they were in a group walking together and going somewhere. Ours don't do that; but ours knows if he touches a cigarette he will get in BIG trouble with me.....

Part of me is happy mine doesn't do that stuff. I like the fact that he calls me when he walks home. I like knowing he is OK and relatively safe with the phone in his hand telling me what is going on and where he is going. There are times I have said, "I don't know where he is, he is at school somewhere." Those are the days I feel like a gen mom; I don't know a thing, and he gets home when he gets home.
It took a while to get used to. Initially I would panic and freak out a bit....I have trained myself to calm down and not worry as much. He has proved himself and it is a good thing.

Being a heliocopter parent is really bad news. This is part of the Wikipedia link and it is APPROPRIATE:
"Some college professors and administrators are now referring to "Lawnmower parents" to describe mothers and fathers who attempt to smooth out and mow down all obstacles, to the extent that they may even attempt to interfere at their children's workplaces, regarding salaries and promotions, after they have graduated from college and are supposedly living on their own. As the children of "helicopter parents" graduate and move into the job market, personnel and human resources departments are becoming acquainted with the phenomenon as well. Some have reported that parents have even begun intruding on salary negotiations."

If you talk to the reps from the local colleges they are finding that the parents in our age group do a number of things that arent helpful:

1. they hover- this is the parent that calls, writes and contacts the teachers for the kids.They also fill out all of the college applications and call and throw a fit if their precious little offspring are not accepted.
2. they scream- they will call the employers and yell at them if their kid is critized in the slightest (OMG)
3. they are insecure- quickly becoming their kids best buds, they have no discretion. (wait- this one is me....oops)

Fortunatley for my kid, I don't get to do any of that (except for #3). Number one he would die of embarrassment. Ask anyone, if I say anything I tell them to NOT tell the boy I called or he would die of embarrassment. I stay away from any problems unless he asks me to help....and next year it is HIM going to be contacting his teachers for notes, and other help that he may need. I am going to retire from that part as well as retiring from the other stuff he had asked me to do.....I really am backing off more and more as time goes by.

Training my kid is kind of like training a kitten or a puppy. I know, this isn't PC but what is on this blog? (deal with it, if I were a delicate little flower I certainly wouldn't be talking about this stuff) IF we train them right the kids can grow, expand and prosper to the best of their abilities.....win win all the way around.

THE more we train now the less likely we are to have to expect that our kids will be living off of society and will be ADDING and improving the worlds that they live in. NOW THAT would be cool wouldn't it.

Think Edison and Einstein.....

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Getting the butt moving

The boy has a problem.
He has not been able to move his butt in the morning.
He has to move his butt in the morning to catch the bus and go to school.
He has to be out the door at a certain time every day or he will miss the bus.
Missing the bus means walking to school.
It is not a far walk to school, but I am then designated the "Worst Mother on the Planet" when I tell him to "Get Hoofing, you need to walk."
How could anyone be so cruel?

It is timing. Aspies are famous for not keeping track of time. The boy is very unhappy with me when I am "rushing him" but the constant reminders in the AM are part of the deal.
I think a couple more days of walking to school and he will be out the door to catch the bus on time.

I am all over his butt with a lot of things. He has to be able to function in a 9-5 society. Unfortunately, as the cuter half says, "Society isn't going to accept these kids any more. The kids have to learn to function in society and then they can do their autism thing at home." It isn't pretty or nice, but it is very succinct. Last night proved his point. I was at a "Transition Night" and the college rep told us the kids need to be able to self identify and ask for help when they need it. I hear my son can do that but the question is "Can he really or is the school just telling us what we want to hear so we shut up and leave them a lone."

It is a big question....and now I need to get my butt moving and start my day....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

You are a Jerk!

And good morning to you too.
This statement is a common on as my Aspie son is walking out the door.

Why am I a jerk? Because I am "rushing him" so he will get to school and make the bus. He was mad because he beleives he is deathly ill with a cold (OHHHH do you have the sniffos?) and wanted to stay home and pretend real illness. If he doesn't catch the bus the recourse is walking to school. And yes I have made him do that too.

