Monday, September 19, 2011

That's a crap answer!

Language Warning- for those more delicate readers be warned.
___________________________________________________________________________________

There are times when people give you crap answers.
As a parent of a kid on the spectrum it is not a comfortable place to be. Generally speaking it isn't necessarily polite to tell someone, "Dudes, that is a b________ answer and you know it." Most of the time it is much more gentle to say "crap". Although I am known for any number of things, being delicate is not one of them.

I never used to call teachers or admins on what I thought were crappy answers. I used to let it slide. It would fester and then I would get upset or really angry....have a couple sleepless nights and cry a lot.
Not so any longer. I am really blunt. It can be intimidating, but I am not going to listen to crap answers. Especially when they know it is a crap answer and as I usually say, "My Daddy didn't raise no stupid daughter." Another favorite of mine is, "Thank you, but I didn't run through the stupid forest and hit every tree twice." So much for crap answers......

The last year or so has taught me a couple of things:
1. Keeping secrets is crap.
2. Bullying acceptance is crap.
3. Dealing with bullies is a full time difficult job and those covering up for them are crap.

(FYI- My long term friend is a medical professional and they tell me that crap really stinks)

All 3 levels of crap have been dealt with at the educational level and personal level by the cuter half and I in the last year.

Recently I blogged about bullies. Those of you who know are aware that the boy has/had been bullied by the same kid for about 5+ years. We have contacted the school and authorities at almost every instance.

Dealing with a bully really sucks. It is very wearing (that is what they are hoping for). The boy is already in bed this evening because he was so concerned about the bully issue he didn't sleep last night. Which means as a mom I was up most of the night with him.

The answer I received today was: it was a passing period, the bully was escorted by a teacher and it was 15 sec or less in the classroom. Then the kid couldn't find what he was looking for? Get out of here, he found what he was looking for....he found his favorite target and will be planning to come back again for a little more torture. I regarded it as a poor answer (polite for "crap" answer)

To me, as a parent of the victim, well, it's a crap answer. I told 3 people reporting what "happened" what I thought, and yes I did use the b-word. Maybe that wasn't "Christian" of me but you know what, it was honest. Passing in the halls may be one thing; stalking in a classroom is totally another story. This bullying garbage is something I will not tolerate from this family or anyone else.

We have never claimed to be the paragon of virtue, or even of parenthood. as the Mom of the house, I blow it and make mistakes all the time.  As such, I will say when I am wrong and if I were wrong in this case I would have immediately said that I misunderstood and apologize. Guess what? I wasn't wrong and this whole deal is going to be taken care of ASAP. The boy is learning to avoid and cope with that avoidance. He will have to work out and deal with these issues and maybe that means MORE gym time and more running on the treadmill but it will be dealt with effectively and on the boy's terms.

Although, this isn't a mistake, we made the boy pay for damages he inflicted on the car. It is an older vehicle; he broke the automatic window......over the bully that scared him (slammed the door too hard- note the door was already broken this clinched it). The boy will learn that inflicting his emotions on someone or something is NOT acceptable. We can accept his fear but we will still make him pay for the damage to the car window. He paid it this afternoon-gave me the money; I cried after he did it. It took me 45 min to be able to leave the bedroom. I felt so bad, but he HAS to learn that breaking the window thingy doesn't come free.

Give a family like ours "crap" answers is kind of like the circus bears story the cuter half told in another post.....Don't give us crap. We have enough of it to deal with on our own.

Just so you know- there is enough kitten crap here to fill up all the other crap you want to dump on us....let us know when to bring it over and we will be happy to share.