Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Creating boundaries.

Making boundaries is a common topic in our home. Living with an aspie male more or less makes it a necessity.
We have some boundaries that some people would think are excessive.
For example, the boy is not allowed in the cuter half and my bedroom. That is the private zone and we, the cute one and I go there to get away from the drama that usually surrounds the boy.

Other boundaries are not so visible.
We are finding that the boy is exhausting us. He is so argumentative and demanding with the cute one and I. He doesn't realize that he is pushing us away because he thinks that he isn't worthy of being in a loving family. I think there is more to it than that but his perspective is that the cute one and I are mean, cruel people who are beneath contempt.

Then ten minutes later he comes back and is loving sweet and asking for help.

The cute one and I are being manipulated....at least that is the way it feels.

When we talk to teachers or staff they tell us that his behavior is normal. I look back and I am thinking I know I was a pain in the neck but I just don't remember being that bad. My usual reaction to most things was to lock myself in my bedroom because it was quiet there and I could do what I wished.

The boy has a nice room and he does spend a lot of time there but it seems like he is spilling his drama all over the house.

Yesterday I thought I was just tired.
It wasn't just that.
I was dealing with "boy drama" while at work, then i got home and discovered that there was more....and I went to bed to rest until the cute one came home and I crashed out. I felt so guilty. The cute one was there dealing with drama king over homework and I slept thru the whole thing.

I needed the rest but I felt like I stuck cute one with the worst of it.....the yelling and the drama during homework is really wiping both of us out. I have no energy to deal with even the most basic chores....

The boy is not cognisant of most requests of mine to stop hanging on me.... or go do your homework, requestimg chores be done is like the Impossible Dream. I think last night was the first night he had unloaded the dishwasher without me nagging him. He even put the good china in the dining room; not away but on the table which is a big deal for him. The boy did do as he was told. When I told the cuter half that he did his chore even the cuter half was amazed.

I don't know if the boy is becoming more considerate. For the first time the boy mentioned common sense, and ironically the boy thinks he has some. We told the boy that we didn't think it was there yet. If you think about it though, common sense comes from a lot of things. One of those things is learing boundaries. If the boundaries are there then the common sense soon follows. At least that is the wayit seems in aspie-land.

Many times it feels like we are going two steps forward and 10 steps backward. Kind of like the caucus race in Alice in Wonderland. No one is going anywhere and everyone wins....like politics. The winner wins an empty position with a lot of power and no grace. Same thing here with a young aspie male.

I guess the boundaries thing is going to be an ongoing argument in this house.
It makes me tired, the cute one is tired too.

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