Sunday, July 16, 2017

Washing Dishes, Boy-ism, and life

Our dishwasher is haunted. Seriously, it really is; shuts itself on and off and runs periodically - usually empty (damn).
Which means whichever of us that is home gets the joy of washing dishes by hand. Most people have done this at minimum one time. I swear I have done it more than that (grades, high school, college)....and now it is a daily thing.
Washing dishes is amongst the most mundane of chores (although matching socks could give it a run for the money). You can think a thought, write a mental letter, tell yourself you are mental for washing dishes w/out gloves (I always forget those), and basically solve the worlds problems or maybe your own.

Today there is no way I could solve anyone's problems. I can barely manage all the stuff cute one and I have to do - solving other peoples stuff just isn't happening. Well, no that isn't true. Princess had been having a problem. Several months back she was not getting her regular phone calls. We thought she was out partying with the 101 year old across the hall. Happens, life that is, and we switched her phone back to a less complicated one. She doesn't do complicated anymore. Crossword puzzles are a thing of the past. Reading books, knitting, all that is not happening anymore. She tells me she has "big plans" to finish her projects in her bag. I really wish she would, or could.

There is a thing called "macular degeneration". Basically it is tied into high blood pressure and extended use of high blood pressure medication. Some of the quietest people don't tell a soul about problems/issues/thoughts but do internal harm to themselves; ergo the high blood pressure. NO I am not a "medical professional" and I think everyone needs to go to the doc to get evaluated - but I know what I see and what I see, well it is what it is. And the more quiet people on high blood pressure meds.....well there has to be something to the thought that they need to let their frustrations out.

Lately, I have been stewing, thinking, and deliberating. I often think about writing on the blog and then I go back and think of what someone told me "No one wants to know what you are thinking all the time." Which is probably true; I could take the crown as one of the most boring people on the planet ever. The cuter one thinks he is way more boring than me (I disagree). Then I starting thinking about where that person was coming from (the one that told me that I shouldn't express my thoughts) and well, if they are choosing to repress themselves that is really up to them they shouldn't repress others with their own expectations.

And another thing, the "if you don't agree with x-y-z you are a bad person". Seriously?
Geez if I thought that every single time someone didn't agree with me....good night. I think there is a cyclical thing going down these days and you know....people are divided about a lot of things. HOWEVER, what I have seen with the uber-liberal is that they are as judgemental as the uber-religious. You can say what you want, but with the boy with being forced to self-identify in college (jarring that was for sure) and being put in a disabled box ("Don't worry, it will take you about 10 years to graduate" REALLY?) and finding out that "Church isn't for people like me. Broken people aren't allowed there" (his words not mine). So where does one go?
well we are "marking time" and then we will decide about going/staying/re-evaluating.

And what is the boy doing? He is working. That is all you peeps need to know. The boy has a job. It is OK, not perfect and for a first job not the worst. The people he works with are, mostly, kind and I think generous with their thoughts and advice. If they are kind to him that is all I ask. Most people aren't so a little kindness goes a long way.

After the boy graduated from jr college he got even more lonely. One guy, he came over here and asked the cuter one and I if we would fund an apartment for him, the boy and a friend. I said, "No. but it is only for right now because the boy has to learn about paying bills and budgeting. Besides none of you are working; I am not working to support a place where I am not living" I don't think this guy ever heard the word "No"before as he left soon after that evening. He came around for a bit but the boy hasn't heard from him in months so we are figuring he got dumped. I feel bad, I know it isn't my fault but it is still sad that some people are so not into being friends as friends but friends for what you can do for them.

So anyway, the boy getting a job and working hard; well that is a good thing as far as I am concerned.

You know, Aspergers is a funny thing. Not funny ha-ha but funny that you don't realize how many people have it and are completely undiagnosed. Lets just say there are lots of them and it is all good. I think the cuter one and I would have been diagnosed with it. Some days the boy makes me a little loopy and honestly I couldn't tell you if I were coming or going. Although, I don't think the boy has just Aspergers. I think he has Boy-ism. He does. He has Boy-ism. This means he is an entity all his own and his diagnosis is just his.

I wonder what his therapist would think of that? I will have to ask him if I remember to mention it.




Tuesday, March 14, 2017

He said WHAT?

