Monday, July 29, 2013

I don wan ter

And I don't.
I don't want to make the boy take a shower and wash his hair (my number one choice is to shave him bald and leave it at that)

Why do I have to be the bad guy, the grown up, the person who is constantly reminding him to do whatever it is?
Oh, that's right, I am the grown up.
Momentary insanity, excuse me. I have spent my evening being told I am an old fart. (major eyebrow raise) and that the boy (who spends his afternoon watching cartoons) is the ultimate in cool (big eye roll here).

I really don't like it when the boy tells me I am boring, old, and mean. Seriously? Mean? Boring? Old (OK don't go there)?
I have never ever been called any of that (by people who matter) and you know, I am rather tired of it. I know for a fact that the cuter half and I are NOT boring. We have a great time, and we do all the stuff we want to do. We aren't excessively mean; we just won't take his crap. Or as I used to say, "I have not given birth to you so I don't have to put up with you." I have given birth to the boy and you know what, I am tired of being a constant drone and reminder that he has to be clean.....he is old enough to clean himself.
I think the "mean" part is pure exhaustion.

I am really tired of being told that I am obsessed about the boy's from now on I am going with the new house rules:
If he has greasy smelly nasty hair, I am not gonna care.
If he smells like a camel, well  grab a can of air freshener and go to town.
If he needs his laundry done, OK, well if I am doing a load I might include his.....with a vinegar rinse.

Unfortunately we don't have a Dobby, and although we could use a house elf, we are out of luck....and the boy who could clean himself, his room and his sheets refuses.

I am out of  ideas, time, patience, and fortitude.

The cuter half wants to shave everything on him from the neck up....The new look around here for the boy might be bald....I am still thinking hair remover but I know that isn't the right way to go....but it is tempting....then he would only have to use it about once a month or so....

If you don't have a kid like this, the hygiene thing is really something you won't understand. This kid doesn't care if reaks to high heaven. What is up with that? Seriously? he doesn't notice, care or think about this stuff? WTF? He is in the shower for an hour and a half most evenings, what is he doing in there? No, wait, don't tell me, I think I know and I don't want to know.
Good grief!

HE has been taught, I taught him, the cuter half has taught him, his grandparents taught him.....he is being lazy....common laments are:
"I forgot"
"I think I did it but I will do it again just in case."
"You are the worst Mom on the planet making me do this again." (Do it right the first time and you won't HAVE to do it again.)

Is there a shower thing that will squirt you with soap and shampoo if you step in the shower? If so we need one....where can we find one that works? I am more than desperate at this point. What are we going to do?

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