Sunday, January 29, 2012

Learning curve

There is a learning curve with being a parent of a kid like ours.
Generally we have the day to day down, unless we are thrown a curve ball or a weird situation happens and we are left trying to figure out what the ____ happened.

Today hasn't been one of those days. It actually started out kind of normal. Your normal and our normal are two different things.
Our normal is planning things out WAY in advance.
Dreading the unplanned and having to listen to the boy ask us when his friend would be over almost all day. He awoke at 6:45 this AM very excited about the friend that MAY come over. He didn't know for certain if this friend could but he was hoping.....
we heard about it all day long.
Finally he went to his project this afternoon and we were given a reprieve.

Not knowing, or hearing that we may have something to do elevates in our home to almost a fever pitch. IT is almost better to NOT extend the invitation to people outside of your 50 mile radius if the answer is, "I don't really know, it is all up in the air." Which BTW is a B_____--- answer....especially when you do know and just don't want certain people coming. But that is a whole nother kettle of fish and fortunately I don't need to worry about it since we can't go to what I am referring to anyway....prior commitment dyk

seriously, we are working our way into the after school is done years. There are a bazillion things we are running thru our minds. What are we gonna do? How is the boy gonna make friends? Where do we go from  here? Good God it is like being out of college all over again. Only now it is the cute one and I trying to think of what is best for the boy.

We learned that we have to have a plan.

I've been talking to people and I was informed that I wasn't someone elses favorite person. Really that is fine because the person this was in reference to is definitely someone I would not choose to hang around with. Kind of felt like I was back in HS you know? Only the big difference is that this time I don't really feel as bad about it as I should. In HS I would have been really sad and really sorry about hurting someones feelings and masking it all in a charade of sarcasm.
At this point, I think I feel bad that I don't feel bad and I should feel dreadful and you know what? I don't. I feel bad that I don't feel bad but that is about it. Kind of like the boy believing that he should do "xyz" because he is supposed to....not from any underlying feeling that he wants to or is interested but because he thinks he is supposed to feel that way....

It must be genetic- the guilt or the "I should feel so much worse about this situation than I do and now it is so pathetic that I only think about it when I am reminded to but otherwise give it absolutely no thought whatsoever" feeling. OOPS.....I don't think I was supposed to say that. Oh well.

I guess the thing of it is, we are under water swamped. Not only is the far part of the garden a lake in the yard (completely frozen over). We are struggling to find out what is going on with the boy. He did not study for finals, fortunately, as I have mentioned in the recent past, it wasn't fatal, but he did drop a letter grade in almost everything.....ergo he is grounded again (surprise). So today when certain things are brought up to me by two different people and i give them the same reaction but possibly different wording - Oh well folks....we are not going to make this thing change and yes I made mistakes but I am not sorry one bit. This blog is my therapy and believe me it is a damn sight cheaper than paying a therapist. Besides that, any parent who won't admit to some form of depression or need with dealing with issues with a kid on the spectrum is a liar.  As with any other situation (IE at school) with the boy I would not allow something like that to escape me, and as the cuter one said as soon as the camera came out the humor in the situation was gone.

So there we are, your favorite blogger is not someones fave person and you know what? Oops, I did it again 

or should I say, "So what else is new?"

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