The boy asked again if I could help with some downloads. He saw me at the computer and being the Aspie that he is; it is obviously the perfect time to ask me to do this download. 
What he is asking me to do takes several hours of steady work. This is not a typical download thingy-doodle. This is a project that is not done in a short amount of time.

As per usual the cute one and I give up a lot for other people. We are regularly doing things for others with really no thought of how 1) we don't really want to or 2) we think we should because it is the right thing to do. 

The cute one stopped by with the Troubs. Troubs is a delicate little flower kitty that could squish your Chihuahua like  a freaking bug. He doesn't realize he is a big kitty. The thing is the boy doesn't realize he is big too. Not like BIG big but bigger than the average person. 

Ok and I was reading this thing tonight- 13 things to make your kids successful. There was not one thing about compassion or empathy in these 13 things. So what does that mean? Hey I can be successful but I am going to kick your ass from here to eternity and beyond? Or HEY I can humiliate the disabled person I work with because I am a manipulative _______ with no self esteem......

I find that more liberals are less accepting of an aspie who wants to be outside of the box they have labeled him with than those who think that he can do it. 
Lately I have little patience with liberals and hippies. I believe that people can literally do anything they think they can do. I believe that we are here for a reason and it isn't just to waste time going to some stupid march (If you go to one you go to all and should be supportive- end of story). Figuring out what we are supposed to be doing is a totally different deal though. I don't think that we are supposed to be deciding what is right for other people. Truthfully, I have only a few people in my life that I allow to tell me what to do. I mean few.....I had too many years of hiding and following a crowd that I didn't care to follow and didn't want to deal with. After those years I kind of ended up being pretty darn independent. Hey and any college student with 80's magenta hair....well lets just thank goodness there are no pictures (that I know of anyway).

After talking to an old friend I realized that I have no effing clue what I should be doing right now. I have kind of figured out that I am where I am supposed to be (work and life) but I have yet to figure out the whys and wherefores. In the Bible there is a passage in Ruth,  "And Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God." I think that most people think Ruth was kind of a wuss....following Naomi then going off and marrying again. I think that making a bigger decision means that the smaller details with eventually take care of themselves. I have always thought Ruth was really rather wise....and I remember hearing a pastor say that we had to choose what we wanted at a young age - I used to ask for wisdom. Now I ask for a nap -KIDDING.

I also think that figuring out the details is what is coming next. We want to do any number of things....take a trip, plan our lives with out IEPs and doctor appointments and constant stress of dealing with schools. 
Life with an Aspie out of school is different. We just don't know what the hell to do with him. We hope he is capable...but then we are not sure he is going to do what he needs to do regularly. Paying rent, bills, taking a shower, brushing his teeth. I tell people he was more dependable at age six than he is now. which I know is not fair to those who think millennials do no wrong. But frankly I am not going to watch him come back and live in my damn basement either, I have expectations of him - but those expectations have changed. I now expect him to get a job. Doing what? Don't care but he cannot leave one job unless he has another job with a start date and time set up. 

I will admit the boy is working. I won't say where but he does have a job and works regular hours with a typical schedule. He did it on his own. Found the job, applied, went to the interview, and keeps track of his schedule.  It might not be rocket science but it appears he is working at the highest level he can at this time and although I wish for more for him I have to accept what he is able to do.









Here is one for a friend of mine..... and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the topic. I just felt like listening to it.




















Wednesday, March 1, 2017

what I feel like doing today....

nuthin'. that works for me.

No not really, it just sounds good. Actually, I think that being sick gives me a little different direction. Yup that's right second time this season and this time its a "bacterial infection". I am on the good antibiotics again and I am sounding like a relative of Kermit the frog but have smoked the seaweed for years or something. (non-smoker here) I kind of figure it is bad when there is a person I know pretty well and they didn't recognize my voice.....that's bad.

When I feel lousy all I want to do is listen to music and veg out. I know.... its really awful. I mean I really have a bazillion plus things to do and literally zero time to get everything done and here I am futzing around doing nothing.

My huge accomplishment today? Well, besides sleeping for most of it (those damn non-drowsy formulas knock me out every time) I cleaned the cat box. Yup that's it. No...wait there is something better than that; I called my Princess. She is kind of bummed that I am sick which means not a lot of company for her but I am thinking another 24 hours on  these kick butt antibiotics and I should be OK to go see her.

I am really kind of antsy being at home. I called in sick to work - really needed to and I HATE doing that but I am so congested if I talk too much I cough like I am fit to die. It's better I hide at home for another day.