It is easy to be nicer and say "Oh poor baby, you can stay home today and do nothing all day." Then proceed to take the day off, argue him into staying in bed and making him rest the entire day. It is harder to make him go to school.

From what I have been reading lately I think we need to make our kids do stuff. Whatever stuff that may be they need to do it. Clean their rooms, do their homework, be responsible for their stuff.....lately he has tried the excuse, "But I have Aspergers." OK and I have 3 cats with wet noses, SO WHAT???? I have brown hair and you have Aspergers...that doesn't excuse what you are doing and how you are behaving towards me or to others.What it means is that I need to be tougher on you and you need to try a heck of a lot harder than most people. I constantly tell him his Aspergers can come out when he is in his bedroom with the door closed. When he is out in public it has to be buttoned up tight and kept for at home.

Make your Aspergers work for you, don't you work for it.
In a nutshell, that is why I am a jerk.

Monday, May 9, 2011

dealing with colds

here is a good topic for an early morning.

Being sick.

There is nothing that looks sicker than a sick Aspie trying to go to school because he has reviews for mid terms. He looked terrible this AM.
I sent him to school anyway. Not because I am mean but because he told me that he wanted to go even though he is sniffling has a cough and is tired. He informed me that he has to get his stuff for school to study for exams and is nervous enough as it is....

My suggestion was to try a couple classes and have the nurse call me if he needs to come home later in the day. His other fear was that I would make him read the Encyclpedia Britannica to see if he was really sick or not. If he is willing to read it that means he is really ill and if not, well you aren't that sick yet. When he was younger he used to fake being sick so he could stay home from school. The Cuter one and I developed this plan to assist us in deciding if the boy was really ill or faking. Aspies can't fake well (be consistant w it), but this was the ultimate test to see if him staying home was really valid.
We will see what happens today, he has classes and practice after school....if he is sick he is sick, if not, well it should be interesting.......

Sunday, May 8, 2011

We ate fried food today.

OMG.

We did. We took the Princess aka my Mom out for Mother's Day. Since the Princess gets such good food at her domicle, we decided that a restaurant off the beaten path would be a good choice. Today we ate food that we normally don't have. We passed on several on the way to this place. There are some decent options nearby but we wanted the Princess to have a really good food option and something to talk about with the girls at her table. Normally the pizza at Uno's is great...a little different but still really good. SKIP the appetizers though...those suckers will kill ya.

Did you know, that if you haven't had deep fat fried food in a year or more it can reak havoc on your system. I had to leave the table midway thru the meal, the boy made it to the end of the pizza, my cuter half is suffering from acute indigestion, the Princess appears to be fine. When you don't eat junk your body will reject it. Now the boy and the cuter half know what it is like for me when we were subjected to that awful place in Sheridan. UGH. Everything fried in peanut oil, and now everything fried in what is supposed to be oil but is a dreary mess. Not going back to that place if I can help it...YUCK.

We are still messed up; crabby, feeling ucky and not our normal jovial selves. It is food related. Most of the time fried food makes me go alot. I avoid it. The boy was distinctly uncomfortable all afternoon, partially talking gibberish and the rest was just food related. We now have to get back to our regular food functions....

Eating this stuff on a semi regular basis is really bad for the overall morale. In fact, the boy is now coughing, sniffling and sounds dreadful with a cold or allergies. He didn't sound like this UNTIL he ate the fried foods. What is up with that? I think we have to go back to avoiding the fried yuck and stick with what we know. veggies, fruit and no greasy crap.

Overalll a very quiet Mom's day....few presents, and just relaxed. It was then that the boy started talking. Some of it was not appropriate and some of it just garbage. Yes I called him on it even through the Princess was there. He needs to do a better job of not yapping when he needs to be quiet. Really it is a self control thing. We were all getting some down time, the PRincess and I were talking about past events and then he starts his trash talking about me and how I don't let him talk to family and do whatever.
It didn't go over well. The Princess opted to go home, and as her chauffer of choice, I took her. The boy knows he needs to work on not talking and we are back at the "My feelings, my this, my that." Whatever. The thing is, this kid is at the so self absorbed part that I have the "I don't care about what you want, you need to think about others and do as you are told." That always manages to go over well too.

