Monday, September 5, 2011

Flexibilities inflexibility

Our thing, besides being motivated, is being flexible. The boy...well he is into being flexible when it is something he wants to do. This appears to be pretty typical of many teenage kids but it makes me wonder how many are forced to do stuff they don't want to do.
Yesterday some good friends had a great party. We went. It was a long drive. The boy's first desire was to stay home. The cuter one and I decided that he needed to go with us. So he did. Complaining about being bored, but looking out the window and checking out the location of where we were. We got there and he was not wanting to play with the littler kids, being the oldest kid there was fine for him. He was generously loaned some books to read and read almost the entire time.
He enjoyed the brats, the guacamole, the brownies and the books.....the cuter half and I are still on his "poopy list" for making him go and not letting him stay home and play video games.

The thing is, we MADE him do something he didn't want to do. Unlike a lot of people we have been doing this for a LONG time. The cuter one and I remember being MADE to do things by our parents. Stuff we thought was dumb, boring or just plain icky. We have decided that doing stuff we don't like to do is healthy. Same with the boy. He has to do stuff to be able to enjoy what happens (reading cool books from the host of the party we made him go to). IT is a good thing....and I think if more parents MADE their kids do stuff the icky stuff might not seem so bad.

I've mentioned this before, my parents made me go to the retirement home to see my grandma, it was scary for me. I was shy and my parents told me I had to talk to these people when I would have rather hid out in the car. Hiding in the car wasn't permissible so I did what I could.....kind of like a walking doll but I did it. and you know, I am a better person for it. Retirement homes, nursing homes were never weird or terrible places to me. I had been to them before so many times. Same with going to the children's home my Dad was on the board of. Eating the food....I learned to mix the rice with the spinach and lumpy rice wasn't so bad.....the experiences you think of....those are the things we all learn from.

The best part about the party yesterday is, the boy learned that going to something taught him something cool about someone else. The boy enjoyed it AND he got to read some books he doesn't have at home and wants to play more and expand his game playing abilities. The boy's excuses about going somewhere different are proliferate. HE is insecure, he is bored he is turning purple and has polka dots you name it and it will happen; according to him anyway.

I think making excuses and blaming other people for problems is common. I have heard other people say that their kids, and others do it all the time. Rarely is responsiblity taken for kids own actions. They are very busy blaming someone, anyone, for something they did and not accepeting that the person themselves are the ones with the problems (sound familiar?) The boy uses this one all the time. The best part is, cuter half and I are not accepting of the excuses, blaming or anything else. We won't take it or tolerate it. Not with him and not with others.....we can't afford emotionally to take on
that stress too. Besides if you take on what other people are blaming you for they are not accepting responsiblity for their own actions whether past or present.

Let's go back to making the boy do stuff. He is getting better at it every day. At the party, he was gracious, well behaved...a little stuck on reading the books, but understood that the owner needed them to play a game himself AND did well with being the oldest kid there (he read  books the entire time; but he doesn't have little kid acquaintances and isn't sure what to do with them). WE had a blast at the party, ate more than we should and came home and worked out again on the Wii. All in all a good day and a fun time. We are lucky we have good friends that will invite us to parties and such and we can have fun just chillin out. The boy had a good time too....and although I don't normally encourage the book reading during a social activity there really wasn't anyone there that he was going to talk to besides the cuter half and I so we let him go for it. All in all he did OK and the cuter half and I were able to enjoy some time visiting and hanging out.

Hurrah for the Labor Day Holiday!!