Sunday, October 10, 2010

No Filters

We live with little or no filters. Many times, what comes in the boy's head goes out the boy's mouth. Most of the time his lack of filters is relatively harmless; stuff we have not discussed at home. Sometimes it is silly; or just should remain unsaid. It is never intentionally vulgar or cruel. Although, thoughtless people might think it is (intentionally vulgar or cruel) because they, like an Aspie, think that everyone is the same and we all live exactly the way they do.
We have found that while making forward changes to the way we do things, there are things we are missing. We have forgotten that most girls are "delicate little flowers" and think pretty highly of themselves. I don't remember my friends and I being like that, maybe we were, but overall I think we were a pretty grounded group and not terribly full of ourselves. Knowing that I only remember myself as a teenager, and having the great parents I had, I am now aware that most teens are not nearly as  lucky as I was.
For example, my Dad was on the board of a children's home. This is not a fun, party place, this is a serious thing for kids who have had a bad time of things (beaten, abused or left there). Back before a lot of the help kids get was available; many went to local children's homes. My Dad was part of a Christian one. The banquets were over the holidays; pretty place, good food, lots of tables, and singing kids. Nice party. The real party was several days later. Many times I sat on the floor of a dirty gymnasium in a skirt, clogs, and preppy clothes feeding ice cream to triplets and changing diapers on little babies, so they wouldn't get sent back to the dorms to miss out on the party. This was the real party, and after going to a number of them I can tell you I got over myself fast.
Or another experience, going to a nursing home to visit my then senile grandmother; being a shy little girl, it was pretty scary for me. I was taken around, showed off like a walking doll, and instructed to talk to people even if they shouted at me. I tried, and then begged to be locked in the car to wait for my parents; I was scared. Later, having grandma move in with us when I was in grade school. Being shown to the front door by her on a regular basis (daily, and nightly if she got the chance) and told "Little girl, it is time for you to go home." That gets you over yourself pretty quickly.
I guess what I am saying is, what I am hearing, reading and seeing about the young women my son is exposed to right now; well, I frankly feel kind of sorry for him. It seems like "real" girls are somewhat outdated. Kind of like "real" manners when one is a flight attendant...like the person cussing out the boy at Goodwill on Saturday because the guy couldn't leave a used mattress (FYI- it is illegal to donate mattresses). It appears to me that maybe some of these kids should be living without the filters and maybe the "Light of the World" would shine in and the faux of their existence would no longer matter. Or at least they would stop thinking they are "all that" and realize that being "all that" is more or less a dime a dozen and they could go to LA or NY and find many more of "all that" than they ever realized that really are "all that" and getting paid for commercials, waiting tables, and working off student debt.
The other thing that is bothering me is since when is "sensitivity training" all one sided. We hear about "racial sensitivity training"; it is needed more regularly than anyone can say. What about "disability sensitivity training"? It certainly could be useful and I think doing it in colleges, seminaries, churches and workplaces; all over might be a good way to go. We have experienced lately a goodly amount of one person in particular having little or no sensitivity training for parents of disabled kids. Recently, it has TOTALLY changed the way we do things and although that may be good for us; it is making us more jumpy than ever. I know I am more apt to walk away from almost anything and just not deal with it. It is easier and less stressful; but NOT showing my son a good example.
Kind of a "less is more" situation...maybe less trying to fit into society is more of what we need to do to keep our heads together. Although my head is not at a place where this would really work right now... I do think that just leaving it all and moving on is a more viable option. We will not do that (move on) because it is a bad example, but I would like to sometimes.

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