Monday, January 31, 2011

Great concepts.

Recently, I was reading....Ok that is fake, I am reading all the time. Sometimes tripe, sometimes good stuff and sometimes just things I have made up out of my head. It works, it gets my mind off things and onto better ground. Last night, after a weekend + with the flu I was perusing a Jim Henson book. It is one I have always liked...."Its not easy being Green" and there are a number of inspirational quotes in it. Many are probably not worth notating, but this one hit home.
It is from a cultural hero, Kermit the frog, "Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliment."

Now although I doubt I would be taking any advice from a pig, or even a member of Parliment (don't know any) there are things to be said for "experts".....firstly, I am sceptical of most self proclaimed experts. There are few that really KNOW what they are talking about.
Our first experience with an "expert" came in the form of a doctor. She told us a lot of flap about our boy. She didn't know a thing about Austism, or Aspergers or Pervasive Develeopmental Disorder (we were told it doesn't exist). We were also informed that we should do some things, like put our child in a home and forget we ever had him.

She was an expert and a doctor to boot. Put it this way, if I bowed down and listened to every doctor that ever told me something aobut my kid there would be a row of bottles leading to h_ll and back with different directions. We don't put much store in doctors.....at all. We do put store in the ones we have on our team now....but if I really have to hear about how some expert is going to tell me what to do with my kid, I am likely to tell them to stuff it and come see my kid for themselves.

Now this is an unpopular view I am certain. Defense of doctors would go up world wide if anyone actually read this blog outside of family and friends (all of whom are tolerant). I think what I am trying to get at here is that we can't always listen to experts. If we did, where would our sense of experimentation go? How would we justify just stopping and doing exactly what an expert told us and no more.

We can't. We won't.

For example, I know there is a ton of support for Andrew Wakefield, the guy who messed up his research materials for his case study. Frankly, I have little patience with lax research. Maybe because I do research professionally myself, I cannot see how excusing a poor job and not doing a complete bit of work really helps anyone. Doing it faster doesn't mean doing it better....it just makes a mess. It bothers me that this guy didn't do his homework correctly, what was he getting paid for anyway, underwater basket weaving naked or something. Whatever, it was he really should be putting his due to society and not be used as a positive research example, he makes all professional researchers look like we have studied in garbage bins....or that people can do it better themselves, which would explain why the economy is in the fix it is in. All these people doing their own reseach and mucking it up so badly......research is not about feelings, it isn't and although there are some good points about MMR and other things, if it is true that Wakefields false reports are motivated by the financial sector, that is really beyond anything an ethical researcher would do. Faking any kind of research or pushing it to one venue or another is not only harmful to everyone, it is bad for the society as a whole. IT makes all of us with kids on the spectrum look bad....either we are seen as grasping at straws or just not being responsible parents. Either way it is just not a cool thing for any researcher of ANY kind to do.....back to the quote from Kermit about the experts and pigs....makes sense doesn't it?

Oh and don't jump all over my butt about this....lax work is lax work and if we got paid for doing a bad job then the worst of us would be working at the highest level possbile positions (put in a call to Donald Trump and Oprah OK, I am still looking for regular FT work)

Oh and if any of you contact Andrew Wakefield please let him know that not everything you read from google is real btw.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

so many titles so little time

Do you ever bother to think about titles? You know the ones. the job titles, who you are as a person, and what you are doing. Kind of like when I was at home, my title was "Hey, I am a stay at home Mom." Now, I am a "hip person" and later my title could be chief bottle washer.

Kids on the spectrum are given titles too. Not necessarily ones they would like either. Some taunting, and name calling, teasing and generally being dreadful are just some of it. The sad part is that many of the spectrum kids do that to each other. The boy has been called many things. He was told things he liked were "baby" and he needed to grow up....I don't know I don't think Married with Children is baby, nor do I think some of the more "grownup" TV shows would qualify either. NOW I am not saying I am good with that stuff, the programing I mean, but I think that the harsh judgements of others who are in the same boat is really quite sad.

Recently, I think I was judged. Not sure though, and no I never really responded to it. It wasn't that I didn't care, commenting or responding just didn't seem worth it. Maybe it is picking my battles or maybe it is time and we are busy or maybe... oh poop I don't know. Whatever it is, there is a time and season for everything under heaven. If you have ever read Eclesiastes it would tell you so in there.

Friends, except for the old ones (that have known you since you tried to wallop a bully who put a worm down your sweater) are pretty much gonna know your reaction to things. Fortunately, we have some good, old friends....and although I hope my son has the same...he seems to have a core group that really does give a poop about him. It is kind of nice to see. Oddly enough, most of his friends are from school and not church, and thinking about it, the same happened with me. Most of my dearest chums were/are from my educational experiences (yup even marching band).