After thinking about it, dealing with his constant self absorbstion means that the cuter one and I are dealing with our own self absorbtion over him....vicious cycle that we are trying desperately to break.

We are doing more of what we want to do and what others are telling us we want to do; bringing the boy along for a 5-6 hour car trip for a 2 hour break is not something I am relishing. Yeah i KNOW I am being a poop but it  is a blasted long drive in the car for a short time frame.

Maybe it is the thing, I get told what to do all the time (at work-expected there cool boss so that is really OK, at home, by the kitties, by the boy......).

It is when I am ordered about by those who don't really know me well that I dig my heels in....I don't do that well at all.
Really I think my whole issue with authority started in Band (Sorry, DM it did). I got bossed by the drum majors and I got tired of being ordered around.....by senior year I was done mentally, emotionally (learning 2 new instruments at once and being called a liar by a drum major when I was told to fake it on one of the instruments was a lot for me to handle as a very shy freshman). Although now it seems funny, after 4 years I was just bone weary tired of dealing with the whole thing ("Why are you in band, you suck." was a common refrain in the practice room). No offense to my old band buds out there....lets just say I was a very happy girl at graduation....no more band practice.

So when the boy starts with this bossy junk/drum major ordering...well there goes the Mom of the house (feeling like she is ordered to mark time). I will say "No" even when I am not really meaning it. I say "No" alot to him....most of the time I might let him do whatever but I say "No" becuase he gets bossy or starts the nagging thing. Saying "No" is easy, it has merit and it is a good healthy thing for him to catch on to. How many people will say "No" to him in his life.  LOTS OF PEOPLE- people do it now.....most people say "No" to him and he has to learn that "NO means NO" and that is it.  

He will get it, and it will be a good lesson learned. You can't force people to discuss or do what you want them to do you have to wait  and listen and stop thinking about your response first. It is hard to do when they don't want to listen...and then you don't really want to listen back either- which means if no one is listening the conversation is effectively over. Which in some cases is a good thing.....especially after a dreadful meal of fried food....I am still a cranky pants.

Oh and by the way, Happy Mom's Day to all you deserving Moms...hope you had an amazing day and stayed away from the fried food....HA HA HA.


Friday, May 6, 2011

We saw it again

Yes we did, we saw "The Kings Speech".
If you have ever had a child in speech therapy you would know how remarkable this story is.

Our story is dramatic, but not uncommon for kids on the spectrum. Our boy was nonverbal at age 3. He went to school and we communicated using sign language, "eye speaking", and the dragging of the Mommy to whatever he wanted. This went on until he was 5.
During this time evaluations (beyond painful) and doctors (aka morons) told me to put my son in a home and forget I ever had him. Naturally, we thought those doc's went to a medical correspondence school and got their degrees from somewhere south of the South Pole.
After checking into dentists we discovered that our son's mouth was malformed and had been since birth. It was impossible to tell there was a problem as an infant....

Not being able to pronounce sounds/words made things complicated at best. the boy did his best but sentances didn't make good sense, except for an odd word or two. The cuter half understood the boy well; OK the cuter half understood the boy entirely. No one else did.

Learning the english language was like picking up a second language. Kind of like King George IV. He struggled with language, knowing what should be said, how it ought to sound and getting it stuck....my boy could relate to that.

Anyway seeing that movie, really strikes home for us...there are different bits every time and there are things that we  have seen modern speech therapists use but in different formats (tape recording, misc.) The marble thing....never seen that done although in the movie it did look pretty ridiculous (personally I would have liked to seen the old geezer show the Duke of York how to do it first just for fun). The Queen Mother, at that time Princess Elizabeth, was a becon of strength. Checking out someone who was considered avant guarde and unconventional was a BIG stretch for her....although maybe not so much, look at what they had been through with the so called professionals (Hmmmmm sound familiar?). I can TOTALLY RELATE!! I have heard, although debateable if true that the Queen has seen this movie and thought it was pretty accurate. I don't know if I believe it but the Telegraph usually gets it right so I guess I will trust them on this one. She should know, it was her dad after all.