It always seems like I am pushing myself and really I am not that bad....I just do everything at full tilt. A day for me starts around 6 or 7 (sometimes earlier many AMs 5) and I am running on fumes by the time I get home....dinner at 7 or 8pm after Princess visits and then home.....so see no biggie right? Then dishes, laundry, kitty tending, life - paper shredding. OMG the paper, I forgot to shred more papers.

We have a tone of paper records that really needed to go. seriously it is time to get rid of the superfluous stuff and try to stay more organized. IF there was a way to put file cabinets in the attic I think we would have set them up by now. However, we didn't. All those dreadful IEPs from the boy in school - yup we had EVERY BLASTED one of them in those dreadful 20 gallon tubs. Plus the grade school copies - seriously and their tapes too (I tossed those don't need to relive that nightmare). We kept enough to show we had records and that there were IEPs but really folks how many should you keep over the years?

Seriously, we kept this crap to show the boy how things were. We kind of figure when he is older and wants a reality check he can take a look at this stuff and see what his parents went through with him. Basically from the report he ran through the halls naked to the year in self contained rubber room...,..he;s done it at one point or another.

And yet we survived. WIth our humor in tact, and frankly we are NOT perfect and will be the first to admit that we have gone through the mill and hit all the boards at least twice before being spit out. I am still not sure where we are going or if we know where we've been. Some days it is still the hurrier I go the behinder I get- no that's almost every day.

I would like to say that me being at home and ill means I have caught up with life and all - thankfully my cute one did the dishes tonight or we would have ended up with a monster pile of them.

The boy, overall is doing, well I think OK. He is getting into a routine and although it took some time it is working out in an odd sort of way. Totally not complaining here I think that him being kind of independent is a good thing. I am hoping he can keep doing what he is doing. Fingers crossed.

I can't really decide what kind of music to listen to this evening. I have my hyper favs and then my mello ones.... I really just have no direction so I think I will stick with one of my old standbys:


or maybe this one



I like this one too




Friday, February 10, 2017

I want to write something really good but instead I am posting my favorite songs.

Letting music doing some talking for me this evening.






























 and finally the song that I dedicate to my cuter half regularly


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Sometimes

Doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do but I'm glad I did and now I feel like myself again - which is an oxymoron because as the mom of an ASPIE most days my soul is not my own.  

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Going after the disabled because they are disabled

The recent wave of crime against a disabled white 18 year old by 4 (four) african american 18-24 year-olds sent literal chills down my spine.
Initially my response on FB (a rare public comment btw) was this:

No one has any idea how this terrifies me. It could easily happen to my son. Going after a disabled man, torturing him, abusing him and it's not a hate crime because he is disabled? Making pathetic excuses for harming someone who is disabled I hope the people who did this to this guy burn in hell. This makes me totally sick to my stomach.

Then came this from the Chicago Police - they didn't know if it qualified as a "hate crime". SERIOUSLY? Why because it was disabled on disabled (??) Really?


My reaction/disappointment was pretty plain to see:
Pretty much says it all and another reason for us to avoid going downtown.
"It’s hard to imagine how this is not politically or racially motivated given the remarks. Not to mention picking on a disabled person because they think they can."
That's right, the disabled don't count. They are there to allow abuse and not respond.
 Disgusting - choosing to pick on someone who can't defend themselves but by God let's cut more services for these young adults.  I will bet this kid thought he was with "friends". The disabled crave friendship and the abuse this guy endured is beyond any human understanding. Horrible horrible people that harmed him.  Color/race doesn't matter. Picking on the "least of these" (it's in the Bible people. Could mean anything from poor people and those who need additional mental/physical help) Harming a person like this in our "enlightened modern society" is an unpardonable crime; by anyone. ANYONE.Chicago police chief needs to do his job and protect this disabled kid and other disabled like him from people like these abusers. End of.
THE THOUGHT that struck me on the drive home from work tonight- 
The IL common practice of putting BD (behavior disordered) students in with people with medically diagnosed disabilities is really prevent and over common in the education community. My God how many times did it happen to our boy in school? Regularly. What comes to mind is when the boy was blamed but it was others at fault but because he is disabled it is automatically his fault. So putting this kid with other students who are more likely on the BD segment; well that is just an accident waiting to happen. (NO SHIT SHERLOCK it happened)
This is much much worse. These (using the word people is repellant to me) thugs, users, worms.... anyway so they got into a mock fight then the four took this kid, kidnapped him and messed him up really badly. WTF. and were texting the parents at the same time? What horrible excuses for did they come up with? It was his disability not his color? Seriously? It was both. Those losers targeted a disabled 18 year old, tormented and abused him and what, thought they could get away with it? 
If it was the other way around the rioting in the streets would have been out of control.
Harming ANYONE who is disabled is a sin against all that is holy. I do not care if said disabled is purple with pink fucking polka dots NO ONE is allowed to harm those who are in need of more. Even if the disabled person is the biggest asshole on the plant - there is NO reason for anyone to be intentionally harming, tormenting or abusing said person.
My God it could have been the boy. My kid could have been in this same situation. This is just one more thing I have to work on with him to keep him safe. I totally understand why it is safer to hide away in a basement but we can't do that. AND now we have to warn, and protect our kids against people that they think may be friends and question the other persons motives?
Don't like new people?
Don't trust others?
Don't step out of your box?
Don't, don't, don't............
HOW dare they hurt another person who probably would have given his life for any one of them.
HOW dare they act like a disabled person doesn't matter.
WHO do they think they are? Obviously they are so much better than a disabled person that they had to go after one to prove their superiority? WTF.