Another thing, I think that people, places and things adjust. Kind of like family traditions adjust to gains and losses throughout. Recently, it was suggested that my family have a big ole' party for another family member. I was wracking my brains on thinking who to invite; a big party equates old friends, new friends and all kinds of people. After talking about it with the party receipient and my better half (aka my husband) we determined that there really wasn't that many people to ask. Most had died within the last few years and the party person determined that having a party like that would just be too sad to comtemplate. I think it is sad too. I cried after I thought about it. Yeah I know, I am a big wimp, but you know, there are things that are just sad to be congnisant of. I think there will still be a celebration, just not one of significance.....or rather than a big ole blowout.

I think when you realize that time is in a bottle, and it is slowly draining out....like that old Muppets skit; there is something to be said for making the moments last. I should take my own advice and watch tripe with my boys, although most of it makes me unbelievably melancholy.






Monday, January 17, 2011

I am not sure what to write, at least right now.

The boy is doing OK but not perfect. There are some issues socially that he has mentioned. Part of me wonders about his maturity, but then the rest of it could merely me percetion alone. The high pitch tone is still part of our lives and that is mildly annoying.....motivation is a problem right now too. We hear that much of this is normal. We wouldn't know, as gens are not part of our lives....at least not what we are used to.

Finals season is upon us....as are sports. The next semester is going to be daunting, no fun classes but we are hoping that the boy can get overhimself and try to do the work without a ton of prompting.

we got a report about the boy and a job. Lets put it this way.....very discouraging. He will need a job coach and although the questions they asked him amused us greatly; his answers were even better.....he doesn't know how to fill out an application, he has never had to. Another was that he doesn't have chores, he has too much homework and sports......like I said, amusing. OK amusing to us.....we thought it was funny but for us it doesn't take much.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The waiting game

Tonight is another "parent of a jock" night. The boy, he be at a wresting match. Since it was all levels and the Frosh boys team is about 40; well they are gonna be there for a LONG while. So long, that our boy asked for his laptop and the charger to get a paper done for LA. That is a shock, but even better is that it is a paper the teacher forgot to assign them and it is due tomorrow. He has to work his butt off to get it done. Bonus though is that he wants to do it on his own w/out help or the illustrious home editor to take a look and see what is going on.
Although we don't encourage late nights, or the fact that he has to go to school tomorrow and has a test, a paper and, oh who knows what.....I will tell you that there are GOBS of parents that would pay good money for this kind of social interaction. We pay for it though, not thru money, through volunteering when they ask us to; or with buying cookie dough, uniforms, washing clothes nightly, and even the late nights and waiting for the boy to be done at the end of the meet. We shut up and do as the coaches tell us.

I know, me shutting up, kind of an oxymoron. But yes, when it comes to certain things, I have the God given sense to keep my fat mouth shut. I don't have the overwhelming desire to befriend EVERY parent or coach at a meet. I know them by look and who they shout for during the matches. I like them, they are good people. I also have the sense to know we are socially friendly, not best buds friendly. That is OK too. We are in limbo land anyway, The boy is not so much special ed, but is socially inept and is still in need of the supports of special services. He is learning to do his own thing though. The boys seem to watch out for him and support him when he is reading, trying to calm down and focus. He gets beat at matches alot....although now he looks like a jock....he is not confident nor does he have the upper body strength that he needs. He keeps wanting to do free weights and would like a barbell set for his bedroom (that means re doing the WHOLE thing) and well, we are just not ready for that yet.

Right now, we are just going thru the motions of figuring out where we need to go....or where to be. What is he going to do in college, and where. Will it be the local community college, a tiny university nearby, or will we go for a big ole college campus and pray for the best? WE have 2 years to decide....and right now I am waiting for the boy to be done....we all need some rest and to go to bed.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Do you know where you are going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you, where are you going to.....

I was sitting here thinking and that song popped into my head....the melancholy one, where it sounds like it is all over before it began. Oh ugh, that is just beyond depressing.

My husband and I try to stay away from depressing. We laugh as much as we can....even at stuff that isn't so funny.
For example, do you remember the entitlement post I did a few weeks ago? A friend had been having family over and decided to refuse to make the roast beast? There is an addendum to the story. Would you like to hear it? Here we go, yes she refused to make the roast beast (yea for her) refused to have the in-laws dog (aka "Muddy paws") and kicked everyone out before church. I love a happy ending. I know, it doesn't sound happy, but when you look at it another way, she had spent the last 20+ years cooking roast beast, cleaning dishes on Christmas day and wiping up dirty dog prints all over her clean floor. I think I would be allergic too...and my husband and I love animals.....really, we have pets.

