Sunday, December 9, 2012

On the outside looking in.

That is kind of how I feel right now.

We were with a number of gen parents this weekend. It felt so strange. The cuter half and I were talking about it and when I told him, "I feel like I am on the outside looking in." He reminded me that we are.

We are on the outside....of several social mores.
What I mean is that most parents in our position would NOT be looking at life goals, college, a career or a job while the boy is in hs. The goals part isn't there for them (at least some of the ones we have met). So the isolation with what is supposed to be out social group sets in....that and believing that being at a gen school is a priviledge and not a right for our kids is a whole nother issue.

As for gen parents....we are the parents of that kid. Hanging out with a special ed family or parents is not high on the social scale of things to do. Frankly, yesterday I was so tired all I could do was sit there. The cuter half was having fun at the fundraiser but I was not even remotely functional....

We do put ourselves out there.....most of the time. Actually I really did want to join the hs PTA. I got scared and chickened out. It was too draining....and I am not a good one for joining clubs. Maybe it I am too shy....or maybe I am lazy. The cuter half never cared one way or the other so I never made the effort. Besides the meetings were on the same nights as the boys therapy sessions.....but I did want to be in the group.  Most of the time people think that if you have a special ed kid that automatically means that you are friends with other families with special ed kids. I used to believe that but not so much any more. Like with trying to force the boy to be friends with a another aspie kid it just doesn't work. The same goes for the boy and a kid we know now. THey are hot and cold. Actually this kid is someone who is friends with the boy only when he needs something from the boy. Otherwise this kid can't be bothered to give the boy the time of day....which is why I have told the boy that they are acquaintances. As I explained to the boy you can have good/close acquaintances or just people you say Hi" to. Nothing wrong with that...then you can have the long term friends that you went to school with that you still hear from....some of them from kindergarten. -Although, for the boy that wouldn't ever happen. Most of the kids the boy went to kindergarten with were wards of the state and who knows where they are now.

Socially this leaves us in an abyss. We are not going to the parties or social group things that most people would expect from us. Most churches don't have much to offer us, and we aren't good at fitting in a box.... Since most schools and churches and social groups are in boxes of sorts we are not able to make those things work for us. As the boy gets older the abyss is getting larger and deeper. The cuter half and I are too tired to try.

The last couple of years has taken a lot out of us. We are just tired of trying to make it work for the boy. IT will have to be done on his own. We are getting to the point where we can't do it for him and we aren't going to try. That being said we aren't going to step in when he blows it and save his sorry butt either. After this year it is all up to the boy. We are pretty much done doing what we can do.

The cuter half and I are good at breaking molds and not doing what we are told. Not listening to a doc who told us to lock up the boy and forget we had him....yeah, we are good at not listening to that kind of drivel. Or the teacher giving our son an "F" and telling me that it is some points is a load of horse shit (yeah quit whining...its not clean- deal with it)....and you know that smells worse than cow dung. Tolerating the intolerable is something the cuter half and I are not able to do much of any more.

Right now it is hard for me to think that we need to look ahead even further. The cuter half and I are exhausted. Really exhuasted. Ironically, to some people that means they can walk all over us and tell us what to do. I should think by now they would know better.
Seriously, telling people like us what to do and how to do it is kind of like shooting yourself in the foot....besides being really stupid. On many levels, don't you think we have enough to do? Listening to stuff that really doesn't make a difference....well don't waste our time. On that note, just so you know, our time is really valuable. There are friends who appreciate our time....and we give it to the freely and whenever they ask us for it.

I think it was spending time with gen families this weekend.....really made me feel like we were in a black hole... it isn't their fault. It is just being on the outside and looking in.

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