Monday, November 21, 2011

I know my limitations

and I know when to leave the room... and when to fight and what to do.

I don't always to that though.
Tonight the cuter half and the boy were doing math. For those that know me well, algebra, geometry and trig were things on the other side of the fence that I went out of my way to avoid.

Tonight, I left the room.

 I went to do the dishes....and discovered I forgot to run the dishwasher...so I rinsed and then decided that I needed to come up with a direction...something more to do. Working on the blog, doing volunteer stuff and soon enough not having all the HS stuff going on is going to mean more time.
It also means that there is some need for direction. Although, encouraging the boy to have direction may have something to do with me thinking about direction...who knows.

We have been considering setting up some stuff for the future. You realize how much is out there when you start talking to people and then refuse ot hire someone based solely on arrogance. Generally speaking if someone tells me that, "I am the best in the state." That either means that they suck at what they do and need to use a crux like that to bloster their ego....or that they certainly don't need our money...they have plenty of other peoples. The one we hired is a good sort....VERY throurough and is making us think. Alot. About everything.

Ergo the thinking about direction.
Oddly enough, I'm good. I am in a good place, I am happy and things are OK. I am becoming quite proficiant at coloring my hair out of a box.....I have lived a summer without a pedicure and best of all I haven't bought a new over the top purse/handbag in about a bazillion years (I look, I like, I don't buy). Why do I need to consider direction?

Well it might not be just a career direction.
The cuter half and I have had an "interesting" couple of years. I will say here and now, I am afraid to become attached to people I go to ______ with. I like 'em LOTS...very nice crowd. They scare me witless.....I guess because I am not certain HOW to talk to them...I mean what do we say about our past? How do we talk about our experiences? Putting that into cohesive sentances...telling a dear friend we are "banished" then disolving in laughter (it is ludicrous and ridiculous)....it is funny. We aren't good at suffering fools, even at specific levels I guess. But since we are all human.....and we are fools to someone else....what can you do but laugh at the given situation? I am still cautious, and I am scared. The cuter half is more trusting and tolerant and gracious. I'm not.

Then last summer....well that episode wiped the 3 of us out completely....we were not expecting things to go the way they did and I won't tolerate that crap any place else....why should it be tolerated in a place where you are supposed to be protected from that.....and we don't want to do things. We are more apt to say "No" to a select group. Even if we might consider it, the answer is still, "No." with no explaination. At this point I don't feel that we are required to explain anything. Like I used to tell  a dear friend, "No means NO and that is all there is to it."

I am not over both things at all (I don't think I ever will be); the boy still refuses to let anyone but me take his picture.....a nice picture...not a school picture where they all look dreadful. (There is only 1 person I know that took a good school picture; it wasn't me). The cuter one shakes his head.....that is about as far as he can go. I try not to think about that stuff. I try to forget or just not process it. Washing it out of my hair.....(good song BTW) and yet, when thinking about the things we have to consider and think about it comes back....like the lemmings going to the sea or the dog and the frisbee or the Master Berticus of the house and his toy mousie.....the thoughts come back. The would have, should have, could have which in the end don't mean anything.

In one venue i have learned to keep my mouth shut. In another, well I would do it again in a heartbeat with spades.

Yet I still realize my limitations. I am no one famous, I am important to a few, and I have a husband who loves ME and that little boy. The little boy who wore a red baseball cap and red sweatpants and would tell us he wishes he were an animal before he could speak clearly and understandably. The cuter half beleived the boy could speak, and go to school and learn to do things appropriately. When I doubted, the cuter half beleived....and I ran right next to them both.

Yes I have my limitations. And with it all, I still remember how to fly and touch the sky. Maybe that is what we need to do, fly and touch the sky and remember the highs can only go higher.... and even though dreams are wishes your heart make.....the old Disney adage....sometimes there ain't nuthin' wrong with that.



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