To us, this story got a giggle, especially when we are hearing that other people were appalled that the inlaw was upset and that they thought the friend of ours was out of bounds....which she wasn't, she was tired of being the assigned house elf. IT explains why Dobby wanted to be free doesn't it? It does, stop protesting. Dobby wants to be free to pick WHAT messes he cleans up, NOT just the ones he is told to. Just like our friend, she wants to clean her soup dishes rather than muddy dog prints.

Our son is the same way, he wants to pick what he wants to do and how to do it. It is just he doesn't have the common sense yet to figure that part out. In the meantime he is learning what to and not to do. We have to remind him a lot.....and although it is frustrating, we KNOW it is better for him in the long haul.

I read something very sad today. Although I don't know this chick, I like her. She is like me, she trys to hard and she is frustrated with herself and trying to figure out what to do. Her blog today was just heartbreaking to me. I want to reach out but i know that my thoughts and comments would be ignored or rejected. It is OK, I just wish she would get some help; guys are great but there are better ways to handle things. Many times when an Aspie gets going ("You don't love me" "I want this new game NOW" "How could you? I am your one and only son."), we know there are the Aspie abandonment issues, my son has them. The rejection end of it blows, and then you are looking at the overall social stigma of writing about your life online....there are people who are concerned I will write about them....She is braver than I am and she does it ....and has Aspergers too. Many times the guys who don't want to be controlled has Aspergers too....I don't know if her farmer does or doesn't but I do know that she will be OK and come out of her problems stronger. Just like
all of us do.

Ya know, my kitties smell like a litter box. I just noticed. The littlest one jumped on my lap and he just reaks. I wonder if a baking soda bath would help or if dousing him in something would be better? Yet a good reason to keep the pets at home, if they are stinky no one wants them around......I think a good goal would be to be consistent with EVERYTHING in the house and not just the boy. I wonder how long the consistent part would work....let's consistently make the kitties less stinky...that would be a bonus right there.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The night before school starts

I love school. The night before the boy has to go back to school is the best. At lease it is the best for us. He isn't so happy about it.
This particular break was pretty uneventful. The boy was gone most of the time. He had wrestling. I have been working and well, all was quiet on the "Western Front". We didn't have our usual round of parties, we have been sick; there hasn't been a lot of activity. I don't know if that is good or bad. We did find out that we are going to have to bite the bullet and re do the boy's bedroom. His lack of organization is turning a once lovely "IKEA" bedroom into a room where the bed is falling apart, the books are all over the floor and I swear I will break my leg if I go in there w/out the lights on. He doesn't want to "put it away because I will never find it again." OMG maybe if he actually LOOKED for something he might find it. Now there is a concept, yes?
On that note, there is something to be said for the boy being 'bored stiff". Most Aspies don't tolerate being bored very well. Doing so is a time to hunt up video games, cartoons, or other mind numbing tripe. Our boy has lost video gaming priveleges. I know, we are cruel and horrible people right? I am so anti video game anymore I refuse to recommend it as a gift for him. I tell people to find him an unusal cookbook or to find something they think is weird (an ethnic mask or a funky plate; make your own whatever) anything but those dreaded video games.
Our son has the systems....he has the stuff to use and the TV and everything, even cable. What he doesn't have is the right.
The right, you ask? Yup the right, the right to play video games constantly. The right to react "negatively" after playing. The right to be a bloody nightmare berk. You catch my drift?
Yes you do.
In fact, this evening, I duly reminded him that his bed was a privilege and not a right. He could sleep on the floor in the dining room if he continued to act like a little turkey. Sleeping on the floor with no pillow, blanket or comforts is not fun. He did it once before, and didn't like it much. A repeat performance is unlikely as he likes his bed (it is comfortable) and he likes the magnets and the pillows are lovely. I even like his bed, I bought it for myself when he and I were living with his grandparents before his Daddy and I got married. It is a nice bed....
Loosing bedroom rights is not a good thing. It isn't only uncomforatble for him, it makes the parental life a little more complicated.

The other thing I have been thinking over; I wonder what the end of this term and the next term will bring. He is already going to have a schedule change, as he isn't taking Acting class - the teacher told me he would have to repeat the first one and since he is done with F-ARTS I didn't see the point in making him take it again unless he needs a filler (possibly as a senior). Oddly enough, F-ARTS was nothing I ever had to worry about. I was in so much band stuff I could have provided anyone who asked with my extra arts credits by the time I graduated (just kidding). Oh and if you check the links you will find that the only funny stuff out there is really by the British. The rest of it is just mundane....unless we go into classic Eddie Murphy.....but that is just me.
Maybe it is a good thing I am off tomorrow. I need a break and although I have stuff to do and pretty busy all day there are a lot of things that I need to revise. I need to decide what to rid myself of and what to keep....I want to get some stuff fixed. OH and most of all, I think I need to organize my Autism articles I have WAY too much stuff and it is a mess. I love having more time....and we have it because we asked for it and now it was given to us....isn't that great?