Thursday, July 12, 2012

Expounding on Point #2

The other day I talked about tag teaming and how we were sugcessful with the boy. I decided to expound on this point....I am certain this will not be popular. Tough beaners.
We don't put up with much- we are required to make a functional person in society, not tolerate unacceptable behaviors."Second- his parents don't put up with crap. None of it."

At the tough school there was none of this pounding on the door the stomping of feet....doesn't work. The school had a thing called ALS. WE called it the "rubber room." Kids went there when they couldn't manage to be in a classroom- sitting still, paying attention- no flapping, no pointing no room walking or spinning. I had to sign off that the boy could be there because he essentially spent most of his day there during school. This was the first year after this the boy decided that he really needed to get his game face on and knock it off. Essentially, it was, "We don't care what you want kid, you have to earn the right to have it and thus far....not happening"

Thinking about it, we broke him of finger flapping, spinning, toe walking, and numerous other things....we still have more to work on. We also stopped the slammed bedroom door-automatic "Forget about it" Which is inclusive of loosing the door and we don't care who comes over the door is still gonna be standing in the hallway. If you think about it there are a BUNCH of kids who are undiagnosed.
MOST of you won't like this part but if your kid is already a GEN getting a diagnosis is basically a "death sentence." Don't do it. Teachers/schools will pander to the diagnosis and not expect your kid to work at a regular level. These bad habits can be over come....with effort and time on your part. We have noticed that at most gen schools it appears that "the inmates are running the prison" We don't know if that is really true or not but it appears likely. Since what we have noticed may or may not be the case, keeping your kid as NORMAL as possible is vital. You WANT your kid to look like the other gens and not like he/she stepped out of a really bad teen mag. The higher expectations you have of your kid the better it is. Making excuses, "Oh, that's part of the _____ disability" doesn't fly if the kid is out looking for a life.
In fact, NOT allowing the behaviors makes it harder on the parents at is easy to say yes. HARD and difficult to say "No". We say "No" allot. We are the mean parents who are dreadfully unpopular (oops).

If your kid is ALREADY in special ed, go get a diagnosis. Go get more than one...we have lots; from ALL over. Some diagnosis are real crap We have one from a doc in this area who people think is upwards of God but we have determined that he and his team were really bad at what they do. They wanted to see what they wanted and NOT what was there. Ergo the diag wasn't worth the paper it was printed on- but then you get what you pay for. Some diag's are on target. No one doc is perfect and normally a first diag no matter who or what it is from is a load of moose caca. It usually takes several before a diag will make any sense at all. Diagnosing your own kid RARELY works....don't attempt it (CONFIRMING what you already know by using a real diag only happens if you have been w a doc for longer that 2 years). Most parents will either think you have slipped a cog or will wonder why there is a fear of a "real medical diag."

IF you kid comes over here we don't pander to anyone (unless a serious dietary restriction)....the kids may have their thoughts but like most places (work) the kids are NOT in charge. That means that we hold our son to a higher level and it is likely we hold others there as well....these kids can work and live to the expectations that their parents have of them. They won't try any harder....most days social and school are a lot for them to handle. It used to be that the boy would tell us, "I have to see these kids all week long. I need a break." Then he met "V", "J", and "F" and he was more willing to try to be social. IT took a long time. Like everything does with these kids.

As parents we are allowed to be tired, I am regularly exhausted and running for my comfort food....HOWEVER, you have to keep on these kids. We tell our son that "Autism is for your bedroom. You leave your bedroom, shut the door and the autism stays there waiting for you when you get home." All of it is a matter of consistency.

And NO you don't have to like that I am saying that finger flapping, spinning with a bag on the head and uncontrolable urges can be stopped. THEY CAN and they are.....How do you think Temple Grandin, Brian King and Penelope Trunk got sucessful? They all worked and were forced to NOT do that stuff. As parents we need to put our big people pants on and start being parents and stop the kids from running the show. IF the kids are running things at home, we hope (for your sake) that they are paying for the bills and allowing you to live in a way that you have become accustomed (luxury- maids, valet, chauffeur, house elf; you know the important stuff). Because if they aren't paying for the luxuries then they shouldn't be in charge. The boy is allowed to make decisions- he does decide what he is making for lunch. Or what to wear after work. How the cuter half and I spend our money is not up to him

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