Wednesday, December 26, 2012

recent discussions

The boy and I have been discussing some things.

I know, most of you think he has the social intellect of a teaspoon. Many uneducated people believe that aspies don't know applesauce from baby poop when dealing with social issues.
This time they are wrong.

Recently, there was a "episode" at school where the boy said something wrong. It was a term he has NEVER heard in this house. I find that making racial comments to be worse than swearing- I do swear periodically, but I won't condone inappropriate language and racial comments. Everyone is people- God made us. ALL. End of story.

I won't have the boy behaving that way. Not in this house and not coming from this house either. As a disabled kid, he is that last one ever that should be throwing (verbal) stones at anyone.

In fact, the boy didn't know what the term meant. He had learnt it at school, in a media class he is taking.

I was appalled.

Not that he learned it at school but the exposure didn't include an explanation about how it was inappropriate. The boy got in MAJOR trouble....not just with his coaches but with his parents. He was grounded...and almost lost his bedroom door priviledges (although that is a MUCH bigger punishment for his parents than for the boy).

Anyhow, the boy in this situation had reminded me that when he was young he had broken his nose. He went down a slide too soon after another student and after bleeding everywhere. Later on, he mentioned, "Mommy, _______ has very ______ skin. He looks a lot different than I am." I responded, "Yes, I think he does. Isn't it wonderful that he is such a nice person. He is the same as you are. Everyone is the same; we are all people. We might look different or be different but we are still the same."
I never thought about that conversation again....at least until recently.

We are still the same. We might be blonde, brunette, redheads, Asian, English, Irish, African American, Hispanic, straight, gay, redneck, trailer trash, Christian, or not, purple with pink polka dots, blue, green, disabled or anything else.
All in all we are still people.

That's it.

Just people.

Teaching the boy that being "just people" is harder than I have ever imagined. The cuter half and I have agreed that the intolerance of others is not to be allowed here. That is the last thing we need is an aspie with tolerance issues. My Gosh, they have enough problems socially as it is. Teaching them that kind of behavior; well is isn't helpful one bit.

The boy is the last one that should be judging anyone.

I found a Yahoo Answers page and the question is below:
Is it rare for someone with aspergers to hold very racist views?

Here are some of the answers:

(voted best answer) Yes, it's rare...but not unheard of - racism has a lot to do with how you were raised. To an Asperger there are generally 2 types of people in the world; those who like you and those who don't. An Asperger will usually spend so much time trying to work out why people don't like them, bully and abuse them, the thought of bigotry toward someone based solely on the colour of their skin probably would not occur to them.

(another answer) People with AS tend to be very good observers, so their views tend to be empirical or those of a objective sort. Most likely accurate though. For example, it is offensive to a lot of people when people hear a claim that religious people statistically have lower IQ's than atheists. It is statistically sound from empirical evidence, but is offensive non-theless and a normal person who isn't trying to piss someone off wouldn't quote it. It's a provocation by most standards, but people with AS don't usually intentionally provocate.
I have AS and I have a hard time picking up on some very universal rules of socializing. Normally a list of what is considered to be racial slurs or derogatory terms for people. I've referred to people from other countries as 'Aliens' before, because they are technically aliens. People take it as me saying that they look weird, misshapen or space alien like.
In conclusion I would say that it's rare that a person with AS would intentionally hold views that are racist in a hateful sense. It's just more likely that others are misunderstanding their intent.

There are several more answers, these were the most verbose and I thought well explained.

I will say that when I was younger people used to judge me because I preffered "Preacher Pillow" and "Brother Blanket" and "Sister Sheet" after a rough week in classes while in college. I needed the down time and I was not going to become a different religion for 4 years while in college. It was hard for me to adjust....I had to do a lot of growing up myself at that time. I learned to be different and I liked being myself and not what others wanted me to be.

There is nothing wrong with being different.

As the cuter half and I are trying to do; there is no need to judge differences....it's not our job. HOWEVER, it is our job to do something about it and not put it off on other people if it is happening when we are around. The boy learned that saying what he sad was wrong....

and every once in a while (maybe more than that) I still appreciate Preacher Pillow's sermons.

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