Oddly enough, my Mom was pointing things out in the movie, like how the king had a bad temper, and so did my dad sometimes (um hello, so does everyone....I know i do too). We then discussed how the king was having the temper becuase he was frustrated in his way to communicate. That and back then people who used their left hands were re-trained to use their right hands for writing and such. My dad was retrained to use his right hand, many people were back then......the thought was that left handed people were not the best off. Obviously that is not true. MANY people are better off using the hand they are comfortable with. My dad did a cool thing and taught me how to use both hands. some for writing, some for opening things and all that.

As far as the movie goes, it was amazing how my Mom thought this movie was really amazing....and spot on. My Mom tells me that she remembers all this happening and that she was very impressed with the king's speech when she heard about it during the pre war period.

I again HAVE to recommend this movie. It is amazing and well worth the time to watch.




Having his Austim work for him INSTEAD of him Working for his Austim

Deep concept.
I wonder how many of us think that we have to fix something that may or may not be fixable. I think the boy needs to have his Aspergers work for him, instead of him working for it. That way he can feel comfortable in his job choices AND still be working in his career choice at the time.

I think many of us work to be working but we don't play to our strengths. For example, the other evening the boy wanted help with homework. It really wasn't help he wanted, all I did was sit there and read while he worked. He wanted the companionship of someone being there with him. Then 2 nights ago he "kicked" me out of the family room with a " Mom you know nothing about nominals. I will do this myself." WOW.

I think the one thing we have noticed over the years is that the boy never wanted to do homework on his own. Now he does. He did all of his math by himself last night (over 20  problems) and he did it all correctly. We rarely are allowed to help right now. It makes me wonder what he is up to sometimes and then others I realize he is growing up, learning a lot and needing the space to put it all together. In a weird sort of way it gives me hope.

Lest I speak too soon lets see what today brings....

Thursday, May 5, 2011

the guys in this house don't think like me.

I am the only female in this house.
It is true, even the cats are dudes. I have little or no estrogen outside of myself running here and tonight was further proof that i am way different than the guys.

I got grossed out by a program about parasites on TV. It proves to me that I will never go with the cuter half to a third world country nor would i ever want to. Between the elephantitus, the tapeworms in your brain and the other icky bugs...I am better off here covered in bug spray and shampoo that will keep the bugs off.
YUCKO/
Yet the cuter one follows me in the dining room, proceeds to explain that the guy that willingly swallowed a tapeworm gave "birth to a nine 1/2 lb worm prior to his wedding.' GAGGGGGGG!

Why am I not like the boys?

Let's see, I used to envy the ladies at work who had pretty flower pictures decorating their desks, while I had bugs....or drawings of milipedes or whatever bug was cool that week. I like trying to look like a girl (doesn't happen often around here) and the best of all.....I REFUSE to watch nasty gross yuck on TV. Which would explain my regular use of a popular social networking site. My farm, city and cultural centers are booming......

Right now I would love to have a girl kitty; but my boy kitties would be the death of her....they would freak. the boy himself doesn't see how I could be a "real girl" as I am "just a mom"....talk about an argument after that one....the boy hid in his room while I was yelling, "But I am a girl darn it all." and doing the feet stomping, and the "I need to be a blonde again!" routine.
The best I can come up with right now is my pink/peach office space. That is the girl space.....although the masculine members of the family are allowed in, they aren't allowed to touch the girl items (makeup, perfume, that stuff).

Making the boy realize that girls are different is kind of a shock for him. He sees people as people, there are no boy/girl things, or racial differences. We are all just people. Which, when you think about it is a much healther way to view things than the way some people do. (Gosh, maybe we did something right)

I am working harder at "being a girl" than I ever did before....alll this testosterone is rather overwhelming....and although I would hve relished being surrounded by guys at a younger age. There is something to be said for a "girls lunch" I had this week with a dear friend....and it reminded me how lucky I am to be a girl.

