Working for a living- BEFORE and AFTER MEETING THE CUTER HALF
CONTENT WARNING- SOME OF THIS POST has information and details from before the cuter half and I were married, and some of my past history.
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We all work.
Whether we are working at home, being a full time parent, or working outside the home.
The thing is, as a working outside the home mom I have noticed some things. Most of the things I have noticed would be considered to be highly offensive to those who have opted to stay at home.
First of all, when I lived with my parents, (yes I did when I was separated from my ex and the boy was young) there were 2 working moms in the neighborhood. Me and the neighbor lady. We worked at offices all day, then came home and worked with our kids at home. Her kids were older and younger than mine.....her husband traveled for his job so she was managing the same way I was.....which means sort of. My parents helped me a lot - most of the other neighbor people wouldn't talk to me; divorce is taboo not only in church - one parishioner told me I was going to hell. Most women think divorcees are after their husbands- crazy but true. I was too busy to pay attention to that nonsense....running around with my kid taking him to therapies (Speech, Psych, OT and PT), and working. When I met the cute one I was still figuring out the single working mom thing, and was way more strung out on caffeine than I ever had been before. He got me off the 10+ cups a day habit and down to about 1-5 cups (if it is a bad, stressful day I get a little caffeine crazy and make more)
I have found that working kind of keeps me a little more sane than the usual mayhem. Normally the cute one and I are running about at full speed on the weekends. Right now we are helping the boy with projects from school and giving him ideas about papers and teaching him math (he certainly isn't getting instruction from his teacher). This year is kind of like homeschooling- we are the tutors, the supporters, the academic counselors, the planners, the cheerleaders, the yellers the mean, evil rotten horrible parents who everyone hates. We are the inadvertent bad guys again.
How we get that "bad people" role is beyond me. We have expectations beyond what I call the "basement goals" and "Magic 101". Because we don't fall down in a worshipful pose when someone tells us our son can only take 2 classes instead of full time....we are a little more driven than most other parents because we know these kids can do it. They can go to school, graduate, and be somebody. Oh and guess what? They get to have a life too- a family, a house, a car, laundry, dirty dishes and mow the lawn....these kids are people that will be employable and have a life outside of the current home they are in= or better yet the basement.
But then again if you are in the "basement goals" belief system....well, that is your choice. Just remember, you cannot push your beliefs on everyone. So if you believe that all Aspies tell lies, or they are all assholes, morons and jerks. Well, that is what you believe....but don't expect everyone to go along with it. Especially parents like us- cause you know what? We won't put up with that kind of bullshit. So telling our kid that he is stressed and overwhelmed? That is counter-productive and not an effective use of his or your time. In the grades we had a school psych tell us that the boy was stressed and overwhelmed and we would live to regret pushing him so hard repeatedly and you know what? We got the boy away from that nonsense as quickly as we could. Using the "stressed and overwhelmed" bit is an excuse to sit on his fat little butt-in-sky and not do anything at all. Unfortunately, excuses the boy comes up with are pretty darn creative- the stressed excuse one is only used after all the other ones have bit the dust. Oh and he doesn't know you very well and is trying to do a major snow job....He won't lie, he will just let one assume he is stressed becuase then they don't expect anything from him.
Working is all part of the school bit. That is the kids JOB. Going to school is similar to working....and that is why the kids are in school. They need to get used to working and finding something to do that will help them become productive.
Although it doesn't always seem that way and it is harder than hard and you are more tired than tired....we all have to push our kids. Schools won't do it themselves. This is up to the parents to make their kids do whatever it is they don't want to do, or whatever they need to do to get through it and take from it what they can.
________________________________________________________________________________
We all work.
Whether we are working at home, being a full time parent, or working outside the home.
The thing is, as a working outside the home mom I have noticed some things. Most of the things I have noticed would be considered to be highly offensive to those who have opted to stay at home.
First of all, when I lived with my parents, (yes I did when I was separated from my ex and the boy was young) there were 2 working moms in the neighborhood. Me and the neighbor lady. We worked at offices all day, then came home and worked with our kids at home. Her kids were older and younger than mine.....her husband traveled for his job so she was managing the same way I was.....which means sort of. My parents helped me a lot - most of the other neighbor people wouldn't talk to me; divorce is taboo not only in church - one parishioner told me I was going to hell. Most women think divorcees are after their husbands- crazy but true. I was too busy to pay attention to that nonsense....running around with my kid taking him to therapies (Speech, Psych, OT and PT), and working. When I met the cute one I was still figuring out the single working mom thing, and was way more strung out on caffeine than I ever had been before. He got me off the 10+ cups a day habit and down to about 1-5 cups (if it is a bad, stressful day I get a little caffeine crazy and make more)
I have found that working kind of keeps me a little more sane than the usual mayhem. Normally the cute one and I are running about at full speed on the weekends. Right now we are helping the boy with projects from school and giving him ideas about papers and teaching him math (he certainly isn't getting instruction from his teacher). This year is kind of like homeschooling- we are the tutors, the supporters, the academic counselors, the planners, the cheerleaders, the yellers the mean, evil rotten horrible parents who everyone hates. We are the inadvertent bad guys again.
How we get that "bad people" role is beyond me. We have expectations beyond what I call the "basement goals" and "Magic 101". Because we don't fall down in a worshipful pose when someone tells us our son can only take 2 classes instead of full time....we are a little more driven than most other parents because we know these kids can do it. They can go to school, graduate, and be somebody. Oh and guess what? They get to have a life too- a family, a house, a car, laundry, dirty dishes and mow the lawn....these kids are people that will be employable and have a life outside of the current home they are in= or better yet the basement.
But then again if you are in the "basement goals" belief system....well, that is your choice. Just remember, you cannot push your beliefs on everyone. So if you believe that all Aspies tell lies, or they are all assholes, morons and jerks. Well, that is what you believe....but don't expect everyone to go along with it. Especially parents like us- cause you know what? We won't put up with that kind of bullshit. So telling our kid that he is stressed and overwhelmed? That is counter-productive and not an effective use of his or your time. In the grades we had a school psych tell us that the boy was stressed and overwhelmed and we would live to regret pushing him so hard repeatedly and you know what? We got the boy away from that nonsense as quickly as we could. Using the "stressed and overwhelmed" bit is an excuse to sit on his fat little butt-in-sky and not do anything at all. Unfortunately, excuses the boy comes up with are pretty darn creative- the stressed excuse one is only used after all the other ones have bit the dust. Oh and he doesn't know you very well and is trying to do a major snow job....He won't lie, he will just let one assume he is stressed becuase then they don't expect anything from him.
Working is all part of the school bit. That is the kids JOB. Going to school is similar to working....and that is why the kids are in school. They need to get used to working and finding something to do that will help them become productive.
Although it doesn't always seem that way and it is harder than hard and you are more tired than tired....we all have to push our kids. Schools won't do it themselves. This is up to the parents to make their kids do whatever it is they don't want to do, or whatever they need to do to get through it and take from it what they can.
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