Friday, March 9, 2012

Pretty is as pretty does

Do you remember that old saying? My parents used to tell me that all the time.

What does it mean? The definition from - prov. It is more important to treat people well than to be good-looking; just because you are good-looking does not mean you are a good person. (Said only of girls and women.)  appears to have it summed up pretty well.

With some recent personal events coming up the cuter half reminded me last night to stop pretending about certain things. Oddly enough when a choice is taken from you rather than you giving it up you kinda wish you had it still. He doesn't seem to grasp that.

So anyway, we are in the midst of a minor crisis with the boy. He is at the point where gens won't bother with him and he is uncomforatble with most of his other friends. He is at a loss.
Since the cuter half and I are not terribly social (we don't run up to people or force ourselves on anyone....well it makes for interesting conversations in the evening.

Since I was in the doldrums the other day, and then 2 people reached out to thank me and actually miss me (shockers) it made me realize that maybe the contribution cute one and I make might be valid after all. I must have been reading too much People magazine or something....just because we aren't on the cover doesn't mean we don't count.....we aren't looking for the acclaim so wondering why it isn't there is kind of like shooting yourself in the foot.

Back at the boy crisis: He is still lonely. I know this to be true (he told me), he is a trooper though and goes back every day to try and do his thing and handle life better and work on his problems.....he asks for help when he needs it (mostly). We had him on a social networking site. I think he still goes on there but I haven't been checking it.....most of the time I post stuff on his pages but he doesn't comment or say anything so I am not sure he is reading it or not.
He doesn't want his Mom embarrassing him which is what I do anyway. As I tell him, "It is my job and what I live for." Ergo, I have cut back on checking on his social sites. He is growing is time for him to make some of his own poor choices.

The thing is though, most people don't want to hang around him. It is fine to see him at school or at wherever, but actually hanging around him and talking to him is kind of uncool to these kids. He had a problem a few weeks ago with some girls (my thoughts on teen girls- ugh) and since then he has been locking himself up in the library (at least that is what he tells me). The biggest problem is that the administrators took the side of the girls because they are girls after all and not maninpulative or anything (did you know? who knew?). A case of pretty is as pretty does and obviously these girls aren't very pretty....

Aspies, like our son, have problems with people who are inconsistent. Ergo, being in school means that there are social inconsistencies all over the place. The boy doesn't get it. At all. Another ergo, he is hiding in the library. Books at least, are consistent....they are paper, they are readable and they are something and someplace to go where the social component is not so messed up and confusing....
Yet in class they are teaching the boys to shake hands (Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee "Now we are going to shake hands, shake hands")?

OMG - teach these guys how to manuver the social aspect of the schoool, teach them how to realize that the people giving them a bad time are really loosers and not all that they think of themselves. Teach them something- anything? Shaking hands? What is up with that? The boy is going along with it but did tell me that he is uncertain how to handle the rejection when approaching a new person to introduce himself....(!!!!!!!!!!) I told him to talk to his teacher. (I know, I am a BIG chicken)

So in the mean time, what to do as parents? The cuter half and I have talked to the boy and encouraged social interaction with others....but have done nothing more. We don't know what else to do.

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