Trying too hard
I see this with my son a lot! He tries too hard to fit in, make friends, be nice and all the rest. Don't we all try too hard at some point? I know my husband and I as both "youngests" would fit into that category. We want all to be right with the world even if there is no real way of that happening.
Prior to our son knowing people (OK and us having a life), my husband and I would "self medicate" by either going out for dinner, shopping and then having a glass of wine or two. Then we would go a little nuts and go shopping at an outlet mall. Fun, expensive and really not good for us.
Now we are learning not to try so hard. I don't me that we are alienating ourselves from our friends or anything. We are relaxing a bit, not pushing the envelopes and we are pushing our son, but not as hard as we had to before. For instance, last night our son did his homework with little or no help. It goes faster if one of us are pushing him, keeping him focused, but I thought it was more important for him to practice doing the work on his own. He has kept it together, is writing his papers and I am trying NOT to edit them as much as I used to. THey need to sound like HIM not like me. His work is strictly his work, if we help him to focus; that means he is dictating to us and finding the materials and trying to reword it. I find that if he is able to reword the materials that means he undestands it much more than just copying out of the book. However, this takes a ton of focus and extra time in the evening and after school. IT is a constant reminder, working to finish to watch TV, a new favorite is "Lost", and keeping him into what he needs to work on to finish the class materials.
How do you work it all out? DK. we are still trying to figure that out. we do expect our son to work ahead for classes and we are hoping he is making firends, in fact he may have a new one but I am not sure. Boys are hard to read, Aspie boys especially, when they aren't sure if they are firends or not and think they might be but don't know for sure. DRAMA at the teen boy level is way more than what I remember it being as a girl....or maybe I wasn't that dramatic. Who knows?
Prior to our son knowing people (OK and us having a life), my husband and I would "self medicate" by either going out for dinner, shopping and then having a glass of wine or two. Then we would go a little nuts and go shopping at an outlet mall. Fun, expensive and really not good for us.
Now we are learning not to try so hard. I don't me that we are alienating ourselves from our friends or anything. We are relaxing a bit, not pushing the envelopes and we are pushing our son, but not as hard as we had to before. For instance, last night our son did his homework with little or no help. It goes faster if one of us are pushing him, keeping him focused, but I thought it was more important for him to practice doing the work on his own. He has kept it together, is writing his papers and I am trying NOT to edit them as much as I used to. THey need to sound like HIM not like me. His work is strictly his work, if we help him to focus; that means he is dictating to us and finding the materials and trying to reword it. I find that if he is able to reword the materials that means he undestands it much more than just copying out of the book. However, this takes a ton of focus and extra time in the evening and after school. IT is a constant reminder, working to finish to watch TV, a new favorite is "Lost", and keeping him into what he needs to work on to finish the class materials.
How do you work it all out? DK. we are still trying to figure that out. we do expect our son to work ahead for classes and we are hoping he is making firends, in fact he may have a new one but I am not sure. Boys are hard to read, Aspie boys especially, when they aren't sure if they are firends or not and think they might be but don't know for sure. DRAMA at the teen boy level is way more than what I remember it being as a girl....or maybe I wasn't that dramatic. Who knows?
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