Thursday, October 27, 2011

tired

The boy is making us tired.
He isn't tracking his homework. He isn't studying for tests until the night before and then complains when he does poorly.

We are NOT omni-present. He has some tough teachers this year and he refuses to make more of an effort than he ever has. His is admittedly lazy and currently has lost his bedroom door and any subsequent TV priviledges are gone indefinitely. The video games are out on almost a permanent basis.

What to do to get this lazy bones to study?

If we get after him there is a potential for a major meltdown. If we let it go, he fails dramatically.
If we are left in ignorance and don't know....well things are worse then.

It was pointed out to the boy that the cuter half and I are worn down...You know we are worn down. We are flipping exhausted. Since July it has been one thing after another....the boy has completely wiped us out.
the boy is doing his homework now....he has to do well and if he gets a bad grade in science he will be a very unhappy camper until the new semester. He will be studying until his brain goes numb and then study some more.

Do other Aspie parents struggle with the kids doing homework? We have had a terrible time getting the boy to cooperate and DO the work. He isn't dumb, he just doesn't want to. Part of me thinks we could get him to work harder if the teachers had HIGHER expectations. It seems like once the kid has a diagnosis the expectations are in the toilet.

This evening we were asked another question, "Knowing what you know now, would you have gotten the boy a diagnosis when you did?" Honestly, NO we would not have bothered with that. A teacher sees it and either refuses to have him in their class (don't tell me they can't do that - it's a load of crap. they can and they will).  We are struggling to find one more stupid art class for the boy to take so he can go to a regular college and not just a jr college. It is becoming impossible.

For us, at this point the diagnosis is the downfall. It isn't helping and if we could change it, hide it or turn the darn thing purple we would. If we could homeschool him, believe me, we would do it. He certainly would do better and learn more. (his mother on the other hand would be locked up with the key thrown away.....she can't do it, trust me) It would mean more work for the cuter half and I and right now we are so tired......it is time to fall asleep.

Aspergers has been around for a bazillion years. It has always been there (probably called something else). I once told someone that a group of people that were hazing some others were probably undiagnosed Aspies....I would wager I am right...which explains the self medication that was probably going on.

When Aspergers is being diagnosed now (in these times and this setting) it means that people who beleive themselves to be gen.....have lower expectations of boys like ours and others. We have to force our son to conform to the general accepeted norms and THEN leave his Aspergers for the home, or his bedroom (no door though so we get to hear it too....). The big thing is that since it has been around and forcing these kids to be in gen society....well they function better, they do better and they are better off socially. Sticking them in a group of others like them makes it too easy. There is no challege.....at least for a kid like ours. He is gonna learn; and not by his own choice.

We don't allow for choice in this house. There is a good reason for that. The first is, do we get to choose what we do at work? We get to choose what ORDER we do it in, but sometimes that is even chosen for us....so no we don't get to choose at work. What does that mean? Well it means we have to conform at work to certain behaviors, goals and teamwork. SAME for the kids. The boy has to follow the rules, conform to the program and do as he is told.

 IT is time to leave the disability in the bedroom and go out and do your job.....Aspergers is not something to Work around....it is time for our son to make has Aspergers work for him.