Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Don't open before Christmas!

Doesn't that tag just bring out all kinds of desires for rule breaking and opening gifts?

I am the impatient one....I see that tag  and automatically I want to call my friend and see if it really applies to me. It does, I know this without calling. I hafta wait.....while my imagination runs riot and I know it is gonna be cute and I will like it.....it is just one of those things....

The waiting until Christmas is the same as we do with the kids. We hafta wait and see how they turn out. We have to let the tea steep, the coffee brew or the brownies bake and see what is there when it is done.

I am inpatient.

I want to KNOW what is going to happen.
Oddly enough, I have always been a kind of control freak. I never got completely drunk in college (the time you are supposed to) I never wanted to loose control. I was a very tightly controlled person- all right I was uptight and had a cob up my butt for no apparent reason.
I wanted to know where I was going, what I was doing and with whom would I be spending my time.

Nice to know, but lunacy when living in the real world.

As a parent of a kid like mine, or an Aspie, this control was wrenched from me forcibly when my boy was younger. I learned quickly that his OCD and his Aspergers and his ADHD were all things that I had absolutely NO control over. He needed to learn to control it or it would control him. We are still teaching him that one. AS I have always mentioned, we have worked hard to get the boy where he is and he is learning every day. Nonetheless, as a parent, there was little or NO control. Even today, the boy was being belligerent and he finally told me, "Mom, 'Because I said so' is not a good enough reason. You have to explain why I have to so I understand it." As a parent that means I actually have to THINK about explaining things to him and instruct him on how life works.

This week he has learned that if he doesn't do as he is told, if he breaks the rules and does as he wishes instead of the "greater good" there are things he won't be allowed to do. He won't get to go, he won't be asked and it is not some people's job to babysit the boy when he doesn't wanna listen. So it is the boy's tough beaners and he has to learn to get the rewards, you gotta go with the flow, work with the team and BE THERE and awake and on time.

I get scared.

He has one more year to get this crap down and then we are in "grown-up land". Even with all our planning, working and planning ahead....I am still terrified.
What if he isn't ready?
What if he messes up?
What if he can't do it?
What if.......

And there isn't a blooming thing I can do about it.

Except, push harder, demand more of him and have higher expectations.

The expectation part ain't sayin' much when you see what else is out there, but let's hope anyway. The cuter half and I were discussing some things this evening and it turns out that some of our family members are of an age that the cuter one and I were when the boy was born,  then the boy starting school and at that point the cuter half and I were discussing getting married.

That's scary.

I mean if you think of that in a certain way, some people are the same age I was when I had the boy....and it doesn't appear that they are ready for that kind of thing. Erma Bombeck once said, "Most kids don't know how to handle defeat. They fall apart. IT is important to know how to loose because you do a lot of it when you grow up." I often wonder what they would do with a kid like ours and I think it would be interesting to see what would happen. I wonder if they would get picked.....i think it would be good for them to be picked....then I start thinking I am glad it isn't my decision though. God seems to know who ought to be picked and who isn't made of the right stuff to be dealing with those kinds of issues.

The other thing I learned is that it is a good thing to be right where we are. The cute one and I do quite well right where we are....contemplating a big move after more education is completed sounds like lunacy. After recent experiences I think we are better off staying where we are than moving and hoping the boy would be accepted in a new neighborhood location where it is unlikely that he would be accepted at all. The only change would be location; we know what we have here (being the parents of "that kid" has its advantages).....- why risk it? We would still be as isolated wherever we move to as we are right now....even if he were accepted it is unlikely that things would alter socially. Making a big move is kind of like thinking "The grass is always greener over the septic tank."

The cuter half doesn't necessarily agree with me, but that is OK. I don't always go along with what he says either. That and he will tell me I am over thinking things again. SO what else is new?

I think it is time to go check out that puffy envelope again.....I need to figure out what it in there before officially becomes Christmas and I am allowed to open it.

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