Now where is that lipstick?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

thiniking about schools and IEP's

Have you ever thought about school?
Do you remember when you were in school? I remember. Sometimes more than I would ordinarily wish.... but that is normal.
Trying to get the boy to think about school is a whole 'nother story. He doesn't like having to do things that he doesn't wish to do (who does?) but then he is still holding grudges and getting annoyed with people who I think like him and think he is OK. He is trying to get used to being teased by an older kid....I think this kid is a riot. It is good for the boy to be treated like other kids....

I know of one person who holds grudges. I think it is kind of silly really. It isn't hurting the other person that you are holding something against, only hurting yourself. I am doing my best not to hold grudges. It is hard because there are times when you just wanna. Fortunately, for me, those times are few and far between. I remember that this particular person holds grudges and doesn't even tell people....what is up with that? I don't get that at all, but whatever....that is one of the big things we are training the boy against. Why let something eat you up like that,,,, it can't help at all that is for sure.

Anyway, this is a different venue than being bullied. Being bullied is a victum thing. Our most recent bullied thing was pretty bizarre. We were treated like the people doing the bullying and then the outcome and the end results....lets just say leaving was a good idea. The person running the show was telling people that because one needed something all needed something- FYI that was just more than stupid. People are all different and because it works one way over here doesn't mean it will work the same over there. Like I have said before, being bullied comes in all shapes and sizes.

Another thing about tonight, the boy did all of his homework without tutoring. He needed no assistance at all. What is up with that??? He worked his head off. The cuter half and I were surprised and pleased that he was able to do it on his own. YEA!!



Monday, May 2, 2011

Things come and go so quickly here

today was weird. I got a phone call and for once it wasn't about the boy, or the cuter half. It was totally unrelated to them and I was totally SHOCKED that we got the response we did.
Let's say it was a good call, and me being the kind of person that i am I started calling people for advice. I shouldn't have bothered.
There are some things YOU KNOW are the right thing to do even if it is a distinct disadvantage to yourself .

I am still bowled over....kind of like that Mary Englbreight saying "Life is just a chair of bowlies" Gobsmacked, dumbstruck, OMG.....what just happened. and there you are life changes ALL OVER AGAIN. How dare it.

But it did, and it has and it does every blessed day whether you want it to or not. THEN you see who is important to you and what you do when you talk to those people. I have determined that I know what I am doing (OMG is it the caffine talking) or am I finally developing some hackneyed self confidence in my decision making skills? DK. Whatever it is I know that today I did the right thing, said the right thing and helped with the right thing. How often do any of us have that?

This would be the kind of day my Aspie son would have wanted to crawl under the bed. But instead, we met the day full force and took it for what it was worth (think doggie with toy rag and shaking it)

Anyhow, life is different again, I am not ready to get into the details since it was someone else that decided and I was just there to do the leg work....

but lets say that there are times that God does work faster than we realize. The boy is not ready for the fast part. He has only experienced the slow laborious parts....I guess I am more aware of this because of what he told me last night. He knows he is different from most people. He feels the difference and doesn't like it much. At this point in his life being an Aspie hasn't done him many favors. Maybe as he gets older he will be more confident.....and maybe he will be able to use the Aspie in him to a better degree and figure out how to make it work for him instead of him working for his Autism....

I feel like Dorothy did when she met Glinda, and Glinda was ready to leave the Munchkins.....

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Yet again we discuss...

hygene.
Tellhing the boy to use soap is similar to discussing the discetion of a frog or a mouse.
He finds soap to be repellant. I don't know why, we have a selection of scents to choose from. We have allowed him the chance to pick whatever soap he wants and will use, same goes for shampoo.
One would think we are tearing out his toenails with tweezers to get him to use soap.
Soap is a big issue.
I prefer the bath and body works scents,
The boy tells me he relaxes in the shower and then forgets to use soap. He also forgets to use deoderant and body spray and then smells like a camel.
Fighting with him over this is a pain in the neck. I have offered the use of exfoilants, to remove the dead skin cells, or a wash cloth or anything. My next move is to do an automatic dump of soap on his head and all over his body and then let him get it off the best way he can.
I have heard that this is typical with teen boys. they all reek to high heaven and refuse to shower or be clean. If that is so, how can any girl or anyone want to be anywhere near stinky people? Obviously the olefactory senses are not working but still.....

