Sunday, August 5, 2012

experimentation

Today's post is an experiment. I was trying to see how long I could go without posting about something.
I had listed out some things on our FB account this week that I thought were interesting.
I have more to add.
Below in small type is what was on FB. If you read it already, skip this part:
I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking this week and I have some comments to make:
1. Chic fila- although the cuter half and I don't agree with some of the sentiments we do believe that if you own your own business your thoughts belong to you. The gentleman is allowed to express his thoughts after being asked a specific question. IF you don't like the answer then don't ask. To me, it is like telling us that one doesn't like kids on the spectrum because they are different. Now that the flap is over I doubt we will here from Mr. Chicken-dude again soon.


 2. Fifty shades books. I have read all 3 this week. What is the big deal? Books are books are books. You take what you need from them and leave the rest. That is true for fiction and non fiction- this is an explicit form of reading and it is OK... but the fuss is really over-rated.


 3. Gabby's hair- she is a cute little girl and her hair looks fine to me. Impossible to keep layered hair in a bun type thingy- leave the girl alone. She has done more than most of us will ever do (all those medals) and I like her smile.

 4. Upcoming election- at a loss on this one. Verdict is out on all the candidates and this is the first year we are considering not voting. I keep asking myself if we are better off than we were 4 years ago and I cannot honestly say we are.

 5. Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes- I think enough has been said about these two....and the only people who will really know what happened is the two of them. Conjecture gets one nowhere. They both love their kid....given them points for that.

Now that I have more to think about (that are more personal and not so global this time) I am going to add them here:

6. The cuter half and I haven't been going to church, and we sort of miss going to church. There are a multitude of reasons we haven't had the desire to go to church. Prior experiences have rather soured us on the whole church idea....but really it is fear. For myself, I am afraid to go. I am scared that my son won't be accepted.....I am scared to let people into our lives. I am less open than I ever was before (and much less tolerant) and I am not sure that God allows people like us with kids like ours to attend a regular service and be comfortable about it. The cuter half keeps asking me to go and I keep saying, "No Thanks." I never thought I would see the day that I am too afraid to do anything.....as one of my good friends used to say, "You have more balls than most men." Not any more.

7. Mouthing off. The boy is mouthing off. All the time. He did it again this evening....in front of my mother. I was mortified. I couldn't get out of the car when we got home....I just had to sit there and wonder if I could hide on the patio all night and not go into the house. Obviously that plan didn't work and here I am....hiding in the office blogging....same thing really. Still the thought looms: is it the Aspergers or the being a teenager? Or both?

8. Graduation. I am scared crapless. More so about the boy graduating than myself when I graduated HS. The big questions and the ones where the director of the special ed department thinks there is more that they can do for our kid. OMG who the h_ll are they kidding? One more year with this guy and I will be in the nut house with the loons and the squirrels. This is the same guy I cussed out this summer (that not going to church thing hitting home) for making a stupid dumb-s___ decision. (See doing good....I cleaned it up).

9. Learning to run. The cuter half has decided that he and I are going to learn to jog on vacation this year. Put it this way I have been the biggest ever (I am now what I call size monster) in the last couple of years and the cute one sees this as a way to ease our stress and have it be cheaper than joining a gym....he is looking at the bottom line and that we are essentially broke since I was laid off in 2009; temp work is helping but not having benefits really has hit us hard fiscally. Anyway, I have not jogged since 1983 and I am terrified of what will happen...shin splints, messed up feet, lobotomy....who knows???? I thought we were going on vacation not boot camp.....I am not looking forward to this part.

10. The pressure of the boy telling us he wants to join the talent show, he wants to join video game club (over my dead body) and that he wants to join a history club that may be starting next year.....why can't he just tell me he wants to join "geek of the school club" and be done with it. He is fighting arguing and fussing at me (not the cute one- he won't take this garbage). This is a kid who needs re-focusing to do homework....he is not throwing 3 years of hard work on Service club and the other sports out the window because he is lazy.....he can be lazy on his own time...not on mine. IF the cuter one and I have to be there to be supportive and helpful then the boy darn well better get off his patotty and get moving.

Am I proud of any of this? No, not so much.
Well.....Maybe the jogging part. But the cute one is also threatening to teach me to swim and the last time that didn't work out either so I don't think that will be happening. Being size Monster I don't own a swimsuit anymore....I can't do that to myself or other people. It would be morally wrong.

I realize there is a lot for me to get over, think about and probably deal with more appropriately....but you know, I am really tired. Bone weary tired....stressed out messed up and exhausted.

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