Sunday, July 10, 2011

Wanting to do well

I don't know HOW I will be able to follow up with the eloquence from the cuter half. Frankly, I am a little intimidated trying but I will give it my best shot...

As I have said before, things  come and go so quickly here. The boy is currently working on his internship. he is learning to drive and he is doing some minor household chores. If we ask, or use the listing technique it is more likely he is willing to help. His focusing is about 45 minutes, then he needs a break of some kind to get his brain back on track.

This summer has been a huge challenge for him. His inability to concentrate fully has been challenged and he has been able to meet that challenge. Driver's Ed is a challenging class. He has to drive a certain # of hours a week, then take tests, then work through driving....and he needs the time on the road. his ability to drive is necessary....he has to drive in order to work.

It is hard for him to let go of things. Certain issues will be an ongoing struggle for months. Although he has written about it himself. The cuter one and I hesitate to release what the boy wrote....mostly because we are concerned about the reaction. He doesn't need more people laughing at him and he is acutely aware now that his image is what is viewed by others and his Aspergers NEEDS to stay in his bedroom. It is a hard lesson for anyone to learn. Although to many things will APPEAR to be fine, he is so well trained that his feeling and emotions will not surface until he goes to his bedroom or gets in the car and is a distance away from where he was. We have taught him to keep a straight face, stiff upper lip and keep it together UNTIL he gets home and in is room THEN he can let it out. Most people don't realize that he is ABLE to do this and don't believe it when they see it.

Although we are supportive of him and his struggles we are aware of how HARD he works and what he does to get things going and  where he believes he wants to be.

Lately, we have noticed that he is quieter. He is very anxious around people he isn't familiar with- he is more apt to check with the cuter one or I before blurting out something. He is not letting himself go.... the old adage is once burned twice shy which means that "If somebody is said to be once bitten twice shy, it means that someone who has been hurt or who has had something go wrong will be far more careful the next time."

He is more than careful. He is scared to show himself fully to anyone (let his hair down)......I think eventually he will relax. I believe the biggest thing people forget is how truly tough he is. He made his OWN life changing decisions at 13. He made his OWN choices about what sports to be in, what classes to take WHAT diet to follow......HE made the choices and his parents have supported him.

There are times I dont' agree with him. I tell him so, but he still makes his OWN choices anyway. He is now careful to protect himself from being hurt. Can you blame him?

For today we prep for the internship, for driver's ed. To visit with friends....to be rescued and taken out of town to have FUN by a generous family.

We are chosen, we are blessed, we are happy. Not many people gen or otherwise can say that.

Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."


Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to--just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it

Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
of my life.

Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.