I cannot comprehend how he doesn't care. It is beyond me. He smells AWFUL and he is OK with that? Do they all stink? Obviously listening to parents is highly over rated because he doesn't listen to me at all. His lack of concern about showering with soap and water is absoutley amazing....and it is a huge wast of water. I fuss when I can't get  a shower or a bath when I want one and he is deliberately stinky?

My gosh we have to constantly get on him and now with the shaving thing....OMG....Maybe a hair remover and just spread it all over his head? It might truthfully be easier.

Boys don't just stink, they reak too.

Did you see it?

Yup, the king of pop.
It has been an 80's kind of week here. The royal wedding, the beautification of Pope John Paul, rembering when.....it is all there.
The cuter half and I took time to see the royal wedding. We woke at 3, dressed for work, then turned on the TV. He made a lovely breakfast with scones, bacon, eggs and ginger tea. We were mesmerized by the funky hats (I loved Beatrice and Eugnie's hats....they were amazing and the shape, beyond anything and totally artistic) the lovely dresses, the coaches and the overall fun of the occassion. It made us forget just for a while that we have stress, work, the boy and his training, and just live to get in the way and stress us out totally. IT was fun.....I remembered watching Prince William's parents wedding in 1981, I was sleeping on the floor of my big brother's apartment, set the alarm, woke up and turned on the TV. It was lovely....and more than that it gave me a weird sense of appreciation.

I was happy not to have gobs of cameras around when I went to the store. I could shop where I wanted with out a "fashion expert" telling me what to buy. I could be me. I was also 15 and not yet wise enough to understand "body language" and that what we saw was something way different than what was going on. In fact, an old church leader used to tell me, "Don't read into the Bible, it is what it is. You can't make it be something it isn't." That stayed with me all of my life. Maybe that is why this occassion was a fun thing to see but to actually be IN it would not be something I would have relished.

Realization hit with a bump on Friday; the cuter one and I still had to make it into work and stay awake thru the day. I think the ginger tea helped and I also think my stop for coffee prior to going into the office was  a big bonus.
It was fun.....we got to have a bit of a party in the midst of unspeakable tragedies all over the world. Depression is rampant, stress is everywhere the job market is in the tank. SO WHAT, we have a bit of fun, a spot of tea and a lovely wedding to watch on the telly.

WE made the boy watch the wedding at dinner. We had fish, stuffed clams, roasted potatoes, ravioli soup, and a white zin wine in a cat bottle (it is a WAY neat bottle) then we had our William and Catherine cupcakes and a lovely evening of making the boy watch "Mom-style TV" It was good for him. He really didn't know that he was watching history nor was he really interested in that. Don't care. he needs to learn that the electronics are not all about him and he cannot force us to watch Food network all the time.

Yes, today's post is a bit late, I should have written about this on Friday. Being a day late and a dollar short doesn't mean I am not thinking about what to write but that I want to know that what I am writing makes sense to me (that sentance is whack but I don't know how to fix it). I want the boy to remember where he saw his first royal wedding. I wish he could have some of the experiences I have had to learn that life is different, complicated and most of all interesting.

We will never really know how he thinks about these things. For him life is all "I, me, mine" and that, to me is frustrating and really very sad. I was brought up, "We, us, they". So to have to teach the boy, and with the cuter half helping by showing a good example, we are swamped with the boy, we are tired, we are stressed. I much prefer the "we us they" aspect but trying to get the boy to appreciate it is a little beyond his comprehension most of the time.

We got to go to a royal wedding on the telly, eat our scones and forget for a little while.
Thank you.