Thursday, January 10, 2013

No one owes you anything.

This is one thing that drives the cuter half and I half of crazy. We were talking about things and it came up that someone had not done something they needed to do and it was really pretty annoying. Maybe we were brought up different. The mantra when I was a kid, "Do it (disagreeable thing) and get it overwith. Then you don't have to think about it any more and you are done." I used to hate it when my Mom said that but you know what, she's right. Just be done with whatever and be responsible enough to get it done.

Most people believe that some one (the mythical being) owes us something (whatever it is).

The boy tells us regularly that we owe him. What we owe him I am not sure. We provide him with a good home, shelter, food, clothing, education, free tutoring, mental health, and health care. He goes on nice vacations, has anything he could ask for....and still thinks he is owed much, much more. I have gotten to the point where if the boy tells me "You OWE me." I will turn around and walk away from him. It drives the boy spare when he thinks I am ignoring him....I am not but I do not feel or believe that I OWE him whatever it is he thinks I do.

I think this comes down to personal responsiblity. People like us are very busy trying to teach our Aspie how to be responsible for himself. We are constantly reminding him that he needs to use good hygene, he should change his sheets, he needs fresh socks....the cuter half and I are tired and worn out with reminding him.

So we aren't.

Doing a constant reminder thing witht he boy is really terribly annoying. I told him to set up a reminder notice on his phone calendar if he needs to remember things. I am not able to constantly remind him to use deoderant or brush his teeth. Lately in the morning I am barely awake when he goes to school. Expecting me to remember to do whatever isn't going to work until I have had a decent cup of coffee.

Actually, all of this entitlement talk reminds me of a class the boy took. It was an exercise class.....I wish the district was still doing it but....not my choice. Anyway, there was a teacher who told the boy, "I have watched your parents and they aren't going to do it with you or for you. They want you to do it on your own."

The teacher was right.
We aren't going to do it for him.

It really bothers us that there are people who feel so entitled that they aren't about to do anything but complain about what they aren't getting or aren't doing or having done for them. I know that I have been relatively independent for a long while....I have always had to do what I had to do to survive and there were some hard tough time when the boy was little.

Now things are different. I am different. I am supportive of the boy but I am not going to spend my time doing all this little things for him....I would love to be able to protect him. However my common sense tells me that it is a good thing that I cannot protect the boy. He has to grow up and do it on his own. A doc once told us that he is developmentally delayed by about 5 years. That being said, this was also the doc that told us to put the boy in a home and leave him there....I don't know how much validity I would give her overall diagnosis but I do think she was right about the 5 year thing......

I miss the little boy days. I really do. I miss the little red baseball cap, the light up shoes, the funky sweat shirts and the cute little boy things. The monsters, the castle toy with the dragons and the Thomas the tank engine.....but as time goes by things change. And that is OK it is supposed to change we aren't always going to like the changes but we do have to adapt to them the best way we know how.

I know I have refered to this movie before- Hope Floats. There is a quote that Birdee says at the very end, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

It might not always float up but I will repeat NO one owes anyone anything. My son is responsible for his actions and if he makes a stupid choice he has to lump it and live with it.

The cuter half and I will have to deal with the outcome; which more than likely will not be what the boy wants it to be.


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