I will say I am glad the Chicago PD filed charges. Thank you for that officers, That is slightly re-assuring. Not sure I want my son or myself hanging out in the lovely murder capital of the US but it is a start.
I hope all 4 of those thugs/users/worms rot in jail. Naturally there are reports that they have no remorse. They wouldn't as they probably have no souls either. There is no excuse for their behavior and I will tell any and all it has scared the be-Jesus out of me and I am absolutely terrified of any new persons suddenly coming into my son's life.
My son thought that new people got the third degree before? Damn he hasn't seen anything yet. Some new person comes around they better be ready for an application, reference requests and a background check.


Sunday, January 1, 2017

Oh my gosh- it's here 2017

We aren't ready yet.

We still had things to clear up and finish and do.

We wanted to go to England to celebrate the boy's graduation, my birthday and just being us.

Not a thing has happened.

After graduation in 2016 the boy took the summer off for the first time in his life. He had never had a summer off before and the prior summer was taking 4 summer school online classes (then 4 online 1 campus classes) College experience really didn't do much for him. Since the school he went to had little or no supports in place for higher functioning autistic students he had a pretty miserable time of it there. After several negative experiences he and we decided his best bet was to finish school online as much as possible. He maintained excellent grades and his stress level was much better. He still had some other issues to deal with and was scared to death to talk to new people, go out alone, or be by himself. Essentially, after college he was back at square one. The cute one and I were relieved college was over for him but we were working with a guy who was terrified of making any mistakes or doing anything outside of his self prescribed box.

So we began the process of starting over with him. After graduating HS on such a high note; colliding commuter school life was certainly a total downer for the boy. In fact, from what he has told us most of his college acquaintances have NOT finished college at this time. He and one other kid graduated this year - and that was all he had heard about. Since the cute one and I told him he had one extra year to finish after he changed his major (a disastrous first semester with a cooking teacher that should have been doing anything else but teaching was enough for him).

Almost immediately after graduation we went back into the med/physical activity and vitamin supplement mode/ We talked about changing med around prior to his graduation but we were concerned that it might affect his concentration and ability to work effectively. So the meds have been altered with some additional vitamins. this means that there is a lot more physiological monitoring going on. The boy is in therapy 1x a week to make sure he is able to handle the new addition to his regime. As long as he "remembers" to take his meds he is doing fine. His biggest issue is not wanting to bother to take the med as prescribed.
Unbeknownst to the cuter one and I; the boy had not been taking his med for more than a week. WE were totally unaware that he wasn't doing his medications at all until we checked his weekly pill/vitamin allotments. They were full. Still.

At the age of 6 this kid was responsible for taking his own meds and he was doing so without too much trouble. At the age of 22 I had to monitor that he was eating, taking his medication and taking a shower. Seriously? Fortunately, it seems like he is back on track. The meds are in place and he is maintaining taking them with regular reminders. Bluntly put we are making sure we put the pills in a sauce serving dish and putting them on his meal plates. I am starting to think this is a security thing for him and I am pretty certain he will be acting more responsibly with this sooner rather than later.

