My latest strategy is to tell him that we are dealing with the NOW and not the THEN. If he wants to discuss NOW great lets have at it. If he wants to discuss THEN, well lets get our butts to the therapists. In some ways, I know I should apply that to my experiences, and when certain things stop emotionally hurting I probably will. In the mean time, as always the focus is on the boy (even though I am sick and tired of the focus always being on him).
The weird thing is that he is obsessing over things that haven't even happened yet. He has gotten stuck on friends coming over or what we will do when and all that. Little realizing that he has another semester to get through then a job to find and all of the rest of it. WE are exhausted and in his Aspie-land self centeredness he could give a damn. His complete self-centeredness is costing him a future relationship - we just don't want to hear it anymore.
This Aspie-land self centeredness is a huge deal here.
Frankly, the cuter-half has had enough of it and has little or no tolerance for the boy and his shenanigans. I am not here for most of it these days. I work most of the weekend and I am not enjoying the arguments and garbage that seem to bloom out on the weekends. The latest thing is this lack of understanding that really makes me want to scream and that if I am not here I am NOT making promises for the cuter-half that I cannot uphold. It is like trying to break a palace wall to get this kid to grasp that I really don't want this new friend to come over. We are not a babysitters. The boy's lack of understanding that we do not care to have anyone here and if they want to hang out they can go to the screened in patio and hang out there but I do not want them overtaking the house.
Yeah, kind of rude right? Whatever.
Since the more recent outbreaks (I don't mean meltdowns, just stuff happening), the cuter-half and I are doing more things for ourselves. You know, we always gave up everything we wanted to do for the boy. We never put ourselves first. Ever. Now we are tired of giving it up. We want to do what we want and our main goal is to get him through school so we can determine what WE want to do and then do it. We don't know what all that will be but it is unlikely that the boy will be at the center of it like he always has been.
For those of you who think this is terrible, this is called "parental burn-out". This happens to parents who have no back-up, help or resources available to them. We are at this part in our lives and once the boy moves out it is unlikely he will be allowed to move back home. We can't go through all this drama any longer. We are tired.