Saturday, July 21, 2012


Have you ever thought about where inspiration comes from?
Is it a gift from God?
Could it be something that happens that merely makes you think?
Would it be experiences, the easy and the hard that put things all together that make us tick, react, or do whatever?

Prior to meeting the cuter half I would have to say that a LOT of my inspiration came from my parents and my brother and sis-in-law.

(My brother and I at the cuter half and I's wedding. Yeah I know, this picture is missing something. I didn't ask permisson from my bro to post a pic of him on the blog so I cut out his face. He really is nice and normal looking.)Same with this below one too, my sis-in-law and I cutting up and being silly....but again I didn't ask permission to show so I am only showing part of the pic... I will put up more pics another time.)

Both were helping me through some tough spots. I will admit I hadn't made the best choices earlier in my life, but after I was helped I made some really hard decisions.

One of those decisions was to intentionally live without regrets.
I may not make the best choices on the planet but by God I am not regretting ANY of the choices or decisions I have made.
It sounds like I do things perfectly. I don't.
I don't always make the best choices for the boy. I don't always do things the right way. I just don't.
On the other hand, I don't put up with much....the cuter half has talked to me about my inability to tolerate stupidity....I need to be better at it. The toleration of stupid, that is.

I am still wondering if we did the right thing by transitioning our son to gen school....that is one decision I just don't know if we did the right thing.
Gen schools, on the outside, are lovely. The students all look to be just about hope for tolerance and acceptance by teachers and kids....what you get is a little different.

Now keep this in mind, the cute one and I were NOT in a gen environment with the boy. We didn't know what the gen environment sounded like a pretty little bubble that most of the kids in the neighborhood lived in. We were MOST definetly on the outside looking in and having NO experience whatsoever on what exactly was there.

Little did we know; EDUCATIONALLY the work was at a higher level than at a gen middle school for special ed students. At gen school they work to the lowest common denominator in the speical ed and gen classroom. At a special ed school the academics are harder and at a higher level for EACH STUDENT. NOT KIDDING. The boy went from a high school sophomore reading level at 6th grade to second grade reading level in a couple of months going to a gen school. 

Ergo, expectations of special ed students at a gen school via teachers (special ed and gen) are pretty much bargain basement. At least they certainly aren't what the cute one and I are used to- we were spoiled by not having to actually READ our son's IEP and we were able to trust that the teachers and the administrators wouldn't ef it up.. Which explains the questions....did we make the right choice? I wish I knew.

The cute one is good for me during times like this. He always seems to know that he made the right choice.....his confidence builds me up and make me think that maybe, almost. we are on the right track. Then, like today, we are both wondering....

The boy needed pictures taken today. Putting the boy in a stiff shirt, tie and jacket is a sensory torture chamber. I let him put a soft t-shirt on under the dress shirt but all we heard was yelling and carrying on the entire time. We are sick of it. He has to put up with stuff and do as he is told. No one cares what he thinks about being "fancy" rules are rules and you have to do them. So put up, shut up and do was a constant gripe session the entire way.

He did the pictures, but so much for the cute one and I wanting to take him anywhere or do anything special with him after....we didn't care to be bothered and we WEREN'T in the mood to fuss about.
Will the boy make it? Are we not pushing him hard enough? I think he gets off to easy and most of the time the cute one thinks I am too hard on the boy. This time I think he agreed that we can't allow for "I don't care and I don't want to be like the others." TOUGH BEANERS- put on your big boy pants and do it. Fix your technique, do your thing..... and do it right.

God how I envy those gen parents tonight. They have it so easy.

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