Saturday, October 15, 2011

Missing out

I never thought it would come to this.

The boy decided NOT to go to Homecoming. Oddly enough because he is tired. He is tired of trying to be friends with people who don't want him around and act like he isn't there. He has Aspergers; it doesn't mean he is stupid and can't figure out what is making others shy away from him or ditch him or whatever.

These kids know.

This is the first Homecoming he has missed since starting HS. He didn't mention going to it, he didn't want to go, he stayed home working on his homework (needs to raise his grades) and then cleaned up and went to bed.

Oddly enough, I know it isn't anyone's fault. It certainly isn't his. It is hard to watch. It's hard to see your kid CHOOSING to stay home. I guess what got me thinking is that there are a lot of things he is gonna choose not to do as he gets older. He prefers (?) staying at home? He was home tonight; doing a paper and studying for a science test? In fact, he is volunteering tomorrow and the person in charge asked me if he were going to the dance. My reaction, a snort, a laugh and, "Even if he did go to the dance, it would be like all the others and no one would talk to him." As the boy tells me, "Why should I bother? I can't dance and if I start talking to a girl she runs away from me. The boys ignore me. I'm staying home."

It makes me sad. You can't force kids who have been in school together since kindergarten to accept a kid who only started coming to your school in 5th grade. I don't know what kids my age would have done. I don't recall many NEW students coming into our area but I do know that I tried hard to be nice to everyone that was new. Actually, I felt sorry for them. This is a very, um boring, community (I grew up here I am allowed to say it) and new people coming in....well it takes YEARS to be accepted. Our son grew up here too; he went to different schools than most of these kids.....and most of these kids don't want to bother with a NEW person (the people you have known forever are easier)..... But in the mean time, he grew up here but isn't from here. Born in another state and moving around like he did (a bunch of homes by the time he was 3).....it makes for a differnce in any kid. He has more experience in some ways and much less in others. Maybe by the time he is 20 he will have caught up with himself.

The boy, he tries so hard. Except for today. He is tired of trying. It is easier for him to be at home, reviewing papers and reading a book. He's hiding. I recognize it because I used to hide too, I would hide behind a book, it was easier than making a big effort and being rebuffed (or dealing with drama). Books were my friends growing up....I had a few friends; when it was quiet at home I always had my books. My Dad would aide and abet me....bringing home BAGS of books from the library and I would devour them all. I still have most of them (memorized too). I re-read the books that allow my mind to go numb....so I don't have to think about what to do or worry about the boy.....books are a comfort. Whether is is reading about a boy wizard, or a vampire or the classics or a vamp or a prince.....books are there. You can grab your Kindle, Ipad or hardcover and just go read.
It doesn't seem like the boy has that comfort. He is trying to make himself happen and maybe he tries to hard but the giving up is devastating to see. As a parent I can read it in his eyes. There is nothing i can do about it right now but watch. The boy is making his choices and isn't sure of his path, but it seems like he is not going to be really happy about much for a while.

I wish we could help him; unfortunately I think this part he has to do on his own.