Unlike most people who enjoy the comfort of everyone knowing their name, story and or background. the cute one and I are tired of it. We are currently rather isolated as we aren't social with parents of kids like ours (that went over like a lead balloon and we haven't attempted to find others to work it up with again- no time). We are laughing at people we have been told are jealous of us. Jealous of what? Spending an evening at the ER with my Mom with messed up electrolytes? Cleaning cat barf and snot from a kitty with a respiratory infection (then catching a respiratory infection myself)? Looking like we know what the hell we are doing but flying by the seat of our arse and hoping we land on our feet? Please, we just fake like we know what we are doing and hope the boy and everything else turns out OK. So far we believe that he is just one of the luckiest people on earth, although he would never agree with that assessment.

Recently, I have done the unthinkable. I got rid of EVERY single book on Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, social ineptitude, Psychology, Physiology, Speech and any other God-damned piece of garbage telling me what to think, do and how to pee (pee is a metaphor fyi). This adjustment to our home library has cleared out A TON of shelf space (Yea-ness). I never realized how much space it took to have self proscribed experts telling me how I was doing it all wrong but not having decent enough advice to identify corrections and how to handle problems. Why would I do such a thing? Clearing out books from highly regarded people who have studied Aspies (they need to come live with mine for a month or more then write a book). What was I thinking?
Really it was long over due. I read the books once; and subsequently;y never looked at them again. As I told the boy's therapist, "Why should I read stuff about what I deal with every blessed day? Why do I need people telling me what to do when I am pretty certain they wouldn't know what to do themselves in a like situation?" So we are "winging it." No more experts- unless we pay for one, like our son's current team of docs.

Another thing, we talk about moving, I truly doubt we ever will.

The boy is a suburbanite. Another thing, he is not religious. He believes in God but has said that churches have never done anything positive for him and it is unlikely he will ever attend unless forced to again. As far as that goes, I can't really blame him. I am certain my Dad would have been appalled. But what can one do? We are supportive of the boy and we have explained to him that there are people who believe that going to church is part of their belief system. Since he is afraid to go to church unless completely supported by us or his grandma....well we aren't going to push it down his throat.

Yup it is 2017. We are hoping for a better time of it after Jan. 20th. these last 9 years have not been the best for us. Yes I know, liberals are accepting, and understanding... yeah I got that; as long as you don't leave your self proscribed box that they put you in and you sure as hell better not complain either - wait that applies to conservatives, religious conservatives too..... See, as a parent of a kid/young adult like ours we get it from both sides. and God-forbid we have an opinion that differs from what either tells us we have to believe. And if we do what we know is right you sure as hell better believe we will get smacked down from both sides for that as well.
At least they all are consistent; knowing what to expect from the extreme left and the religious right....we got that part down to a science.

(I am a political agnostic - I am not crazy about any of them unless I see what they can do and how they do it and what their deal is).

Anyway I am hopeful for any number of things this 2017. I am hopeful for the boy, for the cute one and myself. I am hopeful we, the cute one and I can take a trip to England....I am hoping for a break and to be a place where no one knows who we are, what we do and expectations therein. That, to us would be a real vacation- totally getting away from everything with out worry or cares.

Right now I am thinking of that Talking Heads song "Road to Nowhere". Do you remember it?
Well we know where we're going
But we don't know where we've been
And we know what we're knowing
But we can't say what we've seen
And we're not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out
Yeah
We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Taking that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride
I'm feeling okay this morning
And you know
We're on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go
We're on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Taking that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride
Maybe you wonder where you are
I don't care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there, take you there
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
There's a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it's alright, baby, it's all right
And it's very far away
But it's growing day by day and it's all right
Baby, it's all right
Would you like to come along
You can help me sing the song
And it's all right, baby, it's all right
They can tell you what to do
But they'll make a fool of you
And it's all right, baby, it's all right
There's a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it's alright, baby, it's all right
And it's very far away
But it's growing day by day and it's all right
Baby, it's all right, yeah
Would you like to come along
You can help me sing the song
And it's all right, baby, it's all right
They can tell you what to do
But they'll make a fool of you and it's all right
Baby, it's all right
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere

It was on the "Little Creatures" Album/ My favorite, next to Supertramp in college.



Now it is video time and I have chosen the Talking Heads (big surprise there) Starting 2017 the right way with some good classic music from the 1980s. Enjoy.